Disclaimer-NO DAMN IT!!! I DO NOT OWN IT!!! ::Curses under breath::

Author's Note-I'm just giving you all a fair warning by saying this. I haven't slept in five days straight because of stupid exams and they're still going on. I' am in a pissy, tired, bitchy, plain old bad mood. So, I do not know what is going to happen with the following chapter. Enjoy my randomness and the twistedness of the romance. Thank you .

NOTE: Don't worry I didn't forget, I promised some citrus, lime to be exact. It's not bad at all, just a few lines here and there that might make a chill run up your spine. It is defiantly not past R rated material so keep your flames intact. Enjoy ;).

Twisted Romance

By: Unknown Saiyan

Chapter 9: Lunch?

Link hesitantly walked around the corner to see the restaurant in which he would soon be in. He didn't like the idea of going to a different restaurant with a different girl who was obsessed with him for the next seven days. This was only the first, and it was with Din. He remembered Din from the diner he had with her. Need I remind you. He stopped in front of the doors and paused. He shifted his eyes to the clock which read 11:57. He didn't need to be there for three whole minutes.

He waited outside until the clock said 12:00 exactly. He almost wanted to wait another minute to see if Din would think he wasn't going to come again. As he entered the restaurant he didn't exactly seem to be that fond of it. Actually, he couldn't wait to get out of it. It was called Restaurant In the Clouds and served weird food. He was disgusted by the feminine atmosphere that was clearly present. Not that he minded feminine things, but this was overdone.

He approached the hostess and asked her if Din had made reservations. She smiled at Link and told him that indeed she had and that he should follow her. "Here you are, sir." The hostess said as she seated Link across from Din and handed him a menu. "Thank you."

"Hello, Link how are you?" Din asked. "I'm fine, and you?" He said looking down at his menu. "I'm okay. I'm just still flabbergasted at what happened at the museum the other day." Din said. Link looked up at her and he felt a pulling feeling in his gut. Yeah he screwed her that one night, but no it didn't mean anything. He was just merely in need of some physical pleasure and he chose her as his innocent victim. She gave herself to him willingly as the others were willing to do as well. But he only did her. He didn't even know anything about her besides her name and how her insides felt. She was a goddess alright.

"Yeah, Saria and Zelda caused quite a scene." Link said attempting to forget about the embarrassment he felt afterwards. "What would you like to order?" He asked her in his most gentleman-like tone. "Oh, Link, did I not tell you? I'm buying. It's in the rules. It wouldn't be fair to make you pay for seven girl's meals." Din said. "Alright then."

Din and Link talked away a storm starting with their theory's on the contest up until their remembrance of that one evening. "Link. . ." Din said as she trailed off. "Yes?" "You know that one night. When we, well, you know. Did that mean anything to you?" She asked with a face as sweet as an angel. Link would feel bad if he told her a lie, but right now he couldn't tell her the truth either. "Of course it did." He lied as the felt the knot in his stomach tighten. Din gave a faint smile as she carefully placed her utensils on her plate.

'How could I have treat her that way? No one ever told me that there were side affects to screwing a goddess. I wonder if all goddesses have this affect on people.' Link thought as he watched as Din wiped her mouth with her napkin. She noticed his staring and gave him a small smile.

He had to admit, he enjoyed eating lunch with her. He liked everything about this meal except for the restaurant. He didn't think that his great- great-great-grandmother could have worse taste than this. One o'clock came quickly and in the blink of an eye they were saying goodbye. Link was looking forward to being with Din in the next round. He wouldn't be eliminating her.

Another day, another hour with a girl who was head over heels for him. It was only the second day of this round and Link was already sick of it. He hadn't even gone to lunch yet and he was already wanting it to be over. Farore insisted on picking Link up at his house. So there he was, waiting for her to arrive. . .

'Ding dong.'

She was here. . .He dreaded this. . .He dreaded the whole thing. 'Let's get this over with.' He opened the door to find Farore wearing 'very' formal attire. "Uh, was I suppose to dress up?" He asked. "I guess you'll be okay, but what were you expecting a McDonald's." Farore asked with her nose in the air. He shook his head and led her to the limo in which she came in. 'Where are we going?'

When they arrived at the restaurant Link found himself at one of the most expensive restaurants within a 2,000 mile radius. He was truly impressed. This girl knew how to eat lunch in style. Even though she could be a stuck up bitch she certainly was rolling in the dough, he liked it. A smile crept up on him that made him look more evil than evil itself.

"Is this where we are eating?" Link asked. "Uh-huh. I even reserved us a table in a private room." She said as she winked at him. 'This is lunch, not diner and screw you night.' Link thought. 'Although, I'm quite fond of that idea.' He caught himself getting slightly aroused and ceased his train of thought. Farore began walking towards the door as Link's two feet seemed to be chained to the floor. He watched her hips sway back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. He shook his head and followed her.

"Reservations under Farore for two." She said to the hostess. "Right this way, mam." The woman led them through a beautiful dinning hall that seemed like it was fit for a king. She stopped at a door and opened it to reveal a small room with a magnanimous interior. Link was in awe. Farore was used to pampering herself and immediately sat down onto the pile of cushions that served as chairs. She motioned for Link to come by her with a slight movement of her index finger.

Link swallowed a big lump in his throat as he was soon on the pile of cushions with her. "What do you want for lunch, Link?" She asked as she pressed her body up against his. "Uh-"She slowly ran her hands down his chest and sent shivers throughout his body. "Food."

She began to laugh so hard at his stupid little comment that she was rolling on the floor. When she finally calmed down she sat across from him. "Whew, I had the giggles." She said as she picked up her menu.

Link gave an uncomfortable laugh and a priceless weirded-out look. She was an odd one, but she was hot. That's what mattered to him, that she was good- looking. (A/N-Isn't it annoying when a guy pretends to like you just because he likes your body and doesn't really care to get to know you for you? Yeah, it is. Sorry, this paragraph got me angry. Baka Link.) He ordered a shrimp alfredo and she ordered the soup and salad. When the meal arrived they had only ten minutes left to eat. Link was irritated by the fact.

He gave one look at his dish and wanted to complain. 'They call this a serving?! This is more like from the children's menu!' He thought to himself. He decided not to say anything and inhaled his lunch. When he slurped the last piece of spaghetti it was time for him and Farore to say goodbye. He left with a half-empty stomach.

Once again Link was required to go out to lunch with some random girl. He was sick and tired of it. He wished that they had come up with a better idea than just 'go out to lunch'. As he walked down the street he kicked a tin can into a sewer. His head was facing the ground and he dragged his feet along the pavement, he looked far from excited.

"Link!"

Link's head turned up and his eyes meet the contestant.

"Why don't we walk together since we ran into one another." Malon suggested.

Link gave a slight nod and continued dragging his feet. "Come on Link, it will take us the rest of the century to get there if you keep walking like that." She urged. He gave her a grunt of annoyance. "Well, I'm sorry that I am a burden to you, Link." She scoffed.

He gave her no answer; he wanted her to get pissed off. He didn't know why. She was cute when she was upset. "Yeah, you are a burden." Well, she was beyond pissed at this pointed and she bashed him on the head with a stop sign. "Link!!! I hate you!!!" She screamed with a burning passion.

"I'm glad we're both on the same page." Instead of blowing up she started to laugh. "You are the only one who really knows how to get me going Link." 'What the hell? Why the sudden change?' He thought. 'Is she bi-polar? Or does she just have major mood swings?'

Either way he didn't care, he just figured that she was a preppy perfectionist who just so happened to be a wench. Yes, she was.

They continued walking for ten minutes until she stopped in front of a door. "Is this the restaurant?" Link asked, a little confused because it didn't look like a restaurant. She nodded her head and opened the door which made a nasty creaking noise. When the door was opened it revealed a dirty staircase that led to another level. 'Where the fuck am I.'

Malon walked up the staircase with much poise and motioned for Link to follow. When they reached the top there was a crowded Chinese restaurant full of Chinese people. Link liked Chinese food and was surprised at the location of the place. It looked like a dirty run down building on the outside, but on the inside it was an ordinary restaurant. They were seated in a booth and were handed menus and Chinese zodiacs.

By the time the food had come Link was getting curious about Malon. 'Why hasn't she tried to hit on me? She always does without fail. She's acting different.' He looked at her slurping up her beef chow-fun. (A/N-Or however you spell that.) She was really cute, and if you were ever going out with her she no doubt had to be the perfect girlfriend. Almost. . .

They had finished their meal with at least ten interesting conversations. They actually managed to eat without breaking into a fight, very strange indeed. Just as they were getting up from the table Malon latched her hand around Link's arm.

He gave her a questioning look and was met head-on with an innocent one. "Link, do you think that maybe we could go to my place." She asked wit pleading eyes. No matter how badly he wanted to say yes he just couldn't. He didn't want her getting kicked out of the contest, not yet anyway. Saria would defiantly find out if they went and did something like that. "No, I'm sorry I can't." He said giving her a sorry face. "Link, but I don't care if I get thrown out of the contest. I really don't. Not if I could be with you just once I'd get thrown out for all eternity!" She exclaimed.

He knew she wasn't going to take no for an answer, he had to find another solution. He glanced at the clock to find that they still had a good fifteen minutes left. "Malon, we still have fifteen minutes together. . ." He trailed off as she got a devious smirk on her face. She began to drag him out of the restaurant, almost forgetting to pay the bill.

When they were finally outside she pulled him into a dark alley. She wrapped her arms around his neck and plunged in for a kiss. He pushed her away slightly and she pushed out her lower lip into a pout. She attempted this again and he turned his head to the side. No matter how much he wanted this, especially right now, he couldn't. He knew someone would find out. Although he didn't know how.

Malon didn't give up, not there anyways. She backed away from him altogether, instead she just rested her head onto his muscular chest. He didn't mind this, it was just hugging, right. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the brick. After a good few minutes Malon began making trails up and down his chest with her hand. Link was obviously just out of it because Malon figured he would have tried to stop her when she got lower.

She brushed her hand against his area and she received no action. This angered her and pleased her both at the same time. Just as she went in for the kill Link grabbed her hand and moved it away. He shook his head, gave her a quick kiss, and left her alone in the alley. Just before he turned the corner he looked back to find her kneeling on the ground with her head in her hands. He felt sorry, but he knew the right time would come for her.

Another day, another complaint from our hero. He was sick and tired of doing this, maybe he could just fake sick. Nah! He figured they would drag him out of bed if he did that. All he could do was attend the four more days of 'go to lunch and be bored'. He dragged himself out of his house and headed for the restaurant.

When he arrived he found Nayru sitting at a two-person table. He joined her and looked around the place. It looked like a rib shack. He didn't know that Nayru liked ribs.

He ordered a full slab of ribs and was basically drooling over them when the arrived. As soon as he was going to dig in Nayru stopped him.

"Link, do you have no manners? Are we pigs now, that we have to eat with our hands?" She questioned him. "Don't you eat ribs with your hands?" He asked her with a 'come on and let me eat already' look.

"No, and could only hope that you do not as well. And if you do I do not think that I could stand to eat at the same table as you. Link hesitantly picked up his fork and knife and began to slowly cut his ribs. He cursed at her under his breath and one by one he shoved the fork into his mouth.

They ate in utter silence, for when he began to talk Nayru silenced him and told him she had a headache and all she wanted to do was listen to nature. 'Yeah, clanking dishes and people munching on their food.'

When they had both finished eating Link got a little smile on his face that said 'let's make some trouble'. He and Nayru headed for a bench outside the restaurant and decided to sit down for five minutes, because that was about all they had left.

When they sat down Link put his little plan into action. He scooted closer to her and put his hand on her leg. "Oh, Link, I don't think that you should be doing that." She warned.

He didn't listen and he moved it up further. She gave him threats and tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. He quickly slipped his hand inside her pants and beneath her panties in one perfect motion. If you were sitting besides them on the bench you wouldn't even know what was going on. She protested in a silent way, not wanting to draw attention to them. He then plunged three of his fingers inside of her opening and she immediately stood up from the bench at gave him a quick slap.

"WHAT IN GOD'S FUCKING NAME ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" She screamed in his ear, not caring about not wanting to draw attention anymore. "Nayru, at lover's lane you wanted me to do more than that." She blushed, but the look of pure anger never left her face.

"I get it, you're all talk, but you're prude. Admit it." He said as he watched her try to retreat. Before she could run off her grabbed her hand and placed it on his belt. "You know you want it." He whispered into her ear. Shivers ran up her spine as she pulled her hand away and shook her head. She then turned her back on him and walked away.

Once again, Link had to go out to lunch. The last three days though were going to be with the three trouble makers. All three of them had a knack for disruption.

(A/N-I pretty fucking tired of writing about lunch and you're probably fucking tired about reading about lunch. So I'm going to do us all a favor by not bothering to write the last three. I'm just going to skip to the part where Link does his elimination thingy-ma-bob.)

The seven girls were all lined up and literally shaking. Not one of them wanted to be eliminated. They dreaded the part where Link would eliminate somebody. Including Link, it was getting harder and harder to let one of his 'objects' go.

"I'm sorry, but I am going to eliminate. . .Nayru." He said.

Nayru didn't say anything. She left the line, leaving a gap in the middle of it. She approached Link and gave him a quick kiss and walked away.

Before she left the house she turned around to meet everyone staring at her. The last emotion Link saw in her eyes was one of sadness, true sadness. For right before she turned around a tear escaped her eye.

Author's Note-I know this chapter was more serious than funny, but hey get over it. It took me three days to write this stupid chapter and after much trial and error I am finally posting it. Oh, I have happy news! On May 21 my boyfriend asked me out!!! Like any of you need to know that, but I am excited. His name is Alex ;). Please review because it seems like nobody hardly reviews anymore and that makes me sad. =(. Have a good week.

Unknown Saiyan