Chapter 9: Narrators, middle names, and Naiowa's diary
Last time, Raesha's fire nation contract and the crew fight the damaging affects of boredom
Author: I hope my author's block didn't damage this chapter to much
Naiowa: don't worry; there not much worse you could do to this craptactular fic
Author: Naiowa, you are soooooo supportive…
Naiowa: Yeah, I know
Zuko: Wow, I think I'm the only one besides Naiowa who gunna say the disclaimer
Naiowa: Dude, it aint that exciting
Zuko: (clears throat) Dragon-Racer101 doesn't owe- (Sakura who is blindfolded and waving Raesha's boomerang around knocks Zuko unconscious)
Sakura: Did I hit it? (She's still blindfolded)
Naiowa: Well, we couldn't say you missed, oh yeah; Dragon-Racer101 doesn't owe Avatar, or Nick…If she did, well, we would have made an appearance in the show by now…
Zuko was pacing, the Avatar, AKA Aang, AKA the little bald monk guy, AKA Chrome dome AKA master of all four elements, AKA (Narrator (sp?) gets knocked out by a flying brick, curtsy of Keiana, Keiana: WE GET IT!) Hasn't been spotted for days, well he had, but most of the information was from drunks, sneaky politicians, shifty thieves and other unreliable resources, and so disregarded. However, unbeknown to Zuko, the drunks weren't drunk when they saw Aang and co, so, they weren't that unreliable, well, to some extent anyway…
"The avatar should have reached the North Pole by now, what is taking him?" Zuko barked to no one in particular.
"Well, considering this is no more than a lame fanfic constructed by a girl with way to much time on her hands and that the animation series had gone to a sudden hiatus, I'll say that would be the case, but then again, I'm just a fictional demon cat, so what would I know?" Naiowa said rather bluntly, Zuko sighed; this is why he doesn't like acting in humor/comedy fics- there's always some moron killing his moment, although you couldn't really call it a moment. "Will that damn narrator shut up!" Zuko barked Jee looked thoughtful.
"Well, considering the narrator was supposedly knocked out a few sentences ago, I'd say she, he, whatever it is, is a permanent fixture to this story" "WHY!" Zuko demanded, demanding little boy isn't he? "I'd say it is for more wit and charm for this story, but, I have some doubts" Jee continued, Zuko growled "I'M STAYING IN MY ROOM! NO ONE BETTER DISTURB ME UNLESS IT'S ABOUT THE AVATAR OR WE HAVE A NEW, LESS ANNOYING NARRATOR!" And with that he stomped to his room, and started to sleep, I think he needs anti-depressant pills, or therapy, or he should talk to his friends…Oh that's right, he has none, well, none that hasn't appeared yet.
"DO YOU MIND! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP YOU DAMN…Uhhh…PERSON!" Zuko yelled.
"Dude, who's he talking to?" Sakura asked Jee.
"The narrator"
"The narrator?"
"Yes, the narrator"
"We have a narrator?"
"Uh, I guess so"
"Since when?"
"I guess since the start of this chapter"
"Oh, well, that's new"
"Yeah, although it is rather annoying"
"Annoying you say?" Keiana asked, inviting herself into the conversation.
"Yes, really annoying" Jee said.
"Hey, has anyone seen Iroh, or Raesha?" Sakura asked.
"Nope, thankfully, I got a tip that she was plotting something" Jee says
"I haven't seen her but if she's plotting something well good for her" Naiowa says suddenly saying something.
Meanwhile Raesha isn't plotting anything, well, anything worth mentioning. "Hey! Who are you?" Raesha asks, I'm the narrator, who the hell are you?
"I'm Raesha, as you said five minutes ago, how come you don't get speech thingy's?" Uhh, because I'm special, now if you don't mind, I have to annoy Iroh.
Iroh was sleeping soundly, well he was, until me, the narrator woke him, "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Iroh snored, OI! WAKE UP OLD MAN!
"Huh? What? Oh hello narrator" Iroh says, not at all bothered that he was rudely awaken by a voice, this caused the narrator's eye to twitch slightly. "I didn't know you have a eye, why do keep referring to yourself in the third person?" Iroh asked, trying to be helpful, and sorryful
"sorryful isn't a word" Iroh says, well, uhh, IT IS NOW! WHY DO YOU LIKE TEA SO MUCH?
"Haven't you heard it- Before Iroh could revealed the secret of his tea addiction, the narrator went back to his first target, Zuko.
Now, the wild Zuko is now quietly sleeping, lets get a closer look, "what the? OH FOR THE LOVE OF- LET ME SLEEP IN PEACE YOU FRIGGEN PEST!" Zuko yelled, wow, you yell a lot, care to tell me why? "NO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT MY PROBLEMS TO A VOICE!" He screamed, so, you admit you have problems?
"What! NO- I MEAN I HAVE PROBLEMS-I-I- SHUT UP!" Zuko continued to yell like a two year old.
Outside Zuko's room, "wow, Zuko finally admits he has problems, does anyone know if hell has froze over?" Naiowa asked, she was eavesdropping with Keiana and Sakura, "I dunno, but it is funny listen to Zuko argue with himself, or with the narrator, who really is annoying" Sakura says, not realizing the narrator was closing in on them, I should tell Zuko your eavesdropping on him, "Uhh, why would you do that?" Sakura asked, not really caring if the narrator told Zuko, because, I like annoying people.
"But that's my unofficial job!" Naiowa protested, I never really liked cats, especially demon ones, and the talking ones are really annoying.
"WHY YOU FYRD CAPVA!" Naiowa yelled, cursing demon slang at the narrator, who doesn't really care "say, can you tell us what Raesha's doing?" Keiana asked, she's burning stuff with her middle name on it, cant blame her if my middle name was- "DON'T YOU EVEN SAY IT NARRATOR PERSON THINGY!" Raesha screamed, throwing her boomerang, however, you cant throw a boomerang at someone who isn't there, even if there voice is present, so the over sized throw stick hit Solider, surely all you loyal readers remember the crazed solider guy from a few chapters ago? "OW! THAT LIKE HURT MAN!" Solider yelled, as he promptly fell unconscious. Now that wasn't nice was it Raesha? Now, I'm going to tell everyone what yours and Keiana's middle names are, "you wouldn't!" Raesha yelled, oh is that a dare? And with that the narrator went off.
"WE HAVE TO STOP HIM! HER! IT!" Raesha yelled,
"No duh, no one is gunna take away my job of annoying people" Naiowa says,
"How? It's a voice! It narrates this whole stupid fic!" Keiana said,
"Then lets take this fic into our own hands, and uhh paws" Sakura says with a devious smirk. Naiowa muttered something about drugging the girls and paying a plastic surgeon to make their hands into paws. Then they went, to some how change the course of this fic.
OI! SPOILED BANISHED PRINCE GUY!
"WHATTHE HELL! Oh its you…GO ANNOY SOMEBODY ELSE!" Zuko yelled, wow, you yell a lot, now would you like to talk about it now? "NO YOU SON OF A – " before Zuko could yell a very un nice thing the narrator said, would you like to know Keiana's and Raesha's middle names? "Uh, sure why would you know what they are?" Zuko asked a very stupid question, duh I know, there're. But before the narrator could reveal the dreaded middle names, it disappeared and was replaced by a much nicer, less annoying narrator named Eddy. Hi, I'm Eddy!
"SHUT UP! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST NARRATOR?" Zuko yelled at Eddy, so you want me to shut up or answer your question? "BOTH…NEITHER… ANSWER THE QUESTION!" Zuko screamed, confused isn't he? Zuko muttered some unkind swear words directed at the author and then turned his attention to Sakura, Raesha, Keiana, and Naiowa who were huddled over a piece of paper and writing furiously.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" He demands, wow, I think we should do a count on how many times Zuko demanded something.
"We stole the story from the author" Keiana says, pointing to the author who is tied with duck tape to the ceiling (a/n: the duck taped to the ceiling shall return in a future DBZ fic, and yes its gunna be humor) "HHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMM! UHMMMMMMM!" The author screams through a mouth wad of duck tape,
"I don't see what she's whining about, it seems like an improvement to me" Zuko says
"There, we warped the story enough" Raesha says, un strapping the author from her duck tape bindings.
"YOU'LL DIE A HORRIBLE, PAINFUL, TIME CONSUMING DEATH IN ANOTHER FANFIC!" The author screams.
"Raesha" Keiana says, Raesha nods and whacks the author unconscious with her boomerang.
Now, this wasn't very nice, we should write the author a get-well card or a-
"SHUT UP!" Everyone yells in chorus.
"Wow, that was weird" everyone says again at the same time
"QUIT IT!" They yell,
"Uhh…I think I'll go to bed now" They said, heading towards there rooms.
The next morning: Zuko heard a scratching noise at his door, hoping against all odds it wasn't another prank. To his surprise, and dread it was Naiowa.
"What do you want?" He barked.
"I got word that the Avatar is headed northwest, just thought you'd like to know" Naiowa says, walking off. Zuko was wide-eyed, no smart comment or insult, or prank! He closed his door to tell the helmsman where to go; as he closed his door he saw huge claw marks in them.
"Damn demon cat…How did it manage that!" He wondered.
Raesha was digging through all of Naiowa's stuff when she came across, what else? A diary.
"I know Naiowa's my friend and all… But, I might never be able to see something like this again!" She says, she grabbed the book and ran to her friends.
Sakura and Keiana were playing poker (a/n: I GOT THE SPELLING RIGHT! Sorry, please continue Naiowa: - -; give yourself a pat on the back) with Iroh. Which happened to be the same room where the helmsman was.
"HEY GUYS!" Raesha yells,
"What?" They say monotone.
"Is Naiowa around?"
"No" "thankfully" "she's killing rats I think" "nope"
"Good, 'cause I found her diary!"
"WHAT!" "She has a diary?" "Why would a demon cat have a diary?"
They huddled around Raesha and the scored diary Raesha opened it.
July 6 (a/n: I'm just picking a date so bear with me)
Well today was odd, yet somewhat same.
We got a new narrator; he/she/it was soooooooooo annoying, how dare it try to take over my job of annoying people! So my best friends in the entire universe and beyond; Raesha, Keiana and my fellow demon brethren although she's wolf, Sakura
"Aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww, she is so sweet, we're her best friends!" Raesha says. "Whatever, now what else does it say?" Zuko says, not really caring what Naiowa thought of them.
We kidnapped the author and tied her to the ceiling with duck tape, stole this fic and began to change the narrator, although "Eddy" is still annoying, at lease he shuts up when you tell him to.
P.S
I heard a rumor from a duck that the avatar was heading northwest, I think I'll tell Zuko tomorrow, yeah, I know if I screw up I'll end up BBQ, but it'll be worth watching him get mad.
"SHE JUST HEARD A STUPID RUMOR FROM A DUCK! WHEN I SEE HER I'M GOING TO-"
"Shut up, there's more" Keiana says.
July 7
Well, after leaving some huge claw marks in Zuko's door, I told him about the rumor, no duh, I didn't tell him that I heard it from a duck…although I do feel kinda bad for him, being scared for life and banished. But I do feel more sorry for his uncle, putting up with his attitude for soooo long, I would of throttled Zuko by now. And as for Keiana, Sakura and Raesha, there fun, and nice, I should be nicer to them…
(A/n: This bit is kinda like out of Samurai Champloo, it was funny so I thought I'd add it)
P.S
I had a feeling that those mortal twits might try to look at my diary so, I made up all that stuff about them! HAHA! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET! YOU IDIOT, MORON, STUPID, LAME, BORING PEOPLE! LOSERS!
"And my feeling was correct" Naiowa says, "EEP! Uhh…Hi Naiowa" Raesha says, sheepishly, quickly closing the diary.
"NOW I SHALL REVEAL YOUR MIDDLE NAMES AS PUNISHMENT!" Naiowa screeches, everyone apart from the girls leaned in expectantly, they were curious, and well, I think they kind of deserve it…
"GET ON WITH IT!" They all yell.
"Fine…Kill the moment why don't ya! Anyway, Keiana's middle name is Cassette and Raesha's middle name is Precious" Naiowa says, there was a pause of dead silence and then, a roar of laughter from everyone (A/n: Terribly sorry if anyone with the middle name Cassette or Precious gets insulted) apart from Keiana who was ticked more than usual and had fire coming from her hands, and Raesha who had the big anime anger thing, and had a fierce grip on her boomerang.
"NAIOWA!" They both screech, Naiowa made an uh-oh noise and ran, correction bolted quicker than the eye can see.
Outside the ship: "NAIOWA YOU ARE SO DEAD!"
"There, there, don't feel bad…(snickers) PRECIOUS!"
"LIKE TOUGH BREAK MAN!"
Then there was a silence after a few "ow!" "MY ARM!" "My legs… I can't feel my legs" and various other noises and screams of pain.
"Wow, these humans make an awful racket don't they" Duck1 says to Duck2
"Yeah, no kidding, can you believe they brought it, I mean, the Avatar's been heading North for weeks!" Duck2 exclaims.
"Wanna go use that bald guy's head as a target?"
"Well, he has his hair in that little ponytail thing, but sure!"
If you don't get who they're talking about, its Zuko.
YAY! I GOT OVER AUTHOR'S BLOCK! Anyways! My head is planning the next chapter, anyway, would you like to see another fire nation contract, the rules and stuff would be the same, the only thing that would be different would be the person and the comments…SO VOTE! WHEEEEEEEEE! AND REVIEW!
Naiowa: I say tie her up again and gag her with Zuko's gym socks, that'll shut her up for at lease 3 weeks
Zuko: Ducks…. I hate ducks….
Sakura: And we hate working for you…Wait, no we don't! We get to mess with ya!
Raesha: YUP! PRANKS GALORE!
Keiana: I hate ducks, Naiowa, my middle name, and this fic.
Naiowa: Whiner….
