Ending 3 : Keep your eyes on me
.It wasn't the first time that he felt this; how time seems to slow and stop, his experience with this particular time, however feels quite lengthy but the cold feeling that he usually expects to come creeping around him, to his astonishment, were delightfully absent. Bundled beside him is the woman whom he have kissed with so much passion that he felt his heart be torn apart. His new found light is asleep soundly and peacefully, he noted with a soft expression. Leaning closer, running his tired fingers down the length of your bare back and arms, checking your breathing steady and calm. He brushed a few strands of your hair away from your light cheeks, careful not to disturb you from your light somnolence.
He loomed over you, his cheek resting on the base of his knuckles, his gaze brushing over the soft and smooth curves of a miraculously crafted woman. He had the urge to run his free hand to follow the soft flow of skin, he settled instead by pressing his lips against yours, gently as to not wake you. Ah, How soft and sweet. He thought with a dreamy expression.
How long has it been since I last was kissed? Pulling himself back and watched as your chest rise and fall, his eyes then went back to your mouth, it is shining against the little light that manage to come through a glint in the window. Such cherry lips-Those cherries fairly do enclose of orient pearl a double row. He presses a thumb against your lower lip, slowly and carefully. It was still damp from the kisses both of you shared, his lips tingled at the memory. A faint glittering sensation went about him, but left as soon as it came... but they will not cry "cherry-ripe" for me. He sighed sadly, removing his thumb and settling back to bed. Facing the ceiling, staring at some begotten empty space as if it was something so interesting.
Closing his eyes, trying his best to fend off any emotions that would destroy him and his control. A man could only keep still for so long. The image that went up to his mind was that of yours, it made him smile and a silent chuckle managed to escape him. Resting his free arm over his eyes. He had the image of your determined expression. Warm colored eyes filled with such strong emotions. He couldn't point what exactly those emotions were. Not in mere words anyway, but he knew well enough that he could feel them still. Are her eyes threatening with piercing frowns to kill? He had recollected the smirk he had prepared as he says his witty remark, they were simple yet provoking Then, just kill me already.
He wouldn't mind if the woman beside her was the soul-reaper that came into his abode. There are worse ways to go than by this woman's gentle hand. He whispered, lifting up his arm just a bit to look at your sleeping face again. He had spotted your shoulder exposed and noted that you were cold, he reached out to fold the blanket and tuck it to preserve your warmth. The pads on his fingers brushed against your blushing skin. His thought wanders. I wonder if she's ever been touched before. She's so soft like virgin snow.
You let out a provoking groan, almost silent but the mere whisper and weakness of its volume made his entire body stiffen, the movement had made more strands of your tangled mess of beautiful colored hair back on your features. He had his fingers brush more lost strands away, truth be told, he felt wonderfully sinful, extremely dirty being here so near you. He continued to trace the lines of your jaw, thoughtfully and carefully taking in the details of each dips and curves and soft lumps of skin. But even if she has been, I wonder if she's ever been kissed like this- as gently and as warmly as a lover should. His soft smile was quickly replaced by a pained frown, he felt his heart wrench at the sound of the word. Lover. Slowly he felt the numbness take over the center of his chest. Spreading slowly and simultaneously with ache and laughing shrieks of his demons. Why did he bring his hope up. That was the last of what he wanted, false hope. A fool's gain.
The woman beside him was only doing the moral thing for a human to do, save him. Indeed, a selfish act to escape the guilt of knowing of his current darkness. Once again the fingers of his self-loath gripped him. Its nails dug into the skin and muscles of his throat. He could choke. The thoughts of the passing time, grind realization that felt like sandpaper over fresh wound. He winces. He had violated you. He had already touched and felt and sinned. Driven by mad impulse, he blamed himself for getting with this too far. How could he. He had no proof of your feelings towards him. He had no proof that you shared any of the same vehemence but pity and the drive of doing good. He was, after all, nothing more than a worthless man. A worthless man unfit to hold such beauty near him…
He felt the weight of his bed shift, eyes down to see your body closer to him. How did he not notice you move? a better question? why were you searching for his warmth? Your features tensed, as if your were now on the verge of breaking. You seem afraid; in his mind. You have every damn right to feel afraid. He had placed the back of his hand on your cheek, ineptly shushing your worries.
He was ready for you to wake up and scream, to hit him and call him monster, but your reaction to him tugged his heart further into uncertainty. You relaxed against him, and seemed to be thrilled and endeared by his presence. Now, why doesn't my little kitten run from me? Does she not know that a scoundrel far worse than I would have defiled her? The covers slid off and exposed you're already naked figure. The sight had woken up the hunger, slowly swelling up his center. How I would love to lick her up, eat her gently, and make her cry out my name.
Accounts of this night, he knew that you have already done so… numerous times. He's delighted as to accomplish pleasuring you. His hands were traveling up your legs now, slowly caressing the inner thighs. He stopped midway, just before he could have defiled you further. No. I don't want to hurt you, don't want to ruin you, don't want you to make you fall - fall like all the other pretty flowers.
He did not notice that his own breathing were hitched and ragged. Drawing himself away, he let out a gasp. His shaking eyes saw a man appeared again. The very same man that haunts him. A mirror version of himself straining his lungs and throat. Staring at him with murderous eyes, his teeth clenched and bared. His hands grabbed the sides of his head, forcing the hairs on his scalp.
He knew what that man wants, that shadow of a man. He knew his intentions so well, dark and twisted, he knew the grin he's showing now. Head down and ashamed, he saw the man's gleaming menacing eyes wash over your sleeping body. He felt the hunger and the intangible itch ran through him. That agonizing itch, running across his neck, wrists, legs and core. You were in grave danger, must he lose control of his already broken mind. Let the man take over and feed on you like a filthy cannibal. You won't survive before sunrise. He can't let that happen. He had to go. He need to spare you, he needs to save you…
His hands shook, the bones and muscles of his body ached while he lifted his weight up from the bed. The glint of the metal barrel of the pistol greeted him. The smile of a demon appeared it was welcoming, yet frightening. Twisting his heart and guts into heavy knots. His breathing hitched, beads of sweat started to form on his cold skin.
Heavy and piercing, the gun's handle rest idly on his palm. He sat on the edge of the bed, teetering with the killing object from one hand to the other. Both limbs were shaking and afraid, relieved and confused. The emotions boiling down the back of his chest, twisting and screaming then leaking silently out his eyes. Just one gentle squeeze and it will be all over. Just one gentle nudge and the pain would go away. Everything will turn to black, and then he would feel nothing. He rose the barrel upward, pressing it against the lower mandible.
He felt the cold rim against the small patch of skin, just one squeeze. His numbed finger already placed against the curve of it's trigger. It was so easy. His mind went back to the woman he would soon leave behind. Flashes of her face haunts him now, eyes glittering with hot messed tears. He does not deserve those tears… he does not deserve any affection. He had to do it, to save her. His death will do more good than a small harm of his suicide. There are far better men more suited for her… the thought had left a dull ache within his chest.
Warm slender hands embraced his lower abdomen, you apparently have woken up, he felt your wet cheeks gently pressed against his bare back. A lump formed from within his throat. "Please...No"
He heard you whisper, he felt your hands rise up to meet his own hands, removing the tensed grip off the gun. Your fingers were so delicate yet such strength were buried within them. The gun now disposed off, she placed them solicitously under the creaking bed. Both of his hands now empty. You religiously placed yours on his, filling the spaces between the lonely clasps.
You had pulled him back to lie down to bed with you. Sound was dead to both of you, only the occasional shifts of sheets under both of your bodies. You were below him, as he resumed position on top of you. No words were exchanged neither of you moved. You raised your lips to meet his, but he pulled away. Sitting up with worry, you reached for his shoulder. He caught them, desperately holding them. "C-Can you not feel my hunger - straining at the edge of reason, clawing at the front door, begging to be unleashed?"
Despite of the seriousness of the situation. You could not help but laugh a little within yourself at his choice of words, you were thankful for the darkness, hiding any possible signs of amusement that had escaped your facial features… It was the night's atmosphere, you could feel your heart racing and your mind wasn't quite right yet, but seeing his painful expression. Consciousness returned you. He was staring down at the covers, almost at his breaking point. You open your mouth to say something but was cut off immediately by his mouth.
Out of nowhere he suddenly snapped. Pushing your body down, and striking your breath hard. Drawn aback you panicked and yelled out in pain. He paid you no mind, he dove and helped himself. His mouth came crashing onto yours again and again. His tongue ravishing all the walls, biting your lower lip, sucking it with vigor and madness. You tried to join him and his pace, but couldn't match. His gentle demeanor completely non-existent. Handling you so mercilessly and roughly, you were sure that it would leave bruises. He then ravaged your skin, biting ownership on your neck and collar. You let him, drinking the pain. Letting only gasps and small spasms escape you. He stopped when he tasted blood. His grip loosened and his weight on you were drawn lighter.
With hot tears brimming out his eyes, falling onto your reddened cheeks. "Come now. Strike my face, so that I may laugh. Spit at me, call me a dog, punish me. Finish this stage play and walk out of the scene, so I can finish this final act!"
You blinked at that. You felt his grip loosen, then he smiled. That tear stained smile that made your heart sink and drown. And with a quiet voice, he whispered. "Thank you for the memory of your precious kiss, your stolen warmth, your sweet scent. I will take it with me when I go..."
He felt your grip tighten around his arms, he places a gentle kiss on your lips, you felt the heat forming from the rough kiss. You felt the bruise forming. Another smile, "Now, why won't you tell me goodbye? Are you rooted in fear, paralyzed with shock? Is it pity for this wretched stranger? Or do you, perhaps, feel something for me?"
You twitched in surprise. He laughed. "Ahaha! That last one's a riot." Silence fell back shortly, once the last of his laughter subsided, he found your hand cupping his cheek. He pressed himself against your skin, breathing deeply and softly muttering of what it seems to be prayers. His free hand fell on top of yours, pressing your skin deeper, he nuzzled himself into your wrists.
"But if it were true…mm, I do enjoy making you feel good, but would this not simply be infatuation of sorts? And however improbable as it may be, I do not want something as airy and feather-light as that. Neither do I want something as short-lived and capricious as desire." a soft intake of breath, he gazed into your eyes. "I want your love."
Pulling him closer, so that your mouths are just a mere breath away. You kissed his cheek, his lips and his tears. Be gone. You whisper, you continued this trail of affection until your foreheads are pressed against each other. Him, with his eyes closed. Enjoying the warmth of your body so near him. "... you can have it."
AN: The dialogues here are from this post … post/153847651600/dttrisk-his-thoughts-when-you-dont-resist Please enjoy the rest the fanfiction :D
