Christian
While Anastasia is busy getting ready, and because I know it will take her awhile since she has to feed the baby as well, I call Flynn. I haven't spoken to him since I walked out of his office the day I told him Anastasia was pregnant. I regretted ending us immediately and had to see Flynn. He tried to encourage me to accept the change, but all I saw was myself loosing what little control I had. I threw a ft and left his office saying I wouldn't return.
After calling his office, his receptionist said he was ending a session with another patient and would be a moment. She knows how I am and that I do not hold, for anyone, well, except maybe for Anastasia. I'd wait for her. But I need to talk to Flynn now so I asked to stay on the line until he is available instead of having him call me back. It has only been a few minutes but I'm already regretting it. I don't do waiting...
"Christian?" Flynn finally answers. "I thought I wouldn't hear from you again."
"Yeah, yeah, I need to talk. I'm a father."
"Yes, I know. Congratulations."
I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. It's been awhile since I've spoken to Flynn. Last I spoke with him was months ago, he doesn't know what's been going on between then and now and I find it hard admitting what a selfish asshole I've been, wanting Anastasia but not my own flesh and blood. I'm already such a shitty father and this is exactly the reason why I shouldn't be one.
"You still don't sound very happy about it." He picks up on my mood even through the phone.
"I'm not." I snap. Why the fuck would I be?!
"It has been awhile since we last spoke, but I thought you left Anastasia? Knowing you, I'm sure you are giving her some sort of support, but that doesn't mean you have to care for the child. I still say you accept this change in your life, it's a new chapter and an adventure, it is life changing and it could change your way of thinking. But if you want nothing to do with your child, Christian, nobody can force you."
"Yeah, well, they're here." I admit. Technically, she may not be forcing me into fatherhood, but it's the only way to have her again.
"They?"
"Anastasia and the baby." I elaborate. "They're here. Here, at Escala. They're staying with me."
"Oh!" Seems I've surprised the good doctor. "I'm proud of you, Christian. Despite your fear, and without therapy, you have accepted-"
"I haven't accepted it." I interrupt him. "I don't want to be a father, I've asked her to put him up for adoption."
"Oh." He is less surprised about that, more let down.
"I wasn't involved during her pregnancy, I haven't spoken to her since we ended our relationship." I correct his way of thinking and fill him in on what has happened. "She called me when she went into labor, and I took her to the hospital." I leave out the part where I showed up wearing my fucking play jeans for now. I don't have much time and I just need to get this out. "After he was born, I tried to convince her to put him up for adoption."
"I'm assuming that conversation didn't go the way you intended."
"Not at all." I agree. "To simplify; she said if he goes, she goes."
"I don't see the problem, I thought you ended your relationship. She doesn't have to give him up in order for you not to be involved, she can be a single mother without your help, if that's what you want."
"What I want is to have her back." I confess.
"Ah," He cheers, finally putting it together. "I see."
"I thought I could eventually convince her. I was planning to play the part of doting daddy only to get close to her, then she would remember what we had and agree that adoption is best."
"So you're planning on manipulating her?"
"What? No, I- Well... Now that I think about it, yeah, I guess. But I can't do that."
"Because you know it's wrong." He states.
"No, because my family knows of them and I wouldn't be able to get away with it. Now I really do have to be a doting daddy."
"Christian," He sighs disappointed. "Why are you going through the trouble? You don't want to be a father, you've told me countless times, you've told Anastasia when she announced her pregnancy to you. She knows you don't want to be a father and nobody can force you, not even your family, so why are you doing this?"
"I told you why, I want her back and this is the only way. I'll do anything to have her again."
"Why? You've ended relationships before, never to look back, never giving second chances. You went her whole pregnancy without any involvement or seeing her. Why is now different? What has changed? Why is Anastasia different from the others?"
Why is she different? Because Anastasia was different, she is different. Our relationship was unlike any of my past relationships. It wasn't a full TPE exchange; she slept with me, we had vanilla sex, we talked and laughed, she called me Christian, and I liked it. I found myself wanting to make her happy more and more. Sure, we may have had a contract and played in my Playroom, but she is the first girl I've wanted more from than just sex. It felt almost as if we had a conventional relationship with the safety net of my contract in place. It was perfect...
And then it all came crashing down.
"It's a simple question, Christian." Flynn brings me from my thoughts. "Why do you want her back?"
"I miss her." A simple answer for his simple question.
There's just something about her, I can't explain it.
"If you don't want to tell me why, at least be honest with yourself."
"I don't know what you mean." I answered him, what more does he want from me?
"For a smart man, Christian, you can be obtuse at times. I have another appointment coming through, I can't continue our conversation now but if you'd like to make an appointment to come in next week, I think it would be beneficial."
"What? No, wait, we haven't discussed anything yet."
"I'm sorry, Christian, I have other patients with appointments. I'll be more than happy to discuss this with you further, in detail, another time, but I simply must go now. If you are serious about this and really want her back, you must be genuine about it. That includes not lying to yourself. ... This won't work if you are trying to trick her or manipulate her behind her back. Your reason for trying must be sincere and come from your heart, and above all, it must be what you want. If not, you'll end up regretting her and your baby, and you could end up loosing them both."
A knock on my office door distracts me from keeping Flynn on the line. I'm frustrated and annoyed at the intrusion, but when I realize it may very well be Anastasia I'm less annoyed and more thankful that she has the desensity to knock before entering. The last thing I need is her overhearing me or finding out what I originally planned.
Granting her access, the door opens, but it is Taylor that crosses the threshold.
"Sir, I'd like to speak with you about security."
"Of course, Taylor, I believe I have a momnet. I'll inform Ms. Steele about it and we'll need to take Sawyer off covert and move him to close personal protection for her safety."
With me being who I am, a well-known billionaire, now that Anastasia is labeled as mine, there runs a high risk for kidnapping and ransom. It's not something I want to think about, but it is possible and it needs to be addressed before anything were to happen.
"Yes, sir. As well as Mr. Steele."
Mr. Steele? Ana's father? Why, what's happened? And why am I just now being informed?!
Of course we'll need covert on her father, like my family, but I wouldn't think he needs close personal protection. The man is trained and knows how to handle himself.
"I apologize for the misunderstanding yesterday," He continues before I can question it. "I wasn't aware that Ms. Steele gave him her last name instead of yours. I've only received this information today."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
..
Anastasia
After feeding Teddy, getting both him and myself ready, including a fast shower for me, we are now on our way to Christian's parents house. I tried to dress us appropriate for the evening, since I'm meeting my ex-Dom's family who is almost as rich as he is. It didn't help that Kate made me feel like I don't belong in his world just moments before meeting his family for the first time. I know I don't, I don't need reminding of it, but I never expected Kate of all people to be that way. She's not usually like that, I'm sure she's just hurt that I kept this from her.
Even though I don't fit in, I wanted to look as if I did at the same time not looking like I'm with Christian for his money. I mean, I'm not with him, with him anymore but we're bound to be together for Teddy, even if it is just as co-parents, so long as Christian wants to. Depending how his family is, even if Christian decides he doesn't want to be in our life, his family may. And it's not just until Teddy turns 18, it's for the rest of our lives. Christian's family is Teddy's family.
With how Christian is towards adoption, and knowing his family has adopted three children, I'm more than a little nervous about this dinner. I'm hoping it is not a gang up an Ana dinner and force adoption onto her, and I really hope this doesn't go the many ways it has in my mind. If they want nothing to do with Teddy, then fine, but I will never give him up.
Since this is his first outing and I don't really know what to expect, being a first time mom and all, I have overstuffed his bag with extra clothes, diapers, wipes, ointment, blankets and anything else I could find. I have everything except the kitchen sink in his bag, and I'm certain I would pack that if I thought they didn't have one.
After we're ready, I grab Teddy's bag and pick him up so I can walk downstairs and meet Christian.
He is standing with his back facing me, looking out at the Seattle skyline. When he hears us coming down the stairs, he turns around with a smile on his face.
A gasp escapes before I can stop it. He looks so handsome. Instead of the light grey suit he wore earlier, he is now wearing a dark dress shirt, slacks and matching coat.
"You look beautiful, Anastasia."
"Thank you. You look... You look really good."
He smirks knowing I'm flustered.
"I'd like to talk with you when we return but for now we should be going."
"Talk about what?"
"As I've said, when we return, Ms. Impatient." He gives me a small sexy smile.
I would think it is something to do with Teddy, but with how he acts about him I doubt he would be the one to bring anything up regarding our baby. Maybe it has to do with the media and us going home.
Thankfully he takes Teddy's bag that is starting to get heavy, and then he leads us to the elevator.
We're quiet on the ride over, but I can't stop fidgeting and overthinking this night. I have a bad feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong, I just know it.
"Relax," Christian tries to ease my thoughts, "You have nothing to worry about. They're more pissed at me that I didn't tell them than anything."
"Why didn't you tell them?"
I had to tell people because I was growing bigger and bigger everyday and soon or later I would no longer able to hide the fact that I was pregnant. It must've been nice not to tell anyone or have anyone judge you because you were pregnant and alone. But even though I'd rather people not know, I would and did tell my family I was pregnant.
"I guess, as childish as it sounds, if I didn't say it out loud, if I didn't tell anyone, it wasn't true."
Taylor pulls down a long driveway, circling around to a door. The house is huge, and even more intimidating than I thought it would be.
This is so not my world, I don't belong here.
I disconnect the car-seat from the base and grab Teddy's bag as Christian comes around to my side and opens my door.
"Let me carry that for you." He offers while grabbing the bag and reaching for Teddy's car-seat.
We walk up to the front door and it opens just as we reach it.
Christian's mother and sister are standing on the other side with a mile wide smile spread across their faces. It's infectious and I can't help but return it.
Maybe tonight wont be so bad after all.
"Christian, how nice of you to stop by, but what are you doing here?" His mother asks, and it leaves me confused.
"What do you mean," Christian asks, just as confused as I am. "Dad said you wanted to have dinner with us."
"Dinner, yes, but at your place. There's no need to bring the baby out, we were going to come to you."
"I guess I misunderstood." Christian doesn't look very happy with this miscommunication.
Placing my hand on Christian's forearm, I tell him it's okay. After all, if things go horrible wrong tonight, I can leave instead of trying to kick his family out of his home. It worked well for the bitch-troll, but I'm not so sure he'd do the same when it came to his family if they agreed with him about adoption. Thankfully by me touching him, he seems to calm down before he gets too upset. This does not go unnoticed by his mother or sister.
"Well, since you're already here, come in. I'll have Gretchen fix us up something last minute."
As we enter the house, I can't help but look around amazed. Christian grew up here. I grew up with Ray in a two bedroom ranch style house in a small town, nothing like this mansion. Another reminder that I don't fit into his world of luxury.
"You must be Anastasia." His sister turns to me with her infectious smile still in place.
"Ana." I smile at her.
"Christian, she's beautiful!" She squeals to her brother before turning back to me, "I mean, you're beautiful."
"Thank you." I still have weight to lose after having Teddy and I must look exhausted from last night, but hearing someone unbiased call me beautiful made me feel good.
"Do you mind if we come inside, Mia?" Christian chuckles.
She moves aside to allows to come all the way into their home, not just the foyer we're in. As we do, I see just beyond the foyer is a set of stairs that curve around, there are two rooms on each side of the foyer and a wide hallway next to the stairs where Christian's father approaching us from.
"Anastasia," Christian's mother greets me with a smile just as bright as her daughter's. "I'm Christian's mother, Grace. It's so lovely to finally meet you."
"It's a pleasure to meet you."
"This is my husband, Carrick." She introduces us when he stands next to her.
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Grey."
"Oh my word." Christian's mother breathes before anymore words are exchanged.
Turning my attention to her, I see she has found her grandson nestled in the infant car-seat that Christian is carrying.
"Let's go into the sitting room where we can all get better acquainted." Christian's father suggests.
We follow his family into the other room and make ourselves comfortable.
I sit next to Christian and when he puts Teddy's seat down, I unbuckle my little bear from his restraints so his family can get a better look at him. I'm sure they are wanting to hold him and love him, but I'm hesitant to hand him over when I don't know their intentions.
"What did you name him?" Mia asks.
"His name is Theodore but I call him Teddy."
"What made you choose that name?" Christian's father asks.
"Um- Well, when I was pregnant I called him little bear and my father suggested the name Teddy, like teddy bear, but I thought it was more of a nickname. My father then came up with Theodore and I liked it. Plus I could still call him Teddy as his nickname. His full name is Theodore Raymond St- Um. His name is Theodore Raymond."
Shit! I slipped up and almost said Teddy's last name, that it's my last name and not Christian's, but I don't want that to be a fight. With the way Christian feels about Teddy I don't think he will be bothered by it, but I don't know how his family is going to take it. Especially with the way his father is looking at me.
"May I hold him?" Christian's mother asks politely.
"Of course," As long as you give him back.
I stand and walk to her so she can hold her grandson for the first time.
She's an expert at holding a newborn, I guess that's the pediatrician in her. The way she's looking at him gives me relief. No way would she agree with Christian that Teddy needs to be adopted. Right? Hopefully she'll be on my side about that.
"He is so precious." She coos, running her finger along his profile.
Feeling comfortable with her holding him, I sit back down next to Christian.
Mia gets up to sit next to her mother and look at her nephew over her mother's shoulder.
"He looks just like Christian but with darker hair." She comments.
I couldn't agree more. It was difficult getting over our break up being pregnant, it would have been a lot harder getting over Christian with the constant reminder of him staring me in the face everyday. I'm still hurt and trying not to let our breakup affect me, but if I'm being honest, I miss him. I would add that Teddy has my eye color, but instead I let them enjoy their first glimpse of him.
"Where is Elliot?" Christian asks, wondering about his brother.
"He said he couldn't make it tonight." Christian's father fills us in. "He is busy with work."
"That's not like him." Christian says more to himself, looking to be deep in thought about it.
I've not met his family so I don't know much about them, we weren't really talking when we were together, but I managed to get a few minor details about them in the six months we were together.
I know that his parents are a very influential couple; a known attorney and sought after pediatrician for the Seattle area. His sister just graduated culinary school in Paris and is now running Christian's Mile High club. His brother is in construction, owning his own company. They are the perfect family, as Christian has told me before.
Christian pulls out his cell, but I pay no attention to him. He's probably working.
After awhile, a young woman with blonde pig-tail braids announces that dinner is ready. I find her hairstyle to be weird and unprofessional, as if she is trying to look younger than she is. And when I see her bat her eyes at Christian, I know why she is trying so hard.
We all stand and as we do, Teddy begins to fuss in his grandmother's arms.
"He is probably getting hungry again," I announce. "I better feed him before I eat."
"You fed him before we left." Christian isn't happy about this, probably because I'm not eating right away, but there is nothing I can do about it, Teddy's needs will always come first. Always.
"Newborns eat every couple hours, dear." His mother explains.
"Is there somewhere more private I could feed him?" I ask Christian's mother since I'm breastfeeding and I'd like privacy while I do it.
"Sure, there is a guest bedroom just down the hall and to the left. We'll wait for you to finish."
"Thank you."
I make my way down the hallway and into the room that Christian's mother pointed out.
I get myself situated on the chair in the corner and feed my baby boy.
Maybe this dinner and meeting his family wont be as bad as I thought... Then why do I still have a feeling something is going to go wrong.
...
After feeding Teddy, I went to the dinning room that I passed on the way to the guest bedroom where everyone was waiting for me. Apparently Grace went shopping for her new grandson with Mia's help, so there was a bassinet set up when I entered the room. I would've loved to see Christian putting it together, but Carrick and Mia did it. I sat in the vacant seat next to Christian and ate as I answered every question that was thrown at me to the best of my ability without going into too much detail. Christian said the NDA was no longer valid but that he wished for the nature of our relationship, the dom/sub aspect of it, to be kept confidential. Which is understandable. I definitely have no problem with that, I certainly wouldn't want my dad to know of the kind of relationship that Christian I had, especially since it was mainly sexual.
Christian's mother is very sweet and loving, it made sense that she would be a doctor for young children. And his sister is very bubbly and bright, I could see us becoming friends, we hit it off well. But his father, I'm still unsure about him, he seemed to be apprehensive of me. I'm sure he's just looking out for his son, not knowing my intentions, but I didn't feel very comfortable around him yet.
Since it is getting late, we'll be leaving soon, but I need to use the restroom before we do; the joys of recently giving birth. Christian's mother and sister are still fawning all over Teddy so I've had a moment to myself. Last night Gail watched Teddy for me while Christian and I had dinner, but most of the time it is me taking care of him, Christian has yet to help. I don't understand why he said he would try if he doesn't want to.
Grace said if I ever needed a sitter, and she had the time off from work, that she would watch Teddy for me. Mia also volunteered to watch him whenever I needed. It is nice that Christian has such a wonderful family and they are willing to help out if and when needed. My parents are not very close to me, driving distance, so the only one I had for me was Kate.
When I'm finished in the bathroom, I open the door and step out into the hallway, bumping into Christian.
"Sorry."
"It's fine." He brushes it off. "I was just coming to ask if you're ready to go?"
"Yeah. It's getting late and I'm getting tired, so yeah."
Together, we walk down the hallway, back towards the sitting room everyone is in.
"I really like your family." I tell him to fill the silence between us.
"They like you too. Has your mother been in contact with you?"
"She called, but Bob broke his finger texting so they wont be able to visit us." I shrug, trying not to let it show how much it bothers me.
We're almost to the room when I hear her.
"He looks just like Christian." She purrs.
My blood runs cold but I feel nothing but hot, molten lava running through my veins. Red. Red. Red.
"Ana, don't!" Christian pleads, trying to stop me when I charge for the room.
He reaches out to grab me, but it's too late.
Turning the corner and entering the room, with Christian on my heels, I see the one thing I never, ever wanted to see.
That fucking bitch is holding my baby!
