Title: Dysfunctional Camaraderie
Pairing: IchiHichi
Rating: T
Beta: Na
Disclaimer: I'm unfortunately poor and unable to own such a wonderful thing.
Summary: HichiIchi. Chapter 9, Hichigo is bored, Renji, Hitsugaya and Byakuya act out Roman politics and Mayuri got his Evil Scientist kit out.
A/N: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so so so SORRY!
I was banned from the computer. Since it was my mother's, I wasn't really allowed on it in the first place, and I'm only on it for mere minutes to post stories up (I write them on Shaun's – which doesn't have internet) it really wasn't an issue until a virus got on it. Don't know how it happened, and it couldn't have been me since I only go on and LJ for two minutes at most. So, bleh.
Plus my GCSEs are coming up fast and if I get at least five A's Dad will get me my own laptop with internet access so…yeah; pretty soon, there won't be any of this trouble. Yosh! I already get A's so it's no prob. Heheh…heh…
And, well, I was just…lazy and got distracted XP
Ahem, anyway, excuses aside, the HichiIchi is getting closer! Woo! There's a lot of Hichi and Ichi interaction, plus a tiny hint of HichiIchi for all you loyal readers. I'm trying to branch out a little more on the two's relationship…I just can't wait for when Mayuri pops up :D
Possessive!Hichi appears, and that's all I'm spoilin'!
Reviews:
the.amethyst.alchemist: Romance with comedy is the only thing I can write, fight scenes, angst and serious stuff always make me fall flat on my face. (Grumbles and hides face in shame)
BlEAchMEUp: Hmmm…Smuff first! Hahah!
benihime.chan: Heheh! Hope ya enjoy this chappies quotes thn!
Ks: Thanks!
thi hoai: A shit-eating grin is someone who's grinning crazily despite the world being against them, basically, you're handing out shit to them, but they're eating it up and carrying on anyway (but I'm more inclined to calling it a maniacal grin really). And yes, they'd be the baka-couple, constantly fighting :D There're some HichiIchi moments in this chappie!
DeathGodGirl: Takes me forever to review a story I like, I read it a few times before remembering :P I can't wait to get to the whole Mayuri bit since that gives the snail pace HichiIchi movement a gigantic shove. And I'm glad I was able to fix the last sentence at the end of the seventh chapter, I knew I should've putthe first part of last chappie at the end of seven :( Glad you're liking it so far!
SendMoreParamedics: Ah, don't take the marriage thing too literally (something loads of people have done), Ichigo was being sarcastic and Hichigo didn't catch it. Though if you think about the metaphysical bond they now have, it's like being married in a weird, spiritual way, hmmmm. (Ponders) Eh, whatever, glad you like it so far!
Kichi Hisaki: Who's on top? X3 Read and find out! BWAHAHAHA (Don Kanoji style)!!
HitokiriKurisuta: Camaraderie means a type of partnership, like comradeship or friendship, though I mean it in a more intimate sense then that. Hichigo and Ichigo aren't too thrilled 'bout being told to be 'nice' with each other, but Mayuri's intervention unwittingly brings them together :3 Though I'm saying too much at the moment, all I'm gonna say is Mayuri's gonna pop up in next chapter. Heheh…plooooot! Plus Renji's gonna be a baaaad Shinigami. XD
Nasake: Thanks! I will! I try to keep plot balanced with humour to keep my readers interested without boring them with minor details. Yosh! Onwards!
anon.: Mayuri both creeps me out and fasinates me at the same time. He reminds me of Prof. Hojo from FFVII actually…huh. 'Cept instead of Sephiroth he has his 'Daughter'.
Conjure Lass: I'm gonna tease ya some more! The hardcore stuff won't be happening till Mayuri sticks his creep ass nose into the mix. :D
narakunohime: Glad ya did!
fishing line: Oh, Mayrui's gonna try something, and Hichigo is gonna get pissed :3 I love writing adorable!Ichigo.
Hoshi2110: More cute chappies to come!
Kokiiru-kun: That's why Byakuya and Hitsugaya haven't ratted him out yet, because they're smart. I think Yamamoto-sou-taichou is too rigid in his beliefs to let Ichigo off the hook as an illegal Vizard. But, eh, that's my opinion on it.
Wild Dragon's Breath: Zangetsu: Harbinger of Unpleasant News. 'Tis true, he has that aura ¬.¬
Y-Kira: I have a QuiltShield™ :3 So I thought, 'hey, why not give Ichi-chan a QuiltShield™ too?' I keep having adorable mental images of chibi Ichi peeking past a biiiig fluffy quilt :D
Krazy Kitsune13: Hichigo and commitment together in the same sentence without dislikes between them sounds funny. Heh. Ahem, anyway, you can have Hanataro, I'm content with watching Hichi and Ichi go at it like rabid rabbits. :D
Kyra Windwood: Isshin shall be overjoyed…once he gets over the shock of his new 'son' being a Hollow :P And Mayuri is entering it soon…very soon…next chapter soon where the HichiIchi shall finally start. (10 chapters…ah well, we got there in the end)
seasnake.756: Hahah, don't take the preview literally, Ichigo was being sarcastic but Hichigo didn't catch it. And what Mayuri is trying to do? It's a seeeeecret :3
ShaShiSar221: Yosh! Over TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS!! (Does happy dance) That's the highest amount of reviews I've ever got, and it's thanks to you my lovely, wonderful, utterly awesome Beta! :D (Sparklesparkle!)
PenArtist10000: Sorry for the wait.
moonlit dew: Neither of them remember 'bout the three months after Masaki's death :3 and it plays a minor important role near the end and the possible-sequel. I'm glad that you love it!
Lightning Skies: I still don't know what a fish over a volcano face looks like, but I thought Book of Changes' quote suited that situation best. Glad you like it!
Shroud of Twilight: I like developing relationships, instead of doing my Law coursework in lessons, I just write out numerous scenarios of how to develop different characters relationships with each other, positive or negative. Yeah…I have no life -.-;
Naked Elves Will Own Canada: Not literally, Ichigo was being sarcastic ¬.¬ Yes…sarcastic…
fendstrat.chick: OoO Or maybe O3OEh, who knows how that expression will look like? Aside from the obvious?
Metamorcy: And you shall get them X3
jayanx: I communicate through grunts when ill, which I had been doing recently. My family had to employ my disgruntled brother for assistance in deciphering my primitive grunts into a coherent language XP
SoulReaper71: They're not getting married literally, Ichigo was being sarcastic. Maybe I should've made it a little more clearer…-.-; And I tried as hard as I could to get this up early but…I got distracted and ill :(
MysteriousEyez: Thanks! I try!
Nakimochiku: There's gonna fluff soon when Mayuri pokes his creepy ass nose into the thingy…mabobdedoo. :D I'm rubbish at fluff.
SoraXNamine: Thanks!
With all that outta the way, thank Na for Betaing this chapter, guys and I hope you enjoooooy! XD
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(Wakes up groggily before crawling up the bed at a slow 'molasses-in-winter' pace. Grumbling incoherently to herself, she flops into the computer chair and proceeds to devour the stash of two day old donuts, half empty bag of Munchies and drinks the sludgy paint stripper that was once chocolate dip, but had gone under a metamorphosis due to the impromptu penicillin experiment carried out upon it's viscous state of being. Licking her lips, she then crawls back to bed with a content sigh).
"Ahh…the perfect crime."
-- Me at 4a.m. – half conscious (and violently ill once I woke up -.-;)
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"My name's not 'Shinigami', it's Kuchiki Rukia."
"Kurosaki Ichigo."
A swift thrust and the Zanpaktou penetrated his chest in an explosion of blinding reishi and thin spatters of human blood. Dormant powers were violently wrenched awake; thick, black mental walls shattering into tiny little shards.
As Ichigo felt giddy with the power coursing through his body, he couldn't shake off the feeling of being oddly complete, ochre eyes flashing gold briefly before he turned to his opponent. Slim fingers tightened round the crimson hilt as he charged; the blade moving like it was an extension of himself, like someone was gently nudging his limbs to bend and move in the right way.
Shifting in the recesses of the redhead's mind, the white demon stretched his presence brittle with neglect and confusion, jumbles of half memories and distant thoughts crammed into an uneven order. He watched as...who? His lil' King of course, who was no longer little. Who was no longer dependent.
The opponent was defeated with ease and the white demon fell under the redhead's consciousness. Fatigue lanced throughout his incorporeal being, the first thing that he had felt in a long time. He wondered what it was that he hadn't felt in a long time.
He curled up. He'll think on it later. At the moment, he needed to get rid of the agonizing pain in his head and the tightness in his chest. The confusion of his birth (though he was positive that he existed before this but wasn't sure
Betrayal? Who betrayed him? Who dared to!?
"King..."
EPISODE #9: ACCIDENTAL!?
"I'm bored."
"Shut up. You said that already."
"But I'm booooored!"
"And I don't care."
Kiiiiing!!"
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!" Ichigo roared, sitting up and shaking an intimidating fist at the pouting Hollow. "SHUT THE HELL UP!!" The effect was ruined, however, when he began violently coughing, bending over into his lap as he gasped for air.
Hichigo blinked, unperturbed as his King proceeded to cough up his lungs. "Ya dyin' there, King?"
"S-shu...ut...u-up..." Ichigo wheezed, thumping his chest in a vain attempt to get his lungs in working order once more. Half lidded ochre eyes scanned their temporary bedroom for their 'nurse'. "W-where's...Han-(cough)-nataro?"
"I dunno." The albino fiddled with the black silken material of his obi. "I'm bored."
Ichigo grunted and fell back on his futon. "What'll make you...unbored?"
"Well, a lil' friendly stabbin' will make me happy." Hichigo claimed with his lopsided grin. "Bu' I can't reach fer Zangetsu so tha's out…" The grin degraded back into a pout. "I'm bored."
Ichigo dragged his QuiltShield™ over his head with little difficulty, hoping that the thick duvet would block out his inner Hollow's high pitched, distorted voice. Unfortunately, Hichigo took this as his cue to ramble on.
"An' not only that." The albino continued blithely. "I don' feel as crappy anymore...though ya still look like shit, King." He added. "If I still felt crappy, then I coulda jus' focused on th' crappiness an' jus' bitched 'bout that, but noooooo! I'm no longer feelin' crappy, bu' still can't move, so I'm booooored!"
Ichigo contemplated suffocating himself.
"Ain'tcha bored, King? Ya still look crappy. Maybe ya could bitch 'cause then we'd both wouldn' be bored anymore, though ya'd be whinin' an' I hate it when ya whine..."
"Hollow." Ichigo growled under his QuiltShield™ "Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You're rambling."
Hichigo huffed loudly and slouched further down the wall. He opened his mouth (possibly to share the news of his boredom) before closing it without a word.
The next few minutes were spent in awkward silence, Ichigo ignoring the tension and snuggling under the thick duvet in hopes of catching some sleep. It was not meant to be, alas, as something poked him through his QuiltShield™.
"Kiiing." A regrettably familiar voice whined.
"Go away, Hollow." Ichigo growled. "I'm under my QuiltShield™. That means I'm off limits."
He had a feeling that Hichigo was looking at him oddly. "...QuiltShield™...?"
"Ng. G'way."
There was shuffling noise followed by a pained grunt. "Bu' I'm bored, King!" The distorted voice sounded much closer then it should be.
Ichigo whined faintly, wondering what he had done in his fifteen years of life to piss of any Gods. As if making him a witness to his mother's death wasn't enough, Fate screwed him over by turning him into hybrid of Shinigami and Hollow, with the Hollow half whining and poking him about being bored when they were poisoned and him suffering a headache the size of Seireitei no thanks to his fucking fever!! "Go away!"
Hichigo huffed before he snapped out, "Then I'm gonna entertain myself!"
Ichigo's danger senses went off, but his brain was too befuddled with irritation and the agonizing pain behind his eyelids to take much notice. "Go do that." He mumbled, hearing more shuffling noises. "Now...lemme sleep..."
There was muted snicker and soft rustle of fabric before an eerie silence fell over the room. Ichigo frowned, rubbing a scorching cheek as he resisted the urge to peek out of his QuiltShield™ to see what the Hollow was up to. That was probably what the albino wanted anyway. Snorting quietly, the redhead curled up under the duvet, breaths evening out as he began to drift off.
There was soft snigger as something pulled his QuiltShield™ back...
"KING!!"
"GRAAAAAH!!"
Hichigo grinned wildly as his King leapt up, flailing madly, before toppling backwards onto the floor, legs tangled up on the futon's sheets. Knelt beside the black clad legs, the albino giggled at the completely bewildered, deer-in-headlights expression plastered across his King's feverishly flushed face. "Heheh! That's a nice look fer ya, King!"
Ichigo's bewildered look quickly morphed into a venomous scowl. "Hollow..." He growled, struggling to untangle his legs from his sheets and failing miserably as his body still wasn't cooperating. "I'm...gonna kick...your ass...once I can get...up!"
Hichigo laughed gruffly, feeling drained from just crawling from the wall he was leaning against to his King's beside. It was worth it though, just to see the panicked, scared shitless look on the teen's face; it was almost a perfect imitation of a turtle stuck on its back. "I'll be waitin' fer a few centuries then, King."
Ichigo gave up, sighing heavily. "Guh...whatever. I'll just...sleep here or something."
Hichigo snickered, poking the redhead's leg. "Lazy bastard." He chirped cheerfully.
Ichigo's leg twitched in a pathetic attempt of a kick. "Sh'up." He grumbled, shivering a little. "You're just a pain in the ass." He continued, ignoring the repetitive poking on his calf. "You do nothing to help and make things harder then they should be."
"I don'." Hichigo argued unconvincingly, crawling from the futon so that he was kneeling beside his King, poking a flushed cheek.
Ichigo swatted the pale hand away feebly. "You do!" He coughed lightly, the adrenaline from his scare running dry and leaving him more fatigued then ever. "That whole 'King and Horse' crap you spewed out was irritating enough, then you tried to kill me! You've never tried to help me in my life, and when you do, you fuck it up so it's like...like..." Ichigo scowled. "Like this!"
Hichigo grinned. "It's fun pissin' ya off."
"That's your excuse!?"
"Whoa there, King." The albino cackled, grinning lopsidedly as his King struggled against the bed sheets wrapped round his legs once more. "Yer gonna pop an artery in a minute. An' yer lookin' at this all wrong! Try t' think how...uh...advantageous this'll be fer ya!"
Against his better judgment, Ichigo asked; "Advantageous, how?"
Hichigo couldn't hold the giggles as he answered. "Ya now have a consort t' get all that stress outta yer by fuc-" He was cut off when he was punched painfully in the stomach, bending over his lap a little as the wind expelled itself from his lungs. "Jesus...pain..."
Ichigo grunted as his inner Hollow ducked forward and clutched at his aching midriff as the redhead lowered his tanned hand.
"Hah. Payback." He put all of his remaining energy into that punch, and he felt oh so very satisfied in doing it. Energy well spent, in his opinion. "Fucking pervert."
Coughing, Hichigo glowered furiously at the tiredly smirking substitute Shinigami. "Bitch." He hissed. "Yer forgettin' who's got th' upper hand 'ere."
Ichigo was suddenly very, very aware of his vulnerable position and Hichigo's not-so-vulnerable position. "Oh, crap."
"'Oh, crap', indeed." Hichigo agreed vindictively, grinning as a mischievous gleam glittered in golden irises. "Kickin' th' shit outta ya won' be satisfyin' enough." He loomed over the nervous redhead, almost bursting into laughter at the look on his King's face. "Ooooh, no. I've got somethin' better!" His gaze snagged on something near his leg.
Hichigo grinned evilly.
"Hey! What are you- stay away! No! Don't you dar-"
X.x.X
"You left them in the room together...alone!?"
Hanataro scuffed his sandaled feet, eclectic vials and beakers gathered in his skinny arms.
"Well, it's not like they can do anything to each other...I mean, the poison paralyzes them and...well...I didn't want to bother you, Rukia-san, but I needed to get some stuff for the antidote, so..."
Ishida sighed, adjusting his glasses as put away his sewing kit. "You make it sound like they're going to molest each other."
"More like kill each other." Rukia grumbled. "I might as well check up on th-"
"GAAAAAAAAH!! HOOOOOOOLLOOOOOOOOOOOOW!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU YOU FUCKING WEIRDO!!"
"-em." Rukia blinked at the familiar voice shrieking like a woman whose virtue was being threatened. "Wow. I didn't know Ichigo could reach that high." She mused softly, hearing more shrieks, muffled and accompanied by maniacal laughter.
The three stared down the corridor and Ishida spoke up. "Are you going to check up on them?"
There was a loud crash. "Hm. Maybe when I'm not in danger of being hit by any sort of projectile." The female Shinigami finally answered.
Hanataro squeaked, shuffling back a few steps. "M-maybe I should...check up on a few more things b-before interrupting them."
"That's probably best."
X.x.X
"Hahaahah!" Hichigo cackled and tossed the bucket away, grinning at his angry King glowering at him from his awkward position on the floor - dripping wet. "Didn' expect t' get wet, eh?"
Ichigo huffed, shivering violently. "S-stupid bastard!" He struggled into a sitting position, grunting at the effort needed for that simple action. "You don't go around dumping water on people!"
"Ah, stop bein' a square." Hichigo scoffed, watching with a cocked eyebrow as his King hugged himself, rubbing his wet, bare arms to get warm. "An' stop lookin' so damn pathetic too."
Ichigo glared before looking at his messed up futon – the distance between him and it looking more like a mile then a metre. "I'm not pathetic." He growled, starting his stiff crawl back to his QuiltShield™. "Wait until I'm better, then I'll kick your ass back to my inner world."
"I'm sure ya will." Hichigo drawled, pushing himself shakily onto weak legs and stumbling towards the messy futon's side. He fell onto his knees with a groan, grinning as his King flopped atop of his QuiltShield™. "Ya gettin' yer bed wet."
"Sh'up. Don't care." Ichigo coughed lightly into the duvet, shuddering. "Fucking weirdo."
Hichigo snickered, eyeing his shivering King. "Yer gonna get even more sick."
"Why do you care?"
"I don't." The albino ran a hand through his dishevelled white hair. "Bu' I'm not sure what'll happen t' me if ya die, so ya dyin' 'cause of hypothermia or pneumonia ain't an option, King. So towel yerself dry."
"Tch." Ichigo lifted his head to glare fuzzily at his inner Hollow. "It's too much effort." He lowered his head back onto his QuiltShield™, erupting into another coughing fit.
Hichigo sighed, grimacing at his soaked King. "Yer such a dumbass." He growled, crawling forwards a few inches and grabbing the end of the QuiltShield™. As Ichigo lifted his head in confusion at what the albino was doing, Hichigo pounced (weakly), and began 'towelling' the redhead into a semi-dry state.
Crying out in surprise, Ichigo pathetically batted at his Hollow's hands. "S-Stop it, bastard!" A flush not entirely blamed on his fever coloured his cheeks, breath hitching when Hichigo's hands rubbed his bare chest with the fabric of the duvet, trailing up to his damp orange hair. "Get off!"
Hichigo grunted as one of Ichigo's flailing limbs hit his cheek, the weak blow not really hurting. "Oh, stop yer whinin', King." He stopped his towelling, blinking in surprise at the redhead's new position. It seemed like in the confusion of the (admittedly pitiable) struggle, Ichigo had unintentionally wriggled about until his head was pillowed on the albino's lap. "Comfortable?" He teased after a moment of silence.
"What?" Ichigo stared up at his inner Hollow, a pleasant blush staining his cheeks and vibrant orange hair tousled.
Hichigo grinned slyly. He wasn't going to point it out yet. "Ya need t' take off yer hakama, King." He snickered, golden eyes flashing in amusement at the outrage smouldering in his King's glare. "It's wet an' gonna make ya sick."
"What if I don't want to take it off?" Ichigo challenged stubbornly. He saw the Hollow's point, but there was no way he was going to pull off his hakama with that crazed, perverted Hollow around! He'd probably try something funny.
Hichigo's grin grew. "Well..." He purred, trailing pale fingers down his King's chest. "I guess I'll hafta take 'em off ya, my King."
Ichigo squawked as the implications hit him, just able to push enough energy into his arms to sit up from the albino's lap and crab crawl a few inches away. "Don't you dare!" He shrieked, pulling the QuiltShield™ up to his chest. "I don't care if we're supposed to be comrades or whatever! But there's no way I'm letting you strip me!"
Hichigo giggled. "Man, yer so easy t' wind up. Don' worry, King. I ain't gonna give ya surprise butt sex or anythin'."
Ichigo looked horrified at the thought of the albino giving him 'surprise butt sex' and noticeably scooted away a little more. "Fucking weirdo."
Hichigo just grinned wildly in response.
X.x.X
Kurotsuchi finally had a plan.
It was a rough one, but it was a plan nevertheless.
"We must do this right!" He barked at his men, golden eyes sweeping the assembled Shinigami. "The Ryoka Kurosaki Ichigo is a Vizard, and must be brought in for examination! He is powerful, but that's no excuse for not capturing him! Alive! Now go!"
As the last Shinigami left, Kurotsuchi couldn't hide the glee in his voice. "Perfect. Now then..." He turned on his heel, pacing down the hall towards his lab. "Kurosaki will be easy to capture...it's that Hollow that'll be most troublesome." Golden eyes flashed.
"Nemu had better succeed, I'm getting tired of rebuilding her."
X.x.X
"Byakuya-taichou! Hitsugaya-taichou!"
"Abarai." Byakuya said shortly, quirking a brow at the redhead. "I have been looking for you."
Renji blinked, looking between the two captain's solemn expressions. "...I've been looking for you too, Byakuya-taichou." He said cautiously. "There's a spy in Se-"
"We know." Hitsugaya interrupted, looking round the alleyway they had bumped into each other in. "This isn't the place to talk about it. Kurotsuchi-taichou already knows about Kurosaki."
"Yeah. I heard him mutter something about it." Renji nodded, brown eyes flickering about for any eavesdroppers. "So what do we do? Sniff out the spy?"
Hitsugaya frowned. "Not now." He jerked his head in a gesture to move. "We'll discuss this in my office."
Renji couldn't help but liken Seireitei to Rome at that moment. "Cloak and dagger stuff, huh?" He muttered under his breath, but followed the two captains anyway. "Dammit, Ichigo. I hope you don't get caught by that creep."
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A/N: Dun, dun, duuuuuuun!
I can't wait for the 11th chapter! ¬.¬ Urhm…for…no reason. (Almost gave a spoiler there).
Well, the plot starting to move (finally), Mayuri has made his move, Renji, Byakuya and Hitsugaya are acting as Roman politicians and Hichigo and Ichigo's relationship is getting better…I think…
Stay tuned for the next one!
NEXT TIME ON DYSFUNCTIONAL CAMARASERIE: EPISODE #10: SURVIVAL!
Hichigo: Ya stay th' Hell away ya freaky doll!
Nemu: I can't do that. I have been ordered to capture the both of you.
Hichigo: Tch. Poisoned or not, I can still kick ya ass, bitch!
UNTIL NEXT TIME FOLKS! WHO'LL WIN?
KIVAEMBER…OUT!!
