Chapter Nine: Goodbye my Almost Lover
Noah Puckerman was neither a boy scout nor a Good Samaritan. In fact, he was the complete opposite. He would laugh when people fell. Actually, he was the one to trip them just for a good chuckle. When he got the text from Quinn that she was in labor, his heart suddenly fell. What if, he worried, all his bad karma rubbed off on his kid? There were stops signs, red lights and other cars; those were mere blurs as he concentrated on getting to Quinn.
Puck wasn't sure how he got to the hospital that afternoon. You know when you are driving and you end up at your destination with no memory of how you got there? Some say you are in a hypnotic state when this happens. All he knew was that it was time, early or not, and his daughter was coming. Just the fact that she was going to be born soon and be an actual little person was mind blowing for the seventeen year old boy.
The realization that all this was real occurred to Puck when he spotted Quinn's parents hung over in the waiting room. They hated him, of course. He ruined their perfect angel of a daughter. He was the essence of evil, Jewish with a Mohawk plus a penchant for popping girls' cherries. It was like the devil entered their presence when he walked closer to the couple. He used to get a kick out of their reaction but not today. Now he hated both of the Fabrays with every fiber of his being.
"She's in labor," Mrs. Fabray cried out. The woman's breath smelled like gin and tonic. Mr. Fabray was pacing the floor. He didn't look any more sober than his wife.
A doctor walked through the sliding doors quickly stopping front of Puck. The man was in his late thirties, his hair was already thinning. It was that light brown-blondish hair that made Puck want to punch someone. He had on a white cotton doctor's jacket and some weird baby elephant scrubs. Puck just stared at the little elephants frolicking on the man's pants as the doctor spoke to him.
"Are you the baby's father?" the man asked the boy.
Puck nodded quickly, taking a deep breath to brace himself. This was like one of those nightmares he had so often, interlaced, of course, with the wet ones. However, there was always a small dark haired figure with him. In reality, he was completely alone.
"Well, she's in labor and we can't stop the contractions. Be prepared," the doctor confided.
Noah shook his head, trying to process the situation. "She's only seven months," he answered, trying to find his head.
"Quinn is young and small and the baby is in distress. We need her to deliver as soon as possible. She had us call the adoptive parents. They're waiting in the hall. I can't talk to them about Quinn, so she asked if you could. She's waiting for you," he finished, turning towards the Fabrays.
Puck stood there for a moment he was shaking from fear. Quinn's parents were arguing in the background as he walked down the hall towards the expecting couple. He took a step back when he saw the Donaldsons again. When he met them last month with Quinn, they seemed so happy. Now they were as scared as he was. Mrs. Donaldson was clutching her husband tightly. They jumped at the sight of the Mohawked boy.
"How is she, Noah? The baby?" the small woman asked. Puck actually liked her. He was set against giving his daughter up until he met this couple.
They were the nicest people he had ever met. They had a golden retriever, and a large backyard with a white picket fence. Noah wasn't an idiot. He could smell freaks and weirdoes a mile away. These were good people. He didn't mind that they were Catholic. When he proudly told them he was Jewish, they smiled happily. It was a perfect match, especially when they joked that they worshiped a Jew. That kind of chutzpah was what he wanted his daughter to grow up with.
Mr. Donaldson held his wife as Puck shared the news. They were as worried for him and Quinn as they were for the baby. When he excused himself walking towards Quinn's room, he expected chaos. Instead, she laid there pale and sweaty, yet brave. That is when the guilt flooded in. This was his fault. He didn't wear a condom. He didn't stop after his first drink. Puck was used to drinking. He was just so damn excited that Quinn had kissed him. Now she was in danger giving birth to his kid. She looked like an angel.
Her eyes fluttered and Quinn smiled widely. She looked genuinely glad to see Puck. It made the guilt lessen, but barely. "Hey," she whispered.
Noah smiled and sat down next to the frail girl. "I'm really sorry, you know," he admitted, for the first time in seven months, about what happened.
"Are they out there?" the blonde asked; her eyes looked heavy. "Tell them it's going to be okay," she assured Puck before some doctors came in.
The doctor Puck had spoken to before looked under Quinn's blanket. To Puck, it seemed rude but he knew what it was for. He had been there when his Mom was in labor with Sarah. Quinn was just about ready to pop. Those stupid baby elephants danced around Quinn, checking her vitals and ordering the nurses about.
"Okay, Quinn. You're at ten centimeters so you are just about ready to push," the doctor smiled as more nurses came in.
Quinn sat up in bed exhausted and nervous. "Now?" she questioned as Puck swallowed hard.
"I can go get your parents," the boy offered, scared of being here when she started screaming.
"No, please stay, Puck," she pleaded grabbing his hand.
He wouldn't regain the feeling in his hand for another two hours. But, it was the most intense thing he had ever experienced. He watched as his baby girl was born, and he had to admit it, he cried. Of course, no-one saw Noah crying. Quinn was so tired she passed out after the umbilical cord was cut. Therefore, Puck was left there as the doctors worked on his daughter. He knew it was weird when she didn't cry at first and they rushed her out of the room. He stood there with a sleeping Quinn, watching as they rushed his baby out.
It was the longest twenty minutes of Puck's life. He got one text out to Mike before he had to shut his cell phone off hours ago. He knew he wasn't exactly the most popular guy anymore, but he hoped for Quinn's sake that her friends would come. She was going to need people around her.
When Rachel woke up Saturday morning, she felt groggy and awful. It was as if she had just woken up from a great dream and wanted to go back. She couldn't remember this said dream but, she nearly cried at the thought of it. It was going to be one of those days she could feel it. Everything was getting her either irritable or sad. The dreaded period was on its way. That meant an emotional roller coaster that scared even her fathers away. Rachel was sure they timed their excursions on her cycle.
When the brunette finished her shower she woke up her computer to see several tweets about Quinn. She took in a deep breath and wondered what was going on. That's when she checked her phone. There were texts from Brit and Santana, all indicating that they were at the hospital. Rachel and Quinn weren't best friends, however, they were friends. Despite Rachel's confusion over Puck, she was happy for their burgeoning relationship. At least that's what she had convinced herself.
The first person Rachel tried to call was Puck, but his cell was turned off. Most hospitals don't allow cell phones. She knew that. Hopefully, that meant he was with Quinn, which was a good thing. Next, she tried Finn. He didn't pick up his phone either. After the fifth time, his mother picked up his cell exasperated.
"Rachel?" the woman asked in a soft tone.
"Yes, Mrs. Hudson. Is Finn there?" the brunette inquired.
"Oh, he's here. You kids keep calling. He keeps ignoring the phone, playing that damn box."
After Rachel thanked Mrs. Hudson and informed her she would be coming over in minutes. She locked her jaw and descended down the stairs. Her fathers were watching Antique Road Show, cuddling on the couch. They turned towards their daughter, leery of her mood.
"Morning sweetie," her daddy called. "Hungry?" Rachel shook her head, grabbing a banana for the road.
"No time. I'm heading over Finn's," she called back, closing the door and walking briskly towards Finn's house. The boy lived four blocks away. She needed that time to think of how to get him out the house.
Rachel stood outside Finn's house waiting for someone to answer the door. Finally, Mrs. Hudson greeted the small brunette with a smile.
"Hi, Rachel. Finn's upstairs," she motioned towards the steps that led to the second story of the small house.
Rachel knocked on Finn's door before stepping inside. Finn was playing video games and barely looked up when she sat down next to him.
"You're not answering your phone," she informed him as he rolled his eyes trying to ignore her.
"I'm not going to the hospital, so…" he shrugged.
"Quinn and Puck need us there, at least to show our support."
Finn grimaced throwing his controller on the floor. "I can't go into that hospital and pretend that everything is okay."
"You don't have to pretend. Just simply being there is enough."
"I can't do it Rachel. They hurt me and..."
"This isn't about you. This is about Quinn and Puck."
Rachel took a deep breath, Quinn and Noah had been the untouchable subject since she started dating Finn. Now everything had come to the breaking point.
"Get dressed," Rachel ordered, throwing a blue collared shirt towards her boyfriend.
The brunette scanned her boyfriend's room. There were signs of Quinn Fabray everywhere. A picture of her with Finn sat framed on his desk. Even his laptop was open to the ultrasound video from months ago. Rachel closed her eyes and pretended she didn't see these signs. It would take time for Finn to let go of Quinn. It was not as if Puck's sweatshirt wasn't tucked under her pillow at that very moment. They both had their mementos. They were together now. That meant something, she rationalized.
Quinn slept all night as Puck fell asleep still holding her hand. When the morning rays hit their faces, a nurse smiled with Quinn's breakfast. The small blond looked around the room, grinning when she found Puck. He looked exhausted, but he never let go of her hand. It was warm and felt good engulfing hers. She was in pain, like sore mixed with numb. However, it was intense. Quinn grimaced trying to sit up. In the process, the girl woke Puck calling the nurse to her aid.
"They have her in ICU preemie unit," the woman answered without being asked.
Quinn nodded with a small sad smile on her face. "Have the Donaldsons seen her?" she asked. Puck could see by the nurse's face that they had seen their daughter.
"Yes, but do you want to see her?" she asked. The boy's heart fluttered, but Quinn shook her head crying.
"I can't. She's not mine anymore. She's theirs," she turned to Puck, tears falling down her ivory cheeks. "I'm sorry if that's selfish, Puck," Quinn cried. He shook his head, kissing her gently on the cheek.
With a small bouquet of flowers, Rachel watched as the couple across the hall embraced each other longingly. She had taken thirty minutes to decide between flowers or chocolates. Finally, after her boyfriend mentioned Quinn thought she was already getting fat, the brunette went for the flowers. Rachel's stomach started to churn and her cheeks felt really hot.
Finn was talking to Matt and Mike as Rachel stared down the hallway. She could see into Quinn's room as Puck kissed her gently on the lips. It was a sweet kiss. One you gushed at in the movies, hoping your boyfriend would kiss you that way. It broke her heart to watch. She had heard about Puck and Quinn getting closer, yet it wasn't real until that moment.
Her eyes began to sting and her heart felt heavy. She had kissed two boys many times since she last made out with Puck. In fact by comparison, on the outside, Rachel seemed to be the one to move on. She had enjoyed kissing Alex and that ended badly. She also enjoyed kissing Finn. So what right did she have to feel cheated on at that moment?
Maybe Rachel wanted things to stay the same. Maybe, she wondered, she liked the idea of Puck being alone. If Puck was alone she didn't have to share him. He wouldn't need Rachel now. She would be just a girl he once dated. Now he would go to his girlfriend. He would go to Quinn. The very idea started to make Rachel panic. Her sweater became overbearing. The fibers felt suffocating and hot.
She was having a panic attack. Rachel knew this was a panic attack. The last one she had was when she thought she was really lost in the mall at the age of eight. That day she passed out in Toys-R-Us. Taking short quick breaths, the brunette handed the flowers quickly to Finn and ran to the bathroom. Her boyfriend watched her go, shrugging before turning back to his conversation.
Rachel slammed the bathroom door and stood alone in one of the stalls. That's when the waterworks started. At first they were silent sobs, but then she couldn't stop herself. The tears were choking her as she leaned against the locked door and cried hard. She had no reason to cry. Quinn was going to be okay and Puck would finally be happy. But it hurt for some reason. It was real and that made it hurt more.
"Can I have some toilet paper now?" a familiar voice asked and Rachel gasped, covering her mouth.
"Brittany?" the brunette called.
"Yeah, I've been waiting for you to stop crying. Now my legs are asleep," the blonde admitted. Rachel clumped a wad of toilet-paper handing it under the door. "Thanks."
The brunette took a deep breath and pushed open the stall door, and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red and her Cheerios uniform looked disheveled. Brittany flushed the toilet and welcomed her with a smile and then a frown.
"You're wearing our away uniform," the Cheerio informed her.
"So, I had to wash the other ones," Rachel replied, washing her face with cold water.
"So, Santana says that we can only wear our away uniform when we're out of town. Did you go out of town?" she replied.
Rachel rolled her eyes looking at herself in the mirror again. This was going to be a long day. She could just tell. Taking a deep breath, the brunette turned from the blonde and exited the bathroom, accidentally running into Finn.
"Hey, were you crying?" he questioned, cupping her face.
Rachel didn't answer him. She looked over Finn's shoulder as Puck walked towards his friends. Their gaze met and his eyes told her everything. He felt confused, happy and sad at the same time. He took in a deep breath as the contours of his collar bones pushed through his skin and he raised his eyebrows. The tears began to well again as she peeled her gaze away from the boy to Finn.
"I-I'm fine," the brunette sniffed, shaking off her emotion and going into autopilot.
It was real. Everything both Puck and she wanted. It was real now and that was it. The last thread that bound them broke. and with it, Rachel felt empty and lost. It shouldn't have been sad. This should be good for the both of them. Yet somehow, Rachel felt like the end of a vacation or holiday break. She took a deep breath as they approached the group. Santana was the first to make a face at the little brunette.
"You guys go somewhere?" she asked as Rachel shrugged, staring at Puck.
The boy half-smiled, tearing his gaze from Rachel to her boyfriend. "Thanks for coming, man. Quinn really appreciates everything."
Finn just nodded as Rachel handed Puck the bouquet of flowers. "These are for her. I'm guessing she doesn't want to see anyone right now."
Puck exhaled, deeply nodding. "Thanks. She just fell asleep again. They named the baby Hannah. The, ya know, parents. The doc said Quinn can go home tomorrow actually." He looked down, studying the flowers in his hand. A slight smiled escaped from his lips as he met his friends' gazes again. "But she can't see anyone now. She said "thanks" and that she'll see you later."
The group looked at each other clueless. Puck turned around, clutching the flowers closely to his chest. He smelled them secretly before opening Quinn's room.
"This is deep," Kurt finally admitted, breaking the silence. Mercedes smiled at her best friend as they started to leave the hospital.
"Come on, guys. Quinn's okay. The baby's okay. Let's try to be cheerful, right?" Will encouraged, leading the kids out of the waiting room.
"No offense, Mr. S., but I think I'm ready for a drink," Santana interrupted, crossing her arms and leading her trio out the doors on her heels.
Will tried to stop the group as they quickly followed Santana out of the hospital. The teens were already planning a party before they were out of earshot from him. The teacher looked to the two remaining teens. Rachel and Finn shrugged. The tall boy patted him on the shoulder.
"Don't worry, Mr. Schue. That's how Santana deals. I'll keep an eye on them."
"Thanks, Finn," Will replied, waving as the couple left him at his little beat up car.
"You're not seriously going to that party. Are you, Finn?" Rachel asked, disgusted.
Her boyfriend shrugged, starting the car. "I don't know. Maybe." He looked towards the brunette but she had turned from him, annoyed. Shaking his head, Finn pulled out of the hospital parking lot and back towards their neighborhood.
Rachel had always dreamed that one day her biological mother would walk into her life and be there forever. When she watched how hard it was for Quinn to give up her baby girl, she wondered if it was the same for her mom. Had her mother cried like that? Did she have anyone to comfort her like Quinn had Noah? These questions bothered her all the way home in Finn's car. They were quiet the entire ride. Neither teen had anything left to say.
The brunette had thought she would go without talking to Finn until he sighed.
"That was sad," he whispered, taking her hand after he put the car in park.
Rachel looked down at his big hand engulfing hers. It made the pain in her heart dull slightly.
"I know," she replied, looking out the window as tears began to fall.
"They looked so unhappy. I actually felt sorry for them."
The small girl wiped her eyes with her right hand, forcing a smile.
"Me too," she let go of his hand slowly as Finn leaned over to kiss her. She pulled away from him, leaving her cheek for his lips. "I'll talk to you later."
"Okay," he replied, frowning as Rachel closed her door and walked slowly towards her house.
"Guys, I'm home," Rachel called, closing her front door and shedding her jacket. Her Cheerios uniform was barely enough to keep her warm. She had red leg warmers and two turtlenecks underneath her uniform.
"In here, sweetie," her father called as Rachel walked slowly into the dining room.
Her dads had told her they were having company tonight. Rachel thought it might be Rabbi Steven. The Rabbi was good friends of her dads and a constant dinner guest. Instead, there sat the devil incarnate wearing a blue sweater and red lipstick.
The couple looked at their stunned daughter as she stared in horror, from Bernadette to them.
"What is she doing here?" Rachel asked, staring at the woman who looked so much like her.
Richard was the first to stand, stilling his husband to stay seated. He took Rachel into his arms and lead her to the table.
Rachel looked like a little doll in his embrace. "Sweetie," the large man began, "This is Bernadette. She's your birth mother," he finished, smiling.
Bernadette Kimball had been talking with Richard and Joshua for years about Rachel. She never wanted to interrupt the girl's life and the couple agreed it was for the best. When she contacted them that she was in town again, they had been excited. The two men had been thinking for a while about have another child. Since Rachel was their pride and joy, they wanted to ask Bernadette if she was willing to be a surrogate and egg donor again. When the woman agreed under the condition of finally meeting Rachel, it was no problem.
Rachel looked into her father's eyes. He was smiling broadly. His handsome face was genuine and sincere. She turned to her daddy, he had the same smile, and then finally to Bernadette.
"Call me Bernie, Rachel," the woman replied holding out her hand to shake with the girl. The teen sat without reciprocating the gesture.
"She's Vocal Adrenaline's coach. Did you guys know that?" the brunette asked, looking at her parents.
"Of course we did," her father replied, sitting down next to his husband.
"So you know she told Alex to seduce me to try and get info on Glee Club?" Rachel retorted, annoyed.
"That was all a misunderstanding, Rachel. Alex is not even going to our school anymore," Bernadette answered.
The little girl narrowed her gaze at her biological mother. The woman did look a lot like her. They had the same hair and bone structure. She looked, sweet even. Rachel wanted this woman to be a good person. Her heart almost faltered before she looked towards her dads.
"Then why is she here? After all these years. Why now?" the small girl asked.
"Because we want to have another baby, sweetie," her father answered.
Rachel was shocked. Her fathers had always joked around about having another child but she never thought they were serious.
"With her?" she asked incredulous.
"Well of course," her daddy answered. "Look at you, we want only the best," he added.
"I can't do this," Rachel replied, standing up and leaving the dining room, running toward her bedroom.
When Rachel slammed her door, she grabbed her iPod and tuned it to her favorite playlist. She collapsed onto her bed and cried. She cried for being jealous of Quinn, for wanting her biological mother to be someone else and cried because she was more confused now about her own heart than she had ever been before.
That feeling she had pushed away for so long just reared its ugly head. She was angry at Finn for not being man enough to break up with Quinn months ago. Angry that she knew what a great guy Noah Puckerman really was. It felt like Rachel against the world. When Azure Ray began to play softly on the piano, it was icing on the cake. This playlist had become the soundtrack to the brunette's life.
She could barely hear her fathers' laughter downstairs, along with that horrid woman's howls. Rachel pressed her ear up to the door to see if she could make out their conversation. After a few minutes she fell asleep, leaning against the door. It was a hard day for the girl. She had cried more on that Saturday, than any other day before it. Maybe this is what it meant to grow up. If it did, she wasn't ready for it yet. Rachel had often wondered when her life would begin. Now that it had, she wanted refuge.
