A/N: I'm a little nervous about this chapter. I don't know if this is the confrontation you guys were expecting, but I wanted it to feel real if that makes sense. Nell and Tommy are one of those couples that just seem to understand each other a little too well as they tear each other apart again and again. Thank you to StephLauren, Guest and Gracie for reviewing. Please read, review and enjoy. I would really like to hear your guys thoughts on this one.

Disclaimer: I own what is mine


Chapter Nine

"If you keep doin' that, your foot's gonna fall off." Nell murmured tiredly with a mild glare at her new travelling companion. After a long night of following up on James's news and thwarting an overly nosy Alfie, her patience had begun to run thin.

The nineteen-year-old runner had the courtesy to look sheepish as he stilled his tapping foot. He had never been good at sitting still, but as the train drew closer to Birmingham the more nervous he grew, "Sorry, Miss."

Nell levelled him with a dry stare as she sighed softly. The boy had practically been vibrating in his seat the entire journey from London, effectively keeping her from getting any sleep, "He's not gonna hurt you, you know."

Lenny fidgeted again as he whispered, "I didn't do my job. Mr. Shelby isn't gonna be pleased."

"Tommy knows what a pain in the arse I am. He'll understand. Jus tell 'im the truth, eh?" Nell said dismissively. She knew the boy was right and that Tommy wasn't going to be pleased with the little information that Lenny had, but she also knew that Tommy wouldn't take it out on him. He'd take his irritation out on her.

"Yes, Miss."

Her only hope on that front was that Tommy would at least be considerate enough to visit her tomorrow. She wasn't in the mood to be dealing with his questions and overbearing nature. A small smile crossed her lips as she unwilling admitted to herself that she had missed him. His exasperated stare and stubborn pushing the night before she left was the closest she had seen to the boy she knew. She wasn't being fair; she knew...she had changed just as much as he had.

Nell sighed quietly and turned to stare at the passing scenery for the last bit of their ride. Birmingham came into view sooner than she had expected, though their exit from the train took as long as expected. Lenny was kind enough to help her carry her baggage home, though Nell suspected he was merely trying to avoid Tommy. Feeling a strange mix of pity and gratefulness to the boy, she slipped a few pounds into his coat pocket as he made to leave. Too quickly, she was left with a glaring silence and the sullen stare of her orange tabby. It was oppressive and only served to reminder her of everything that was missing. It was in that moment Nell knew she wouldn't be getting any sleep that night.

xXx

Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt a headache coming on. The whiskey he had taken from the bar was doing little for him and he was beginning to grow annoyed with the clatter of the Garrison. The past few days had been a mix of bad revelations caught in the sea of an oncoming storm. Polly had not taken the news of the stolen shipment of guns well – he hadn't expected her to, of course, but taking the brunt of her anger was always taxing. Mixed in with the news, or lack thereof, on Nell made him want to slam his head against the wall.

Lenny had looked beyond contrite as he explained the little he had seen of Nell's so called business. A late tea with a strange gentleman, a vague suspicion that another man had snuck to her room and then Nell purposefully losing the runner in the twisting streets of London before grabbing him by the back of shirt to drag him to the train station the next day. In all honesty, he had gotten more information out of Finn when he found out the young boy was looking after her cat while she was away. He hadn't even known she had a cat. Now, he knew its name was Specter and that Nell kept toffees in a jar next to the kitchen sink.

He grumbled lowly to himself, why couldn't she make anything easy?...But then, she wouldn't be Nell if it were easy. It was the one thing about her that hadn't changed. In fact, it had only gotten worse and he was beginning to fear he would never be able to draw out all of her secrets. He questioned if he really wanted to.

Thoughts of their baby had consumed his mind since Polly had divulged Nell's well-kept secret. He had been plagued with images of a grey eyed little girl with his cheeky smile – she would have Nell's temper. A bitter scowl crossed his lips as he felt the pang of loss again. It was an ache he usually only received when he thought of his mother, but now carried for a daughter he never had the chance to meet. He almost wished Polly hadn't said anything... almost. A wave of betrayed fury burned in his veins, Nell should have told him.

It was this same anger that kept him from confronting her. He wasn't sure what he would do to Nell if he let his temper take control and the last thing he wanted was to hurt her. Tiredly, he pulled a cigarette from his jacket pocket as he pushed his glass to the side. He ambled outside, taking note of how late it had become as he sighed into the cool night breeze. He let his feet choose a path and nearly snorted to himself a few minutes later as he realized he was heading toward the pasture.

Their pasture, if he was honest. Charlie had stopped using it for the horses' years ago. Only he and Nell visited it now. He wasn't sure why he was always pulled there, but it was peaceful. Familiar in a way that nothing else was, it was probably the only thing in Birmingham that hadn't changed during the war. It was that peace he craved now.

It didn't take him long to reach the dirt path as he found himself thinking about a grey eyed daughter again. A soft tinkling laughter echoed in the air and he felt his heart clench painfully. Only the laughter didn't fade as it normally did and he looked up as he rounded the bend before the wall and saw her. Nell stood not too far from the pasture's opening, a gentle smile painted her lips as she reached up toward a group of fireflies that danced around the field. Her russet colored hair was down in a cascade of wild curls and waves and she couldn't have looked more beautiful. He drew a deep breath as he wandered toward her.

Nell's eyes flickered toward him, somehow unsurprised by his presence as she called out, "If you're going to send people to spy on me at least make it challengin."

He nearly rolled his eyes as he wondered how quickly she had caught on to Lenny's presence, "Is that all you 'ave to say to me?"

Nell squinted in thought as she said sharply, "No - Don't spy on me."

"There it is." Tommy murmured as came to stand next to her. He quirked a brow as he looked at her pointedly, "Stop comin' out 'ere on your own."

"No." She said again this time sending him a baleful glare that made him want to strangle her.

He sighed tiredly as he looked at her grimly. She looked relatively content for once as she enjoyed the night breeze and her lightning bug friends and he was going to destroy that. He bit the inside of his cheek, he was going to hate this, "Nell, we need to talk."

There was a moment of silence as Nell turned to fully look at him. She didn't seem surprised by his statement, merely weary as she frowned lightly, "We 'aven't been very good at talkin' lately."

"No, we 'aven't." Tommy agreed quietly, before hesitantly saying, "I don't think it's gonna get any better tonight."

Nell's frown deepened as she looked at him quizzically. He could see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to predict what was bothering him, "Why's that?"

He pierced her with a long stare that made the hairs on her neck stand on end as he spoke almost monotone, "Tell me about Charlotte."

Nell lost all color in her face at that name. Her grey eyes widen and Tommy could see the shock and pain mixed in with a tumult of other emotions as she processed his words. For a moment, he thought she would faint, but Nell was made of stronger stuff as she shuttered away from him, a hiss spilling from her lips, "Polly or John?"

It was his turn to look startled at the mention of his brother as he filed away the information for later. He stepped towards her then, "Doesn't matter, Nell. I should 'ave heard it from you."

"No." Nell said coldly, her hand came up to keep him from coming closer, "No."

She was a wild storm of fury and grief as she turned from him to head back towards the path, "We're not talking about this."

"Helen." He called warningly as she walked away, "Helen!"

Tommy cursed under his breath, feeling the anger he tried to keep under control begin to slip. He refused to let her run from this, she didn't make it passed the stone fence before he was on her. He made to grab for her arm, but she fought him. Snarling lowly, she twisted about to kick him, her hand raised for a slap. He grunted as he let the kick land and grasped her ankle while he laid a hold of her arm again to push her back onto the stone wall. He managed to trap her legs between his as he held onto her wrists with almost bruising intensity.

Nell flipped her hair back to glare at him fiercely, desperately, "Let me go, Tommy."

"No." He glared back, struggling for control as he barely kept from shouting, "You're going to tell me why you never told me that we 'ad a child."

A glint entered Nell's eyes that he couldn't quite decipher, but it almost made him want to retract his demand as he felt his stomach drop with dread. He could already feel the earth crumbling beneath his feet.

"Why?" Nell whispered incredulously, her eyes shined with unshed tears, "Why?"

"Yes, why." Tommy growled out, needed her to say the words.

She shook her head in disbelief as if he should already know the answer, "What good would tellin' you 'ave done? Tell me, Tommy please! Because you knowing doesn't magically bring 'er back, does it? It doesn't bring back our little girl. We don't 'ave a child!"

He pushed away from her then, not wanting to hear those words. Not wanting to hear how he couldn't fix it…how he couldn't fix them. Her pain was almost too much, the tears silently streaming down her cheeks stabbed mercilessly at him. He ran a shaking hand over his face as he spat back at her, "I had a right to know!"

"I didn't want you to know!" Nell said haltingly, her eyes flashing bitterly. Her breath hitched with a suppressed a sob as she whispered, "I wish I didn't know."

His gaze snapped back to her's in disbelief, as he watched her cave in on herself, as he felt the ground finally give away completely. Being shot would have been a kinder than the words she had just spewed. She regretted their child? She slid off the wall onto the ground, no longer looking at him as she let her tears flow freely, her anguish damn near killed him, "She was so small, Tommy, and she was in constant pain – she could barely breathe to the point where she didn't even cry…and I couldn't 'elp her. I couldn't make it better."

"Nell…" Tommy whispered raggedly, not sure if he was begging her to stop or trying to soothe her.

She shook her head, hurt and angry as she tried to get him to understand, "I didn't want you to know that pain. I didn't want you to know how she struggled. She was such a stubborn little thing, our girl."

Tommy didn't think there was anything left of his heart to break, but Nell proved him wrong as he felt something shatter inside of him, "Jus like her mother."

"I'm no mother." Nell whispered disparagingly as she looked at him with haunted eyes, "I couldn't even get her to feed…how was I supposed to tell you that I couldn't keep our child alive? Tell me."

He felt like he had been rubbed raw as he bit back at his own tears. He needed to be strong, "I should 'ave been 'ere."

"I'm glad you weren't" She shuddered quietly and he knew she was back with the baby, "It was 'orrible."

A fresh wave of tears escaped down her lashes and Tommy pulled her into his arms. He needed to feel her, needed to know she was safe as she sobbed into his shirt. He choked on a cry as he buried his face into her wild hair. He didn't want this pain, but he wished that he could take it from her. He cursed her for carrying it so long. He cursed whatever need she had to protect him. She should have told him long ago.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, clinging to each other as if the world had ended, but Nell's quiet cries slowly subsided and he felt the tension begin to drift from her weary body. He was tempted to curl up with her on the grass to sleep, but he needed her to stay close for longer than a few hours of rest. He eased her up and gently guided her toward the path that she had tried to escape down earlier. Nell didn't say a thing as he tucked her close. She looked defeated in a way he had never seen before and it scared him.

They didn't speak as they walked back to her house. He waited for to remove her key as they walked up the front steps, but Nell simply reached out to push open the door. Tommy stared in disbelief at the unlocked door. She must have felt his sudden tension as she murmured tiredly, "Don't start."

He murmured another low curse as he made a mental note to strangle her in the morning, too wrung out to lecture her now.

xXx

Nell woke with a headache several hours later. Her eyes still felt puffy from the amount of crying she had done and all she wanted to do was pull the blankets over her head and forget about the world. It wasn't going to happen. She wouldn't be able to stand it as her mind conjured up the pathetic wheezes and whimpers of her long gone baby girl. She cursed Tommy for bringing her memory back.

She sighed dully and shifted to move from the bed only to find a heavy arm trapping her in place. Nell twisted to look behind her at a still sleeping Tommy. She was only mildly surprised he was still there. She had ignored him the night before as she pulled off her dress and stockings to climb into bed in just her shift. Tommy had done much the same as he undressed to his skivvies and pulled her against him. Her heart ached too much to put up much of a protest and, as it was, she had been both grateful and leery of his presence as she dozed in his arms.

She bit her lip as she studied him in the morning light. He was so much more peaceful, but she could still make out the redden tracks on his smooth cheeks from the few tears he had let himself have. Her stomach turned as she remembered the betrayal in his gaze. She wished he had never found out.

Nell stifled another sigh as she tried to ease his arm his arm away. Unfortunately for her, Tommy had become something of a light sleeper as his grip tightened and his voice drowsily sounded, "Nell, go back to sleep."

Nell breathed out through her nose and pinched his wrist, "Let me up, I 'ave things to do today."

Tommy ignored her and reached for his pocket watch. He nearly groaned as he saw that it was half past six. They had been asleep for a little over four hours. He dropped back on to his pillow with a tired huff wondering how she was awake.

"Tommy." Nell growled lowly as managed to leverage herself into a sitting position. Her wild waves brushed against his face as she moved and he caught a glimpse of a love bite on her collarbone.

He brushed her hair behind her shoulder and Nell tensed slightly as she realized what had caught his attention. She stayed quiet as his gaze turned stormy. It was too early to be fighting with him, she kept her gaze steady as she muttered, "Don't start."

"What's 'is name?" Tommy asked quietly not taking his eyes off the mark.

Nell shook her head, "Doesn't matter."

He caught her wrist as she stood from the bed intent on getting ready for the day, "Nell."

She turned to him irritated and unwilling to address the issue. Her love life was none of his business – not anymore. He seemed to sense that she was at the end of her patience as he asked, "Is it serious?"

She wanted to tell him that it was, that she had been seeing someone for a while. She wanted him to believe that she had moved on and wasn't still as in love with him now as she had been as a teenager, but she had never been able to lie to him. She could skirt around the truth and keep silent, but he always knew when she lied, "No...He's a friend that I see every so often and then we go our separate ways."

"Good." Tommy murmured, "Good."

A possessive flash was her only warning before he tugged her down to capture her lips in bruising intensity. Nell gasped lightly, giving him entrance as he gripped her hip to bring her back down on the bed.

A familiar heat began to spread through her veins and she pulled back for air, nearly groaning as Tommy kissed down her neck. She slid her fingers through his short cropped hair and whimpered as he nipped at a particular sensitive spot, "Tommy..."

His hands slipped beneath her shift and Nell found herself arching into him as drew a finger teasingly over her wet slit. His touch left a burning trail over body and she nearly chuckled as she realized that he was nipping at her love bite. Jealous bastard.

She shifted and rubbed her knee lightly into his crutch. Tommy groaned at the friction and dipped his head to her clothed breast as he let it continue for a moment before reaching down to spread her legs. He was too impatient to deal with their clothes as he pushed his boxers down enough to free himself and thrust into her.

Nell cried out at his rough entrance, but her legs wrapped tightly around his waist pulling him in deeper. Tommy shuddered at her warmth and tightness. His blue eyes had turned a darker shade as he gazed at her desperately. Nell seemed to sense what he needed as she rolled her hips and leaned up to kiss him again. His hands tangled into her hair, tugging sharply back as he continued to push into her hard and fast. Her nails tore into his back and Tommy sighed as he let her quiet moans drive him on as she met him thrust for thrust.

The bed creaked in protest to their rough movements and all too soon they were falling apart. Nell cried out one last time as she convulsed around him. Tommy followed not long after as they collapsed into a sweaty tangled mess.

She gasped for air as she tried to collect her thoughts. How the hell did they end up here?

Nell glanced into his satisfied eyes and damn near groaned. Oh fuck.