We've been in a relationship for week now and I haven't felt so content, because now I KNOW he's definitely mine. That cheeky, sarcastic weirdo with golden hair and bright blue eyes is mine and it makes me so happy. At school, he'll wrap his arms around my shoulders, not caring about what people say, we make out in the portables and he always walks me to class, no matter if he's late or not. He reminds me almost every hour that he loves me and that he isn't going anywhere. He makes me feel so special and I never want to lose him and these holidays, I want nothing but to spend time with him, no matter how hot and sticky the weather gets.
I went to his house after school today just because I could, and dad would be fine picking me up. My family are okay now, they've warmed up to the fact we're together and it's not a big worry, I suppose. We both have siblings that can continue the family name, we're content and happy as we are.
"Damn the house is empty" Andy walked back to the kitchen where I was eating yoghurt from the snack sized tub that was "shrek" brand.
"No one at all?" I raised an eyebrow, someone is usually home. He shook his head
"Everyone's busy, I suppose. But that's okay" he grinned, grabbing the yoghurt off me and putting it on the bench.
"That means we can make out"
"Hm, I like that" I smirked, he grabbed my hips and I helped him lift me onto the bench as we kissed slowly, deeply, my fingers entwined in his hair as he held me close, sucking my lip softly. I exhaled and touched his tongue with mine and off we went.
As we got more heated, I hopped off the bench and kept kissing him as we walked to his bedroom, he pinned me against the back of the door and smirked under my lips as I moaned.
"God, I love you"
"I love you more" he mumbled, his fingers running softly over my hips as his lips kissed to my neck.
"I love you the most" I breathed as he sucked on my neck, his crotch pressed hard on mine, I was so turned on but I held myself back from proceeding any further, he pulled away from my neck with a smirk.
"Have fun explaining that to your parents" he chuckled, I pushed him back onto his bed.
"Fucking dickhead"
"But you love me" he pouted
"Yeah I do" I smiled, sitting next to him.
"Isn't it weird how hot and heavy we get and then we just...don't fuck"
I stared at him blankly "I...guess"
"I mean, I've never gone this far with anyone, only you so it's kind of strange"
I laid down and looked in his eyes.
"Well maybe one day we'll go further?" I suggested
He bit his lip
"I want it to be right and I want to be with you for at least three months before we do that...and like, being two men, we'll need patience and time to try new things..."
"Yeah, we can't rush into this" Andy agreed, I smiled, leaning over and kissing him softly. I still hadn't told him about my past and I feel like I should in order for this to get further. So I took a deep breath.
"Do you want to know about my past? I feel like you've told me your whole life story and I've only given you like, a fraction of it" I sat up as did Andy
"Well yeah. I want to get to know you more"
"This is also good so when we do get more...into it, you'll know what to expect"
He brushed my dark brown hair out of my eyes and smiled
"I agree"
"Well" I looked down, my hair swooping back "It's pretty messed up...I did stuff"
"Like what?" Andy worried, I bit my lip
"I used to self harm" I looked in his eyes to see that he looked gutted.
"Oh shit, was it bad?"
"No, not really. Wasn't anything major, but I have 'scratched' myself with a blade probably on most spots on my body. My thighs the most, that's where I didn't care how it looked. So there is a few thin white lines...but nothing major"
"Well at least it wasn't life threatening...how long did you do it for?"
"Three years, I stopped a month before Blink, I kinda just did it and went 'I don't want to be this person anymore' and stopped. I've been good and haven't felt any urge, strangely enough. I'm happy."
Andy just smiled, as did I
"But" I added, my smile fading. It felt weird saying this things out loud
"I tried to..."
"What?" Andy worried again and I sighed
"Die"
Andy stayed quiet
"It was the worst year of my life and I tried to OD on ibuprofen...that's when my parents put their foot down and made me move to Hunters"
The tone in the room was duller now, but he had to know me.
"I-I see" he cleared his throat
"I told you it's messed up"
"No! No, it's more that. I know where you're coming from. Last year, I was suicidal from stress and this family and mum almost kicked me out to live with dad and that was when I thought 'I'm done' and almost jumped in front of a bus...but I didn't want to because that would include people wasting their time on my funeral and getting me back together and just tears among tears. I'm definitely happier now then I was then, but I still contemplate about running away, which I want to do often" he confessed, I wrapped myself around him, snuggling into his neck.
"Well I'm glad you're still here"
"Ditto" he kissed my head
"And know that whenever you have the need to run away, stay at mine. Or tell me and I'll run away with you"
"To the second star on the right?" He asked with a slight laugh
"Always the second star on the right" I whispered, kissing him softly.
"I love you"
"I love, you"
When I heard dad's horn, I kissed him and ran out and missed him immediately. I missed everything about him.
I sat at my desk listening to Blink as I revised on my homework, trying to focus but found it difficult because Andy hasn't called, and he usually would call. The bit of anxiety in my mind kept saying it was because he was weirded out by my past, but no, that couldn't be it.
Then I jolted as the phone rang, I grabbed it before anyone had a chance and held it to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Shaun" Andy sniffed, I stiffened, I've never heard him so sad.
"Andy? What happened?"
"Y-You know how my family weren't home?"
"...yeah?"
"Well, it turns out they were at the hospital. Nan had another fall and she's passed from a head injury. They pulled the plug like, an hour ago" his voice shook, I felt devastated for him. Earlier today we were talking about death, this was just a lot for him to handle.
"Shit...Andy I'm so sorry, I know she meant a lot to you"
"Eh" he sniffed again with an empty laugh "guess I should've seen it coming"
"I love you, so much" I reminded him. I felt awful.
"Do you love me enough to be there with me for the funeral? I can't do this alone"
"Of course!"
"Thank you. Know I love you"
"I know"
"Is that blink in the background I hear?" He sounded a bit more enthusiastic, I giggled
"Yep! Aliens Exist"
"Fuck yes!"
I laughed
"Look, I'm gonna go to bed, okay? I don't know if I'll be at school. But if not I'll come visit you after, okay? I love you so, so much."
I was sad that he might not be at school, but he had a right to.
"That's okay Andy. I love you too, lots and lots"
I could hear the smile in his voice as he said "goodnight"
I went to bed feeling like shit for Andy, this really must be terrible to deal with, she meant a lot to him.
I went over to Andy's the next day because I knew he'd need someone, and he's a home-body so he wouldn't leave the house for no reason. I knocked on the door and heard him running down the hall, I grinned slightly as he opened the door.
"Oh hey" he smiled slightly as he let me in, I wrapped my arms around his neck as I kissed him, he pulled away and chuckled.
"My horoscopes predicted a Leo would come and make me feel better"
I laughed slightly with my eyebrow raised "you read your horoscope?"
Andy kissed my cheek with a giggle "no, but I was bored and read mums magazines. Taurus' are apparently very stylish-well according to cosmopolitan"
I bursted into laughter as I followed him to the kitchen
"Oh God"
He smirked, grabbing the pre-made cold green cordial from the fridge, pouring us both drinks.
"How was last night?" I asked, he shrugged, passing me the glass "pretty quiet, everyone went to bed, I honestly don't know how to feel, but I heard on TV that soundwave is good this year. We should go"
He changed the subject, clearly uncomfortable
"Yeah...yeah of course"
He cleared his throat and sighed "I can't even cry about her, I mean, I loved her, she was my nana and I knew everything about her, as she did, me"
I smiled slightly and grabbed his hands
"People only cry when they're in love and when they didn't get to know them better. You knew your nan, and you know she'd never want you to feel sorrow. She knows you deserve the world" I consoled him, wrapping my arms around him as he snuggled into me with a sigh.
"You know, as much i'd hate to be that self-loathing guy that relies on a human more than himself but-god, you're the only good thing going in my life"
"And I, you" I smiled slightly, squeezing him a bit.
I got home late, welcomed by a mother and father, scolding me for not telling them where I was, and no matter how hard I tried to explain that my boyfriend was upset, they didn't listen.
And of course, they grounded me. Let's see how long this will last. I'll probably throw a tantrum, they can take my guitar, my cellphone, my stereo and my TV and telephone privileges for as long as they want. They just have to realise how annoying I'm about to become.
"What you doing?" I asked my dad who was fixing the car in the garage, he raised an eyebrow at me
"What the fuck does it look like? I'm fixing the car" he said with that abrupt voice of his, taking a gulp of beer.
"Oh cool" I stood there, swaying myself forward and backwards.
He ignored me, continuing to check on the car.
"What does this do?" I asked, pointing to the engine, he sighed and looked at me.
"What? Did grounding cause you to go dumb? It's an engine"
"Oh cool, what if I put water in this part for you?" Asking as I pointed to where the oil goes. He glared at me as I smiled.
"What the fuck do you want Shaun. I've had a long day at work. Don't you have a boyfriend to fuck or something?"
"Unfortunately not right now" I replied casually, knowing he was getting angry
"What? You break up?"
"Nope. We've got promise rings. No sex"
He closed the hood and laughed as he walked back inside, I followed
"Well lucky for you, that can't happen since you're both fags with the legs of 12 year old girls"
"Hilarious" I sarcastically replied, he smiled at me
"Also heard taking it up in the ass is painful"
"Or did you just learn that from mum shoving things up your ass"
He froze, I smirked, he turned around, his eyes furious.
"You disgusting freak, go to your room"
I stared at him
"Go!"
"Fiiineee" I whined as I slouched, walking away before yelling
"MUM!"
"What Shaun!?" She yelled back, running over.
"Dad called me a fag and a disgusting freak!" I covered my face, pretending to sob.
"Not buying it Shaun. Bed, now"
"Only if you give me my stuff back"
She exhaled annoyed, licking her lips.
"Then that wouldn't be a grounding then, would it?"
"Well, shouldn't have done it in the first place" I smiled, she approached me slowly, patronising with her finger pointed right at me.
"Shaun Donald Patrick Diviney, I shouldn't have to tell you again! Bed, now"
"Revoke my grounding, then I'll think about it"
"Fine, die of sleep deprivation. No pancakes for breakfast for you, just corn flakes" she walked away
"YOU CANT DIE FROM ONE NIGHT WITHOUT SLEEP MUM! AND I HATE YOUR DRY BURNT PANCAKES ANYWAY!" I yelled
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Luke yelled from across the house
"MAKE ME!"
No reply, I snickered and went into my room, crashing on my bed. This was only the beginning.
