A/N: Hey! So in this chapter there is something mentioned from a side story I (Carmen's writer) wrote about Carmen's youtube channel. If you want to read it (you don't have to to understand what's going on or anything) it's posted on our tumblr account. Our tumbr is whats-yourphantasy
You should follow us there if you don't already!
Phil's POV
I was on my way over to Carmen's to actually hang out with her by myself for more than a couple of hours and not in public.
I tried not to think of the fact that I'd known her almost all my life and how pathetic it was that this was the first time I'd be doing this after so much time.
I hadn't made a video by myself in a while and decided to ask Carmen to do a collaboration thing with me. Apparently it was the thing to do lately.
And no I didn't ask her just because I was jealous that she did a video with the twins.
Okay, maybe a little. Whatever.
But Carmen would be attempting to teach me how to play the piano. This was probably going to be a hilarious disaster. Dan had attempted to teach me several times and it was always a fail. I could play a few random things with one hand but that was it.
Lydia was on her way to our apartment to hang out with Dan while I would be with Carmen so we would have privacy while filming and whatever else we decided to do.
To say that I was excited was a bit of an understatement.
I finally made it to her flat and I'm pretty sure that my fingers were about to fall off because it was so bloody cold outside. It was definitely feeling more like the C word was on it's way.
I rang the doorbell and quickly adjusted my hair so I didn't look like some kind of windblown twat when she answered the door.
I heard Juneau barking before I heard a loud thud followed by an even louder, "Damn it!" and then laughter.
A few seconds later the door was opening and Carmen was standing in front of me looking gorgeous. "Hey!" she greeted me, stepping aside so that I could come in.
Her flat looked a little tidier than it had the last time I was over, though there were still clothes draped over the back of her couch. She shut the door behind me and then moved around me into the lounge where her piano was sat. "Lydia helped me clean a little," she laughed and motioned around the room with her hand. "Which is good because my Mum was probably about to-"
I closed the space between us and wrapped an arm around her before pulling her close to me and silencing her rambling with my lips against hers. Damn, she smelled so good and her lips were so soft. It was hard to make myself pull away but I did and smiled down at her. "You didn't have to clean anything," I told her before giving her another quick kiss.
"Oh, I did," she laughed again. "My Mum would have this place condemned if I didn't. Or worse, she'd come clean it herself," she shivered all over then sat down on the arm of the couch and looked up at me. "Do you want anything to eat or drink before we start filming? There's some leftover pizza from last night, or is the Chinese from last night?" she tilted her head and looked like she was in some seriously deep thought over it.
"I ate before I came over," I told her as I sat my camera bag down. "Perhaps I could have something for dessert though?" I asked as I took my jacket off. I threw it onto the couch behind her before leaning towards her and kissing her again not hesitating to slip my tongue past her lips this time. She tasted like mint and coffee and I wanted nothing more than to have a repeat of what happened the night of the Christmas jumper party.
Carmen responded much like she did that night, wrapping her legs around my hips as she leaned in against me, her small hands trailing down to the top of pants; she massaged her tongue against mine and - bloody hell - started to grope the growing bulge in my pants through my trousers. She slid her lips from mine, across my cheek and to my ear where she whispered, "You can have all the dessert you want."
Obviously I wasn't the only one having some self control issues.
Hearing her say that and feeling her breath against my neck and ear made me shiver and my hands which were holding onto her hips gripped onto her a bit tighter. "Bloody hell," I groaned as I leaned back to look down at her and took a deep breath. "Do you have any idea of how difficult it is to keep myself controlled around you?" I asked as I brought a hand up to push her hair behind her ear. "I want you so badly and I can only imagine how insanely wonderful it would be to be with you like that but-" I sighed, hating myself for being a gentleman for a second, "you mean more than that to me and we should wait."
She didn't say anything for a few seconds, she just looked up at me with her head tilted, almost smirking. "We waited," she said then leaned in against me, pressing her lips against mine as she groped my bulge a bit harder, wrapping her legs tighter around me. She broke from the kiss and her lips lingered over mine. "I want you to feel what you do to me," she whispered then started kissing me again as she pulled one of my arms from around her waist and directed my hand to the top of her pants.
With her kissing me like that and touching me it was like I had no control over my brain. She was wearing a pair of leggings again so it was very easy for my hand to slip into her pants. I slipped my fingers beneath the thin material of her underwear and moaned quite loudly against into the kiss when I felt how wet she was already.
"Fuck," I whispered against her lips as I pressed my fingertips against her clit. I remembered exactly how she sounded and looked when she came in front of me a few nights before and I really, really wanted to see it again.
I moved my lips from hers and down the side of her throat slowly as I moved my fingers in slow circles on her swollen clit. Why did she have to smell and feel so damn good? This was so unfair.
I slid my fingers down a bit and opened my mouth to drag my teeth gently over her skin as I slowly pushed two fingers inside of her.
Holy. Fuck. She was definitely a virgin.
"Holy hell. You're so tight," I whispered against her neck while trying to be as gentle as possible pushing my fingers deeper inside of her. My dick was throbbing painfully in my trousers at the thought of how it would feel to be inside of her right then.
Carmen let out a moan as my fingers curled up inside of her and her grasp around my shaft got tighter; suddenly I felt our bodies falling and she landed on the couch, taking me down with her. My fingers slipped in a little deeper and she bit down on her lip. I couldn't tell if it hurt her, or if it felt good for her, but those thoughts were gone as soon as she started kissing me again. Her hand left my crotch and I felt it slip upward, onto my belt as she started unbuckling it.
She broke away from the kiss and put her hands on my face, studying it as we both breathed heavily. "Take me, I'm yours... My body is ready," she giggled at the last bit and started kissing me again, her hands sliding from my face and into my hair.
I couldn't help but laugh as well but her saying something funny definitely didn't keep me from wanting to go against what I knew was right and do exactly what she wanted. "Carmen, we can't do this yet," I whispered breathlessly against her lips as I carefully moved my hand out of her pants. Every part of my body was screaming for me to not listen to myself on this.
I kissed her lips again and pulled back to look down at her. "This is our first time to hang out away from anyone and get to know each other. Let's just take this slow. Please?" I asked but wished that I could give her exactly what she was asking for. "Trust me, I want you right now so, so bad," I sighed loudly. "But we should at least be in a proper relationship before you lose your virility to me," I grinned, hoping that would make her smile.
She sighed loudly and rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was only doing it in a joking kind of way. "Fine. Will you be my proper boyfriend?" she asked, then laughed.
Honestly, I wanted to say yes. I laughed and shook my head. "Carmen, when you become my proper girlfriend I'd like for us to be able to tell people we got together for reasons beyond your p wanting my d." I brought my hand up to her cheek and rubbed my thumb over it before kissing her lips again. "Let's stop molesting each other and do the video, gorgeous."
Her face fell a little and she almost looked like she might have been a little sad. "That's not the only reason I would want that," she responded quietly. She opened her mouth again but closed it and it looked like she wanted to say something else, but she sighed instead. "Yeah, we should get started on it," she grinned faintly.
Seeing that sad little look on her face made me feel like someone had punched me in the stomach and I couldn't let it go though. "Hey," I said softly as I moved my hand down a bit and rubbed my thumb softly over her bottom lip. "I'm very happy to know that's not the only reason you would want that," I said before moving my thumb away and placing a soft kiss against her lips. I could not stop kissing her. That was something I had no control over. "I adore you, Carmen. I want you in more ways than just sexually. Trust me. That's why I want to do all of this right. You have no idea of how important you are to me."
Her little grin turned into a big smile and I instantly felt loads better. It was so crazy much how her happiness affected mine. She sighed and reached up to caress my cheek. "You're so sweet," she laughed lightly. "That really means a lot to me, Phil... And it's another reason why I know I would never regret anything with you," she pressed a soft kiss against my lips and then pulled away. "If you don't move now though, I'm going to attack you again because the D is smashing against my V and it's not helping my raging hormones."
I got butterflies in my stomach like mad when she said she wouldn't regret anything with me and even more so when she kissed me again. "Sorry," I laughed as I reluctantly pushed myself up so that I was kneeling between her legs. "Bloody hell," I groaned as I attempted to adjust the very noticeable bulge in my pants. "I'm glad that the video won't involve any full body shots because I have a feeling it's going to be hard to control this thing with you near me," I laughed as I sat back on the couch.
"I know how it feels," she laughed too. "I have a problem controlling myself around you, obviously," she told me as she moved to stand up. She leaned down over me and got close to my face, "This probably isn't going to help, but I've really never wanted anything as badly as I want you," she grinned then pecked my lips before pulling away and going to grab my camera bag that was laying where I'd dropped it.
I literally let out a little whimper as my head fell back on the couch and I rubbed my face. This woman was going to be the death of me or my penis. Or both. I wasn't sure.
We finally managed to start shooting the video which was hilarious because even with a really good teacher I was absolutely horrible at playing the piano. It was fascinating to watch and hear her play though.
Watching her do much of anything was fascinating to be honest.
I decided to do the intro when I got home so she wouldn't hear me mess up 899 times and because I wanted to stop doing video things and just spend some time with her.
"What do you want to do that doesn't involve us getting naked?" I asked as I zipped my camera bag after putting it away.
Carmen walked out of the kitchen with a pie in her hands, laughing at what I'd just said. "Since you couldn't have me for dessert, I figured we could finish off this pie Lydia made," she offered, moving past me and over to the couch.
She sat down and patted the spot beside her for me to join her. "I promise, I won't throw myself at you," she laughed again. "Come on, we'll do something else we've never done before. Talk."
"Are we eating our feelings?" I asked as I sat down next to her and took the fork she was offering me. "What shall we talk about, Ms. Kensington? Your life has been quite eventful these days."
"Not our feelings. This is stress eating until I can masturbate later," Carmen grinned and then scooted a little closer. "Well, I guess I could start off by addressing the obvious," she looked up at me as she took a bite off of her fork. "I never saw us having any kind of a relationship."
"Neither did I to be honest," I replied after finishing my first bite of pie. "I was too much of a pussy to speak more than a sentence to you much less start any sort of friendship," I laughed. "Then Lydia came around and I realized I was reading too much into it. I was able to talk to her so easily because I wasn't in-" I froze because I almost blurted out that I was in love with her and cleared my throat, "I didn't have feelings for her like I did you and I was like wow, this is really pathetic. I need to grow a set of balls and at least attempt to be her friend."
She poked her bottom lip out at me and pouted. "Awww. That makes me feel so sad, but also good," her lips curved into a smile. "I would always try to talk to you, even when we were younger... I took your quietness around me the wrong way. I swear I thought you hated me or something. I always wondered what I had done to you!" she playfully shoved my shoulder. "Git. I was emotionally damaged from all of those years of being shunned by you. I think I may have cried a time or two."
She was making it sound funny but it actually broke my heart. I never knew she cared that much about how I acted around her. "I never, ever meant to make you feel sad or like I hated you," I told her as I reached over and placed my hand on top of hers. "It devastates me to think of you crying at all over anything I did. I'm so sorry."
"I accept your apology," she smiled and picked up my hand and kissed the back of it. "I'm just glad we're the way we are now around each other. I'm quite fond of it... I've actually always li-" she stopped and let out a little awkward laugh as she shook her head then cleared her throat. "I always wanted to be your friend and actually get to know you.. I would watch your videos and try to come up with ways to start a conversation with you.. I tried really bloody hard to get your attention. Never would have guessed it would take my identical twin barging into my life for it work," she laughed again.
"It shouldn't have taken that," I rolled my eyes at myself. "I'm a complete idiot. I wish I could go back and change all of that. I feel beyond lucky that you're even giving me the time of day now. I never thought I'd be able to have a conversation with you let alone be able to kiss you." I had to grin at the thought of doing that. It had become one of my favorite things to do. "I watch all your videos," I admitted. "I always have."
"I never thought either of those things would happen, and-" she paused and leaned in to press a quick kiss against my lips "-I'm sorry, I'm not sorry. I can't stop doing it now that I can actually kiss you," she laughed then helped herself to another bite of the pie and got a surprised look on her face. "Really? That's flattering... Honestly, when I saw that video on Dan's computer and found out you had been watching it I thought I was going to die. I was so excited over it."
"Never be sorry for kissing me," I grinned at her. "Yeah, I knew you had caught me when I saw the look on your face when you got on the laptop that day." I laughed at myself remembering it. "Oh and I was always so damn jealous of whoever the hell bright eyes is," I rolled my eyes remembering many moments I'd spent hating whoever that guy was.
Her eyes got big and she started laughing and shaking her head as she moved her hand to cover her mouth. Was she.. laughing at me? "I'm sorry," she finally spoke up. "Just, uh, you were jealous?" she was blushing. "Awww. You really have no reason to be," she informed me, then started laughing again. "Sorry, I just remembered when Eric found all of those videos, he got so mad," she rolled her eyes. "Ugh, what was I even thinking dating that idiot? Why am I even talking about him? Oh, because of y- Bright-Eyes, that's right." She sat the pie down on the table in front of us and looked at me, "Can I.. uh," she pointed at my side and leaned her head against her shoulder.
Was she really asking if she could cuddle with me?
"Carmen, you don't have to ask," I said as I leaned towards her. I slipped an arm behind her back and wrapped my other arm around her before laying back on the couch, bringing her along with me so she could lay her head on my shoulder. "Much better," I sighed happily looking down at her. "I have to ask you this," I said as I began running my fingers through her hair. "Who is Bright-Eyes?"
She wrapped her arms around me and I could feel her entire body tense up when I asked her that. I'm not sure if she was even breathing for a few seconds. "Oh God," she turned her head so that her face was buried against my shoulder. "Okay," she took in a deep breath then sighed and slowly raised her head to look at me. She had a really scared look on her face and I was wracking my brain trying to think over who it might have been. "You," she admitted the immediately hid her face against my shoulder again.
It took me a second to really process what she said. My hand stopped on the back of her head as I thought it over and tried to make sure I heard her right. I wanted it to be me and I hoped it was me. Hell, I even thought it was me a few times because of certain things she said.
"Are you serious?" I asked, tilting my head in an attempt to look at her. Of course I couldn't because her face was buried against my shoulder. I used my free hand to touch her chin and nudge her head back so I could look at her. I couldn't make myself stop grinning. "I think that's probably the best thing I've heard in-" I paused "I don't even know how long," I told her before leaning in and kissing her lips. "I'm going to do what I can to make up for lost time. I promise."
"I can't believe I just told you that," she had a grin on her face that I could tell matched mine even though most of it was hidden behind one of her hands. She moved it though and I also noticed how red her face was. "Oh my God. I talked about you so many bloody times - I made a video series about you!" she laughed and shook her head before sighing again. "I'm thoroughly embarrassed with myself, thank you very much... And, you've already made up for a lot of time, really. I couldn't be any more happy with how things ended up working out."
I felt like butterflies were attacking my insides again. How the hell was it possible that this beautiful, amazing girl wanted me and had wanted me for years? "If it makes you feel better, I didn't watch all of the Bright-Eyes videos. Those were the only ones I skipped on sometimes because I was so jealous of him. Well, myself," I laughed. I leaned down and kissed her lips as I pulled her closer against me. "I'm happy too. So happy. I'm also very happy to know that i'm Bright-Eyes and I don't have to be jealous over him anymore," I laughed.
She cuddled up against me again, giggling. I could feel her chest expand as she inhaled, unknowingly to me, inhaling my scent. "I'm glad you know too."
I managed to keep my cool even though I wanted to completely freak out. I'd been jealous over that mystery guy for years and had no clue he was really me. I couldn't have stopped grinning if someone slapped me.
"So, Dan and I were talking about Christmas," I said as I started running my fingers through her hair again. "I don't know if your family is like ours but we do our stuff during the day so the night is free and we were thinking we could do the bff Christmas stuff that night at my parents' guest house if you and Lydia are up for it?"
I really hoped they were. I couldn't imagine a better idea for Christmas.
"Actually, Lydia and I were talking about that too. We figured since we'll all be in the same area that we should get together at some point, so that's perfect," she told me as she drew little shapes on my chest with her finger. "Oh, that reminds me," she began, looking up at me with a grin. "My friend Riley is having a big New Years eve masquerade party and I was wondering if you'd be my date?"
"Really?" I replied with a shocked expression on my face I'm sure. I mean, obviously she had feelings for me but the fact that she wanted to take me to a party as her date was a big deal to me. "Of course I will be. Though, I'm warning you now. I cannot dance." I laughed. "Do I get to see you in some fancy dress?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows at her.
Her grin turned into a big smile and she did a little excited dance and clapped her hands. "I'm excited! And don't worry, I can teach you some moves!" she laughed and pressed a kiss against my cheek. "Also, yes, you will see me in a dress. I know, don't faint or anything, but I can suck it up for one night and actually dress up," she rolled her eyes and laid her head against my shoulder again. "Thanks for agreeing to be my date. Everyone is going to be shocked when I show up with you."
"I'll be more than proud to have you on my arm, my lady," I said before kissing the top of her head. "You look gorgeous all the time so I can't even imagine how difficult it will be to keep myself in control when I see you like that," I laughed. "When will these wonderful dance lessons start? You might need some healing time for if I accidentally break your foot or something."
She lifted her head up again and looked at me before pulling away and standing up. "How about now?" she offered her hand to help me up. "By the way, I can't make any promises about how good my self control is going to be when I see you in a suit," she informed me with a grin. I guess that was her way of letting me know I was going to have to wear one to the party.
"Well, I'm glad I bought the one I wore to that premier," I said as I put my hand in hers. Instead of letting her pull me up I pulled her down so she fell on top of me and I wrapped my arms around her before kissing her lips. "Sorry. I had to," I whispered against her mouth before kissing her again.
I let her stand up again and stood up with her as well to keep myself from keeping her lying on top of me. "This is going to be terrible," I laughed, shaking my head.
She sighed and looked up at me with her head tilted. "What?" she looked kind of confused. "Oh sorry, I was just thinking about how nice it would be if we could fast forward to the chapter where we have sex."
I laughed and shook my head as I reached out for her hands. I placed them on the back of my neck before putting my hands on her hips and pulling her towards me. "I could give you a summary," I said as I looked down at her. "When it happens I'll take my time and make sure I get to kiss every part of your body that is kissable," I grinned just thinking about it. "And I'll make sure you enjoy every single second of it," I whispered as I leaned in and pressed my lips against the side of her throat. "We have hormonal issues I think," I said with my lips still against her neck while laughing at myself.
Dan's POV
I don't know how we ended up in my bedroom. I mean, one minute we were bouncing around on a DDR mat as we waited for the lasagna to finish baking, and the next thing I know, we were making out.
And now we were on my bed. Well, Lydia was on my bed and I was pinning her against it as I rested between her legs, kissing her.
I wanted to take this as a chance to get to know her, but I was getting to know her body better than I was getting to know her. By now I could tell you loads of things about it.
Her skin was soft and her hair was even softer - but neither of those things compared to how soft her lips were. They were sweet too. Maybe that's why I always attacked them... Wait - she attacked me this time.
I broke away from the kiss we were engaged in and there was a look of disappointment on her face, like she didn't want me to stop snogging her. I didn't want to stop either, but I had to take a second to catch my breath.
Between making out and being sexually frustrated, I was probably blue in the face.
However after taking in a few heavy breaths I leaned back in to kiss her lips, though, I trailed them across her cheek and onto her jawline before moving them to hers. I caressed my tongue against her warm skin before grazing my teeth across it and grinding my hips in against hers. The heat between our bodies felt amazing but it was such a tease, because I know, even though I wanted to continue, and she probably wanted me to, too, I couldn't.
I stopped kissing her neck and let my forehead rest on her shoulder as I let out a shaky sigh. "We should stop," I said, lifting my head so that I could look at her.
"No," she whined as she pushed her hips up against mine. I could feel her heat pressing against the painfully hard bulge in my pants. Her hands moved into my hair and she guided my head back so that I was looking down at her. "I want you," she told me before leaning in and kissing me again. "Please." She was practically begging and I could hear how badly she really did want me just by the tone of her voice.
How was I supposed to say no to that?
How was I supposed to move when she was touching me the way she was, and when it felt as good as it did?
My self control was fleeting and within the blink of an eye, it was gone.
I responded to her movement by dipping in and kissing her again. My tongue trailed across her bottom lip before I opened my mouth, kissing her deeply as I leaned onto my side so that I was laying beside of her instead of on top of her.
I moved my hand from her hip and slid it between her legs, and pressed my fingers against the warmness between them through the trousers she was wearing - which were so bloody thin and why it was so hard to control my actions. I could feel everything through them and I know that she could too.
I didn't let my hand linger there for long though - within a few seconds I moved it under the two layers of thin fabric and slipped my fingers between her slit, meshing the tips against her clit.
I grunted against her lips before I bit down on the bottom one. "You're so fucking wet," I told her, then trailed my lips down to her throat and slid my middle finger down to her entrance. "And tight," a moan escaped me as I said that, and curled my finger up against her, slowly moving it in a come here motion. I pulled away from her throat so that I could see her face, and just by the look on it I knew that she was enjoying what I was doing; and I was probably going to be doing it for a while so that I didn't hurt her when- well, you know.
Her back arched up from the bed and she moaned loudly as she pushed her hips against my hand. "Dan," she moaned my name as she brought her hand up to the back of my neck to pull me down. Her lips met mine and she kissed me hard, her moans getting lost in the kiss.
She broke the kiss and looked up at me not breaking eye contact at all as I continued moving my fingers inside of her. "I want you to fu-" she paused and got the strangest look on her face. "Dan, what the hell is that smell?"
My movements ceased as I looked at her my eyes squinting because I -
I sniffed the air and my eyes got huge. "Shit!" I pulled my hand out of her pants and sat straight up. "The food is burning! Fuck! Shit!" I grumbled as I moved to stand up, then nearly tripped because my coordination was completely fucked and I was light headed because all of the blood in my body had gone straight to my massive boner.
I collected myself by leaning against the wall for a second then booked shit out of my bedroom and down the hall to the kitchen.
Thankfully I didn't see any smoke as I grabbed the oven mitt. I opened the stove up and quickly pulled the tray out and sat it down on top of the oven.
The food we had been waiting two hours to cook was ruined.
"Fucking hell," I mumbled as I waved the mitt around the top of it while grabbing the wineglass that I'd left on the counter and finishing off the last swig that was left inside of it.
"I am so sorry. This is totally my fault," Lydia said as she stepped up beside me and looked down at the food. She looked up at me and was giving me the cutest puppy dog eyes I'd ever seen. "I really need to learn to control myself around you."
I sat the glass back down on the counter then turned the oven off before turning to face her again. "Awww," I poked my bottom lip out. I couldn't handle that face. "I can't say I wasn't enjoying it, but I think we both could use a little self control," I told her as I slid my hand onto her hip. "I did try to cook for you though."
You see, when she'd come over to hang out we were both talking about how hungry we were, because apparently we're two people who have bottomless pits where are stomachs were supposed to be; anyways, she had asked me to cook, so she could judge those skills, as she had put it.
She smiled up at me as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "I know you did and I'm sure it would have been amazing if I didn't let my vagina think for me," she laughed. "We can order some food and we still have plenty of wine. That's definitely a good thing." She stood on her tip toes and kissed my lips. "I promise I won't attack you anymore this evening."
"Didn't your Mum ever teach you not to make promises you can't keep?" I laughed then popped a kiss against her lips. "How about you grab the wine and I'll grab my phone and order some Chinese and we'll go do non sexual things on the couch, hmm?" I offered.
She agreed and grabbed the wine and our glasses then went into the lounge while I called and ordered a mass amount of beef and broccoli.
"I have gone from having 10 followers on Twitter to over a thousand because of the video Jack and Finn posted yesterday," she told me when I hung up the phone. She was sitting on the couch looking quite cozy with her legs curled under herself. "The anti-social girl is suddenly social," she laughed.
I sat my phone down on the table and picked up my glass of wine before sitting down next to her against the corner of the couch so that I was facing her. "No one warned you that would happen?" I laughed. "Hopefully they've been good to you. Your followers, I mean."
"They've been super sweet so far," she smiled as she sat her phone down. "I haven't read everything though. Most of them are people who watch Carmen and are really happy for us." She reached over and picked up my legs before laying them on her lap. "So, Daniel. Let's get to know each other better since we know each other's goodies pretty well," she laughed. "Ya know, I sort of have an advantage though. Because I've watched all of your videos so I know more about you than you know about me."
"I was actually going to say, I think I've kissed you more than I've actually talked to you," I laughed. It was weird, honestly. I'd not had a physical attraction to anyone like I had with her. "And since you watch my videos that means you have more to tell me than I have to tell you."
I tilted my head as I thought over some of the things that I already knew.
"Hmm, how was it growing up with a politician father?" I was actually really curious about that. She seemed so normal and down to earth - basically the exact opposite of how you would think someone raised like that would act.
"Interesting question," she replied as stretched her legs out and propped them up on the table in front of her. "Well, I was pretty much raised by my nanny. My Dad worked like all the time and my Mom was always doing charities and politician wife shit," she shrugged. "I mean, they weren't completely absent but it wasn't a normal childhood, ya know? My Mom didn't help me get dressed in the morning and my Dad didn't teach me how to ride a bike or whatever. I pretty much grew up completely unaware of what a real emotional connection was. I haven't really had a relationship with either of them until the past few years but now-" she shook her head and swallowed hard. "I feel like I don't even know them anymore. It's weird."
That actually shocked me, and further, made me feel bad for her. The life she just told me about versus what I had imagined were so different.
"I'm sorry," I frowned a bit and I wasn't sure what to say about it, because up until she said the latter part, I had forgotten the fact that her parents had forced Carmen's from letting the two have any contact. "What they did was rubbish... Maybe that's a sign that you should just stay here?" I offered, grinning at her. "You have Carmen, so you'll have family, and maybe you could try and develop other kinds of emotional connections with people."
Like, I dunno, me, maybe.
"I don't know if I'm ready for other kinds of emotional connections with people," she said as she looked down at my legs on her lap and smoothed her hand over my jeans. "I feel so out of my element these days. I wish I could explain it better but I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm scared of overwhelming myself," she sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair and looked up at me. "I can say that I don't like the sound of leaving here at all."
"I think I understand... You've pretty much gone your whole life surrounded by people who think the same way, and you kind of adapted to it, but now... well, you're around a bunch of people who do fuck all - all the time," I laughed. "And who aren't anything like what you're used to, so maybe you're kind of seeing a different way that life could go?" I offered. "Plus, you've had a lot of pretty drastic changes, with Carmen and finding out those things about your parents."
Or maybe I was just being a little too deep.
"That's actually exactly what it is," she said as she moved to scoot up the couch and squished in between me and the back of it before wrapping an arm around my mid-section. "I feel like part of me is saying that this should be my home and the other part wants me to run away because I'm scared of the unknown."
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and listened to her speak while taking a sip of my wine. "And that's completely understandable, but not all change is bad... and you came here not knowing what would happen," I shrugged. "I think you should stick around and give it a shot, honestly. You've got reasons to go, but you've also got reasons to stay. Pretty good reasons if I do say so myself."
She tilted her head and grinned at me. "Would you happen to want me to stay?" she asked before reaching out and taking my wine out of my hand then taking a sip from it.
"I do actually," I admitted. "I mean, of course for Carmen and whatnot, but I've got my selfish reasons too. I like you.. You're fun, and.. honestly? I think I- I mean, we, would be good for you," I smiled and rested my hand on her thigh. "I was a lot like you not too long ago. I knew what I wanted but I thought I had to live a certain way, then I met people who showed me otherwise... Phil was a big part of that actually.. I'm just saying, life gets confusing and scary, but you've got people to help you towards the light."
"Wow," she looked at me with an astonished sort of expression. "You are seriously amazing, you know that?" she asked as she leaned in closer to me. She brought her hand up to the side of my face and held my cheek while looking into my eyes for a second before kissing my lips very softly. "Thank you. You guys have already helped me more than you know."
She leaned back and took another sip of my wine before handing it back to me. "Is there anything else you want to know? I'm an open book, sir."
"Actually, there's loads," I laughed then straightened up. "I've been really curious about the whole adoption thing... You don't have to talk about it though, if you don't want. I realize that it's kind of a.. rough subject, but do you ever wonder about your birth parents? I mean, finding them one day?"
"It really doesn't bother me if you ask things about that. I actually feel really comfortable with you, obviously," she smirked. "But yeah, I have thought about it a lot. I wish I knew why my Mom put us up for adoption. Like, I've always wondered if it was because she couldn't take care of us for some reason or if she just didn't want us. I think that I've never attempted to find my real Mom and Dad because I'm scared to know the answer to that though."
I really couldn't imagine being in her situation even though she didn't really seem to be too affected by any of it. Perhaps she had just had enough time to get used to the idea of it all.
"Yeah.. I think I would be scared too. It's like, on one hand, you want to know, but on the other, could you even handle knowing? At least that's how I think I would feel if it were me.. But I'm also very annoying, so I think I would kind of have to know," I laughed. "I would also be really curious about knowing if I had any siblings. What if there's a third Carmen copy?" I laughed at the thought, even though she might not find it that funny.
Then again, at this point, if they ended up having a bloody identical triplet, it might actually be laughable.
"Oh God," she laughed. "That would be so insane. But, I know there are only two of us because our parents were there when we were born and all that. The picture of us in our lockets is us in the hospital after we were born and there were only 2 Carmen copies," she laughed as she brought her hand up and started playing with her locket. "I mean, I don't know what I'd even say if I found our biological parents though. Ya know? I mean what is there to say? Oh, thanks for giving me up for adoption. I have enough money to sit on my ass forever but am also emotionally undeveloped and probably need some
therapy?" she laughed.
"Or you could say, thanks for the amazing genetics, my friend Dan really appreciates them," I winked, grinning at her. "I don't know. I guess it would be really weird. Actually, it would be weird.. You could troll them, though," I offered, laughing at my thoughts before I could say them. "Did I inherit these sociopathic tendencies from you or is my need to kill people slowly then to dice them up a product of nurture?"
She cracked up laughing and facepalmed herself. "Holy shit. That would be so horrible but so funny. I'll keep that in mind if I ever meet them. But now that I've got Carmen in my life I'd have to talk to her about finding them because that definitely affects her as well." She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "It's all still so bizarre to me. I just think about how a few weeks ago my life was so, so different. I was probably sitting around watching your videos or tumblr stalking you around this time a few months ago and now I'm all cuddly with you on your couch," she laughed.
I couldn't help but smile at her, and then I took it upon myself to lean in and give her a kiss, lingering there for a few seconds before pulling back to look at her. "See," I tilted my head, my eyes studying hers. "That's proof that some change is good. Very good, actually," I pressed my lips against hers again.
I pulled away again, tilting my head a bit. "Oh, by the way, I ordered your Christmas present," I informed her, grinning at myself because she probably wasn't expecting anything from me. "And that reminds me, Phil told me to ask you if you would be interested in getting together with us on Christmas night so we can all hang out.. Phil's, Carmen's, and my parents all live relatively close to each other, and Phil wanted us all to stay at his parents' guest house that night."
"That sounds amazing actually," she said as she reached up to fix my hair. "And I can't believe you got me a gift!" she laughed looking really surprised. "I actually got you something too but I wasn't expecting you to get me anything. Now I'm very intrigued."
Well shit. I had no idea she'd gotten me something.
"Awesome. I figured you would be down for it, but I told Phil I would ask to be sure," I rolled my eyes. That man was so concerned with perfecting plans.
"What'd you get me?" I asked with my eyebrows raised. "Maltesers?"
"Nope," she grinned. "I planned on giving you a earth shattering blow job. I'm just gonna wrap up a certificate for it and everything."
Damn.
How was she a virgin?
HOW?
"Well then," I laughed, raising my hands up as I shifted my eyes. "My gift can't compete with an earth shattering blow job. I should probably return it then sit in the corner and rethink my existence."
"No way. I want whatever you got me," she laughed. "I actually got you something but it's not the blow job thing. I'm not sure if I'm capable of an earth shattering one."
"You're pretty earth shattering in general, so.." I shrugged. I was being honest. Lydia was incredible.
She bit down on her bottom lip and raised her hand to her own cheek. "Damn, Dan. I think you made me blush," she laughed. "You're pretty earth shattering yourself."
There was a knock on the door and my face lit up. "The food is here!" I said excitedly, pulling my legs in towards myself before leaning in to press a kiss against her lips.
I got up from the couch and made my way towards the door. I had them run my card over the phone because I didn't have any cash, so I didn't have to pay.
I thanked the delivery guy and when I shut the door and turned around Lydia wasn't in the lounge anymore.
I was confused, but really hungry, so I didn't go looking for her. Instead I went into the kitchen to grab a couple of plates and silverware and then went back to the couch to sit down and started opening up all of the containers.
The food smelled amazing. I couldn't wait to make sweet love to it with my mouth.
I heard footsteps coming from the hallway before Lydia appeared again with her phone in her hand. "Oh Daniel. I've just received such fun news," she told me with a british accent as she walked over to the couch. "I've been invited to a ball!" she said while flailing her arms about to make it more dramatic. "A masquerade ball to be exact," she grinned. "Problem is, I don't have a date. Do you happen to know of a man who would accompany me?"
I started laughing as I watched her. "A ball you say?" I moved my hand to my chest, over my heart and gasped as my eyes got wide. "A masquerade ball? Oh, my word! That is splendid news, my dear Lydia! But of course I know an agreeable man who would love to join you on the night of the affair. His name is Dan.. but I must warn you, dear. He looks more like a woman than a man, is that alright?"
She raised an eyebrow at me as she settled onto the couch next to me with the plate of food she'd just fixed for herself. "Dan, you say?" she asked. "I believe I know this man. I hear he is quite handsome, intelligent, sweet and is very good with his hands," she smirked. "Trust me when I inform you that nothing about him is comparable to a female. I believe I shall ask him. Perhaps he will be free that evening. It's on New Years Eve."
"New Years Eve?" I said. "I believe he's free, yes. As no one has invited him to any other event.. I'm quite certain he will agree to escort you," I grinned then popped a piece of food into my mouth, chewing it up before speaking again. "I've never been to a masquerade party before. Ball, I mean," I corrected myself. "Do I need to dress up for this?"
"Yep," she grinned, looking quite excited about that. "You have to wear a suit and a mask. It'll be entirely too sexy for me to handle but I'll figure out how to manage," she laughed. "Phil is going with Carmen. That's who called."
"So that means you'll be in a gown then?" I raised my eyebrows. I liked that visual. Oi. I hope I don't get them confused. That could be awkward. "It's still strange to hear their names being used together like that.. Where's this ball taking place?"
"Somewhere around where your parentals live, I think," she replied. "And yes, I will be wearing a gown. I'll make sure Carmen and I get very different looking ones so you don't kiss the wrong girl at midnight," she laughed before popping a bite of food into her mouth. "I wonder if those two have managed to get through their alone time without attacking each other."
"I will appreciate that very much. I'd hate to have a repeat of the Christmas jumper party." That was pretty awkward, trying to snog Carmen under a piece of Mistletoe. "I'm going to say probably not," I laughed. "From what Phil has told me, she's just as saucy as you are."
"It must be a family thing," she said as she leaned towards me and then kissed the corner of my mouth. "You had a bit of sauce there," she grinned and then kissed my lips. "And that was just because I wanted to."
"Mmm," I smiled and leaned in towards her, kissing her lips softly. "And that was because I wanted to," I told her before leaning back again and stirring my food around my plate. "So we've got a rather eventful week coming up. I'm excited for it," I mused.
She nodded and smiled at me. "Yes indeed. It looks like we'll be together on Christmas and New Years. I'm all up in your holidays," she laughed. "What do you normally do on those holidays and why don't you have some sexy lady with you already? You're a catch."
"Christmas I hang out with my family and then New Years Eve... I either go out and drink or sit at home and refresh different web pages with Phil," I laughed. "And I've just been focusing on other things," I shrugged. "Videos and whatnot. There weren't any girls I was interested in. What about you? Surely you've been asked out."
"I have," she nodded. "I'm very weird though," she laughed. "I've always been looking for this certain thing someone might have that just-" she paused "drew me in, so to speak. None of the people who asked me out really had that. Plus, most guys our age expect to get laid and I wasn't about to hand my v-card to any of those Harvard brats that asked me out. Wow, I sound like a total bitch," she laughed.
"Well, you've basically been trying to slip it in to my back pocket," I said before laughing. "You don't sound like a bitch, though. It's good to be picky about who you invest yourself in. God knows how picky I am about the girls I date."
"Maybe I've been trying to slip it into your back pocket because you have what those guys didn't," she raised an eyebrow, grinning at me. "So, should I take the fact that you enjoy kissing me and touching my goodies as a compliment since you're so picky?"
"That too," I laughed. "But more so the fact that I actually want to hang out with you and don't get annoyed by the sound of your voice... Okay, that makes me sound like a twat.. What I mean is, I don't really like a lot of people. Well, I do, but, you know. I don't care to hang out with just anyone."
"You don't sound like a twat to me because I'm the same way. Or, maybe I'm a twat as well," she laughed. "But I am very easily annoyed. You never annoy me in case you were wondering."
"Really? That's shocking, because I think I'm quite annoying. I'm lazy, I whine a lot, and I constantly screw with people.. I don't know how I've got any friends, honestly." I shook my head.
She sat her plate down on the table in front of us and scooted closer to me. "I can tell you this truthfully. You are one of the funniest, sweetest, most charming guys I have ever met. Being around you is actually pretty addictive. You should never think otherwise," she told me before leaning in and kissing my forehead. "I'll go get us some more wine," she said as she moved to get up from the couch. I watched her as she picked up our glasses and walked to the kitchen.
The smile on my face lingered there as I leaned back against the couch. No girl had ever caught my attention like this. It was like I was hooked and hanging off of every word she said to me.
I felt this odd nervous feeling in my stomach. The good kind of nervous though...
Butterflies, if you will.
I am so fucked.
