Chapter 8 - Please Save Me From Myself
The path to paradise begins in hell.
Veronica's POV
I jumped out of sleep as the door to the hut flew open, letting warm sunlight pour in. I squinted as my eyes adjusted and the sound of Fuerza's tiny yawn reached my ears. She had slept on me all night which was like having a small dog on me since she was a leopard cub but I thought it was cute. I was forced to share my meal with her last night which was delivered by a pirate that wasn't Vaas. I didn't see him for the rest of the day after what had happened with Fuerza.
"Time to wake up, Veronica," a voice said with a Hispanic accent. I looked at the figure of the man with a confused look; this was the first time a pirate had called me by my real name besides Vaas.
I stood from the cot, brushing back the hair from my face and walking towards the door. Fuerza's paws that were much too big for her body size pattered after me. I could almost feel her breath on my legs. When I stepped outside, I could see the pirate better and I recognized his face.
He was Carlos. The man who had gotten that disgusting pirate away from me. I remember him feeding me a few times as well. He was Latino or something of that sort. He was tall and muscular; his build was on the skinnier side. Now that I had a closer look at him, he was young, possibly around my age and maybe even younger.
"Carlos...right?" I asked, feeling Fuerza crawl between my boots and stand there. He nodded and turned, gesturing for me to follow.
"Yeah, now come on. Vaas wants you," he said, beginning to walk away but I grabbed his shoulder. He turned to face me again with a confused look.
"Thanks, you know, for before. With Manolo…" I said and Carlos looked even more confused for a moment. But then he remembered and he nodded.
"No problem," he said before walking away, expecting for me to follow.
I ignored his blunt answer and just trailed behind him while Fuerza stayed by my side. She didn't leave the safety of my legs and kept her ears back the entire time we walked through the compound. I could tell she was uncomfortable.
Carlos led me towards the rather large gathering of pirates standing near the entrance of the compound. They were all relaxing with cigars or talking while leaning or sitting on trucks. Carlos walked right past them and I made sure to stay close. We walked towards a particular truck, one with a certain scar-faced man nearby it.
Vaas was standing by the hood of the truck. There was a map in front of him and a few pirates were listening to him discuss something. He was pointing to a certain point on the map and the other pirates nodded. Carlos made me stand outside the small circle of pirates and we waited for Vaas to finish speaking. Fuerza weaved in and out of my legs, keeping her watchful eyes on the pirates.
"Alright, now get these fuckers in the trucks. You're gonna move out and meet me at the waypoint. Don't fucking do anything when you get there. Don't move, don't touch anything, don't make a sound. Don't even scratch your balls," Vaas said and the pirates all weakly agreed with words along the lines of "sure thing, boss."
The pirates disbanded and quickly blended in with the rest of the crowd gathered. Orders from each of them could be heard and Vaas folded up his map neatly before shoving it into his pocket. He looked up and saw me and Carlos, he smiled.
"Well, buenos días, Veronica. Did you sleep well?" he asked. He was clearly in a better mood and I wouldn't be surprised if he had traces of ecstasy running through his veins.
"Yes, much better than any other night," I replied and Vaas chuckled. "I see your little kitty is okay," he said, a little disgruntled at the sight of the cat. Fuerza looked up at him almost as if she knew he was talking about her.
"Fuerza," I interjected. Vaas gave me a confused stare. "That's her name. Not little kitty," I said and Vaas scrutinized me for a moment before looking to the cat again.
"Fuerza…" he mused with his arms crossed. "Strength...good name," he said and I wasn't sure if he was intending to compliment me or not. The meaning of Fuerza's name was in fact strength, it was Spanish so he understood it.
"Thank you," I said, figuring it would be nice to show gratefulness just in case. Vaas then looked to Carlos and nodded. Carlos immediately grabbed Fuerza and held her in a way that didn't allow her to claw or bite him. "Hey! What the fuck are you doing? Put her down!" I yelled, trying to snatch Fuerza from his arms but Carlos had already begun to walk away.
Fuerza mewled and growled, trying to fight Carlos but he was too strong for her to fight. Her wounds had not healed either so she was forced to be taken away. Vaas held onto my arm, his hands grabbing my burn so that I wouldn't run after her. I let out a pained shout at his roughness and stopped trying to run.
"Let go, that shit fucking hurts," I muttered, pulling my arm from his grasp and holding it to my chest. There was blood on Vaas' hand from where he touched the burn and I focused on pushing the pain from my mind. The burn felt like Vaas had just twisted the knife inside and I wished for it to heal quicker.
"Hmm, I forgot about that…" Vaas said, more to himself than me. He walked around to the passenger door of the truck and pulled out a first aid kit. He rummaged through it before pulling out a clean bandage. "Ven aca," he said, motioning for me to come closer.
"No disinfectant?" I asked and Vaas gave me an annoyed look.
"You want me to fucking put this away? Cause if you don't want it, I'm happy to put it back," he snapped and I shut my mouth with a small sigh. "Fucking sew your lips shut with all this complaining…"
"Culo grosero…" I mumbled and Vaas laughed. His ever-changing mood was always surprising and I sure risked getting punished whenever I opened my mouth. "Where are we going? And where's Fuerza going?" I asked, the last truck full of pirates leaving the compound with dust on their trail.
"We are going on what I like to call a little invasión. The boys call it a rampage," he answered, concentrating on tying the bandage around my burn. I winced as he pressed too hard in some areas but I knew I needed the barrier between my charred skin and the outside air. "Don't worry about your damn kitty, he'll be fine."
"She," I corrected, with a sharp voice. "She'll be fine. And she better be," I said, my voice low as I tried to look in the direction Carlos had walked. Vaas got my attention back by pulling at a piece of blackened skin that wasn't ready to peel off yet. I yelped and turned back to face him.
"What exactly do we do on this rampage?" I asked, eyeing his hands as he dressed my wound. He answered just as he finished tying the knot on the bandage.
"There, como nuevo," he said, seeming a bit proud of his handiwork. "A rampage is when we invade the native camps. We drive in there, guns blazing like an action movie. Boom! Boom! Boom! The natives are scared shitless." Vaas moved his hands around for explaining this notion and I flinched when he made loud the loud sound effects of explosions. "It's actually kinda funny. You should see their faces, Cosima. It's priceless. They cry and they beg like little children. It's crazy."
I watched his smile grow even wider with wary eyes. Did he really enjoy other people's pain that much?
"And then we take it all. And burn it all to the ground," he finished, proud of this tactic he seemed to have come up with.
"And what happens to the natives?" I asked, a bit nervous to hear what he was going to reply.
"Well, it's not like I have a huge problem with the bastards, but the boss hates the fuckers with a passion. I don't know, I'm not sure. He wants them all dead. So…" he clicked his tongue and motioned a gun to my temple. He met my eyes for a moment, his crazed brown ones meeting my near black ones. And then the pulled the "trigger", or rather his thumb, and made a gunshot sound.
"Even the children?" I questioned, even more hesitant to go along with his rampages.
"Yup," he answered with cheerfulness. I was shocked at this but I knew there would be nothing I could say to change his actions. He was too merciless. "We take some hostages for the business and some to play with. But destroying their shit is much more fun," he grinned and I stared at him.
Vaas' grin didn't leave his face as he opened the passenger door and gestured for me to get in.
"Well, Veronica? You ready to let it all go?" he asked and I blinked, still frozen in place.
With getting in that truck, he was asking me to kill. To murder. And in another second, without a second thought, I had gotten into the truck and Vaas was driving us down the road.
X
"Alright, so the plan is simple, Veronica," Vaas said. I noticed how he was using my real name more often. "We bust in and take the fuckers by surprise. The little town has some Rakyat fucks in it but we'll kill the bastards before they know what hit 'em. Then you just shoot what's in sight, the boys will take care of the explosives and the hostages. Okay? Alright? Don't fuck this up, Ronnie."
I blanched at his use of my old nickname. The nickname that was only used by my dead brother and sister. Flashbacks were immediately thrown at me, happy memories, sad memories, angry memories, and they all led up to the moment of Eden's death. I hadn't even noticed my white knuckling on the seat.
"Cosiimaa…" Vaas said, singing my name to try and get my attention. "Aye!" he yelled, snapping his fingers at me. I jumped and turned to look at him, he watched me with careful eyes. He then laughed, turning his eyes back to the road. "You checked out there for a second, hermana. You gotta stay focused, and as I was saying don't fuck it up. You got it?"
"Yeah, I got it," I responded still sounding a bit distant. "Who are the Rakyat?" I asked, wanting to figure out this whole Native deal.
"A bunch of pussies, don't worry about them. All you need to worry your pretty, little, white ass about is shooting a gun at anyone not wearing red. Bien? Good," he said, turning his attention back to the road.
I nodded in agreement but he wasn't looking at me. We just continued to speed down the dirt road with loud dubstep pulsing from the radio. My hands were still gripping the seat from Vaas' nickname for me but I held on tight anyway as Vaas jerked the truck all over the road. He was nodding his head to the music and was utterly relaxed at the wheel despite how terribly he was driving. We hit rocks and bumps, causing me to grit my teeth in fear of possibly driving off road and into a tree or off a cliff.
We finally arrived at the rendezvous point and all the pirates were waiting as ordered. Vaas slammed on the breaks when we pulled up next to them and I put my hand out on the dashboard to keep my head from flying forward.
"Let's move, cocksuckers!" Vaas yelled, hopping out of the truck and not even bothering to open the door.
The pirates were already read to go, guns in their hands and a truck full of explosives ready. Vaas went right to the back of the truck and began to dig through the mess of...whatever was in there.
I followed him, opening the door and getting out before joining him. I scanned the bed of the truck and my eyes widened at the sight of messily piled guns and grenades. Bullets and ammo were freely rolling around as well.
"You drive horribly," I commented quietly, still feeling a little shaky from the ride over. Vaas only laughed before putting some sort of machine gun in my hands. I had absolutely no idea what it would be called, I didn't know much about guns.
"You have shot a gun before, right?" Vaas asked, hints of mockery in his voice as he watched me examine the gun with wide eyes. He thought it was funny…
"Pistols and shit like that, but nothing like this…" I said and Vaas reached over, jerking a lever backwards and then forwards, making a bunch of clicking noises. He then flipped what I knew was the safety off.
"Simple, you just pull the trigger and spray it," Vaas said and I nodded even though his advice seemed was common sense. He slipped another clip into my back pocket before lightly slapping my ass. "Alright, vamos." He had also slipped a pistol into my belt.
He waved for me to follow him and began to walk towards where the pirates had gone. I glared at him but just scowled and followed. We entered the foliage of the jungle and began to creep along until we reached another tree line. A few pirates joined our flank and peered out of the grass with us.
It was a small camp and not very impressive. A few shacks were pulled together and looked to be falling apart. Two separate campfires were going and both were cooking food. The amount of Rakyat men that were in the camp did not match the scene. What were so many doing in such a worthless place?
Vaas then made a motion and a few pirates immediately were on the move. It was like they had done this routine millions of times. I watched as a team of pirates gathered outside the shanty houses and run down walls around the camp. My eyes were intently scanning the camp, trying to find what was so important. And then I saw it.
It was a larger shack that looked newer than the others. More Rakyat men stood around that particular shack and if you paid really close attention, you could see the butts of guns and the green of grenades. It was an armory, heavy artillery. And the pirates were about to steal it all.
I looked to Vaas to see his eyes alight with anticipation. He was holding a walkie-talkie in his hand and he refused to take his eyes off the sight in front of him. His finger pressed the button and he spoke.
"Go."
With that word, about three grenades filled the camp along with one smoke bomb. All three grenades were a safe distance from the armory while the smoke bomb covered the safe house with smoke. The Rakyat were immediately thrown into confusion but their cries were quickly silenced with the explosions.
The grenades took a lot of the men out and the rest were either limbless or in disarray. The pirates then entered the camp, ignoring the smoke and the blood, and unleashed their firepower on the soldiers.
Screams and yells for help rang out in foreign accents as the pirates killed off a few of the Rakyat. The others who had the quick senses to hide and use their guns were fighting back. I watched as one pirate fell to the ground dead while another was wounded.
"Get them, you cocksuckers!" Vaas yelled just as one of the trucks pulled up in front of the camp. Vaas quickly ran forward to take cover behind the truck along with a few other pirates who followed his lead.
I was frozen for a moment, not quite sure whether I was going to follow him or not. I certainly didn't want to, I wasn't crazy, I didn't want to die. But at the same time, the thrill was tugging at my curiosity.
What was it like to fire this gun? What did it feel like? What did it feel like to kill?
Next thing I knew, I was at Vaas' side, staying crouched against the side of the truck. I clutched the machine gun in my hands and found them to be trembling slightly. Was it adrenaline or fear? My heart was pumping too rapidly for me to know.
Vaas was having no problem at all shooting his gun haphazardly at the remaining soldiers and even laughed while doing it. He enjoyed this.
His excitement encouraged me and I peered over the safety of the truck. I pulled the trigger and felt the gun vibrating in my hands. The recoil was making my aim off but I wasn't really aiming anyway. Even more adrenaline pumped through me and I loved it.
A grin found its way onto my mouth as I kept shooting the machine gun. It was exhilarating yet terrifying. I wasn't even sure if I had hit anyone but the sound of the gun in my ears was enough to satisfy.
The fight was over quickly as it was a surprise attack and there were more pirates than Rakyat. I was out of breath and wasn't able to cheer with the rest of the pirates. The group immediately began to bring the rest of the trucks around and load up the cargo. Others began to scavenge the dead bodies, fighting over money and cigarettes.
I just stood there, coming down from my high. I watched Vaas supervise the loading of the weapons, barking orders about being careful and letting out sounds of delight at his prizes.
Once all the artillery was loaded into the trucks and carefully strapped in, Vaas returned to me and the truck. He was smiling and seemed pleased. I realized that this is what put him in a good mood.
"Ay, Veronica! Muy bueno! You did excellent," he praised and his happy tone was a bit unfamiliar. "How did you like it? The gun is nice, yes?"
"Very nice. It was...fun," I answered, still slightly out of breath. Vaas let out a laugh and I was a bit more reassured with my feelings. I wasn't the only one who found the fighting fun.
"Uh-oh. Lookie here," Vaas said, grabbing my arm and examining my bicep. I looked down and was shocked to find it bleeding. I was also covered in a light layer of dirt from crouching on the ground and the blood had dripped down my arm. "Ronnie has a boo-boo. Your first battle scar." He seemed pleased.
"It's not that deep," I commented after looking at it closer. A bullet had skimmed my bicep, leaving a gash. I didn't even notice. But after noticing it, the pain from it began to set in. It wasn't too bad but it stung.
"Vamos, let's head back," Vaas said and I realized that nearly all the other trucks had pulled out and left.
"Va bene," I answered which earned an eye roll from Vaas.
We hopped into the truck and Vaas sped away. He drove as carelessly and recklessly as he did before with dubstep blasting from the radio once again. I tried to keep my open gash from hitting anything but it was difficult with Vaas' driving. I would wince or hiss every time I bumped it. Vaas didn't notice, too busy listening to his music.
We arrived outside the compound and I noticed that there was a rather peaceful looking river nearby. The water was clear and there was a waterfall followed by multiple boulders, looking almost like the screensaver on a computer.
I tapped Vaas' shoulder and he turned his music down, turning to look at me.
"Qué?"
"That river. Can I go over there?" I asked and Vaas slammed on the breaks. I had to put my hand on the dashboard to not slam my head against it.
"What river? That one?" he asked, nodding to it. I nodded.
"Just some relaxing time, you know. I can clean myself off there," I said, gesturing to my dirt covered self and bloody arm. "I won't go anywhere and I'll be back to the compound soon."
Vaas thought for a minute before rolling his eyes and scowling.
"Fine. But I'm sending a guard out here with you. Don't need you running off," he said but I felt like the guard was more to protect me than keep me from escaping.
"Thank you, I won't be long," I said, getting out of the truck.
Vaas sped off, rounding a corner and entering the compound. I was left behind in the dust. I made my way over to the river and was comforted by relief with the cool water.
It wasn't long before a pirate showed up. He had come on foot since the compound wasn't really that far away. We didn't greet each other. We made eye contact and I turned back to my task. He seemed impatient and annoyed to be on the job of watching me. I just ignored him.
I rinsed my cut out and watched the blood wash away and leave clean skin. It was silent except for the rustle of water, call of birds, and the clicks of stones as I waded my way into the water. It only reached my shins but I used the water to clean the dirt off my arms and face. I began to hum, not bothering to look at the pirate who was boredly pacing, waiting for me to finish.
"How much fucking long―hey, what the fuck was that?" the pirate said, his voice suddenly concerned.
I turned to see what he was nervous about. He was scanning the tree line, his hands clenched around his gun. I looked where he did, trying to see what the problem was. As I gazed around, I thought I saw a flash of orange through the brush but it was gone in a second. It almost looked like the fur of a tiger…
Not a second later, a powerful roar ripped through the air just as the tiger jumped from the jungle life. I jumped back in surprise while the man was frozen in fear and shock.
"Tiger!" he yelled, as if there were others there to hear him. He began to empty the clip of his machine gun, not bothering to aim and the bullets sprayed everywhere in his panic. Yet he only managed to hit the tiger twice in the shoulder. The tiger snarled at this and I watched as blood dripped into his white underbelly.
The pirate struggled to reload but the tiger had no mercy. He ran at the pirate and had snapped his neck within a few seconds. The screams of the pirate were silenced immediately and the tiger began to sniff at his body, it was like he hadn't noticed me yet.
My flight response kicked in and I scrambled in the opposite direction of the tiger. To my disadvantage, we were in an area that was blocked off by tall rocks and water. It was a clear area so there was no chance of me outrunning the tiger even if I wanted to try to make it to the tree line. And to make it worse, I was left alone with only the pistol Vaas gave me to defend myself.
I tried to climb up on a few outcroppings of rock to get myself to higher grounds but I was too clumsy and slow. In my frenzied scramble, I caught the tiger's attention and a rock sliced deep into my palm. I hissed in pain and fell to the ground.
I hit the hard ground with a grunt, propping my elbow up and clutching my spinning head as if I were steadying it. A bump was forming on the back of my skull. I blinked, gathering my bearings again after I examined the blood dripping from my palm. Suddenly, a deep growl reached my ears. The growl sent fear pooling into my stomach and I lifted my head up to see the tiger staring directly at me yards away. Its tail was flicking back and forth and he was crouched in a stalking position.
With the tall rocks above me and safety so close, I felt like I could've saved myself. The scene reminded me of ancient Rome when the Emperor put slaves into an arena and watched as the tiger butchered the slaves. Of course, no one was there to be entertained by my death but still.
I slowly reached for my gun, which was difficult while lying on my side. But my hand grasped thin air. My breath caught in my throat and I looked around to find that it had fallen in a different direction from when I fell. I couldn't see it so it must have fallen into the shallow water, I guessed that it had fallen to the right. I would have to run and find the gun as fast as I could but that kind of time didn't exist when a tiger was hunting you. My gaze stayed frozen on the tiger, watching him carefully as his shoulders shifted and his eyes were alight with excitement.
Amidst the fear, I was able to examine the tiger from this view. He was old. His body aged and skinny. He must not have eaten in a long time. One of his eyes was blind and there were multiple bullet wounds and scars that decorated his fur. He had been through many battles. Blood still stained his shoulder from where the pirate had shot him. This tiger had been through a lot. I could only hope his strength was diminished. But a snarl that came from his terrifying jaws made me think twice.
"Oh...shit," I barely uttered, the words coming out so breathy that I could hardly understand them myself.
I then slowly pulled my knife out of my belt, which I luckily still had, and the tiger growled at my movement. I began to sit up and the tiger's growls intensified which continued to build up the anxiety in my chest. But I continued to push closer to the edge of danger. I was not going to die like this. I was sitting now but when I made a move to stand, the tiger let out a ferocious snarl and charged.
I couldn't have screamed if I wanted to, my throat was closed in fear. I quickly got to my feet while clenching the knife in my hand, ignoring the pain in my cut hand. I dodged the tiger but I wasn't fast enough. His claws dragged across my right thigh and I cried out, gritting my teeth but I had to ignore the pain. I had to get to my gun. It was my only chance of survival.
My eyes scanned the shallow and clear water, locating my black gun with ease in seconds. But the tiger wasn't done yet. I held the knife in an offensive position and regained my footing as the tiger charged again. I only managed to swipe him on the side before sprinting as fast as I could to my gun. The only sound I could hear was the pounding footsteps of the tiger running after me.
I dove for the gun, adrenaline pulsing through me like a drug. I could feel my skin scrape against the rough rocks but I paid no attention to it. The tiger jumped on me before I could get my gun ready. A scream made its way out of my throat as terror and pain spread through me. The tiger had slashed me on my stomach. And he had cut me deep.
Driven by the desperate need to survive, my body moved for me. I kicked the tiger, hitting him on the snout. It stunned him for a moment but he recovered much quicker than I anticipated. Another scream was wrenched from my mouth as the tiger clawed my face.
Blood was streaming into my eye and down my leg and stomach. The wounds were so deep, my eye was seeing red. Surprisingly, I didn't feel too much pain. It must have been the adrenaline and fear that numbed it all. But I could feel myself growing weaker.
But the tiger wouldn't let up. I barely managed to keep him off me with my legs as. He was an old and tired tiger, he was weak. I would be dead if the tiger was young and strong. I was lying on my back, the tiger over top of me. His teeth were bared menacingly and his one eye was filled with bloodlust.
Almost like Vaas.
I struggled to keep the tiger away while he swiped and swatted at me. It was hard to focus on using a gun correctly while a tiger attacked you. But I did it. After struggling horribly.
Five shots echoed through the jungle before I was entirely sure that the tiger was dead. A few shots might have just been out of paranoia. The tiger's body went limp on top of me; the sound of his hunger and anticipation were silenced.
I was breathing heavily and my heart was hammering against my ribcage. I was sure it would pound right through my chest. I stayed frozen for a moment, trying to get a hold of what had just happened. It was hard to believe that I was alive.
Blood from the three bullet holes in the tiger's head and the two in his chest rushed onto me but I acted as if it wasn't there. I could only blink and lay there with the heavy tiger on top of me.
"Cosima? Veronica!" I heard Vaas' voice yell. Footsteps pounded towards me and in that time, I shook myself out of shock and shoved the limp tiger off of me. "Fuck, Veronica," he pulled me to my feet with a smile, "that was sick! You almost died!"
There was laughter in his voice but I ignored it. The other pirates were looking around for any sign of danger while another kicked the body of the tiger to make sure it was dead. I looked down at my wounds to see four cuts on my thigh, they didn't look too deep. But the four gashes on my stomach were. They gushed blood and they were wide. I couldn't see my face but judging by the pain near my eye and the amount of blood sliding down my sweaty skin, the cut was something to worry about.
I suddenly felt fatigued.
My eyes felt like they were dragging with every movement and I looked up at Vaas to find his usual smile. He nudged me on the shoulder as if he was proud of me but I didn't process it.
"Shit, Ronnie, you okay?" he asked, gazing at my wounds with slight concern. I ignored the name he had used for me. I didn't respond, getting lightheaded and only thought to press my hands to my stomach. My hands were soaked with blood in less than a couple of seconds, not really having the effect I wanted. "Hey, hermana. You alright?" Vaas asked again but his voice grew distant and his face blurry.
The pirates around us had become red blobs with no real shape. My eyes fluttered and I could hear my slowing heart beat in my ears. I looked back down at my red-soaked hands before feeling my legs finally give out. I went crashing down. I never seemed to stop falling. Gravity continued to pull me into the darkness even though my body had reached the ground.
I fell until I could see the light no more and Vaas' voice, still indistinct, couldn't be heard.
X
Pain makes us strong but, a lot of pain makes us mad.
X
It was dark. Pitch black. I squinted to try and see something but there was just nothingness. Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in my stomach and I cringed, looking down to see the four claw marks where the tiger had clawed me. Blood had started to seep from the wound so I put my hand over it to apply pressure.
"Hello?" I called tentatively. My voice echoed through the black void and no one responded.
Then the darkness started to fade into brilliant shades of green and brown. I watched in awe as the image of a jungle, much like the one on the island, started to appear. It was so realistic looking that I longed to reach out and touch it. Just as I was about to place a finger on a damp leaf, a voice made me jump and I yanked my hand away.
"You have quite a scratch there. You must have run into something with wicked claws…" the voice drawled. It was familiar, the sentence was familiar. It was the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland.
I whipped my head to where his voice had come from and sure enough, there he was. Black mist swirled off his body as his tail flicked back and forth while he sat on a branch. That wide and terrifying smile was spread across his lips, revealing his sharp teeth.
"The Cheshire Cat…" I mused as if he couldn't hear me. I raised an eyebrow and walked towards him slowly. My hand was still pressed to my stomach but it was coated in blood now, yet I wasn't weary or weakened.
"How did you know, my dear?" the cat responded but the question was made to make me feel stupid. So I didn't reply.
The cat disappeared and I looked around, knowing he was bound to pop up somewhere. But while I was searching, I saw masked faces in the jungle. Red masks, ones that looked like devils. Fire dripped from their mouths and their eyes glowed like burning embers. Long horns were coming out of the tops of their heads. It was all a very terrifying appearance. They were watching me but disappeared into the trees when I spotted them.
Before I could react, the cat's wide grin was next to my face and I jumped back in surprise. The rest of his body faded into visibility and I watched him cautiously as he examined my wound.
"It's a pity, but you'll survive," he said nonchalantly before floating away. I blanched for a moment, was that all he was going to say? He had helped Alice in the movies but he was just going to leave me here alone? I saw his figure begin to disappear but I called out.
"Wait! Do you know where I am? Or how I can get out of here? I think this is a dream, but it's all so familiar…" I trailed off, looking around the dense jungle again. When I scanned the trees again, I saw the stripes of a tiger. It weaved in and out of the foliage, teasing me with the idea of danger. The cat became opaque again and he sat back on his branch while watching me with a smile. It was as if he were amused by my confusion. "Can you help me? I don't know where to go."
"The question is...where do you want to go?" the cat sighed and I rolled my eyes. He was speaking right from the script and I was not amused at his joking manner. The derailing question might've been straight from the movie but I couldn't stop myself from answering.
"I guess it doesn't really matter as long asㅡ"
"Then it doesn't really matter where you go," the cat said, cutting me off as he began to evaporate into mist again. This time, his stripes disappeared before his entire body did.
I became even more frustrated and glared at the space where the cat used to be. I didn't really know what I expected if I already knew what the cat was going to say. The cat had gone but I could still hear him.
"You know where you want to go, Veronica. You know what you have to do. You know what you want. You just won't admit it."
"Admit what?" I spat, clenching my hands into fists. I could see the cat's eyes through the brush and his mouth became visible as well.
"Admit that you are attracted to him. Attracted to the danger. You want him, don't you...but you refuse. Why?" the cat asked and I glared up at him. He smiled and his lips seemed to curl up at the ends in an evil way. He hadn't said Vaas' name but we both knew who he was talking about.
"Well, he's absolutely crazy. He's insane. He kills people for fun," I explained. I would've continued but the cat cut me off again.
"We're all mad here, Veronica. He's mad. Even you're mad. You just don't quite know it yet. And besides, you've killed people. You've killed people for fun as well." I scowled at him and he gave me another infamous smile. Flashbacks of me ripping apart the pirate that had shot my sister flickered in my head. The blood, the machete, the pirates encouraging me. His severed head staring up at me with wide and terrified eyes. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memory.
"I'm not crazy and you don't know a thing about me," I growled but it was clear that I was just denying his accusation. But he wouldn't stop smiling and I hated it. He thought he was right and I knew he was. But I wouldn't let him win.
"Say what you want, but I think we both know just how mad you are."
Those were his last words to me. He began to fade away again until he was nothing but a wide grin. I glared fiercely at it until the smile disappeared as well. Being alone in the jungle unnerved me and I looked around to see if there was anything nearby. The jungle was nothing to mess with and even I knew that.
Another voice made me jump and I whipped around to face whoever it was. The trees in front of me had disappeared into steam, leaving a pathway for me that led to a clearing. A meadow, perhaps.
"Veronica!" my mother's voice echoed and I saw her standing in the clearing. I stepped into the meadow and was able to get a closer look. She was wearing white, like an angel, and she didn't look sad or exhausted anymore. I almost didn't recognize her.
"Mom?" I called, walking towards her with an expression of confusion. But suddenly, a little girl ran past me with her long, black hair flouncing in the wind and her bare feet covered in dirt. Her tinkling laugh rang through the air as she ran towards my mother. She welcomed the strange little girl with open arms and swung her through the air. Both of them laughed in joy before my mother kissed the child on the cheek.
I watched this display in confusion and silence, trying to figure out who this little girl was. My mother and the little girl turned to look at me, my mother's arms still wrapped around the child. And when I saw her eyes, I knew who she was.
She was me.
"There you are! We've been waiting for so long!" my mother exclaimed, smiling brightly at me. She was beautiful. I felt dirty and unfit to be in my mother's presence. I was bloody and messy while she wore pure white and had flawless, glowing skin. We wore complete opposite clothing. Mine didn't exactly cover my body completely and it was black, my mother wore white and her dress swept the ground.
I couldn't help but smile a little at her before walking towards her, longing for the embrace of my mother. When I reached them, the younger version of myself grinned at me and my mother smiled her gorgeous smile.
"Look at you, all grown up. You get more beautiful each day," she said, looking as if she wanted to reach out and touch me but she didn't. The girl nodded and looked at me with admiration. "I'm so proud of you, baby," she said and I felt the urge to cry. What sort of torture was this?
My mother was suddenly closer to me and the girl was standing on her own feet. We were almost face-to-face. She looked straight into my eyes and I realized that we were the same height now. I stared back into her eyes and felt a stab in my heart from seeing that baby blue color. Deep in those blue eyes I could see sorrow and regret. I could only guess what it was for but I liked to believe it was for leaving us.
She looked down at my stomach with concern and pulled my hand away from it. I expected to feel pain as her hand gently poked my wound but I felt nothing. She pulled her hand away and looked at it, it was covered in blood but it looked strange against her bright skin. Her face twisted in confusion; she looked like she had never seen blood before. I wanted to laugh; blood was no foreigner to me. Blood was a close friend, I saw it every day and it was a comfort.
My younger self looked concerned as well and worry was evident on her face. I opened my mouth to speak, to say what I should've said to my mother before she died but her figure grew fuzzy, like a TV with no reception. I wanted to cry out for her to stay but a scream that came from the little girl got my attention.
My father had appeared, he was wearing all black, just like me. He was gripping the little girl by her bicep and I could recall just how hard he would squeeze. Tears started to stream down the girl's face and she cried out when my father hit her. His hand hitting her face echoed through the meadow.
"You're a worthless piece of shit, Veronica!" my father yelled, his grip tightening around the girl's bicep. She was sniffling and gazing up at him in fear. My gaze had turned vicious and I glared at him with a fiery look in my eyes. "You're a fucking mistake that managed to fuck everything up." Furious tears began to burn the back of my eyes at the familiar words.
My father then turned to me, keeping his hold on the little girl who was leaning away from him. I noticed that there were bruises and cuts all over her, they hadn't been there before. When did they appear? My father's glare was on me now but he stayed away from me.
"Just look at what you've done. Look at the blood on your hands. You killed Mason and you cover it up by making up a fucking imaginary person. You are weak. You can't even face the fact that you killed your own brother." My heart pounded in my ears and I could feel the growing panic striking my heart. It was getting harder to hold in the tears.
"And now Eden is dead. You killed her, Veronica. This is your fault. You brought her to this Hell Island and now she's dead. You murdered your own sister. And now you're lusting after this man who tortured you and caused you all this pain. You're the monster, not me. You disgusting slut," he spat with absolute contempt. I shook my head at him like I was trying to deny what I had done.
Tears had begun to stream down my cheeks as I thought of the truth in his words. He was right. He was so right. My father turned back to the younger version of myself and hit her one last time. But this hit was hard, it knocked her to the ground and she yelped in pain. I felt my heart jump in fear and I grit my teeth.
"Don't touch her, you bastard!" I yelled, running at him. But just as I was about to tackle him to the ground, he evaporated into thin air.
I fell to the ground, slightly confused at what had just happened. I laid on my side, looking around for my father but saw no one. Except my younger self. She was lying on the ground in the same position that I was in. We both stared at each other, a mirror image but one older than the other.
It was silent as we stared at each other. I had a bit of fear in my eyes as I scanned the little girl, seeing the bruises and cuts that decorated her skin like artwork. They had appeared out of nowhere but I had remembered my little body being battered and bruised like that so long ago. The girl replicated the look I had in my eyes, she scanned me as well, looking terrified at my wounds and beaten body.
My eyes strayed from my younger self to scan the scenery once again. Everything was so bright and colorful; flowers were in full bloom, the grass was lush, the leaves in the trees swayed with the breeze. I contrasted with the clearing. I was dressed in black, covered in blood. But something else caught my eye that contrasted as well.
It was a man, he was standing farther away from me, closer to the tree line. He was dressed in a white shirt and black pants. I was too far away to identify him and before I could stand, my younger self was already running towards the man.
"Mason!" she exclaimed, her voice excited and happy.
My eyes widened and I pulled myself to my feet, my jaw dropped slightly as I took in the features of his face. I recognized him now. I immediately pressed my hands to my ears and shook my head. I hoped I wouldn't hear him calling to me but his voice reached me anyway.
"Ronnie! Where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere," Mason said. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or my younger self.
I clenched my eyes shut in hopes of blocking him out. My legs seemed to be frozen in place, I couldn't move. I couldn't run. I couldn't escape. The light, airy dream had become a sudden nightmare. Facing Mason was ten times worse than facing my father.
The little girl's laughter twinkled through the air along with Mason's chuckle. A small gust of wind hit my face and I opened my eyes in surprise to find that I was suddenly in front of Mason. Either I had moved or he had moved, but none of it made sense anyway. Mason held the little girl at his side, keeping a protective arm around her. He smiled at her before turning to me.
After staring at Mason's familiar face for a moment, I let my rigid form relax. My hands slowly fell to my sides as I took in the comforting aura around my brother. I hadn't seen him for so long and I realized I had missed him.
But Mason's expression changed. He suddenly looked sad and pained, and it took me a while to realize that a blood spot was growing on his chest. My eyes widened in horror at the knife that had appeared in his chest.
It was in the exact same spot that I had stabbed him.
It was in so deep that the blade itself was not visible and Mason's white shirt was drenched in blood. Mason looked almost unaffected by the wound but he looked down at it with sorrow. The little girl looked terrified, staring at the knife in fear with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Why did you kill me, Ronnie?" he asked but I was already running.
I ran back the way I came, through the jungle as fast as my legs would carry me. I tripped and stumbled multiple times but it didn't keep me from stopping. Yet Mason's voice still reached me as it had before. I could still hear the cries from the little girl as she pleaded for Mason to live.
I turned to look back, knowing it would be a bad idea, but tripped again, falling forward and rolling down a hill. I rolled into yet another clearing but it wasn't the same one as before. I looked up, panting heavily from running and hauled myself to my feet.
Would the dead people never stop coming? Who was next?
I don't know why I bothered to ask myself that question. Of course I knew who was coming next.
"Why did you let me die, Ronnie?"
That voice. That sweet, little voice. Across the meadow was Eden. She was dressed similarly to my mother, in a white, flowing dress. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to run or go towards her but I didn't have to make the decision as yet another person appeared in front of me. I jumped back but relaxed as I recognized the person as Vaas.
He looked different as he stood between me and Eden, his eyes were deranged more than usual. He had a wild look about him that exceeded any way he had looked before. An immediate feeling of danger filled me and my instincts told me I should back away from this savage.
But I was frozen in place once again.
Vaas stepped forward and I tried to brace myself. Yet he only grabbed my wrist and pulled it up to his forehead. In my hand was a gun I didn't even notice was there. He wrapped both of his hands around mine to hold the gun in place. My finger was on the trigger.
A pure ebony snake had made an appearance as well, slithering across Vaas' shoulder and spiraling around my arm. I only stared as its white tongue flickered in and out of its mouth while Vaas' eyes didn't leave my face. The snake's milky white eyes matched the intensity of Vaas' stare.
"You are so close to the end…let it all go…" a voice said. Vaas, it was his voice but he hadn't moved his lips. "You already killed two people. One more won't hurt…"
"Only the strong survive…"
"We're not the savages, mate…"
"I'll roast you in the furnace until your skin crackles…"
"I'm gonna kill that motherfucker…"
"Knives take people away…"
Unfamiliar voices rang through my ears along with Vaas' shouting. His yells grew louder and louder, waitingㅡno, beggingㅡfor me to pull the trigger. He wanted his blood splattered all over the grass, he wanted a hole in his head, he wanted me to end it.
"...joke in the face of death…"
"...destroy all of it…"
"...eat what you kill…"
"...fuck…"
"...kill…"
"...insanity…"
"...blood…"
It became too much. The snake tightened its hold on my arm, constricting until the blood rushed from it. My finger pulsated on the trigger and it seemed so easy. So easy with just the flick of my finger, and it would all be over.
And I did it.
I pulled the trigger.
Blood splattered everywhere and there was nothing but a ringing in my ears and darkness.
X
"Was it really that bad? Look at how easy that was, Veronica. Look at how easy it is to just shut the door. To put away all those bad things in your pretty, little head."
He was laughing but I couldn't see him. The darkness was keeping me from moving, suffocating me.
"Madness is the emergency exit, hermana…"
Translations:
Buenos días: Spanish for "good morning"
Ven aca: Spanish for "come here"
Culo grosero: Spanish for "rude ass"
Invasión: Spanish for "invasion"
Como nuevo: Spanish for "good as new"
Hermana: Spanish for "sister"
Bien: Spanish for "good"
Vamos: Spanish for "let's go"
Muy bueno: Spanish for "very good"
Va bene: Italian for "okay"
Qué: Spanish for "what"
