"Thanks, Melinda." Hank said as he got Noah from her arms. "Olivia just got out of surgery and the doctor said she will take two hours to wake up." Noah hid his face against his dad's neck.
"How did it go? Were they able to tell you anything?"
"He said it went well but they won't truly know until she wakes up."
"I'm sure she'll be okay." Melinda leaned forward and squeezed Noah's cheek making him smile. "He's been fed and is ready to nap. Do you want me to stay?"
"No, it's fine, thank you. I want to stay with him for a while and then Amanda is coming over. You go home and get some sleep." He walked her to the door and forced a smile as he said, "thanks, Melinda, for all your help."
"He's my friend's son; I'd do anything for him."
He watched the door close behind Melinda and let himself fall on the sofa with Noah on his chest. The little boy kept playing with the neck of Hank's shirt, trying to bite it and failing to do so. He looked –and was– unaware of everything that was going on. Had no idea he could still lose his mother. No idea he was now a big brother. No idea his dad was breaking and felt like giving up; that's why Hank decided to go home and see Noah before Olivia woke up. He needed to feel close to her and the only way was to be with the one person who brought the light into her life. Being with Noah made him feel closer to Benson and in that moment he needed that.
"I wish I was you right now," Voight looked into the little boy's eyes. "I wish I had no idea what's going on; feel no pain. You can't understand how broken I am, kid. I need to be strong for your sister and you but the source of my strength could die any minute now. And do you know what that means?" He coughed to clear his throat. "Our doom, our end. What the hell are the three of us going to do without mom? We would be lost, man. So, she better make it." Noah laughed as if he knew his dad needed to be cheered up. "You think she'll make it? Maybe you're right. I hope you are. I love your mother so much, Noah; you can't even imagine. Her smile makes my heart grow because it feels there's a reason to live. The way she talks about those she loves makes me love her even more." Hank kissed Noah's cheeks as he started crying thinking about Olivia. "And you have no idea how much she loves you. You changed her life for the best and I know you are one of the main reasons she's fighting for her life. You and Charlotte are her life. And she is mine."
When he was done talking, he realized Noah had fallen asleep chewing on his shirt. He was surprised by how that kid had changed his life. Voight still remembered the first time Olivia had introduced them; he had been able to steal a sleepy smile from the kid's face. From that moment on, Noah became one of the most important people in his life. The day he had officially adopted Noah made him the happiest and he couldn't imagine his life without him.
"He's in his crib sleeping and should stay like that for at least an hour." He grabbed his keys and phone before looking at Rollins. "Thank you, Amanda."
"Hank, stop thanking us. We are your family now, you are stuck with us and we will take care of you."
"You guys don't have to take care of me and still do it. So, yeah. Thanks are needed."
"Just go, Voight. You should be the first face she sees when she wakes up."
"I'll have Fin call you if we get any news."
Hank had his thoughts on Olivia throughout his entire drive to the hospital and was greeted by the doctor the minute he walked in. He told him Charlotte was doing great and accepting the feeding tube the way she was supposed to. She was healthy and would stay stable to be breastfed by Olivia when she woke up; that if Benson's body was in condition to do so. When Voight asked about her, the doctor said he could step into her room because she would be waking up soon.
As he stood by her bed, he smiled slightly thinking the risk of losing her was gone. Surgery had gone well and all that was left to be done was wait for her to wake up. The doctor said depending on her reaction as she woke up they would decide how long she had to stay in the hospital. A week minimum but maybe more if they needed to keep her under observation. Charlotte would be ready to go home whenever Olivia was.
"Mmm," he heard Olivia mumble.
"Olivia," Hank whispered as she opened her eyes.
"Who…," she coughed, "are you?" She closed her eyes and touched her hand to her head feeling the bandages. "What happened?"
"I'll go get the doctor for you." As he turned around to walk out, tears formed in his eyes. "Olivia is awake but I don't think she remembers."
"That's a consequence of the surgery and it should last only a few hours. I'll go see her now." The doctor walked into the room with Voight behind him. "Hello Olivia. I'm doctor Sanders and I'll take a look now to see how you are doing."
"What happened?" She asked again and Hank could see the despair in her eyes but he was afraid to touch her…after all, she hadn't recognized him.
"You had a fall and hit your head. We had to perform surgery and you are okay now. Please follow the light," he said as he moved the tiny light from left to right in front of her. He turned to look at Voight and reassured him, "she's okay. Like I said, she should be remembering in a few hours. Don't worry."
"Thank you, doctor."
Olivia moved in bed and a painful groan escaped her lips. "What was that?" She asked reaching down to touch her lower stomach.
"Do you remember you were pregnant?" She shook her head no. "Well, you were. We had to perform a C-section to take her out in order to focus on you."
"Her? Is she okay?"
"Yes, would you like to see her?"
"No…no."
He turned around so she couldn't see him crying…not that she would feel anything. This felt like losing her. She had no idea who he was. She couldn't remember she had been pregnant. And she had probably no memories of Noah either. Seeing she was there and her life wasn't at risk made peace fill his thoughts but part of him was still worried. Worried the hours would go by and she would still have no recollection of their life together. He wouldn't be fully happy until she was fully back at being who she was, with her memories.
"Is she okay?" Fin stood up as he saw Hank walk into the waiting room.
"She is awake and the doctor said the surgery was a success. But," he looked around, "she doesn't remember me or Charlotte or Noah."
"What?" Barba and Carisi exclaimed at the same time.
"Memory loss is a side-effect, something that could happen after the surgery. According to him, she should recover her memory in a matter of hours."
"It's okay," Fin said. "We should be thankful she is alive and doing well. Soon she will be fully recovered."
"I hope so," Voight whispered as he walked away.
He walked out of the hospital, leaned back against the wall and lit up a cigarette. When he watched Camille get sick and die, he never expected to watch someone he loved get away from him again. Olivia wasn't dying but knowing she couldn't remember made him feel like he had already lost her. Hank wasn't a pessimist person but at the moment he couldn't –nor felt– to be optimistic. Benson had become his strength and right now she wasn't able to be so; she couldn't even if she wanted to.
Olivia took a look around her hospital bedroom trying to find something –anything– that would trigger her memory. The last thing she remembered was being in the interrogation room crying over Elliot Stabler. But that had probably happened years, or at least months, ago since the doctor told her she had given birth to a baby girl. She hadn't been pregnant when Elliot left, had she? Could Elliot be the father? No, she had no recollection of ever sleeping with him. Another man must be the father of her daughter…but who?
And who else could it be? She had never loved anyone the way she had loved Elliot. He had been her partner and best friend for so many years; no one knew her like he did. For as long as she could remember, she had been in love with Stabler. Could it be possible? Could they have given into one night of passion? Could the baby girl be his daughter? Elliot was obviously still out of her life because he hadn't showed up. Maybe that girl was the one thing she would be able to keep from their love. She had to know. She had to find someone who would truly know what was going on. Maybe that man.
Who was that man? Who was the man standing by her side when she woke up? The one to whisper her name as she opened her eyes. Who could he be? She didn't remember him. She could swear he was crying as he walked out of the bedroom. The doctor had been looking at him the entire time and had told him what was going on with her –and the baby–. What did that mean? Was he someone important in her life? He couldn't be; if he were, she would remember him. Maybe he was Elliot's friend, right? Yes, maybe Stabler had sent him over to see how she was doing…how their baby was doing.
"How are you feeling, Olivia?" The doctor asked as he checked her vitals.
"I have a slight headache and I'm a bit dizzy."
"That is completely normal. The swelling on the brain going down causes the headache. The dizziness can be either from the surgery or from the fall. It should all go away pretty soon." He took a look at the last brain scans. "The surgery went better than expected which means you should be recovering your memory any time now."
"I think I've already started to remember bits and pieces. I'm not quite sure yet. Could it be possible to talk to the man who was here earlier? I have some questions for him."
"Yes, of course. I'll go find him for you." Doctor Sanders walked out to find Voight stepping back into the hospital. "Hank, Olivia would like to see you."
"Really? Has she started to remember? Does she want to see Charlotte or Noah?"
"She told me she believes the memories are starting to come back but has a few questions for you." He patted Hank's back. "The scans show the swelling has gone down so there are no reasons why she shouldn't remember now."
"You wanted to see me?"
"Yes, come on in." Olivia said as she sat up on the bed. "Take a seat please. You'll have to forgive me but I still can't remember your name."
To him that was a bad sign. "Hank Voight."
"Hank Voight," she repeated to herself. "And, how did we meet?"
"I'm a sergeant in Chicago and our teams worked a case together."
"Was that a long time ago?"
"The first time was nearly two years ago." Hank had to cough to clear his throat. What had she remembered? "I'm sorry but, what exactly do you remember, Olivia?"
"I remember Elliot Stabler and our relationship. I know he walked out on me but I can't exactly remember when. So, I started thinking after the doctor told me I had given birth to a baby girl. I had never loved someone like him and I can't remember meeting someone after he left. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and I can't remember when or where Elliot and I slept together. The only reasonable explanation I could come up with was that we finally gave in and that girl was born as the result of that night. Perhaps if I see her, I will remember."
"Is that honestly what you remember?"
"Like I said, I can't exactly remember it all but that's the explanation my mind came up with."
In that moment, Hank Voight felt his heart break. He felt an indescribable pain he had never felt before. That bastard was back once more. Elliot Stabler was the reason it had taken Olivia such a long time to open up. That man had haunted Benson for months and it had taken Voight a great amount of work to push pass the Elliot Stabler comparison. And now he was back; once again the main man in her own story. Erasing everything Olivia and Hank had created. Taking claim over his own daughter.
With tears in his eyes he looked at Benson as he said, "I think you should talk to someone else. I'll go get Melinda and she can answer all of these questions." Voight walked out with a broken heavy heart.
