9. Entombed
(Seth)
Day two of my bender. Day one of what had become a pretty epic party at my... or Liz's... house. It was Ana's idea to try to cheer me up - she said if I was going to drink, I should drink with my friends - but I wasn't having fun. I was caught in a loop in my head, feeling guilty for taking a life, to aching for my Elizabeth to come home, to guilt about worrying about my own mundane problems when I had taken a life. Around and around I spun.
The worst part was, there was no way to make it better. You couldn't un-kill someone. I'd made the decision that I made because I had to... but that didn't make it sit well with me.
The stuff with Liz was another thing that I couldn't make better. She could, but that felt more and more unlikely. I tried to imagine a scenario where I somehow found out that she really had cheated on me, tried to picture myself reacting. I don't think I'd ever had such frightening thoughts before. We'd been through some things, but this? I couldn't take it.
It took quite a bit of alcohol to get me drunk, and I had to drink in regular intervals to keep the buzz. My body just burned through it so quickly. My mind was getting a little too clear, so I chugged liquor and settled in.
The world was pretty spinny when I felt someone sit down next to me. I was in the basement slash music room and I'd been alone until then. The scent was familiar, but I couldn't really place it and I was being lazy about opening my eyes.
"Uh, hey Seth."
I blinked a few times. She sounded like a distant memory and her face was all fuzzy. "Hey?"
"I thought you didn't drink," she said. I knew that voice; it was Megan. I hadn't thought of her in what felt like a lifetime.
There was something familiar playing upstairs and I listened to it for a long moment. "Dingoes Ate My Baby!" I said, proud of myself.
"Are you okay, Seth?"
"From Buffy," I tried to explain.
"The show?" she asked.
"Yeah." I was making slow connections in my brain, but they wouldn't come out of my mouth.
"Do you need help upstairs?"
She sounded so concerned, it made me laugh. "No. I live here." And there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to keep me from being able to walk.
She gasped. "This is Liz Collins' house... You're dating Liz Collins?!"
I was about to answer her when I ended up on my feet instead. One breath, one deep amazing breath and she was all over the room, all inside of me. I forgot about the girl on the couch and fixed my eyes at the mouth of the staircase.
"Someone say my name?" she called as she came down.
I was stuck in place, frozen to the floor with my mouth ridiculously hanging open as she sauntered over to my side. Taking her in was redirecting all of the blood flow in my body and I was almost scared I'd pass out.
"Hey," she smiled up at me.
My grin was too big and too goofy. "Hey."
"I'll leave you two alone," an annoyed Megan said, reminding me she had been there at all.
"God, babe. Look at you..." So incredibly beautiful. I'd been dying to drown in the pools of her eyes for too long now, waited what felt like an eternity to study every little freckle that sprinkled her cheeks and nose.
She ran her fingers through her hair - much longer than when she'd last been here, almost to her waist - and peered downwards, away from my scrutiny. "I had to freshen up aboard the plane. I feel kind of gross."
I threw my arms around her and held her to me as tightly as I could without making it impossible for her to breathe. I sniffed her like an animal and didn't even care that it was odd. I kissed her softly, then scooped her up and sat back on the couch with her.
She snuggled into me and remained silent as I ran one hand down her hair and arm, over and over. We fell asleep like that.
I woke up in the morning alone. I was immediately certain that I had just been dreaming last night, and the thought left me devastated. I dashed up the stairs and straight to the bathroom, slowly realizing that her scent was everywhere; she was really here.
Or... had been. I searched the areas of the house where I might find her and she was nowhere to be seen. Then my ears pricked at the sound of her laugh. I ran outside and she was far out in the yard as mushy snow feel from the ground.
She was hula hooping. She had her eyes closed and this huge smile on her face as her hips circled rhythmically, chest rising and falling evenly as the ring swung and swung around her. She suddenly opened her eyes and spotted me. She threw her arms up, the hoop dropped and she bowed dramatically before I darted out to her.
I knocked her down but caught and guided her gently to the ground. "You look like you're having so much fun," I told her.
She spread out and tried to make a snow angel, but this snow was too wet for that, so she scooted back over and laid her head on my shoulder. "An angel," she kind of laughed to herself. "Honey, I'm freezing."
"Let's get a shower." There was a second of hesitation right after I said it where I wondered for the billionth time if she'd screwed around on me a few nights ago. "Where were you the other night?"
I stood up with her in my arms, holding her close to my chest so she'd warm up. "Could we save that conversation for a later date?" she asked, pressing her cheek against me.
That was so dissatisfying that I literally stopped in my tracks for a moment.
"Please?" she said. She reached up and wrapped her arms around my throat, then swung her legs free and dropped back to the ground so she cold try dragging me towards the house by my hand.
I wanted so badly to push it. I wanted to know exactly what was going on... but at the same time I didn't. More than anything, I wanted to enjoy this moment because I never knew when she'd up and disappear on me again. "Fine," I finally gave in and started back to the house behind her.
I towered over her form as she cleaned up under the fall of the water. I looked at this tiny, beautiful woman that I loved more than anything in the world and couldn't believe how angry I was at her. Still, she was naked and soaking wet and my eyes were traveling on their own.
She wore a smirk on her lips. "You know, your face says pissed off, but your dick on the other hand..."
I just raised my eyebrows at her.
She stared at me evenly as she rinsed her hair, then stepped just out of reach of the water. "I'm getting out," she said.
My heart sank a little and I caught her arm. "Wait."
She flinched in pain and I looked at the skin that I'd just gripped in my hand. She had a small needle prick mark, accompanied with a bruise that I hadn't noticed before. She usually had a few bruises on her body because she was always clumsily banging a limb into something.
She lowered her arm slowly. "I had to go to the hospital and they gave me an IV."
I turned the shower off, stepped out and wrapped her towel around her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine..." her eyes darted a bit and she stepped around me. "Let's go sit down."
I got dressed when we made it back to our room, but she just moved her towel from her body to her hair and lounged on the bed. I was pretty sure she was going to explain and I wasn't sure we could have a conversation while she was naked, so I threw her one of my t-shirts that she loved to sleep in. "Tell me what happened."
"Not much to tell. Partied a bit too hard, had to go to the hospital." Her voice held a hint of finality.
I knew there had to be more but I wasn't going to force it out of her. She was here and she was okay, but I didn't know if we were okay. "What's the deal with you and that singer?"
Her eyes snapped up to meet mine. "That's what you were talking about?" Then she started to laugh. "Crazy boy... thinking I would ever want anyone else. Have you seen you?"
I just stared at her, awestruck. I knew she was being honest, and laughing about it was the last thing I would have expected.
She sat up and pulled the towel off of her head, shaking her hair out so that it spread, parted around her face. "Look, I get why you don't trust me in certain ways, but I would never cheat on you."
The relief I felt was so intense I had to lay down. I also felt like an idiot... but at least she wasn't angry with me for thinking it. "I'm sorry. I saw that video of you rubbing your ass all over him..."
"I was rolling and just had to dance. But I'm sorry, too. I can imagine if I saw you with someone else like that." She slung a leg over me and sat looking down at my face. "I think I'd kill someone."
My hands turned to fists beside me.
"What's wrong?" She curled her fingers around my hands. "What did I say?"
I couldn't think about that right now. I moved my hands to her hips and pushed her down into me, hard. She started to breathe my name when my my lips devoured hers hungrily. The loose shirt she wore gave my hands access to every inch of her creamy skin. She tore my shirt from over my head and then started easing my pants down until I could kick them off.
She was overwhelming to me, every single time. Liz preferred real drugs, but the only substance I needed a fix of was her. I was addicted and I was never going to quit.
She put both hands on my chest and wound her legs around my shoulders, locking her feet behind my head. She used her weight to flip both of us to our sides, then surprised me by sliding down onto my full length. She started to move when I gripped her tight to me.
"Easy, babe. It's been awhile." I wanted to enjoy every single slow second of this that I could manage.
She started to tug at her shirt and I helped her pull it off. She started to move again, soft and slow with an edge that told me she was holding back. The tips of our noses touched as I lost myself in the blue of her eyes. She kissed me and my reaction was to flip her over onto her back, legs still hooked behind my head. She gasped and I wanted to hear more.
Things were starting to get loud when we heard a knock at the door, six frantic raps against the wood.
Liz put her hands to her face. "Go away!" she yelled, panting heavily. She was squeezing me with her legs, teasing me by just barely moving me in and out.
I drove in deep and put my mouth to her throat.
"Who the fuck is in there?!" Ana's voice yelled. "I swear Seth, I will break this fucking door down - "
"Ana, it's me!" Liz yelled. "Now fuck off for a little bit."
"Oh my god!" Ana yelled excitedly. I could hear her pressing her hands to the door. "Liz! I'm so glad you're home!"
"Me too! And thanks for having my back!"
"Liz..." I was balls deep and she was having a conversation with someone else.
"Sorry," she said sheepishly.
My mood was kind of ruined and I could feel the same thing from her. She probably wanted to go see Ana now... so I reluctantly pulled out. "Tonight," I said.
She kissed me. "And tomorrow, and the next day..."
