A/N: Hi everyone! Hope you all are doing good! I want to thank you all for the support with this fic.
The reason it has taken some time for me to update is because my wonderful beta-reader is back, and in order for her to help me improve the quality of the chapters, it may take a little longer time between the updates, but we're working as fast as we can. I hope you have understanding with this. Anyway, Enjoy!
Chapter 9: Breaking Point
~Memory~
"You can start tomorrow", Pein announced. Itachi stood up from the heavy oak chair and bowed his head.
"I understand. Thank you."
Pein merely nodded. He had one arm wrapped around Konan's waist and she gave Itachi a wary, almost cold look. They were standing face to face in Pein's dark office and the air was tense.
"For how long has Sasuke attended this school?" the black-haired man asked and straightened his back a little.
It was the quiet assistant who answered. "For seven years now, and I've watched over him ever since then."
Itachi hid his surprise over her slightly more raised voice and looked at them with gratitude in his dark eyes. "I know what you two have done for him, and you will always have my sincerest respect. Now I'll take my leave."
Pein and Konan remained motionless behind the enhanced wooden desk. They watched him go with expressionless eyes. The bronze-haired man's hand was gripping Konan's wrist gently.
Itachi had barely left the office when the sound of the fire alarm pierced the air. He took the closest exit, letting his intuition guide his steps through the unfamiliar building and saw a couple of students assembled near the football ground. He heard Sasuke's name being mentioned, and his attention was directed to some boys over there.
"You did this, Naruto, didn't you? I owe you a favor. Now we won't have that test on Tuesday."
"It was easy. I just put some matchsticks in a waster-paper basket and voilá, school will turn into ash!"
"Hey, where's Sasuke?"
"Probably sulking his ass off in his ordinary hideout. Which is… "
"Shit!"
"The school…!"
"What are you standing here for? Do something!"
Itachi's eyes widened. Sasuke… was left in the school? Why hadn't he evacuated like everyone else?
A moment later he was back in the corridors and hurriedly searched through them. He soon localized the source of the fire – a burning waste paper basket had inflamed a class room and the fire was now spreading fast down the corridors with the help of the plastic carpets on the floor and the wooden cupboards. Dark grey smoke welled out from a corridor and Itachi realized.
Everything was coming back now for the first time since the short childhood they had.
Foolish, foolish little brother… Why aren't you outside with the others?
He found Sasuke collapsing on the floor, barely conscious and coughing violently, reaching out for help. But no one except Itachi was left in the building. As he bent down and lifted his brother's unconscious body into his arms, he wondered who Sasuke had thought would save him. When he saw Sasuke who once again was lying helpless in his arms, his heart wrenched. Eleven years… Eleven years had gone away and disappeared. This was not how he had pictured their reuniting in his mind, in such a critical and fragile situation.
This was messing things up, but Itachi was used to things going really wrong on missions. He wanted to stay here for a moment and just watch the young boy in his arms even if the roof was about to collapse over them. A part of him realized that this would not be easy, and for a fraction of a moment he wanted to stay right here and die together with his brother, starting over somewhere else. But he had to carry on with this no matter what it took, no matter the cost. All years of yearning, of sorrow and pain… The loneliness had been eating into his soul for such a long time, and the cure to his heartache was right here with him now, just as precious as he always had been.
Itachi held his little brother so gently and covered his mouth with his shirt as he left the building. His Otouto was not a child anymore. In Itachi's eyes however, Sasuke was still just a fragile and helpless as he could remember from their few, defect childhood years. And foolish, he thought as he made his way out without being spotted by the assembled students. Just who had given him the idea to stay in the school although he knew it was on fire?
With outmost care he put Sasuke down on the soft grass and sat beside him for a moment. He checked his brother's pulse and breathing and realized that Sasuke was unharmed, but unconscious. And then everything returned… so sad that it almost broke his heart to pieces, but so sweet and crushing that he just wanted to cry like a little child. Itachi held his brother's pale wrist in his hand and as he felt every faint beating of his heart, he closed his eyes and remembered.
He could see for his inner vision his mother, smiling over the tiny bundle she held in her arms, tightly protecting against her chest. Itachi was kneeling down by her side and he saw his newborn little brother. Something more vulnerable and beautiful he had never dreamed of. So small, so tiny, so precious and pretty… and he was left out to their defense. Itachi got to hold that new little being that only with a cute little yawn managed to play on the strings in his heart mercilessly, making his whole world focus about one little person, like a planet in a endless rotation around its sun.
And already then when he kissed his baby brother's forehead and rocked him to sleep he knew that Sasuke was his sun. He would do anything to keep him safe and happy, and the feelings that overwhelmed him in those first moments when they met, those feelings made his insides cry with happiness. The little baby was asleep against his chest, a baby angel that was making his dark childhood years melt away behind him. Because every time little Sasuke awoke and cried, his big brother would be there and tell him how much he loved him.
The nine-teen-year-old Itachi opened his eyes and tears were cascading down his cheeks.
His very own miracle was lying in front of him now, unaware, with fluttering eyelids, slowly returning back to his own world. A world Itachi never had got to share with him.
His little brother had grown to such a beautiful young boy, a picture of bright perfection. Itachi's worn hands swept over Sasuke's delicate limbs, his fair, milky skin and his soft black hair and nothing but the tears on his face showed the turmoil of emotions inside of him.
Sasuke was the one Itachi always had loved the most, the one who had a whole bright future in front of him. God's most perfect creation, his own little brother. He couldn't remember that it would bring him so much happiness to just look at him… but his heart was literally overflowing with love and his own needs had automatically been moved down, overpowered by Sasuke's.
Little brother… what were you doing? Were you trying… to leave this world?
Itachi couldn't help himself; he reached out and touched his brother's face. So stunningly beautiful he was… Itachi leaned over him and slowly lowered his face. Back then, when they were little, he had felt nothing for Sasuke but a pure, whole-hearted brotherly affection. But now… when he looked at that closed face, the delicate traits that were so similar to his own, the faint blush over his cheekbones and his long black eyelids… And he knew that behind that angelic body, there was a person that still was as soft and gentle as the little baby he once had held in his arms.
Sasuke was the nearest thing to heaven he would ever get, the one who would save him from all the sins and crimes he had committed.
There was nothing special about it, the way he bent down and inhaled deeply of the sweet scent that always had belonged to Sasuke since the day he was born. He held his brother tenderly in his arms and embraced the smaller body with more tenderness than any angel could ever give.
And Itachi finally felt alive; he felt his heart pound strongly in his chest, he felt his blood flood violently through his veins and his face heat. He couldn't think anymore, all he could feel was an overwhelmingly happiness, starting in his chest and spreading all the way out to his very fingertips. And there was nothing to stop him anymore, rationality and morals were far away. After admiring his stunning face for a moment, his lips met Sasuke's.
He only allowed them to meet for the shortest of moments, but it touched him all the way to his heart. It was a short, sweet kiss, and spread warmth all the way to Itachi's frozen heart. He knew that this was destiny's doing – he was born to be Sasuke's brother, born for his sake alone. The child who had been sleeping inside his dreams for so long had finally awakened, and no one could ever love him more than Itachi did.
He lay Sasuke down again and still felt that happiness filling his body. He caressed his little brother's soft forehead for a moment before whispering softly:
"It's time to wake up now, Sasuke."
.
~End of Memory~
.
So my whole life has been a lie.
An ugly lie.
Everyone has been lying for me. Iruka-sensei must have known. Kakashi must have known. Mom knew, Itachi knew.
But what about me?
What about all these years when I lived alone with mom?
What about that?
Why did they never tell me?
Why did they let me live such a life?
Sasuke breathed deeply, surrounded by Itachi's warm embrace. His inner self was crumbling down and withered, and something new was rising from the smoke. Itachi placed a gentle kiss to his black spikes and inhaled, as if he wanted to savor his scent. Sasuke suddenly realized how safe he felt. He was safe right here, shielded... by his big brother. The moment was frozen in itself; he felt Itachi's tears moisten his face and he closed his eyes. His hand was trembling slightly as it gripped his brother's.
Just now he could realize how everyone had lied to him, how everyone had treated him like a toddler for all this time. Red anger filled him and he knew one thing for sure – a lie is always a lie, regardless if it's big or small.
He looked up at his brother who wasn't doing anything to hide his emotions. "If you really are my brother – then how come we were separated from the start? Why didn't anyone tell me about you? How come you're telling me all these things now?"
Itachi pulled him closer. "Mikoto – our mother – took you with her and left after a fight between her and our father. I tried to follow you, but he stopped me."
Sasuke gritted his teeth. "Just how… how could mom do such a thing? She took my family away from me! I knew she was selfish!" Everything was slowly falling into place, but even with his elite Uchiha brain cells it was hard to handle all the new information.
"Sasuke, I want you to do me a favor", Itachi said gravely and let his hand rest against his cheek tenderly. The younger boy looked up at him. "Name it."
The man's fingers ran through his hair, as if he couldn't keep himself from touching him. "Don't resent Mikoto too much. She needs you and you need her too, be sure about that. After all, you've only had each other for these past years. You two have a very precious bond and the last thing I want to do is to destroy that."
Sasuke felt that that single thing he wasn't able to do. There were still many things he didn't understand and he was still upset.
"But –" he began.
Itachi looked him tenderly in the eyes. "Sasuke, I know what you're thinking now and I promise I'll explain everything to you later, as soon I've taken care of what I have to do tonight. But think about it, before you decide not to forgive her. What would you have done if you had been our mother? She had to make her choice. If I had been older, I might have done the same thing. If I had snatched you away and raised you on your own, would you have forgiven me when you found out that I had taken your parents away from you and shattered your family?"
Sasuke shook his head. "That's another thing."
Itachi's voice was still soft but firm. "No, it's not. You don't remember how it was like, but you would have grown up in a hell if you stayed. I remember – you were only one year old when Fugaku beat Mikoto so hard that she collapsed, in front of you."
Sasuke almost flinched. "He did?"
His older brother's eyes were grave. "You cried the whole night. We had never seen you so upset before. Try to see it from Mikoto's point of view - she wanted to save you, at least you. It was the only thing she could do. And it became much, much worse than that."
Itachi's voice was quiet and his eyes suddenly seemed a little bit darker. "I became violent and aggressive at that time, not against you or our family, but towards myself and other people at school. We were all suffering."
The elder held on to him so carefully, embracing him tightly. Sasuke didn't know what to say; he only rested his head against the other's chest.
"Sasuke, I won't force you to anything. If you want to, I can disappear today and you can continue living like before and pretend that this never happened."
Itachi lowered his voice and sorrow swept over his face for a moment. "But... I've lived for finding you. If I lost you, there… would simply be no point for me to live." His gaze was open and clear now, supporting the statement with every fiber in his body.
Sasuke reached up and cupped the man's face in his hands. He enjoyed the softness, the smoothness of Itachi's delicate skin and looked into his eyes for a moment.
"Don't go", he said simply and felt the older man's breath sweeping over his face. And then it was just so easy to lean forward and touch his lips with his own. Itachi's arms rose and wrapped around his waist, pulling him closer to the elder. Sasuke held on to his face as he kissed him feverishly, licking and caressing his brother's mouth. He automatically tilted his head slightly to the side to prevent their noses from colliding as they only broke apart for breathing in short intervals.
Itachi remained leaned down and Sasuke just knew that he wanted this. Don't go, his mind kept telling the elder as they shared deep, sweet kisses and he felt the urge to cry for the shortest of moments. I need you… by my side. It's too late to change anything, no matter how you try. Brother…
His arms moved to wrap around Itachi's shoulders to keep him in place and their lips finally stilled. Both of them were red-cheeked and slightly out of breath, and Itachi leaned down and placed some final gentle kisses to his forehead and nose. "Don't close your eyes, my otouto", he whispered. "Look at me."
Sasuke opened his eyes.
"I love you", Itachi whispered and raised his hand to caress the younger boy's face. His voice sounded almost pained, and Sasuke hugged him tightly. All nervousness and tension he had experienced in Itachi's presence since he met him for the first time was relieved, and now he understood… that he actually had known his secretive teacher for a much, much longer time than he first thought.
Itachi wasn't a faraway, forbidden mirage. He was Sasuke's. Sasuke had the right to be close to him and love him, because Itachi was his big brother and he had always been.
Even if they never would be able to kiss legally, his heart practically throbbed with delight when he realized that he and the girls in his class were on a completely different level. Itachi was his very own family member, Itachi belonged to him. Not to anyone else.
He buried his face against the man's hair that was hanging loosely around his face and breathed deep mouthfuls of the scent of shampoo and silky conditioner that made Itachi's hair smell like a field of strawberries and jasmine.
"Itachi… you didn't tell me why you can't help me out today."
The older black-haired boy softly patted his hair again. "I work for the organization Akatsuki, and I have to do a mission tonight that is rather tough. I need my full strength and concentration."
"Can't anyone else do it?" Sasuke asked huffily and looked up at him.
It was amazing how soon they could behave like… siblings, close friends. As if the past years had been normal.
Itachi shrugged and sent him an apologetic smile. "Originally Sasori was supposed to do it, but he quitted the mission because of another 'quality night' with Deidara. Pein let me do it instead."
Sasuke gaped. "Sasori? Deidara? The headmaster? How many else are involved in this… Akatsuki?"
The elder shrugged again. "Almost every teacher of the school."
His eyes went wide. "Even Iruka-sensei?"
His brother shook his head so his black bangs danced around his face. "Not he or Kakashi."
Sasuke frowned. "Let me guess, Iruka quit because of your organization."
"No. Iruka left… because of me."
"Why?" Sasuke asked, perplexed.
"Because I wanted to be close to my dear baby brother", Itachi breathed and kissed his forehead. "And Pein favors me, so he let me take his place without hesitation."
Sasuke stared at him dumbfounded. How many surprises would he have to encounter before this day was over?
Itachi tilted his head slightly to the side. "Are you angry because I was the reason to Iruka's quitting?"
The younger boy shook his head. "There are just so much new things… and isn't it dangerous for you, Itachi? Can I help you out with your missions?"
"No, Sasuke", the elder mumbled against his forehead. "You're far too precious to me to allow you that."
The younger boy didn't really know what to say now. Another thought reached his mind, finally. "School was on fire a while ago… you were the one who saved me, weren't you?" Now he understood. The person who had been carrying him to safety -
Itachi nodded and Sasuke thought he could see slight accusation in his brother's eyes for a moment, but it was soon gone. Itachi tilted his brother's head slightly upwards.
"Sasuke. You are my brother and you'll forever be. I know that it's shocking for you, but even then, it's a destiny you can't escape. But remember what I said – If you don't want me, not as a brother or… someone to love…" The man's gaze was more fragile that Sasuke had ever seen. Itachi seemed so sorrowful, so vulnerable and tormented.
"…Just say the word and I'll disappear. But as I said, then there is no reason for me to continue living. To be honest… I think there's not a single piece of me that still is your brother. "
Sasuke pulled him closer. "Don't ever say something like that!" He pressed Itachi tightly against himself, upset and angry. "I'm not going to disappear from you, and not the other way around either!"
Itachi smiled a bit. "You don't know what you can promise right now. "
The younger of the two took a deep breath. "Nii-san. Brother. Look at me!"
Itachi met his gaze. Sasuke reached up and cupped his face in his hands, angrily staring into his eyes. "I don't care what's going on. I want every piece of you, even that piece that is my brother. And I don't care about wrong and right now, because I –"
Sasuke ran out of words and he didn't know how to continue. He felt that he was bad at everything that had with love to do, even recognizing it.
His brother exhaled slowly. "I understand", he said. "Now I have to go, and you're going home."
"What? Why, I have class –"
"You're going home", Itachi repeated with a voice that was both soft and commanding at the same time.
Sasuke let go of him. "Who is deciding that?"
"I am. I hereby excuse you from your classes today. You need to go home and think about this in peace, to collect your thoughts. And here you have –" Itachi gave him a small folded note and Sasuke received it with raised eyebrows. Three different phone numbers were typed down with a flawless handwriting. "Three different numbers?"
"To make it harder for other people to track me", Itachi explained. "Call me whenever you need to, and I will take my time for you."
Sasuke surprised them both by hugging him tightly again. "You're right, Itachi. I really am stupid. I don't know why I reacted so strongly before. I guess it's only because... I was scared. I never thought something like that was hiding in my past."
The older boy swept his hand through his hair affectionately. "It's alright, little one", he whispered softly. Sasuke looked up at him in slight surprise.
"Sorry", his brother muttered but his eyes were kind. "That was just a nickname I gave you when you were little."
"I like it", the younger raven-haired admitted. Itachi smiled kindly at him. "See you tomorrow, Sasuke. Remember that I'll be with you all the time until I see you again."
.
Ino slammed her head against her bench. "I am so stressed out", she said with an empty look in her eyes and clutched her head in her hands. "I seriously don't know what we're going to do."
"It will be alright", Hinata tried to comfort her shyly. "We'll make it through together… "
"Thank you but it will not", the blonde girl muttered. She had deep blue rings below her eyes. "I'm sure Ebisu-sensei will rape us or something if we fail the next French test, Sakura has gotten some serious kind of anorexia in a desperate attempt to lose much weight in a short time, Itachi is really torturing us with all damn homework, I lost my mascara, I hate my parents because they never understand me, my dog's puppies died yesterday, I don't have time for all school work and a normal free time, my computer is killing me, my pick-up line sucks, Naruto is so damn immature and ruins my life and I am like the only one here who doesn't have a boyfriend!"
"You and Sakura don't need any boyfriends, you're dykes anyway", Naruto stated carelessly.
"NARUTO! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO CHOOSE THE WORST MOMENT POSSIBLE TO BE A COMPLETE JERK?" Ino roared and slammed him into the wall. "So what if I'm – Do you really have to destroy everything even more when everything already is ruined?"
"If you're what-" Suigetsu grinned curiously from his bench, biting and licking his water bottle distractedly.
Naruto mumbled something which actually was a rather impressive action seeing as his face was smashed behind the blonde girl's fist.
"What did you say?" she said threateningly.
Sakura who had been sleeping on her desk from exhaustion woke up with a start and stared at them. "What's going on?" she wondered confusedly.
"Ask your girlfriend", Naruto managed to stutter. The pink-haired girl's eyes narrowed dangerously and the sleepiness seemed to disappear in a moment. "When I'm done with you", she snarled and picked up her best weapon - a sharpened pencil - "You'll be more sterile than the moon."
Naruto screamed to high heaven. This was going to hurt...
When Itachi came back to finish the class he was met by a combined war-zone and party land where his dear students were practically trying to strangle each other.
"Haha, Hinata totally failed the last test!"
"Can you stop picking on her?" Kiba defended the blue-haired.
"Naruto, I swear I'm going to kill you if I get a single eraser in my head again!" Karin yelled. "And don't even try to approach my glasses! And Sai, for fuck's sake stop panting penises on the board! We get it, you're making me sick!"
"What are you going to do if I break your glasses again?" Naruto who somehow had managed to get away from Sakura's violent castration teased the red-haired. "Steal my toothbrush? Seriously, Karin, your tricks are getting old."
"What a drag…" Shikamaru groaned.
"I want snacks! Does anyone want a snack?" Chouji asked happily and offered his chip bag to his friends.
The other pupils complained. "Itachi-sensei, do something!"
"I'm hungry!"
"I don't get it!"
"It's cold in here!"
"I want to go home!"
"When can we go home?"
"My pencil is gone again!"
"SENSEI!"
"Does anyone have a pencil?"
After telling them to pack their things and leave, Itachi stood outside and took some deep breaths. Those other kids were so annoying that he almost couldn't hide his irritation and he was tempted to punish all of them severely, but his thoughts were completely focused on Sasuke and he couldn't care about anything else.
"NARUTO! This is it! Do you hear me, baka? You're more annoying than Suigetsu, and that's damn hard to accomplish!" Karin screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Thanks for that", her boyfriend said nonchalantly.
"You know I don't mean it", the red-haired said and suddenly spotted a tall, grinning shark-like man walking into the room.
"Hey, kids. Where do ya have your teacher"? Kisame asked.
"What did you say, sushi?" Naruto screamed at him. "Look, the food is talking!"
Resisting the impulse to break the kid's neck with his own hands, Kisame made his way out in search for his partner. He found Itachi standing leaned against the front of the building.
"Hey kiddo, Leader-sama wants you to know that we have a meeting tomorrow."
The black-haired man let out an almost inaudible sigh and opened his eyes that were now swirling red. Kisame chuckled. "It's about that kid, isn't it? Your brother."
As expected, his partner didn't answer him at first. He had to wait quite a while before Itachi turned his gaze towards him.
"It's about Sasuke", he confirmed quietly. Usually he didn't tell his partner about anything personal, but his heart had become soft and open like always when he thought about his otouto. Itachi was talking more to himself than to Kisame at the moment.
"He has become someone special to me… even if we only had barely two years together. Back then I felt nothing but brotherly affection for him. But I can't remember how it felt to look at my brother that way. What I feel now… it's not brotherly. Now he is hardly my sibling – now he is the person I love the most, more than anything. The one I'd give up everything for and do anything for. Now he is my sun, my world and everything I ever wanted. Even if he would reject me… It would still be enough, that I just got to see his face again."
xxx
When Sasuke came home his mom was in the kitchen as she had the day off from work.
"Welcome home, darling. Why are you home so early?" she asked him when he had taken his shoes off and warily entered their small apartment. She didn't know anything yet, Sasuke thought bitterly. But she was soon going to.
"Our new teacher let us go a bit earlier", he lied smoothly. Mikoto still didn't have a clue; she wiped her hands on her embroidered apron and put a pie into the oven. Her idealistic housewife style was only more annoying now than ever, and Sasuke didn't feel bad about shattering the whole false world she had built for them. Right now he only wanted to rip it into pieces.
Mikoto went into kitchen again. "Oh right, what is your new teacher called? You never told me, sweetheart. Naruto's mom told me he was splendid."
Sasuke waited until she turned against him and looked her straight in her eyes. His voice was hard and cold. "Funny that you ask about that. You of all people should know, considering that he is your own son - Itachi Uchiha."
"Wonderfu- what? What did you say?" Mikoto's eyes went wide and she took a step back. Sasuke kept his ground as he watched his mother's happy smile froze and fade away. Her voice suddenly sounded weak and scared, and one of her hands reached out to the wall to support herself. Her face was white as a sheet.
"I must be hallucinating", she mumbled. "Sasuke… what did you say?"
Sasuke glared at his mother. She had lied to him and he was not going to forgive her, no matter what Itachi had told him. "Yes, that's right", he continued mercilessly.
"My brother, Itachi. The brother you never told me about!" His voice raised with each word and he could feel how the anger overwhelmed him. He clenched his teeth and glared at her. "You liar!"
You're an egoist. You're so selfish. And your selfishness destroyed my life.
And finally - finally - you know just a bit how it feels for me each day of my life.
He didn't stay another moment; he rushed into his room and started collecting his things wildly. He hardly saw what he was doing; the anger was clouding his mind with madness. Inside he had already starting the process of breaking down and cutting every tie – and he could only think one thing over and over again: How hard could it be to only tell me such a small thing like that? But instead you had to drive it to its edge – deceive me completely in every way for all this time. And now it's over.
Mikoto stood at the door and looked at him, confused and upset. "Sweetheart what are you doing?" she asked, still pale in her face.
"What does it look like?" he snapped and violently threw his bag open. "I'm out of here."
His mom took a step towards him with outreached arms, but he ignored it.
"You've gone far too long with all your lies!" he spat, rushing around like a madman in search for some useful stuff. "You kept everything from me for so long! You're so damn selfish! Everything was only about yourself. You wanted to live in peace with a kid all to yourself, with your own little 'family', not caring if I suffered! But you know what? We've never been a family! Never!"
He hated seeing the broken expression on his mother's face as he threw the accusations at her, and he knew that each hurtful word was like a knife through her sensitive heart. But he continued to gather some clothes and stuffed them into his school bag.
"Sasuke, please… let's talk about it", Mikoto pleaded. She was on the verge of starting to cry, but he wasn't going to listen to her.
"You don't understand!" he snapped. "Now you want to talk! You've kept half of my life away from me! And now you're losing me too! You don't have a son named Sasuke anymore, because he is gone! It's too late, everything's too late, do you get it?"
"Where are you going? Sasuke?" she whispered hardly audible and followed him to the hallway. "You-you can't do this", she tried. "You're only thirteen, you can't–"
Mikoto's face was already striped with tears and she reached out towards him. But Sasuke had had enough. He threw his bag over his shoulder and rushed towards the door.
"It's not your business anymore! You lied to me – no, you've deceived me and here's the consequence. I don't care what Itachi thinks about this and if he drags me back to you. I don't need a mom who keeps everything from me! For the last fucking time, I'm no three-year-old! I also have a life! I can't stay with you reading fairytales forever! Because -" Sasuke took a deep breath and felt how his insides were breaking down and he bit his bottom lip hard. "Because – life isn't a fairytale! Life is merciless!"
Mikoto looked at him with eyes that were overflowing with emotions. "Please", she begged. She held out her pale arms, as if she wanted to hold him close.
Sasuke didn't look at her. "Why do we think about other people than ourselves? It's called empathy. But – "Now his voice turned completely cold with irony. "Why don't just think about me and me alone? After all, I am the only thing I have ever had."
He left everything behind and felt like a bird that for the first time was able to move on its own, freed from his minimal cage. He left the apartment far behind and could hear Itachi's voice in his head: I think that there's not a single piece of me that still is your brother. Fuck that.
Itachi was the reason to all this, but Sasuke was only grateful. Finally he was free.
He ran and ran, leaving everything behind, not caring for the moment where he'd end up.
I've been caged for too long... and now when I've tasted freedom, why would I ever want to return? To think that I used to pity you, mom, but you were just using me.
You could just have left me to die on the street when I was born; it wouldn't have made any difference.
Mikoto sank down on the floor and put her hands over her face, completely drowning in fear and panic.
"Sasuke…" she sobbed hysterically, "You're the only one I have left. Please... my dear child... my baby..." she wailed. "Come back ... come back. I only have you… only you…" She was so afraid. What if she never got to see him again? What if something happened to him now?
But another part already realized that her protectiveness had made an irreparable hurt in the bond between her and her youngest child. But what other choice did she have?
She could hear her mother's voice in her head, what she had taught her when she was little. Mikoto's mother had passed away shortly after, but the sacrifice she taught her would always remain.
Sometimes, a parent has to make a cruel choice to save her child.
xxx
Sasuke sat completely still, staring into nothingness. He had a rather vague idea of where he was, but he nothing mattered right now. Words were repeating themselves endlessly in his head and the pain was slowly molding inside of him.
Sasuke, I won't force you to anything. If you want to, I can disappear today and you can continue living like before and pretend that this never happened. But… if I lost you, there would simply be no point for me to live.
He felt so lonely right now, alone in the whole world. The sky was just as always keeping the same ever-present grey color that kept all light from above to reach down. Grey streets wherever he looked, some few people walking by. He was in a sparsely populated area far away from home and the only things he could hear were the sounds of a single car passing by now and then.
High depressing tower blocks wherever he looked, far too little vegetation for his liking. Some older boys scribbling on a concrete wall, an older couple slowly walking by on the other side of the street. No one saw him here; no one cared about the black-haired young boy who was lost in himself. Sasuke clutched the white little paper note tightly in one of his hands and picket up his cell phone a couple of times, pushing the buttons in a daze. Each time he typed the number and then erased everything and put his phone back in his pocket. And each time he picked it up some minutes later and made it all over again. Sometimes he even starting calling, but interrupted it before Itachi had any chance to pick up.
He clutched his head in his hand and wondered why the world was such a lonely place. He wondered why he couldn't get his brother out of his head no matter how much he tried, and why he had messed up so terrible before. That old feeling of depression was coming over him again, making him feel so hopeless, so worthless. All his troubles were coming from all directions, making it impossible to fight them off for even a moment. Once again he was that person who no one could understand, who wasn't even able to help himself.
Sasuke didn't know for how many hours he had been sitting on the park bench, but he saw that it was late afternoon already. It started raining slightly and it was slowly getting dark. He knew that his mother must be worried sick, but right now he didn't have the energy to think about her.
He didn't know what he was supposed to do. He didn't know what to do, but he had thousands and again thousands of things that he must do. And Sasuke walked slowly through the rain, letting it run down his face and suffocate everything he didn't want to think about. The sorrow he felt was heavier than the weight of the world, but he knew that he must carry on. For all future.
It felt as he had already paid for all his future sins. And no one could ever change that fact – no one but the person he longed to be with now, more than he wanted to live.
He didn't know where he was going until he was standing in front of a familiar door, waiting for someone to open. There he was welcomed by a warm house and two persons that always had been like a pair of extra parents to him. He had always adored the blonde man who had been like a dad for him and his hot-tempered but kind wife – the parents of his best friend, Naruto.
Maybe they could help him getting some kind of solution to this situation.
"We can't leave it like this", Kushina said when she heard the very censured version of Sasuke's day. "I must call Mikoto-san before something serious happens. You can stay here for tonight if you'd like to Sasuke, that's fine by us."
"Sasuke's mom will probably call the cops and have the whole city searching for him", Naruto grinned where he sat on the couch together with his friend.
"Do you know what?" Sasuke said to him when the red-haired woman had disappeared into the kitchen. "I miss those old days somehow. Those days when life was so extremely normal, so extremely boring that our biggest problem was how we would be able to skip the French classes."
Naruto nodded. "Everything has changed somehow. Nothing is as it was before."
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A/N: What do you think? Review!
