A/N: HAPPY 14TH OF JULY! *cue fireworks*
...Can I just say, before I make any excuses about the wait, having two jobs sucks. I thought, back in high school, "I can't wait until I get a job, and I'm done with school! It'll be amazing!" And it is. This is true. But it is in no way shape or form easier. Not at all. It kicks my butt daily.
So now that the rant is over, and I'm down off my soapbox... How've you guys been? :)
I have seriously spent the last month morking my two jobs, and reviewing. A lot. Because I realized that I don't ever review stories, and now that this story is seriously only getting 2 reviews a chapter, I thought I'd make someone else feel good about their writing skills. Honestly guys, reviews inspire authors to keep writing. It keeps us going!
[And speaking of the reviews... Are we not reviewing because we don't like the story? These things make me sad :( ]
I hope you guys like this one. I wrote it quickly in an attempt to give you guys an update, so sorry for any mistakes! It's pretty short, but eventful just the same.. A few questions are answered! Here ya go:
I'm losing my mind.
The thought makes me feel better, calms me down slightly. At least, if I am losing my mind, then it's just me. I'm the only problem. It would most likely mean there's nothing to connect my family to the Gallathorne Games. No meaning to the strange pictures I've found, or the leering glances from certain Capitol public officials.
I could stop obsessing about the strange pieces of the puzzle that never seem to fit. The amnesiac who thinks his mother is the cruelest ruler in all of Panem. Our strange and mysterious mentor who seems to know my family background better than I do.
It would end all of that. Sure, I would then have to focus and obsess about my impending insanity. But, maybe that would be easier. Better to be slightly crazy than extremely dead.
The thought stuns me. The games have only just begun; the Games haven't even started yet. Have I given up hope already?
No.
I shake my head vehemently. No, I made a promise.
A promise to Lizzie. Okay. I promise, Lizzie. I promise, I'll try to win.
A promise to my father. I promise! I'll follow them… Don't leave!
I lean against the thick stone railing that lines the edge of the rooftop. There's yet another party happening below. Every night it seems. Every night during the Games at least. But, knowing the Capitol citizens, maybe it's ever night no matter the occasion. They're certainly mental enough.
The party below is set up in the main plaza. Nine giant screens are set up above to form a giant square. The screens catch my eye right as my face appears on them. Flattering. Or at least it would be, if they weren't planning my death. Zach's face appears moments after and the screaming increases, if it's at all possible for the sound to reach a higher decibel.
They have already labeled us. We're apparently together now. The "star-crossed lovers of District Twelve." But it's not true, to my growing dismay.
I slump to my knees on the cold, rough concrete, turning my back on the celebration below. Is this normal? Do regular 16 year old girls think about guys this much? I don't know. How can I? The most important thing in my life has always been keeping my family fed. Not anymore. Now it's staying alive. And maybe that's why I've subconsciously let myself like him. It's a lighter topic to think about. A break from the whole "impending death" thing.
My mother was never one to talk to me about life. About boys. About anything normal. My father would have. Had he been alive….
I woke up to a hand brushing my hair off my forehead. The feather-light touch was gone moments later, in a late attempt at not waking me up. The light made my eyes squint tight as I opened them and caught sight of my father. He was dressed in his mining clothes, headed out to work for the day.
"Daddy?" I called out softly, catching his attention.
He turned around and gestured for me to follow him into the next room. He kneeled down to my level as I got closer.
"Hey, Mockingjay," Dad brushed a strand of hair from my face. "I'm just headed out to work."
It's the 'just' that caught my attention. I frowned thoughtfully. "Okay. I love you, Daddy."
"I love you too… Always remember that, okay?"
In retrospect, as I looked back in the years to come, this moment would haunt me. It seemed so obvious, so final. But I missed it.
"I will."
He kissed my forehead and left the house. It was another thirty minutes before I realized he had left his lunch on our rickety dinner table. I drew myself up, decidedly taking on the task of giving it to him, a seemingly monumental feat for an eight year-old.
The sky seemed overcast that day, I noticed as I headed out to find my father. The pathway to the mines only took a few minutes, but I was still thankful for the clouds that shielded me from the sun's sharp glare.
It was an oft-spoken rule that children weren't allowed in the mines. Everyone knew that. But I snuck into one of the hidden entrances anyway. No one else knew about them but me. The mine workers used the front entrance, but I was an explorer. And the easy way in was too visible. I searched for other entrances often, exploring the mines when I got bored. Today was the first time I would let my father see me.
Later I would wonder why, why I would make myself visible after years and years of hiding from miners. But deep down, I knew. Something was wrong.
I wound through the tunnels in the mine until I reached where Dad had been working yesterday. Today the mine was oddly silent. I frowned as the emptiness registered in my brain. Where were all the workers?
"-Abby's idea. The plan has worked so far, but I still think it's too risky. They could find her too easily! She's hiding in plain sight." My father's voice. Worried, stressed.
"You need to trust her. She's very good at what she does. It runs in the family. Cammie's just like her. And you." This unknown voice was deeper, calmer than Dad's.
"I know. That worries me too. This whole situation is dangerous…Let's just hope she isn't foun-" Dad's voice cuts off as a faint rumbling echoes through the mine.
"Run! They've found us!"
And suddenly, Dad rounded the corner and spotted me instantly.
"Cammie!" The look on his face scared me. "You need to get out! Now!"
The rumbling was getting louder and the dirt walls were beginning to shake.
I held up the bag in my arms and rambled, "Your lunch!"
"Cammie, now!" He grabbed my hand, causing the lunch to fall from my grip as he pulled me towards the entrance. I looked as we ran. He was taking me a way I'd never come before.
We must've been close when he suddenly stopped, indecision settling on his face. That's when I realized: the other man hadn't followed us.
"Mockingjay, look at me."
I obeyed fearfully as tears began to stream down my face.
"I love you. I'll see you at home, okay?" His shaky grin didn't calm my nerves.
"No, don't leave me, Daddy!"
"It's okay! Follow the pigeons. They'll show you the way out."
"I promise! I'll follow them… Don't leave!"
His smile wavered. He pointed to the wall across from us. There was a tiny etching of a bird in the dirt walls. A pigeon. "Always follow them!"
I nodded, and sobbed: "I love you, Daddy!"
He sent me towards the pigeon with one last hug. "I love you too! Follow the pigeons!"
I ran blindly, not stopping until I was outside, in the middle of a tree grove. The woods we would hunt in. I was ten steps into the grove when the explosion shook the air.
I fell to my knees, sobbing. "No!" My screams tore through the air.
Suddenly, two hands close around my arms, shaking me gently.
"Mockingjay!"
I gasp aloud, my vision clearing. The arms close around me momentarily, a short hug, before they pull away again.
Zach.
"D-did..Did you just call me…? Mockingjay?"
Zach nods. And then the dam breaks.
He pushes wet strands of hair away from my face, tries in vain to wipe away my tears. And I let him. I collapse against him, too emotionally gone to be as embarrassed as I normally would be. Should be.
We sit there for a few moments more as I regain control. And then for minutes after that.
'Safe' is not a feeling I get often. It's rare for me to feel protected, comforted. Especially when someone is holding me. And yet, as silly as it seems to feel safe in the Capitol, I do. And I like it.
-:-:-:-
"We've got to stop doing this. Meeting like this. It's ruining my reputation."
I glare at Zach's mildly teasing tone. We're still sitting on the roof. And he knows now. He saw Caesar. He knows about my father. How it's my fault he's dead. Everything.
And I've stopped trying to fight it. Us. That.
"What is this?" I ask the question. The question that's been running through my mind since the training center. Why are we doing this?
He doesn't pretend to misunderstand. "Don't know. What should it be?" His eyes meet mine.
I have no answer. What is there to say?
So I say nothing.
And we kiss anyway.
A/N: ...! What'cha think? Please leave a review and let me know! When you review (because you wouldn't want to disappoint me.. right?) let me know what your favorite quote is from the chapter!
Also, three notes before you leave:
1.) I keep seeing notes about GG fanfiction awards? Where do I find these?
2.) I've decided to start taking requests for short stories! Prompts I guess? Leave a review with an idea you'd like me to try, a quote or line you want a story based off of, and I'll message you when it's been posted!
3.) The sequel to When He Smiles is up! It's titled: Being A Baxter. I hope you guys like it! If you could read it, and leave a review, I would be so happy! Seriously! The next chapter will be dedicated to my Being A Baxter reviewers! Extra points for people who review this chapter too!
I'm already thinking about the third installment... Liz maybe? ... :)
Thanks guys!
