Chapter 8- The White Wizard
Opal: *typing furiously on a computer* Angela! We have to do something about our disclaimers! They're not funny anymore!
Angela: *lazily watching Opal* Oh, I don't know, they're pretty good. Remember my motto. Yoooooooooooooouuuuu. Shall not. FAIL! (except in maths)
Opal: But you don't HAVE a motto.
Angela: *fiercely* I do now! Anyway, the point is, you're stressing to much about these stupid disclaimers! If you're not careful, you'll start getting hallucinations!
Suddenly a wild Draxie appeared!
Opal: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH! HELP! I'm hallucinating a disturbing cross between a pixie and a dragon! How does that even work?!
Angela: Ummmmm... Opal.
Opal: *nervously* What?
Angela: *smiles* I don't think it's a hallucination.
Opal: *faints*
Angela: *turns to Draxie* Thanks! I don't think I could have stood her ranting much longer.
Draxie: Don't worry, it was a pleasure.
Angela: *nods* Yeah, thanks. Can you go now, and I'll wake up Opal.
Draxie: Yeah, ok. See you later. Maybe I'll bring my friend Scratch to the next disclaimer.
Angela: Sure! I'll see you later!
Draxie: Bye!
Angela: *yells in Opal's ear* OPAL! YOUR MUM CALLED AND SHE SAID YOU FAILED THE MATHS TEST!
Opal: *jumps up* WHAT?
Angela: *laughs* Nah, jokes, but seriously we need to finish this disclaimer, it's already too long.
Opal: Alright then! Angela and I don't own Lord of the Rings, we only own the characters Alanna and Charlotte.
Angela: There, now lets go, we're late for school!
Opal: *panics* WHAT? Come on come on let's go!
Angela: *laughs as she is dragged out the door by a panicking Opal*
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOo
'Someone's coming,' hissed Legolas, throwing out an arm to stop the others.
'The hobbits?' asked Boromir hopefully.
Legolas shook his head.
'Do we know who then?' asked Charlotte a little too loudly.
'Shut up, Charlie! Keep quiet. Still, if I had to guess, I'd say it was Saruman,' he said.
Boromir and Aragorn half-drew their swords and Gimli readied his axe. Legolas nocked an arrow and Charlotte hid behind a tree. A bright white light suddenly shone out from somewhere to the left of them blinding them all. Legolas fired somewhere in the general vicinity of the light and only missed because whoever-it-was stopped the arrow before it reached it's mark.
The weapons of all the other boys were rendered useless and a deep voice emanated from the source of the light.
'You are tracking the footsteps of two young hobbits. They passed this way the day before yesterday and met someone they did not expect to see,' the voice said.
'Who are you?' asked Aragorn.
The light dimmed and the last person any of them had expected to see stepped forward. It was Gandalf! At least, it looked like Gandalf. He was now wearing white robes instead of grey ones and carried a different staff. His hair and beard were white and his beard was a lot shorter than it used to be.
'I don't believe it!' cried Legolas. 'Gandalf? Is it really you?'
'Yes,' replied the old man. 'But I am now Gandalf the White.'
Charlotte stepped out from behind her tree and decided to completely ignore the fact that Gandalf had been dead and now wasn't dead.
'I really must break this ridiculous habit of hiding behind and in trees. It is sooooooo clichéd,' she said. 'Now, does anyone know where in the world we are?'
'That's the problem with you girls,' said Aragorn. 'You can't carry a map in your heads.'
'That's because our heads have something in them,' retorted Charlotte.
'Yes,' Legolas muttered, 'Like one of my friends.'
Luckily Aragon didn't hear him.
'How are Merry and Pippin?' asked Gimli before Charlotte and Aragorn started sniping at each other. 'You hinted that you've seen them.'
'I have,' confirmed Gandalf. 'And they are quite safe. Safer, in fact, that you are about to be.'
'Very reassuring, I'm sure,' muttered Legolas.
'But that still doesn't answer my question!' Charlotte said indignantly. 'Where in Middle Earth are we?'
She produced a map from somewhere, unrolled it and began trying to make sense of it.
'Can someone point it out to me on this map that Alanna nicked?' she continued. 'She seems to be able to make sense of it all but I can't make head or tail of it.'
Legolas helpfully turned the map the right way up.
'Come with me,' Gandalf said. 'We are going to Edoras to help King Théoden who, as you might remember, is being possessed by Saruman.'
The wizard turned and walked off in the direction from which the others had come from. They followed him through the trees and out of the forest with Charlotte still trying to make sense of the map.
Inside Alanna's head...
Alanna was doing her very best to booby trap her imagined room so that the next time Charlotte was in there, she would get a very nasty surprise. Alanna had limited resources but she had an idea and it was coming along quite nicely.
What are you doing? asked Charlotte with her thoughts. I hear suspicious noises.
'Building a pillow fort,' Alanna replied, determined to keep Charlotte in the dark. 'What does it look like I'm doing?'
Well I don't know because I can't see what you are doing, can I? Two things, though. One) Why? and Two) You seem to be taking an awful long time on it.
'These things take time, you know.'
Good point, but you haven't answered my question. Why?
'I'm bored.'
I see.
In reality, Alanna was not building a pillow fort. She was using some string she'd found under her bed to rig trip wires all over the floor so no matter where Charlotte stepped, she would trigger a booby trap.
Charlotte was not very observant and would be far too interested in what was going on outside in the real world to notice some string at ankle height in the virtual one. At least, this was what Alanna was counting on.
The trap was complex in its building but it was coming along quite nicely. First, Alanna dragged the pillows and blankets off the bed, took her extra blankets and pillows out from under the bed and stuffed them all into the wardrobe so that, when the door was opened, they would fall out and land on top of whoever opened the door. Alanna realised that this was not going to be very effective unless Charlotte was standing right next the the wardrobe so she came up with another plan,
The wardrobe had a hinged false bottom that opened outwards in Alanna's real bedroom and so it did in the virtual one. This was normally where Alanna hid things that she, strictly speaking, wasn't supposed to have. Her secret stash of chocolate, was a prime example of this. Alanna decided that now the secret compartment was going to be used for launching pillows.
Alanna removed the pillows and blankets and tied a bit of the string onto the hook which was how the false bottom was opened. She ran the string out of the wardrobe and then shoved the bedclothes back in.
Next, she took the string and wound it around and around the various pieces of furniture so that, when pulled, it would simultaneously yank open the door of the wardrobe; pull the false bottom on the wardrobe up, launching the pillows out; and tip the bookshelves so that the books would fall out and onto the floor.
No matter where Charlotte tried to walk, she would not be able to avoid triggering the trap.
I'd like to see her disentangle herself from this mess, Alanna thought proudly.
She carefully stepped between the gaps in the string, leaped onto her bed and sat down to wait.
Outside Fangorn Forest...
Once they emerged from the trees, Gandalf gave a loud whistle and a pure white horse with no saddle or bridle came galloping over the plains towards them. It was followed by the bay, chestnut and white horses that Éomer had given to Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli, and also by Alanna's black stallion. Charlotte had no idea where Alanna's horse came from, seeing as he had been left behind at Rivendell, but she didn't complain, seeing as she despised 'going wolf' as she called it. Everyone except Charlotte and Legolas got onto their horses but Charlotte was adamant that ladies should ride sidesaddle as this was 'proper'. She needed a lot of coaxing, and a leg up, to finally get her to ride the way Alanna did but they finally managed to get going.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO oOoOoOo
About two days later, the Fellowship of the Ring, minus four hobbits, arrived at the city of Edoras. The city was situated in a very good position on top of a hill with views for miles around. The small group had no trouble getting into the city but once they arrived at the hall at the top, wherein resided King Théoden, they were accosted at the door by a group of seven guards. One of them stepped forward.
'My name is Hama and I am afraid to say that, if you wish to speak with the king, you must deposit your weapons here,' he said.
'Who says?' inquired Legolas.
'It is the order of the king's chief advisor, a man named Gríma Wormtongue,' was the answer.
'I know him,' growled Charlotte. 'A few years back he tried to...'
Charlotte stopped at the look on Gandalf's face.
'Tried to what?' inquired Hama.
'Tried to steal my sword,' finished Charlotte.
'Hmmm...' said Hama unconvinced. 'Very well. Leave your weapons here and I shall take you to the king.'
Almost all of the others gave up their weapons. Gandalf managed to sidestep Hama's request that he leave his staff behind and Aragorn was reluctant to let his sword out of his sight. Charlotte took a subtle step sideways while giving her bow and arrows to Hama but tripped, 'accidentally' managing to get her boot tugged off in the process.
'Damn and blast,' she said with convincingly faked frustration.
She yanked her boot back on but Legolas caught a fleeting glimpse of her dagger as she surreptitiously transferred it from her belt to he boot. Charlotte stood up and acted as if nothing had happened but winked at Legolas. Everyone then turned their attention to Aragorn who was still adamant that he was not going to leave his sword behind where it could be stolen.
'Let's speed things up a bit,' Charlotte muttered to Legolas.
Without waiting for an answer, she slipped around so she was standing just behind Aragorn and, with light fingers, unbuckled Aragorn's sword from his belt and placed it among the weapons of the others. She then slid back around so that she was standing next to Legolas. Aragorn never suspected a thing.
Upon seeing this, Hama allowed them into the hall much to Aragorn's confusion but Boromir told him to just go with the flow and so he did.
At the end of the hall which they had now entered sat a man on a throne. He was very old with white hair but looked as though he had been a mighty warrior in his day. At the feet of the king sat another man. This one had oily black hair, sallow skin and wore a self-satisfied expression.
'Why should I welcome you, Gandalf Stormcrow?' asked the king.
'A just question, my liege,' said the other man in a voice as oily as his hair. 'Late is the hour when this conjuror chooses to appear, more likely to seek aid than to bring it.'
As he said this, he advanced towards Gandalf and the others. Charlotte stepped out from behind Legolas so that Gríma could see who it was.
'Keep your forked tongue behind your teeth, Gríma,' Charlotte snarled.
'Don't do anything stupid,' Legolas said, just loud enough for Charlotte to hear.
Charlotte ignored him in favour of terrorising Gríma.
'I've never known Charlotte to be so vindictive,' whispered Boromir. 'This guy must have done something really terrible. Do you know what?'
'No,' answered Legolas. 'But I suspect Alanna had something to do with it and Alanna is somehow influencing Charlotte's actions right now. I'd like to find out what this guy did even more than you would.'
Gríma took one look at Charlotte and looked scared for an instant before his fear was replaced by an evil grin.
'Why, if it isn't the pretty princess descending from on high to mingle with the commoners,' he said.
'Oh put a sock in it, slippery git,' came Charlotte's vindictive response.
'Oh, temper, temper!'
'Don't do it, Charlie,' Legolas said almost to himself. 'Please don't do what I know you are about to do. Arg! She did it.'
As Legolas was saying this, Charlotte pounced on Gríma. It took six guards to drag her off him and she quickly escaped their clutches. She slipped her dagger from her boot and dived at Gríma again. Gríma expected something like this and grabbed hold of Charlotte's arm and twisted it painfully behind her back. He swiftly grabbed her other hand, wrenched Charlotte's dagger from her grasp and pressed it against her throat. Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli moved to help her but Gríma pressed the knife harder against Charlotte's neck.
'I thought I killed you once and was punished severely when it was discovered that you were alive. I do not intend to make the same mistake again,' hissed Gríma.
'Don't make me do this,' Charlotte said warningly. 'I don't want to have to resort to raw, ugly violence. It is not proper.'
This statement threw Gríma, making him loosen his grip on her and Charlotte took the opportunity to extract herself. She turned, with the intention of rescuing her dagger and almost got a slice across the cheek for her troubles.
This time he has gone too far, Charlotte thought and made an executive decision about what to do next. Gríma lunged for her but missed and, like lightning, Charlotte gave Gríma a vicious and well-aimed kick right in the Casanovas. Every male present flinched but Gríma yelled and lay on the floor cursing.
'Language!' Charlotte exclaimed, suppressing a smile.
She turned to Legolas, Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli who were all seriously reevaluating their opinions of Charlotte as a girly, vain elf who had no idea of how to handle the real world.
'Well,' she said lightly. 'I think that's that done, don't you?'
'Look out!' cried Boromir.
Charlotte turned but too late. Something collided with the side of her head and she knew no more.
Inside Alanna's head, just after Charlotte snarls at Gríma...
Alanna could not believe her eyes and ears. Charlotte was being as vindictive, if not more, as Alanna would be in the same situation and Alanna was completely thrown off course by this new development. Alanna was even more shocked as events caused Charlotte to pounce on Gríma and even manage to draw her dagger before Gríma got hold of it and threatened Charlotte with it.
What do I do now? came a plea for help from Charlotte.
'Say something that I wouldn't normally say,' instructed Alanna. 'He's so thick that he'll loosen his grip on you. When he does, get free and turn to face him. Rule One of single combat: Never turn your back on an enemy. Once you're facing him, kick him in the Casanovas and get away sharpish.'
The Casanovas? inquired Charlotte. Are you sure?
'Definitely. He cheated in a duel and then tried to kill me...us...I don't know how one refers to oneself when one has MPD but just go, go, go!'
Charlotte thankfully did as Alanna said and when she kicked Gríma in the Casanovas, Alanna swore she saw Aragorn flinch.
Yes, Aragorn, she thought. Flinch. Now that you know what Charlie and I are capable of, you might want to be a little less patronising in future.
By the end of the fight, Alanna was almost regretting the trap she had set for Charlotte... Almost... But not quite. In any case, she did not have time to undo her trap as Gríma came at Charlotte from behind and hit her over the head.
Edoras, now...
Alanna came to to find Gimli sitting on Gríma's chest and Gandalf obscuring her view of the King Théoden. She scrambled to her feet, reclaimed her dagger from Gríma and returned it to her boot. Gandalf was attempting to extract Saruman from the king's mind and had already cast aside the grey traveling cloak that he had worn to hide his new status as a white wizard.
'If I go, Théoden dies,' hissed Saruman, using the king as his mouthpiece.
'You did not kill me, you will not kill him,' replied Gandalf.
'Rohan is MINE!'
With that Saruman caused the king to leap at Gandalf but this was too much for Saruman. Gandalf used his new powers to send Théoden back into his chair, freed from Saruman at last. Théoden slumped forward but was caught but a young woman with blonde hair before he hit the ground.
'I know your face,' said Théoden with wonder. 'Éowyn.'
Éowyn smiled at being recognised by the king. Théoden was given his sword again and, after that, spotted Grima. Alanna scowled at the thought that someone else might get to Gríma but thought that the king deserved the pleasure more than she did.
Oh well, she thought. I'll take it out on Saruman. He was the one who ordered Gríma to kill me after all.
Alanna stiffened as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked to her left and saw Legolas standing beside her. Memories of what Charlotte had done in Fangorn flooded Alanna's mind, drowning out all else. She backed away from Legolas.
'Allie?' Legolas asked. 'Where are you going?'
She did not answer but turned and fled the room. Before the double doors slammed behind her, Legolas distinctly heard a sob.
A Note From Angela and Opal:
Angela: Oily hair, sallow skin, self-satisfied expression... Hmmm... Now where have I seen that before! *coughs in a way that sounds like "Snape"*
Opal: *sighs* Well, it's true! that is how Grima looks! Anyways, for those who are unsure as to what the flippin' 'eck the Casanovas are, think about what gentlemen possess that women do not and you've got it. Yes, I am evil (I am not called Queen Opal Koboi for nothing) and I get even more evil in the next chapter, but Gríma had it coming to him.
Angela: For those of you who have already guessed what the Casanovas are, you may be wondering what Gríma did to make both Alanna and Charlotte so mad. We will tell you...
Opal: In the next chapter. Now, goodbye for now and see you all in the next chapter which will end on one of my evil cliffhangers! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gags*
Angela: Opal, are you quite alright? You seem more insane than usual today.
Opal: You read the email I sent you. The one that contained this chapter, that is. I have a cold, I didn't sleep last night and I had a heap of sugar on my porridge this morning. You should know that that's a deadly combination.
Angela: Okay. I'm taking you up to your bedroom and locking you in. *drags Opal away* Goodbye readers and please review!
