Chapter Nine – "Musings"

Previously – Zendall is beginning to have disturbing memories about a shared past in some other Pine Valley.. To prove she exists somewhere other than in his dreams, Kendall revealed a seldom-noticed fact about Erica Kane. She never eats. Kendall begged Zach to witness that behavior for himself as a way to prove to him that Kendall is really real.

--

Erica Kane was determined to have a relaxing brunch at the Valley Inn with Jackson Montgomery, her current husband and most likely the love of her life. There had been too much keeping her at odds with her husband as of late. All their children were getting in the way of their marriage, and she had made her mind up to set matters right for once and for all. She was highly optimistic about the outcome. After all, when Erica Kane made her mind up to do something, what could stand in her way?

"Jack, above all else it is crucial that we agree to disagree. That's what Jonathan taught Lily to do, and it seems to be working so well for them!"

Jack upper lip tightened along with every major muscle group in his entire body.

"I realize you haven't quite accepted Jonathan as your son-in-law but – oh, for pity's sake what in the world is HE doing here?"

--

It was nearly noon, but Kendall was still in bed, thinking things through. She was half-surprised not to have awakened with heather in her hair. It had seemed so real. Hell, it always seemed so real. She blinked back tears.

"Don't go soft on me now," she urged herself. "We're getting close to the truth. Don't go distracting yourself with sentimental musings. It won't do any good."

The first musing she mused was anything but sentimental. "If Zach is real, I am committing adultery. Big-time. I am betraying Ryan every single night. Why don't I care?"

That was easy. She was completely, irrevocably and astoundingly in love with Zach Slater. Whether he was actual or imaginary, they belonged to each other. They belonged with each other. She knew that as surely as she knew her own name: Kendall Hart Slater.

"That isn't my name!" she told herself, not for the first time. "Why do I keep thinking that's my name?" Which led her to other musings. Why all the false memories she and Zach shared? Were they false? Were they memories? Were they married? How could they have identical memories of events that had never happened in either of their realities?

She was only certain of one thing. What she felt for her actual husband – what did she feel for Ryan? – was thoroughly beside the point. If there was a way to get to Zach Slater, she'd abandon her life with Ryan Lavery in a Pine Valley Minute.

"I am one cold, heartless bitch adulteress," she told herself in no uncertain terms. "So why do I feel like crying? No cold, heartless bitch adulteress worth her salt would break down and cry simply because she can't share her reality with the only person who makes her feel real."

Ah, but she missed him. He wasn't beside her. Talking to her. Laughing with her. Overwhelming her with desire and passion so intense it made her --. That's why she felt like crying. That's why she felt like dying.

--

Dixie was looking over the SORASED photographs Tad had given her yesterday of the latest batch of possible Kates. All of them were beautiful and accomplished. One of them was the Head Writer of a daytime drama (not AMC). But which one of those beautiful, accomplished women was her Kate? The Soap Writer looked vaguely familiar, but that could be her imagination. Through the years of searching for Kate, wishful thinking had taken Dixie down too many blind alleys to count.

She knew Zach could help her decide which woman to track down first. But he was so distracted lately. Something was terribly wrong, she sensed. What? And where the hell was Zach anyway? She had called him four times that morning, and all she got was his damn machine. She hoped he wasn't in New York bothering that woman again. What had that been about? Why would Zach try to kiss another woman? A stranger? In New York yet?

Something was going on. Something had been going on for months. He was even more distant than usual. He had grown even darker. He seemed to be brooding about something, even when they were making love, which wasn't nearly as often as she would like. And he was spending too much time sleeping.

Dixie sniffed, dejected and frustrated all at the same time. How could she help him, if he wouldn't tell her what was going on? There had to be a way to find out. They had gone through too much together for too long to let him slip away now.

"Zaxie forever," she sighed, wishing that were true.

--

"Oh, go away," Erica Kane was telling Zach Slater with all of her heart. "For the final time, I did not kill your brother Michael. What will it take to satisfy you? A blood oath?"

"A polygraph test would be nice," he replied evenly, gazing down at Erica's untouched Eggs Benedict.

"Slater, I'm getting a Restraining Order!" Jackson announced, much to Erica's delight. "Enough is enough!"

"Those eggs look delicious," Zach observed. "Yum!"

"Everybody knows that polygraphs are as unreliable as DNA tests," Erica said, making no move to lift her fork.

"Especially in this town," Zach agreed. "Why aren't you eating, Erica?"

Speechless, Erica looked down at her uneaten brunch.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said.

--

It was after two o'clock and Kendall was still thinking things through. Ryan had called a few times. She had told him that nothing was wrong and immediately began to feel guilty again. "The next dream will probably be 'The Scarlet Letter' she predicted gloomily.

"What's the matter with me?" she said out loud, annoyed with the pity party she was throwing herself.. "I have everything I've ever dreamed of!"

Well, hardly. That was the point, wasn't it? She wondered what he was doing at that moment, in his reality. Dining with Erica? Dancing with Dixie? Kissing the only Kendall in his world and getting arrested again? Where was his reality anyway? Somewhere in the past or in the future? Whose past? Whose future? On Earth? In another Galaxy long ago and far away? On another Network? Too far out. Okay, how about something more mundane? They were simply in parallel universes. Was that still science fiction or had that concept morphed into theoretical physics? "I must ask Lily to tell me about string theory," she decided, making a mental note.

Then she began obsessing on another subject she'd rather not think about. What if they couldn't find a way to find each other? What if their parallel universes were too parallel? Parallel lines never meet, what if Zach and Kendall could never meet? What if their dreams were all that they would ever have? She considered that. Well, where was the tragedy? Their dreams were more than most people had in all of their waking lives. And if she couldn't get to Zach, she'd never have to leave Ryan and shatter his world. She could continue spending her days with the husband who adored her and her nights with her lover in Casablanca or Shangri-La or wherever else their wild imaginings took them. Wouldn't she and Zach have the best of all possible worlds? Wouldn't Ryan? Wouldn't that be the best thing for everyone concerned?

"Yes," she thought.

"Maybe," she thought again.

"No!" she knew.

--

Dixie was waiting for Zach when he got back to his penthouse at the Casino.

"We need to talk," she told him flatly.

Why was he beaming at her? Why wasn't he his normal dark and brooding self all of a sudden?

"Love to talk with you, but I can't now," he begged off, heading for his bedroom. "I've gotta get some sleep."

"That's what we need to talk about!" she cried out, blocking his path. "It's four o'clock in the afternoon! Why do want to go to sleep? Zach you've got to let me in! What's going on?"

"Well," he thought, "it turns out the Girl of My Dreams may actually exist. Ain't that a kick in the head?"

"Did you ever notice that Erica Kane never eats?" he asked, edging past her into his bedroom.

"Zach, if you're in any trouble, you know I'm here for you!" she managed to get in before he closed the bedroom door in her face.

"We'll talk later!" he promised through the door. "When I wake up, I'll call you!"

--

"This isn't 'The Scarlet Letter'," Kendall was fairly certain, looking around. She appeared to be standing in a small, astonishingly colorful one-room hut. There were seven small beds lined up in two rows and one larger bed set apart from them. There was a sturdy oak table in the center of the hut surrounded by eight chairs, seven of which were half the size of the eighth chair.

"You're looking animated, Lovely," Zach observed merrily.

At the sound of his voice, she spun around and dived into his open arms.

"I might look animated because we're in a cartoon," she breathed between kisses.

He picked her up and carried her to the larger bed.

"Zach, we can't!" she protested weakly. "This is 'Snow White'! I'll never be able to look at it the same way again! What happens when I play the DVD for Spike?"

He deposited her on Snow White's bed and stood up, gathering his thoughts. "Ryan and Greenlee's son Spike?"

That didn't sound right. "Jonathan and Lily's son Spike?" she tried.

That didn't sound right either.

"Zendall's son Spike!" they said together, neither having the faintest idea how that could be.

Much later, after they left the hut and found themselves in Sherwood Forest where they both decided anything went, Zach reported on his brunch with Erica.

"There exists a possibility that you are real, Lovely," he concluded happily. "Somewhere. Somehow."

"Told ya so," she laughed, playfully poking his ribs. "So what's our next move, Handsome?"

He had absolutely no idea.

Luckily she did.

"Something must have happened in Las Vegas," she theorized. "Something that has to do with us, our dreams, our separate realities. There has to be a reason I don't remember meeting you. Meeting him. You know what I mean."

He knew what she meant. He also knew something else. "Kendall, we may never find a way to be together when we're not asleep."

She couldn't bring herself to accept that. "Dreams aren't enough, Zach. We need to be with each other full-time. Sleeping and waking. In sickness and in health. For richer and for poorer. The whole nine yards."

He hugged her hard. "We have Sherwood Forest. That's more than most people have."

"It isn't enough," she repeated, hugging back harder. Then she realized why it wasn't enough.

"We need to find Spike. Our Spike. Zach, I think in some reality we used to share, Spike is our son."

While, amazingly enough, he felt the same way, Zach Slater was not given to having high hopes.

"We may never be able to get back to that reality," he told her sadly, "We may never be able to find Spike or each other.

She broke out of their embrace and looked him straight in the eye. "I don't believe that for a second." She took a deep breath and told him what she did believe to the core of her being.

"The truth is out there."

--

The truth is out there? Where have we seen that before? Next week's Dream is "Zendall, the Musical"! Also we will meet a Special Guest Star who points Kendall in the right direction. Possibly. Thanks for the Reviews and please send more!