Deadpool walked down the street peering this way and that. It was hard to see through the pouring rain. Lightning lit the skies while thunder boomed overhead. A figure came out into the street ahead of him. Deadpool stopped and stared. No it couldn't be-

Oops, sorry, wrong Deadpool. That was Pops. Right now, though, we're following Junior as he rides down a sunny country road, dirt flying behind him as he guns his open-top jeep forward. No, he's not being pursued. He's simply driving along, enjoying himself for once. IS THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE? Yes, I guess it is. Here comes the menacing figure of danger.

Junior drove along in his new, open-air jeep that he stole from the Fantastic Four.

"I wonder what this button does?" he mused aloud, looking at a medium-sized bright purple button. It was the top button in a line of buttons next to the steering wheel. In any case, it looked exciting. So he pushed it.

Nothing happened. Junior frowned, then pushed it again. Still nothing. He jabbed it repeatedly, then smashed his fist against it. Nothing.

"Must be broke. Trust super-geniuses like Reed to not fix things," he muttered. A voice in his head talked back. Well, you did steal it from the testing lab- it's probably not finished. "Aw shut up."

Just then, a bagel popped out of a slot he had taken to be a CD-player. It fell into his lap, toasted and buttered.

"Hm, that's weird." Not as weird as you are. "Hey, you're weirder!" We're the same guy, stupid. Another bagel popped out. And another one. And another one. And another one. They kept spilling out into his lap.

"Ouch-ouch-ouch-ouch!" Junior complained. "That's hot! Ow-ow-ow-ow-owie!" He began trying to get the bagels off his lap, but only succeeded in somewhat juggling. Unfortunately, this required him to stop steering, and he forgot to take his foot of the gas.

At last, Junior managed to shovel the hot, buttery bagels off is lap and jerk the steering wheel around so as to avoid a cow. "Moooove it, you stupid cow!" he yelled. He continued driving as before, albeit being a little more buttery. As he continued along, the next button in line caught his attention.

This button was a brilliant lime green. Junior tried to ignore it, but his eyes kept slipping to it. Come on, you know you want to do it. Just press it. "Are you joking? Look what happened last time." That was only because you kept pressing it. Junior tried to ignore the voice, but it was right. And the button was so shiny and green. So he pressed it.

Misters came on, spraying him lightly with water. "Oh, yeah. That hits the spot." See, I told you. It was hot and dusty out, and the misters felt good. After about five minutes, his face was soaked. He punched the green button again. The misters kept going. He punched it again. This time, he felt a difference. The sprayers got stronger. Okay, Junior thought, maybe you push it, and it gets harder, and if you push it enough it will turn off. And so he pushed it again.

The spray got harder. Now it felt like a shower, or a rainstorm. His suit was getting soaked. He pushed it again. And again and again. Not it was like a fire hose, pinning him to the seat, making it hard for him to move. He pushed it again and again and again again againagainagain…at last, it stopped. And the car was squishy with water, the floor was flooded.

He shook the water out of his eyes and swerved to avoid a horse. "Get out of my waaaay!" Junior yelled. And he continued driving as before, albeit a little more wet.

As he drove along Junior's eyes were drawn to the next button, an orange one. "No. Definitely not," he told himself. To his relief, the inner voice stayed quiet. After a little while, he became aware of a dust cloud behind him, catching up. "Aww, crap."

When it got closer, Junior was able to make out the driver. Red mask, black patches over the eyes, monster truck- OMG it was Pretty Boy, out to get him! Junior gulped. What to do, what to do…. His eyes fell on the orange button. He gulped again. He looked over at Pretty Boy. A bullet whizzed past his head Oh crap oh crap oh crap! He closed his eyes and hit the orange button.

It was a good thing he did. There was a sonic BOOM! and the jeep leapt forward, slamming him back in his seat. Dust flew at him and stuck to the wet clothing. At last, he felt the jeep slow down and opened his eyes…Just in time to swerve around a cowboy eating lunch. "Watch it, bozo!" Junior screamed. He continued driving as before, albeit a little muddier. As he drove along, the next button caught his eye.

It was hot pink, his favorite color after red and black and aquamarine. But he gritted his teeth and looked away. Aww, come on. Push it! "No, no, NO! I hate buttons! HATE them!" Like anything bad could happen with a pink button. Junior considered this. "I… do like pink," he said hesitantly, eyes straying to the button in question. So go on, push it. Junior bit his lip. Then, he reached out a shaking finger, and pressed the button.

For a long, ominous second, nothing happened. Then everything did.

Before Junior could realize what was happening, his fingers were being filed and polished (well, the gloves were), and his mask was lipsticked, eyeshadowed, mascarad, blushed, and touched up. When the make-up applicators disappeared. Junior released a long, high-pitched scream. Then, he turned his attention to the road, in time to swerve around a house at the edge of a small town.

"Coming through!" he yelled, his voice still rather high-pitched. He continued driving as before, albeit a little more pretty. As he drove, the last button in the line caught his eye.

It was a deep rich blue, and pulled his eyes to it like a magnet. It's the last button in the line, might as well. "Oh, no. There is NO way I am going to press that." He tried to focus on driving down the streets, avoiding streetlights, garbage cans, and other drivers. You don't want to leave it unfinished do you? Junior ignored that. Yet it stayed in his mind, bugging him, until he finally threw up his hands- only to put them back on the wheel again.

"Alright, fine! I'll press it! You happy now?" Pedestrians stared after him. So he pressed the button. His seat began to twitch. "CRAP, WHAT HAVE I DONE?" It's just an in-seat massage, you idiot. "Oh." Now that he knew what it was, Junior kind of liked it. He settled back and enjoyed it.

The massager-thing got harder, kneading into his muscles. He sighed. It got even harder. Junior began to feel a little uncomfortable. It got even harder. It hurt now. Junior tried to lean away from it, but the seat belt locked. He tried to unbuckled but now he was shaking so bad he couldn't. "HEEELLLPPP! HHHEEEEEEEELLLP! Help me!"

After another hour of torture (well, it was probably only a minute) it stopped. Just in time for Junior to swerve past Reed Richards. Junior slammed on the brake and jumped out.

"Here!" he screamed, hysterical. "Here, have your demon car back!" He threw the keys at Reed and then ran away very fast.

Reed caught the keys and watched the muddy, make-uped, jittery Junior run off. He raised an eyebrow, and then shrugged. That was Deadpool, any Deadpool, for you.