Sometimes, Victoria could still imagine it. She had been wary of going to Stella's party, but she knew she had to. It would've been rude if she hadn't gone, and Oliver wanted to go. Victoria had a feeling that she wasn't wanted there and that she wouldn't have been invited if Oliver had not been her best friend.
Stella's dad owned a club downtown. Stella was proud of it – the streaming lights, the dance floor, the hottest music – and her dad let her use all of it.
Victoria hated dark places with a passion. Why would any sane person like the darkness? The darkness always sent chills down her spine, as if someone watched her from the shadows. But when she turned on a light, it would all disappear. Victoria always slept with a small light, even when she was deemed too old to sleep with one.
She also hated loud parties, like the ones Stella threw. They intimidated her. They frightened her. Sweaty bodies surrounded her as she fought her way through the dance floor. Oliver was nowhere to be seen. He was most likely in the bathroom after drinking several cups of an unknown liquid.
"Excuse me," Victoria shouted over the loud music. Some people moved drunkenly out of the way. She couldn't breathe with all these people around her, closing in on her. Finally, she broke away from the crowd, going to the bathroom. The bathrooms and storage rooms were in a hallway that connected to the main part of the club. Thankfully, the air was less stuffy in the hallway.
She sighed as she opened the bathroom door, and froze when she caught two people kissing rather heatedly on top of the counters. They didn't pay attention to Victoria, but Victoria reddened and hightailed it out of there.
She leaned against the wall outside the bathroom, another heavy sigh leaving her lungs. Suddenly, a cheer went up from the crowd outside the hallway where Victoria stood. Chanting and cheering came from the dance floors.
Victoria decided that she was just going to find Oliver and tell him that she would take the bus back home. Reluctant to leave the safe hallway, she steeled her resolve and walked towards the door that separated the hallway from the club.
Before she could push it open, two burly boys opened it, grinning at Victoria. "Found her!" one of them said.
"W-Who are you?" Victoria stammered. She didn't recognize these boys from her private school. The two boys only grinned. They walked forward and Victoria took several steps ack. Finally, the two boys sprinted at her, grabbing her arms and began dragging her somewhere.
"Oliver!" she screamed. "Oliver! Help!"
"Dude, why is she screaming?" one boy asked to another. They shrugged before tossing her into a dark room and slamming the door shut.
It was all dark. Victoria couldn't see her hand in front of her face, though she could feel hot tears streaming down her face. Someone was watching her. She tried to find the door handle. It was locked. Someone was watching her. "Help! Please!" Victoria cried. She reached into her jacket pocket for her phone, pressing the home button many times, hoping it would light up. It was hopeless – she knew that the battery was dead.
She didn't know how many minutes she spent in that room, huddled against the wall and hoping the person that was watching her would go away.
Finally, the door opened. "Victoria?"
Victoria lunged for the light, and the boy who called her.
"Oliver," she said, burying her face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her. The person that had been watching her disappeared.
"You idiots," came Stella's sharp voice. "You weren't supposed to toss her into the storage room!"
…
Victoria Herondale's story was similar. A six-year-old Victoria had been trying to find her boots in her messy closet when her closet doors suddenly slammed shut. She had been stuck in the dark closet for hours, crying, before Will found her.
Both experiences, real or false, had fuelled Victoria's hatred for the dark. There was always this eerie feeling of someone watching you that haunted her when she was shrouded in darkness.
Victoria hated being weak. She hated being helpless. In the dark, she felt useless and alone. She would freeze up. She looked around the dining table. None of them needed her. They would be fine without her.
She was lost in her thoughts when Jem nudged her. "You should eat," he told her. His face had a tint of green, but his beauty was not lost on her.
"Not hungry," Victoria shrugged. "Where's Charlotte?" she asked suddenly.
Jessamine rolled her eyes. "If you had been paying attention, you would have known that Charlotte just left."
Soon, Charlotte stepped back into the dining room. "There's someone who wants to speak with you, Tessa."
"With me?" Tessa asked.
"Who is it? Come out with it already," Will said impatiently.
"It's Lady Belcourt," Charlotte said. "She's downstairs in the Sanctuary Room."
"Did something happen?" Will asked.
"I contacted her about De Quincey, just before supper. I hoped she would have some information, but she won't tell us until she sees Tessa. Lady Belcourt is interested," Charlotte said. The way Charlotte said interested made Victoria fear for Tessa. Then she realized what was happening.
Victoria smiled.
"What is it?" Jem asked.
"I've always liked Camille. I don't know why, but I do," Victoria said.
"Interested in what?" Tessa asked Charlotte. "Who is Lady Belcourt? A Shadowhunter?"
"A vampire informant. She gives us information and keeps us up to date on the vampire community," Jem answered.
"You do not need to speak with her if you do not want to," Charlotte said, eyes softening on Tessa.
"No," Tessa said. "If she's well informed, perhaps she knows something about Nate. I'll go." Victoria smiled sadly at Tessa's loyalty to her brother. Should she tell Tessa of Nate's betrayal? But that would only sever their friendship even worse.
Will and Jem looked to Victoria, knowing that Nate was not a trustworthy person.
"Aside from the Dark Sisters," Tessa paused, "I've never really met another Downworlder." Tessa looked to Will, searching for comfort, for reassurance – Victoria didn't know. "I think… I would like to."
Tessa exited the room with Charlotte.
Victoria, Will and Jem stood, immediately setting off after Tessa. Victoria noticed that Jem didn't let go of her hand.
"You didn't really think we would let you go alone, did you?" Will asked.
Tessa looked to Will, an emotion in her eyes that made Victoria want to turn away. Tessa looked away from Will. "I know that you two leave anything well enough alone," Tessa said. "I thought better of Jem though."
"Where Will goes, I go," Jem said. His hand was warm, Victoria noted.
"Where are we going?" Tessa asked, startled. Victoria looked up. She didn't know either. She had been too focused on Jem's hand in hers.
"Patience is a virtue, Miss Gray," Will said, smirking.
"This corridor leads to the Sanctuary. It is the only part of the Institute that is not part of the church. This is where we meet those who cannot walk on hallowed ground. There are many layers of protection on the doors and it is difficult to enter or exit the room without a stele or a key."
Tessa continued to ask questions and Charlotte continued to answer them. Victoria could still only think of one thing: Jem's hand. There was definitely something wrong with her, and she had a feeling it was partly Jem's fault. However, she didn't want to lose the warmth his hand gave her.
"Demon pox," Will said. Victoria glanced up immediately.
"Will, there is no such thing as demon pox and you know it. Now, where was I?" Charlotte continued. Victoria sighed again, tuning out the conversation. She was excited to meet another Downworlder. After meeting Camille, they would go meet Magnus Bane. At least, that was the plan.
Camille Belcourt sat in the Sanctuary with all her beauty. Her thick blonde hair was curled and tied into a pretty bun. Her red velvet dress clung to her body and Victoria noticed that her chest did not rise and fall. A vampire. Her eyes scanned the crowd before resting on her. Cat like eyes – just like Magnus.
"I hope you have found the Sanctuary comfortable," Charlotte began and she sat down in one of the plush sofas of the Sanctuary, as did the rest of them.
"As always, Charlotte," Camille said. She sounded bored and nonchalant.
"Lady Belcourt, this is Miss Theresa Gray," Charlotte gestured. "This is Mr. James Carstairs, one of our young Shadowhunters…"
"William Herondale," Camille interrupted. She smiled, baring her teeth. Even though Victoria knew her incisors were not incredibly sharp and long, Victoria was surprised at Camille's perfect teeth that were bare of fangs. "Fancy you to come greet me."
"You know each other?" Charlotte asked, astonished.
"William won twenty pounds from me at a faro. A few weeks ago, in a Downworld gambling house run by the Pandemonium Club."
Victoria noticed she didn't get a mention. Because she wasn't supposed to be there. That thought made her squeeze Jem's hand.
Jem looked to Victoria, a concerned look in his silver eyes but Victoria shook her head gently. She gave him a reassuring squeeze, but Jem still looked concerned.
It doesn't matter, Victoria mouthed. I'm fine.
Victoria caught the end of their conversation, cursing herself for once again losing her thoughts.
"The spoils of vice are a burdensome responsibility," Will said, shrugging his shoulders.
"Yet one you seem strangely able to bear," Jem said, amusement in his eyes.
"I will deal with you later, William," Charlotte said warningly. "Lady Belcourt, am I to understand that you are also a member of the Pandemonium Club?"
Camille made a face. "Of course not. I was there that night because a warlock friend of mine was hoping to win easy money at cards. The club is open to most Downworlders. Downworlders appear there because it impresses the mundanes and opens their pocketbooks."
"They should really get a social life," Victoria muttered. She thought only Jem heard it, but Camille caught it too. Her ears were very sensitive, Victoria noticed.
"I suppose," Camille allowed.
"De Quincey is a member," Charlotte said. "I have been told he is the head of the organization."
Camille gave a delicate shrug. "De Quincey and I were close years ago, but no longer. I have been direct with him about my lack of interest in the club."
She leaned forward, placing her gloves on her lap. "You must know something," Camille said, her green eyes flashing. "De Quincey is the most dangerous vampire in London. He is the top of the most powerful clan and any vampire in London will obey him. Not only that, but he is old. Not just by your standards, but by the Night Children's. He's lived most of his life before the Accords and he loathes them. And most of all, he hates the Nephilim."
"How could he hate us when we are all so charming?" Jem muttered sarcastically. Victoria and Will, who was next to Jem, smirked.
"Indeed. How could anyone despise us when we are so charming?" Will asked.
"I am sure you know you are not loved by most Downworlders," Camille said, amused.
"We thought de Quincey was an ally," Charlotte said. "He has always cooperated with the Clave."
"It is a lie," Camille said. "He would happily see you all dead."
Charlotte paled but continued. "Do you know anything of his involvement with the Dark Sisters? Does he have an interest in mechanical creatures?"
"The Dark Sisters," Camille said with distaste. "Such unpleasant creatures. I avoided them. They were known to provide things like demon drugs, Downworld prostitutes, that sort of thing."
"And the mechanical creatures?"
"If de Quincey had interest in such things, I do not know. When you first contacted me, Charlotte, I had no intention to come forward. That was until I heard about your little shape-shifter." Camille's eyes rested on Tessa.
Victoria didn't know if Will knew he was doing, but he was moving closer to Tessa, as if he could protect her from Camille's gaze.
"I can see the family resemblance," Camille smiled.
"Resemblance to whom?"
"Nate of course. To your brother."
Tessa's eyes widened. "You've seen him?"
"I saw him several times at the club. He had that look on him. Most mundanes have that look. He looked as if he were under a spell. Your brother probably gambled away everything he possessed. The Dark Sisters took him…"
"But he's alive," Tessa pressed.
"I've seen him some time ago, but yes." Camille went on to tell Charlotte of de Quincey's parties, where they would murder humans.
"If Tessa… disguised as you..." Will said slowly. "She could observe him without breaking the Law."
Camille smiled again. Victoria didn't speak. They didn't need her to. They didn't need her at all. They never did.
"Tessa can also search de Quincey's residence," Jem remarked. They continued to plan. Victoria was once again, lost in her thoughts. The Magister would not be defeated so easily. Should she tell Charlotte the truth? Charlotte had been so kind to her…
She finally noticed that Camille was standing. "If someone will escort me out. It grows late and I still need to feed."
Before Charlotte could speak, Victoria stood, releasing Jem's hand. "I'll go," Victoria said hastily. Quickly, she walked to Camille, ignoring Charlotte's flabbergasted look.
Camille raised an eyebrow, but did not comment. Victoria followed Camille dutifully and once they were out of earshot from the others, Camille spoke.
"I suppose you want to talk to me," Camille said, her voice smooth.
"You aren't doing this to help Charlotte, are you," Victoria said. "You want revenge on de Quincey."
Camille narrowed her green eyes. "It is none of your business," she said coldly.
"I want to know," Victoria pressed. Victoria already knew the reason behind Camille's betrayal to de Quincey, but to hear it from Camille meant that Victoria and Camille were on a certain level of trust. "You've said it yourself. De Quincey is the most powerful vampire in London. You are a smart lady, Lady Belcourt. You would not go against de Quincey for any Shadowhunter."
"Observant, I see," Camille said. They were at the exit already and Camille's hand was on the knob. Camille pierced Victoria with her green gaze. "How would you feel if someone killed the person you loved. How would you feel if someone ordered that pretty silver haired Shadowhunter of yours to be killed?" Camille asked.
"He's not…" Victoria said, but Camille was on a roll.
"How would you feel if someone murdered that Mr. James Carstairs as a display? His death would be a showcase for other people. He would be mocked. He would not die an honourable death," Camille said.
"You lost someone like that," Victoria said. There was no question in her voice.
Camille smiled bitterly. "A lycanthrope. I loved him. But it was forbidden for the Night Children to love or to lie with the Moon's Children. De Quincey murdered him, just like he would murder some mundane prisoner at a party."
Victoria shivered under Camille's stare.
"I loved him and de Quincey murdered him. Others of my kind helped him do it. I will never forgive them for it. Kill them all."
…
Victoria and Jem waited in the foyer of the Institute for Will. "Where is he?" Victoria muttered. She was dressed in Will's old clothes, which he had given to her after she returned from escorting Camille. She felt a lot more comfortable in these clothes. "What is taking him so long?" Victoria demanded, looking at Jem. Jem averted his eyes.
"What's wrong?" Victoria asked, stepping closer. Jem stiffened and took a step back. "Jem?"
Then she realized. She was in a man's clothes. Jem could see the curve of her thighs, which Victoria really didn't care about, but in the Victorian era…
"In my time," Victoria said, taking a step back, "people would go out into public places with fewer clothes on than me. Sometimes, when they go to the beach, women would be only wearing swim suits. They look like under garments. The only thing covered is…" Victoria paused. "Well their legs, arms and stomach would be revealed. Men would be wearing shorts."
Jem raised an eyebrow, looking at Victoria. "Normally, I would be wearing jeans. Made of denim, you see. They're like trousers but I usually wear skinny jeans. That means my pants would be tighter. As long as you are clothed, it doesn't matter if you can see someone's curves or not."
"Your time seems like a frightening time," Jem said.
Victoria shrugged. "We have invented things. Cars and airplanes. Phones…" Victoria stiffened. "Where is my phone? I had it when I first came here."
"That device? Even Henry didn't know how to work it," Jem frowned.
"I'll get it from him later," Victoria sighed. There would always be that barrier. Victoria didn't belong there. She needed her answers.
"Sorry I'm late," came Will's voice.
"We were just talking about the future…" Victoria's voice died off.
Right behind Will was Tessa, whose eyes were narrowed in accusation.
…
"So you are saying we are from a book series and you are a girl from the future," Tessa said. "That is absurd!"
Victoria sighed as they walked. Thankfully, there were lamp posts on their path, but they kept flickering, making Victoria nervous. Noticing Victoria's discomfort, Jem held her hand once again. Nobody noticed though. Their coats hid their intertwining hands.
"But I believe you," Tessa said.
"Really?" Victoria asked.
"I am a reader myself," Tessa shrugged. "My mind must always be open." Will spoke then, engaging Tessa in a friendly banter.
"I think they're really cute together," Victoria whispered to Jem. He chuckled, his voice low. It was not cold, but Victoria still shivered.
"We're here," Will said. Victoria looked up. It didn't look like anything special – just another London townhouse. But excitement filled her anyway. Magnus Bane.
Victoria knocked on the door, Tessa right beside her. "Shouldn't I be the one to go first?" Will asked.
"I thought he would want to look at the prettiest faces first," Victoria winked. Will grumbled.
The door opened and Magnus stood in his night clothes, rubbing his eyes. Once he saw who they were, he slammed the door, but luckily, Jem was able to slip his cane in before Magnus could close the door.
Magnus opened the door again, a sarcastic smile on his face. "How may I help you?" he said. "A little early for the party, aren't you? And we're supposed to meet at the party. If you will excuse me, I need to sleep."
"Wait," Victoria said. "Please. Can you help us?"
Magnus peered at Victoria. "I will help you at the party. Please leave, while I'm still being polite," Magnus said.
"No, it's for a different issue! It's incredibly important. Please," Victoria pleaded. Jem, Will and Tessa stood back, watching Victoria plead with the warlock.
"And what will I get in return?" Magnus asked.
"Anything," Victoria replied.
"Clearly, you do not know anything about dealing with warlocks," Magnus scoffed.
"Clearly, I am desperate enough to offer you anything," Victoria said.
"Look, little girl. I am not in the mood for this right now. I shall aid you at the party – no more, no less."
Then he shut the door in her face.
Victoria stood at his door, face frozen in shock. "No…" she whispered. "He has to let us in!"
"Victoria, stop. It's not that important," Will said, his voice tight.
Victoria whirled around and looked at her twin. "You know that it is important. This was the day where everything was supposed to turn for the better," she said.
"Maybe tomorrow will be that day," Jem said, reaching for Victoria. Victoria moved out of his grasp.
"Thank you for trying to help me," Will said, putting his hand on Victoria's shoulders.
But this was more than Will, Victoria thought.
Victoria had hoped Magnus Bane could answer the question that had been weighing on her mind since day one. But he had already shut the door and left. Jem had said tomorrow. But Victoria knew the truth. It would not be tomorrow. Hopelessness filled Victoria. Was there no answer to her question?
Victoria's question was so simple, yet so complex. Victoria just needed to know.
Why am I here?
This chapter exists to highlight Victoria's insecurities. So far, this whole story has been kind of low-key and boring. Action will pick up next chapter ;)
Hopefully.
