You guys have no idea how much I enjoy your reviews. Like, really. I get all excited whenever I see my review count go up and I'm all like... OMG, someone actually seems to think I have any talent.

It's great.

Anyway, here's a bit of a lighter chapter, to counteract the horibbleness of what I was forced (by the muse of writing of course) to put our heroine through in the last one.


For the first time, in how long she didn't know, because she felt herself existing outside of time, she was comfortable. Every part of her body relaxed, her chest no longer constricted painfully every time she moved or tried to breathe. She was warm, and whatever she was laying on was the perfect balance between cushioned and firm. The pillow beneath her head molded against her perfectly, holding up her exhausted head when she was sure gravity was trying to drag it down to Earth.

"Lyds?"

Lydia stirred, frowning at the intrusion into her bliss. She wanted to yell at it to go away, to leave her the fuck alone.

"Lydia, seriously, open your eyes."

Reluctantly, she obeyed. Her eyelids dragged against the force that held them closed as she tried to blink the sleep from her eyes. "What?"

The pale, moss-covered face of the poltergeist filled her vision. "You gotta try and sit up, alright?"

"Why?"

"Just shut up and do it."

Lydia tried to glare, but she was sure the anger was lost on the way to her face, so she simply obeyed, pushing against the mattress as she tried to sit up. But pain shot up her ribcage, making her cry out as she dropped back against the pillow. "It hurts!"

She heard a pitying chuckle. "I'll bet… he sure wasn't doing anything half-way… You look like Swiss cheese kid."

Lydia groaned, rolling onto her back to find a dark ceiling above her. "Where… where are we?"

Another short chuckle. "My place. In the Neitherworld."

"…Why?"

"Because it exists with a warped concept of time. I thought… thought it would save you. You were bleeding a lot…"

"But…" Lydia frowned, shaking her head. "I'm so confused…"

"I brought ya to the Neitherworld because you were dyin'. If ya came to a place where time didn't pass in the traditional way, I might be able ta at least slow things down. And we did getcha sewed up…"

Lydia whimpered quietly, trying to push herself up again. "What… what about…?"

"Those pricks? In the hospital. If they were found. Mighta gone a little too far, but they ain't gonna die, and they ain't gonna remember anythin'."

Lydia finally managed to sit up, clutching her side as she turned her head to stare painfully at her 'hero'. "Thank you…

"Yeah well… I don't like sharin' my things with others."

Lydia let out a small laugh, rolling her eyes. "Jerk."

"Nothin' but. How ya doin'?"

"Hungry…" Lydia paused, suddenly frowning. "Beej…"

"What?"

"Did you pick up that bag I dropped?"

"With the food and the bugs? Yeah, figured it was yours."

Lydia sighed, relieved, but her face suddenly turned red. "Those were for you. I was going to call you back when I got home. The rest of your gift is in my room… if my roommates didn't find and take it…"

"Present?" Betelgeuse was shocked.

Lydia blushed even harder, looking away from him. "I um… well… yeah. I promised a bottle of booze… and I convinced my father to part with a few cigars…"

Betelgeuse leered at her. "Why? Trying to soften me up?"

Lydia chuckled nervously. "A bit. But I did already promise the drink."

"Yeah, ya did. Wow kid."

"You're welcome."

Betel laughed, reaching over to coax her back down onto the pillow. "Lay down before ya kill yourself. I'll see if we got anythin' that might shut that gut of yours up."

Lydia blushed, glaring up at him as her stomach growled again. "I haven't eaten since… since I left my parent's house actually."

"Yeah well…"

"What?"

"Well… you've been gone for a few days from the breather worl-"

"WHAT?!"

Betelgeuse crossed back over the floor, holding her down as she tried to roll out of bed. "Geeze Lyds, take a pill, I got it covered, kay? Ghost with the Most, remember? Everyone thinks ya had a breakdown and decided ta take a week or two off. Doc's orders. Your teachers are even givin' ya a break from homework, long as ya study up later."

Lydia froze, staring up at the suddenly grinning ghost. She was still for a moment, until she yanked her arms from his grasp, and threw them around his neck. "And here I thought you enjoyed my suffering!"

Betelgeuse grimaced, prying her arms from around his neck. "Only when I'm the one inflicting it. Now… just lay still while I find ya somethin' ta eat."

The next few… Days? It was so hard to tell here… Anyway, over whatever amount of time had passed, things were… Weird but comfortable. She found out it was Betelgeuse's bed she was in, and laughed at the ironic fact that it was just a large coffin with a mattress fit inside.

She even properly met Betelgeuse's 'friends', Jacques and Ginger. The goth had been startled at first, seeing the towering French skeleton man and the smiling little pink spider on his shoulder. They were nice enough though, and soon she found herself two friends.

"How did you end up here… With Beej?" She'd asked them.

The pair laughed, shooting the disgruntled poltergeist a pair of matching smirks. Jacques answered through his grin. "Ze Powers Zat Be ordered Be-a-tal-juice to learn to get along with ozher creatures, and to do so, 'e was forced to open 'is 'ome to neighbors. 'E is not so bad… all ze time… every once in a while… Oui Ginger?"

"Yeah, he's just a big dumb grump."

"Piss off Ginger." The ghost spat, examining his claws as he filed them down.

They'd been absolutely fascinated with Lydia, and she found herself giving them every detail, from the Maitlands first showing up in the attic window, through the horrid wedding, and to the night that brought her here, to their side while still carrying a pulse. They'd been horrified that Betelgeuse had planned to force her to marry him when she was fourteen, and started to scold him, but Lydia interrupted. "No, no it's fine now. And… he just wanted a ticket out, right Beej?"

"Yeah. Whatever."

And soon, too soon it seemed to Lydia, Betelgeuse informed her it was time to go back home.

"I'm still really sore, and I can hardly walk. How am I going to manage in the mortal world?!"

"Dunno, don't care. Tell 'em ya fell down the stairs of the place you were staying in if ya have to."

Lydia frowned. "What's up with you?"

Betelgeuse sighed, running a hand through his matted hair. "Those two are drivin' me fuckin' nuts, and as a matter'a'fact… so are you. It takes a lotta juice ta bring a breather ta the Neitherworld, and even more ta keep that breather alive."

"…Oh. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Get up and get dressed."

Lydia had spent most of the vacation covered by a blanket, and little else. Her clothes had been torn to shreds in the attack. He'd gotten the sizes too big, but… Betel surprised Lydia. He'd gone out to the… 'Shocking Maul' and bought her a pair of pajama bottoms and a sleeping tank made of some soft, blue material she'd never heard of, but was sure was only made in the Neitherworld, and covered in black cartoon spiders.

So she yanked those towards her, pulling them on once he turned his back to her.

She was confused, but grateful for this new side to her ghostly husband.

Once clothed, he turned, holding his arms out for her as she crossed the floor. "Can't I say goodbye to Jacques and Ginger first?"

"They ain't here, and 'sides, I'm sure I'll be havin' ta bring you back here once you get back on your feet." He saw through the confusion on her face, to the embarrassment trying to hide. "Ginger has a big mouth Lyds, ya can't tell her anything."

"I just… if I can come here to heal for a while… why can't I come to explore? I've only seen the inside of your house… I've never even seen the Waiting Room! Adam and Barbara won't even let me mention visiting the Neitherworld!"

"One: Why would you? You're gonna die eventually anyways. And Two: Because it takes a lot of energy ta keep ya here. If I'm gonna bring ya here for keeps, we're gonna get ta make proper use of that bed, or… well… ya ain't gonna have a pulse."

Lydia froze, still halfway across the room. The threat rang in her ears, and she took a step back, biting her lip. "Wh… what?"

Betel stared at her, his frown confused, until he realized what he said and his eyes grew wide. "Oh, pfft... I ain't gon'a kill ya. Ya ain't worth much ta me dead."

In an odd, twisted way… that actually comforted her. Sort of. A little. "So… can I, or can I not, come visit every once in a while?"

"I'll think about it. 'Cuz I know you're just gonna bug me 'till I cave." He rolled his eyes at her excited smile, and held his arms out again. "Come on, ain't got all day."

Lydia stumbled across the room, falling into the ghost's arms and wrapping her own tightly around his middle. "Ready… I think."

Betelgeuse rolled his eyes, and tightened his grip on her. "Hold on tight kid, or I'll end up holdin' a dead body. Lay those magic words on me Babes."

Lydia rolled her eyes, but at the same time, her hands twisted in the material covering his wide back, pulling her body closer to his. "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice."

Lydia had never been in a car accident before. She'd never experienced whiplash. Now, as she was slowly dragged through the passageway between the worlds, she wondered if this is what it felt like. Had it not been for his arms, one around her waist and the other around her shoulders, she was sure she would have been ripped in half. Her head rocked back on her shoulders, cracking her neck painfully, and she felt her own hold around him slip. Lydia yelped, and tightened her embrace, pulling her head back up to bury in his chest. As she did, she became of a low rumble in his ribcage, and realized he was laughing at her.

And then, just as quickly as it began, it was over.

Her legs shook beneath her, and she nearly slipped from his grasp. "Woah... easy kid…" His arms slipped under her armpits, hoisting her up so he could slip both arms around her waist. "You alright?"

Lydia groaned, pressing one palm against her temple. "Yeah… I… I think so… why…?"

"Cuz you're still breathin'."

"Ah. Well… it hurts."

"Oh, so… does this mean you still wanna come back ta the Neitherworld?"

Lydia grinned up at him, with a mischievous glint to rival even his own trademark one. "I'll find a way."

The poltergeist rolled his eyes, and hauled her over to the bed to shove her back onto the mattress. "You're weird."

"Thanks. I try."

"Tch… Breathers."

"Pfft… troublesome ghouls. Your present is on the vanity by the way."

Betelgeuse had been in the process of floating off to the other side of her room to lean against the window. "Huh?"

Lydia rolled her eyes, and shifted on the bed so she could lie back against the headboard. "The whiskey and cigars I brought you. On the vanity."

Betelgeuse froze, confused. Then, the memory of her first, fitful night in his room came back to him, and he flew to the vanity, instantly spotting the expensive amber liquid and the pair of neat, fragrant cigars wrapped in some girly gold ribbon. Betel let out a low whistle, his eyes sparkling as he picked up the drink, and ripped at the cork. "Nice grab Lyds… garsh… Didn't know ya cared so much!" He teased.

Lydia rolled her eyes before they slid shut. "You should look in that folder too…"

"Reading, you know I hate it."

"Just look Beej…"

"Fine." Betel tipped the bottle up, shuddering as the burning liquid rushed down his throat. Ahhh… the sweet nectar of life! He sighed, grapping the manila folder he now realized had been laying beneath the whiskey.

Seventeen Students Killed in Peaceful Pines University Blaze

Betel paused in mid-swig, staring at the headline. Or… not really headline: really it was just a few bolded words over a tiny blurb about the 'accident'.

"Fire?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lydia smirked. "Yep."

"In this school?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you found this at your parent's this weekend?"

Lydia suddenly frowned, looking down at her hands. "Mmmhmm."

Betel crossed the room, flopping over onto the mattress and lying back so his head rested on her knees. Lydia grimaced, but said nothing. "Thought ya were goin' so you could spend time with those squares."

"I was, and I did. But… I'm finding it increasingly hard to get a good night's sleep lately, so I spent what down time I had combing through thousands of pages of garbage to find that."

"Why?"

Lydia bit her lip. "I thought…"

"Ya thought I'd be less pissed at you?" Lydia murmured something he didn't catch, her face turning beet red. "And this… Big… elaborate gift? Just ta get me all gushy and appeased?"

"…I… well… partially. And I did… did feel really guilty. I was going to call you back Sunday night… after I got home but…"

Betel surprised her by chuckling. "Don't worry, I kicked mosta my anger off on those punks. 'Sides, been too busy savin' your sorry ass from bleedin' ta death ta rembere ta be angry attchya." Lydia jerked her knee out from under him, earning him a nose full of burning scotch. "HEY!" He glared up at her, expecting to see a smirk, or one of her annoying 'I'm really pissed at you Betelgeuse and I wish you would just fuck the hell off' sort of looks, and instead found himself face-to-face with a thoughtful frown. "What?"

Lydia bit her lip. "Are you… you aren't… really pissed at me then? I don't have to be… worried?"

Betel shrugged, laying back against her knees and closing his eyes. "I ain't really upset over it, since I did end up gettin' ya back. Damaged is better'n not at all. But… if I were you, I would always be worried that the big scary ghost is about to pull some shit." Lydia smiled, reassured, and pushed herself forward on the mattress. One hand curled around the back of his neck, lifting him off her knees as she moved closer, and laid the matted blond head in her lap. Betel froze, staring up at her suddenly nervous expression. "Babes?"

"Thank you…"

Betel frowned. "Fer what?"

Lydia sighed, lowering her head closer to his. "For saving me. I… I thought…"

Betel's frown turned to an irritated glare. "Ya thought I'd leave ya there ta get torn apart by someone 'sides myself? How stupid."

Lydia smiled. "Aww… I think you just said something sweet. In your weird, backwards way. Are you getting soft on me Beetle-brains?"

Beej pulled on a look of mock-hurt. "How could ya suggest somethin' like that?! That stings Babes."

Lydia chuckled, but her amusement turned to a contemplative grimace as she threaded her fingers through his ratty yellow locks. "I really am sorry…" He watched her bite her lip, fascinated by the small, nervous gesture. "And… incredibly grateful."

"Geeze Lyds, you're startin' ta freak me out a bit."

Lydia rolled her eyes. "So sorry."

"Ya could uh… show your 'feelings'… as repayment… if ya really wanted to…" His lecherous smile was accompanied by a suggestive waggling of eyebrows. Lydia's eyes widened in… shock? Maybe a hint of fear? Betel snorted. Did she honestly not expect something like that? He opened his mouth, ready to tease her to the brink of insanity, when she suddenly leaned closer, and her body began to shake. "…Wh-…"

Lydia paused, and that fiery blush crept across her cheeks. "I… Nothing more than this. Okay?"

Betel hid the way he had to swallow past the lump in his throat. He was only caught off guard. Here she was… leaning over him, ready to kiss him. He'd already seen her naked: there hadn't been much help for it when he took her to his place. Her clothes were ripped as it was, and they'd had to come off so he could sew the wounds back up. He'd fantasized for hours about kissing that milky skin, biting those pale ruby lips…

He'd been worried, and under his roommates' watchful gaze, so he hadn't been able to enjoy anything. But now… he was lying in her lap, right beneath the curve of those perky breasts…

Her mouth finally found his. It was shy, gentle: just a slow brush of her soft lips against his dry, chapped ones. Betel found himself responding nonetheless, one hand lifting to twist in her hair as his tongue darted out to lick her lower lip. He felt her shudder, and his eyes widened in surprise as her own clenched shut just as her lips parted, allowing him to dart in and explore with that wild tongue of his. He felt the slim body press against him, and he pulled back, not wanting to push things too far and end up with one seriously furious Lydia, and an even worse Juno.

Betel cleared his throat, forcing a perverted smirk onto his face. "I like this game… You should try and feel guilty more often, if I'm gonna get some of that every time…"

Lydia turned deep, beet red, the flush burning clear down to the tops of her breasts. "Hnn."

Betel cackled, taking another swig of the whiskey. "Relax Babes. Here." Betel grunted, swinging his legs and arms forward to sit up. Once he was up, he shifted, moving around until he was against the backboard before snaking an arm around her waist, and yanking her up to his side.

She yelped, clawing at his arm as he pulled her against him. "Ow! Leggo!"

Startled, Betel released his grip on her, lifting the arm… and spotting the dots of blood on his sleeve. Shoot. "Er… sorry… forgot."

Lydia cringed, but crawled back towards him and leaned against his chest. Her breathing was labored as she curled against his side, hiding her face. "It… It's alright… I'm… I'm fine…"

"You sure?"

"Uh-huh… I… I think… Nauseous…"

"Gonna puke?"

"…No…" Betel grimaced, because that no sounded a lot like a question.

"Ya better not. If ya do, make sure ya turn the other way."

"I'm not…."

"Good." Lydia rolled her eyes, and eventually was able to shift and settle more comfortably against him. Her right arm lifted absently to rub her wound, the furious blush exploding beneath her skin once more. The poltergeist smirked, draping a lazy arm over her shoulders. "You could take off that shirt, lemme play doctor for a while."

"You're sick."

"Thanks. Want a drink?"

Lydia glared at him, turning her head away as the blush deepened. "Yeah… right. Drink? With you? Thanks, but no. I'm not having sex with you."

Betel cackled, tracing around the slowly healing gape in her side. His fingers brushed over the spider-silk stitches, drawing a shudder from her. "We'll see." He snapped his fingers, and two tumblers appeared in the air before them. He lifted the bottle, filling the little glasses nearly to the brim, before nudging one towards the nervous goth. "Drink up. Ya need ta loosen up a little kid."

Lydia bit her lip, folding her arms across her stomach, before one hand shot out, and snatched the drink. Betelgeuse watched in amazement as she threw back the drink in two gulps, her entire body trembling against the burn.

Betelgeuse whistled, throwing back his own drink. "Damn… my innocent little Lyds is a drinker."

Lydia grimaced, clenching her eyes shut against the raging fire in her throat, even as she held out the tumbler for more. "Mmhm."

Betel laughed, and poured them both another glass. "Cheers doll face."


That was fun to write... And don't worry. Now we'll be moving back to the ghouls, for those of you that are dying to know why it's so important. *wink wink*