Chapter Nine: She Needs You

"How did this happen?" Tom exhausted sitting beside Jude's hospital bed with his head in his hands, "You were on birth control!"

Jude's tears were not faltering. They had just found out she was nearly 5 weeks pregnant meaning the conception happened during the Florida stay. With the excitement of tour and late night fiascos Jude was not aware of the momentary pause of her monthly visitor. She was so wrapped up in losing Tom she hadn't realized her body screaming at her. Morning sickness easily got confused with rough hangovers; "I was on tour Tom. I may have forgotten some nights but I always doubled up the next day."

"And you didn't think to tell me?" He asked in agitation. Finding out you were a soon to be father in the same breath of finding out your child is dead was one of the hardest things he ever had to comprehend and hear.

"Tommy I wasn't thinking properly I just missed you," Jude sobbed as she curled up on the bed. "It's not like it matters. We don't have to worry about something that's already gone."

Tom picked his head up and watched as Jude cried relentlessly into her own arms while in fetal position. The idea of having a baby had not crossed his mind at all before, but now it was rushing through him and consuming him. Would he have been ready? He wasn't sure, but he knew that he would have loved that baby with everything in him. Was it weird to say he did love the lost child between them without ever even knowing his or her existence right up until the death? Regardless of how odd it sounded, Tom knew the aching in his heart could only come from losing a loved one. "It's not fair. We didn't even have a chance."

"It's all my fault," she practically screamed in hysteria. "I just had to party every night. I just had to overdose. Dumb Jude, dumb dumb Jude." She was shaking uncontrollably, "I would've loved that baby Tommy even if it was unplanned."

Her lasts words were in a whisper and barely audible but it tugged at his heart as if she was shouting it to the stars. There were different waves of emotions rushing through his body. At first when he heard the news he immediately wanted to blame Jude, but guilt set in and he wanted to blame himself. Thoughts of fatherhood and missing out on a child ran rapid and reeked havoc on his already unstable mind. Thoughts of how it was all torn away in seconds, "No Jude it was my fault. If I just would've been stronger for the both of us. If I just could have pushed aside my own selfish insecurities you wouldn't of rebelled like that."

Jude brought her head from her knees, straightening out slowly, when she heard the sobs escape his mouth through each explanation. His hands were gripping tightly on the sides of her bed and his head was resting on the tops of his fingers. It was that moment it hit her that it could not possibly be either of their faults. Neither of them knew, how could they? Jude was sure if she would have kept her own-self stable she would've known and she would have never partook in the risky behavior. "It's not your fault," she soothed as her hand brushed through his hair.

Tom felt his hair rise on his arms and the chills throughout his body. Her touch was deeply missed. He let himself bask in her kindness before pulling up his head, "How can you say that Jude? We both know why you did the things you did."

"So I was upset Tommy? That doesn't excuse the things I did. I was irrational and it's not fair to point fingers. We were both stupid and we both didn't know." Jude confessed as the tears became further apart. "It's gonna take time to make sense of this all, but Tom all I know is I'm gonna need you here. There will be days where it gets hard and we will probably wanna blame something or someone, but we have to stick together."

"But D is putting you through rehab Jude, I can't be there. What am I supposed to do? How can I protect you?"

"I don't need to go to rehab Tommy, you know that as well as I do. We need to talk to him. I don't need to be sheltered by strangers; I need your comfort and support. I need my family and friends. I can't get sent away. I need Canada," Jude pleaded as her hand reached for his.

"When did you become the mature one?" Tom asked staring into her eyes as he allowed her hand to rest in his. Jude smiled lightly, but happiness was not something that would stay for long at the moment. "I will talk to D. I'll make this right."

"I believe in you," Jude spoke softly. "Can we just put aside our problems for now. I don't want to avoid them, I just think we can't be there for each other if we are focused on the negative."

Tom stood up and he pressed his hands down to the bed and looked back and forth, "Think there's enough room?"

Her eyes twinkled in affection as she nodded, "Always."

He gently made his way next to her being sure not hit or remove an IV or a machine. Tom wrapped his arms around Jude and she nuzzled her head directly into his chest. His fingers stroked through her blonde locks and his heart began to pound. "I missed you." He admitted shyly. No matter what his original plans to push her away were, they did not matter now. This was no time to be selfish.

"You don't know how good that is to hear." She picked up her head to have direct contact with his eyes, "I missed you so much."

His lips fell to her forehead and she noticeably melted into him. The tension had finally been lifted and she let herself give in to his charm because she knew being loved by Tom Quincy was one of the only ways she'd get through this. They must have fallen asleep in each other's embrace because when they were woken up a room full of familiar faces had their arms crossed with heavy glares.

Tapping her foot furiously Sadie was the first to speak, "So you give in just like that Jude? He broke you down completely and hasn't been here or talking to you in weeks and you just give in?"

"I wanted you to stay away from her!" Darius snarled while pointing at Tom, "You damaged my Queen of G Major, my top seller! That's why I suspended you!"

Tom went to protest, but quickly he watched his best friend, well possibly ex best friend, jump in. "T this isn't the time to play back and forth with Jude! You can't go from making her depressed to making her happy whenever you just feel like it! She isn't stable!"

Sadie and Darius went to chime in but Jude shot up, "Stop talking like I'm not here!" She yelled causing everyone to stiffen and stare at her wide-eyed, "I need Tom right now!"

"You do not need him Jude!" Sadie shouted stepping closer to the pair in the bed, "Don't let him brainwash you."

"Shut the fuck up Sadie!" Now everyone was scared to speak, Jude was clearly enraged. "Everyone thinks they know what's best for me, but the only one who knows what's best for me is me! I don't need rehab," Darius went to speak up but she threw up her finger, "I know I reacted badly to mine and Tom's split, but trust me I'm too scared to ever touch coke again. This morning I was informed of something that I honestly need everyone here for me, including Tom."

Tom squeezed Jude's hand tightly searching for confidence to speak up, "D the last place she needs to be is California away from the people who actually love and care for her."

"She needs to be away from you," Darius shot back bitterly. "You think you love and care for her? Look where she is!"

"D, I did this to myself. I forgave Tom, I had to." She would stand up for him until her last breath; Tom was still and would always be the love of her life, she just knew it. "We are both going through something actually and I would appreciate EVERYONE's support."

"The both of you?" Sadie asked in confusion as her hand found Kwest's. She suddenly felt as if the tone became gloomy.

Jude's head fell and Tom held her close, "We can wait if you aren't ready."

"No," Jude protested shaking her head, "It's best if we just get this out now."

"What's going on guys?" Kwest asked cautiously feeling his palm sweat against Sadie's. It had appeared they became an item over the time they spent trying to work on Tom and Jude's relationship. They bonded and found they knew exactly what one another needed to work, unlike the relationship they tried to mentor.

"I was pregnant," Jude's voice cracked as tears verged their presence. Darius, Sadie, and Kwest reacted equally in shock while letting out a loud breath. "And the baby wasn't as fortunate as me."

Instantly Sadie felt herself collapse into Kwest's arms in sobs. She could have possibly had a niece or nephew and just as fast as she could process that, she had to process the loss. "No," were the only words she was able to speak.

Tom began to get himself out the bed as he watched Darius put his head down. The whole room began to shed tears, even Darius. He had grown to look at Jude as a daughter; she was the pride and joy of G Major. He became too protective; he was willing to lose his best producer just to keep her safe. Now there was nothing to do to keep her safe from the cruel reality of losing your kin. He turned to the man he was once furious with and brought him into an embrace. No one ever thought the day would come where Tom Quincy cried like a baby in Darius Mills' arms. Jude looked around the room with blurry vision and soft sobs and in that moment she never felt so loved in her entire life.

Jude was sent home from Denver the next day. Darius held a press conference declaring that the West Coast portion of her tour has been delayed. Her parents, now aware, of Jude's situation surprisingly allowed her to rest at Tom's to recover. But of course not until they lectured Tom on having his last chance and to not disturb their relationship any further. Tom was feeling immense anxiety because he had to push his own insecurities and worries along with his grieving aside just to help the woman he loved. No matter how hard that is though, he would do it for Jude. He went from telling himself and everyone around that Jude was better off with out and will be happier to holding her close every night wondering if he'd let go she would disappear into the lights. She had seemed so strong in the hospital when in front of everyone, but in the midst of the night she'd wake up shaking and crying horrendously. Tom comforted her every night back to sleep feeling horrible for everything he had ever done to her. Jude was still shaken from her overdose and regretfully there were withdrawal symptoms. Her paranoia was through the roof and she constantly craved sleep and warmth. But to top it all off she was feeling grief and guilt. Her selfish break-up conditions had caused her baby to have never experienced life; it was gut wrenching.

Tom was called in for a meeting with Darius a week later so he left her in the care of Sadie for the morning. He was not even close to ready to return to work. Pulling up in front of G Major Tom sighed while pulling out his key and shutting off the engine. Tom wished every day he never brought Jude here in the first place. This industry had tainted her; he had tainted her. He found himself standing before Darius Mills' intimidating oak doors. The knocks were followed by the acceptance of entry. Tom wearingly took a seat being cautious of his boss' facial expressions.

"You know I was dead set on firing you and getting you as far away from that girl as possible," Tom's face sank at Darius' sincere tone. "I thought you had destroyed the light, the spark G Major needed. Her potential is sky rocketing and I thought you tore it from her." Tom swallowed hard, beginning to feel his conscious yelling at him. "But I was wrong. I put too much pressure on a young girl without even making sure she was ready. I knew you two were emotionally unstable, but yet I expected her to remain sane without guidance? So I apologize for placing all the blame on you and I brought you hear today to ask how much time you two will need, I know you're where she needs to be."

Tom was in shock over Darius' confession. He was never a man to apologize and especially not one to say he was wrong. "I don't know how to answer that D. Music, before has helped us cope through everything. I don't know if that has changed or not. Only time will tell."

"I'll be around to visit T. Take care of her," Darius amended. He may be putting too much on Tom's shoulders, but he knew Tom could handle it.

Sadie was sitting on the couch with Jude trying to find a movie. Jude was struggling with her eating habits and Sadie was trying to convince her to eat popcorn.

"A few pieces please Jude!" Sadie begged shoving the bowl in her sister's hands.

"I'm not hungry," Jude groaned pushing the bowl back in equal force.

"Jude you need to eat something. You're too skinny," Sadie complained staring at how Jude looked warn down and fragile.

"I'll eat Tommy's pasta tonight, I promise." Jude negotiated while leaning her head to Sadie's shoulder.

"Thank you sis." Sadie whispered while holding Jude and playing with her hair. "Jude, remember how much I love you okay. I know we've been through some awful times, but I will always be here for you. If things get bad here or anything you can come home. I'll stay with you every night and make you what ever you want. Just know I'm here and so are mom and dad."

Jude was almost brought to tears at how sweet her sister had been, "I love you too Sadie, but I'm gonna be just fine here with Tom. You can all come whenever you want and we can even have sleepovers. I just feel better knowing we can mourn together of our loss. The baby may have been just a month old, but he or she still existed and he or she would still be part of me and Tom."

"You are so brave baby sis. You've been through so much and I am so proud." Sadie cooed holding her sister closely.

Tom entered the house later and saw Jude peacefully asleep in her sister's arms. Sadie looked up an offered a light smile before motioning him to sit beside them. He made sure to sit down gently and not to disrupt Jude. Sadie turned to Tom and spoke softly, "We're all trusting you to take care of her okay."

"I will I promise," Tommy replied resting a hand on Jude's leg. Everything could only get better from here, he had hoped staring at Jude's sleeping figure.