DISCLAIMER: At my university, the professors make it a point to mention that it is wrong to plagiarize. If I really wanted to be expelled, I would have stolen Harry Potter long ago.
Chapter 9: Love Me, Love Me Not
Hermione sat on the crinkly paper that was a pathetic attempt to prevent the spreading of germs between patients at the doctor's office. The sterile smell of the place nearly overwhelmed her already sensitive senses, making her stomach churn and her eyes search for the nearest trash can lest she need to use it. The place hadn't changed much since she had been there the last time, except then it had been full of excitement, and the whole world had felt like it was at her fingertips. Now… well now, Hermione felt dread more than excitement, praying that what she had been experiencing for the past three and a half weeks was just stress. It just had to be.
Her heart began beating rapidly as she heard a knock on the door. "C – Come in," she said nervously, squaring her shoulders and fixing her dress suit. She had come from the Ministry of Magic, where the insane judge had proclaimed that all she and Draco needed was some marriage counseling. Psh. Marriage counseling wouldn't do anything to help, she thought, it would only ruin their relationship more.
Dr. Lansky hobbled into the room, aided by a walking stick. His hair had thinned considerably since the last time she had saw him, and what was left was snow white. To be honest, Hermione was amazed to find out that he was still alive when she made her appointment. He smiled at her before saying, "Ah, Mrs. Malfoy. I wondered if I wouldn't be seeing you again."
Hermione managed to return his smile with a small one of her own. "Yes, well I wasn't so sure myself."
"Well," he said pleasantly, "either way it is nice to see you again."
Hermione shifted uncomfortably, making the paper make that ridiculous noise again. "If you will forgive my forwardness, Dr. Lansky, I would rather we just get down to business as I have to pick up my son in about forty-five minutes." She made a point to look at her watch.
The doctor smiled. "Of course, Mrs. Malfoy, I understand that you young people are all so busy these days." Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. The sooner she found out that it was just stress, the better. She had more productive things to do with her time. "If you would," Dr. Lansky said, gesturing to the table, indicating that he wanted her to lie down. She complied, and held her breath as he exposed her pale abdomen and waved his wand over it like he had all those years ago.
The few moments she lay there seemed to take forever, staring at the bleak white ceiling, not wanting to sit up and face what the doctor had to say. She shut her eyes as she heard the paper rustle around in Dr. Lansky's hands as he read what it said. His voice seemed far away as he began to talk, but Hermione heard every word with a painstaking clarity. "Congratulations, Mrs. Malfoy, it appears as if your son is going to have a brother or sister! It looks like you are about eight weeks along, and everything looks good. I'll need to see you again in about two weeks to do a full examination." A miserable sob escaped Hermione, and she bit her lip hard, not wanting to cry in front of the doctor. Dr. Lansky seemed to understand that she needed a moment, patting her on the shoulder before stepping out of the room whistling.
She put her shirt down and kept her eyes shut. Maybe if she pinched herself she would wake up from this horrible dream she seemed to be stuck in. Maybe she would wake up and still be eighteen, with nothing holding her back; she could go to school and become a healer like she wanted to, not just a nurse; she could travel the world like she wanted to do, study different cultures and help those who needed it.
But her plans never seemed to work out the way she had planned in her head. She had thought she wanted to do all of those things, but when she kissed Draco Malfoy that very first night, knowing that she very well shouldn't be doing it, the attraction had been instant. And she couldn't help but use the lame expression of it being like fireworks exploding. She had known in that instant that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, not only because she was immensely attracted to him, but because he actually seemed to be genuinely interested in what she had to say about things.
When Draco died, she had been devastated, all her plans thrown out the window once again. For three long years she had thought about him almost constantly, having to see him in the son who looked just like his father. And then, when she was just getting her life put back together, picking herself up off the ground and putting the pieces together, Draco reappeared, shattering her life once again.
Tears leaked from her eyes as she tried to shut the persistent images of her husband out of her head, thinking about how much another child would complicate things. Lucas and her baby did not deserve to be subjected to the confusion and hurt that this situation would certainly subject them to. They shouldn't have to wonder whether they would live with Mommy or Daddy, and they certainly didn't deserve to have to deal with all the fighting. If only Draco wasn't so stupid!
Huge sobs filled the empty room. Why did he have to go and ruin their marriage when it had just barely started? Of the nearly four years that they had been married, Hermione had only spent six months as his wife, and another two trying to stay away from him. She had to admit that even though she abhorred her husband, she was glad that her son would know his father, even if he was a miserable adulterer alcoholic.
Hermione sighed and opened her blurry eyes. Draco. She missed who he had been when they first married, the confident man that he had been who hadn't been afraid of anything and had been so sure that he was going to leave his mark on the world. Now… well, that man was gone. She may as well just accept that the man she married no longer existed. What there was, was a stranger who she had nothing in common with, a stranger who drank like a fish, lied, and couldn't keep his pants zipped.
If only there was a shred of that man left, Hermione would be able to consider trying to work things out. But this Draco was nothing like the man she once knew, and to be honest, she was a little frightened of him. One moment he would be almost civil, and the next he would be throwing a tantrum. Another moment, he would look at her like she was the spawn of Satan, the next he would hold her in his arms as if she was the most precious possession in the world like he had at the party.
She just could not understand him.
Wiping her eyes again she sat up and once again righted her clothes. What would he do when she told him she was pregnant? Would he even acknowledge that the child was his? He would probably demand that she remain within his sight until the child was born, and then he would try to take the baby from her because in his eyes, she was an "unfit mother." But there was no way she would let him take Luke or this new baby from her… Draco would have to tear them from her cold dead hands.
So there.
Getting shakily to her feet, Hermione took a deep breath and stood up straight, walking from the room as if all was right in her world.
XXXXX
Draco Malfoy had given up all hope of finding his wife via private detectives. It seemed to him that all they wanted was his money; they didn't really want to help him find where Hermione lived. And when there was a murderous man potentially following her, or even knowing where she was, Draco could not take any more time waiting for amateurs to do the job that he himself should have begun long ago.
And so, in place of doing something his father would have considered "productive" with his time, Draco was searching out the place that Chev had last been seen, in muggle London no less. The sky had become overcast at some point – or maybe it had been all day, Draco wasn't sure – and the heaviness of the air around him let him know it would be raining soon. He didn't care that he had no umbrella… maybe pneumonia would do him good.
He had apparated to a street named Williams Place, which appeared to be a residential street. Large old houses lined both sides of the street, most of them set far away from the street to give privacy to the owners, and large trees gave the impeccable lawns a dark and mysterious look. Draco imagined that this would be a good place to raise a family – if he was a muggle. Lucius' file had said that he had been seen outside one particular house, a powder blue establishment with a wraparound porch and two stories.
He didn't see it until he was almost past it, so light a shade of blue it was. It was a very large house, very large and very nice. Draco resisted the urge to walk up to the front door and tell the residents to leave as soon as possible, knowing that having a complete stranger coming up to them would be bad. So instead, he committed the place to memory, taking note of the children's toys on the porch and the hanging swing, as well as a peek of a swing set in the back yard.
Overhead, the sky lit up, sending thunder rumbling around him as the rain began to fall. Raising his face to the sky, Draco let the cool drops hit his skin and neck, hoping to ease whatever pain he was feeling. When he looked towards the house again, he saw a familiar looking woman standing on the porch, hands on her hips, looking like she was going to explode. Her frizzy brown hair was up in a ponytail, though wisps were already falling out. Even in her sweatpants and oversized t-shirt, she was still the most beautiful woman on Earth. "Hermione?" he asked, walking closer to the house.
His wife was glaring at him. "Stop right there, Draco." She came bounding towards him, stopping an armslength away from him, and not seeming to notice that it was pouring. "Were you following me?"
"No."
"That is sick, Draco, sick. Why can't you just let me live my life in peace?"
"Damn it, Hermione, I wasn't following you!" Draco exclaimed over the rain. Merlin, but she looked pretty!
"Then what are you doing here!" she demanded, crossing her arms.
Draco looked down and noticed that Hermione's feet were bare. "You should go inside before you get sick because you aren't wearing shoes."
"Stop dawdling, Draco! Why the hell are you at my house? And how did you even find me!"
"It's about what I was trying to tell you this morning."
"Well?"
Draco looked at his wife, rain running down her face and through her hair, soaking her clothes. "Hermione, I have good reason to believe that a very dangerous person has been seen here, outside your house." Hermione opened her mouth to speak, but Draco held up a hand. "Please let me finish. Do you remember Chevalier Allin? Apparently he has been seen with you in the recent past?" Hermione nodded. Draco took a deep breath. "Hermione, Chev is a murderer."
The crease between Hermione's brows grew before she replied, "You know Draco, you don't have to lie to me. Using a former friend as an excuse to stalk me to find where I live is pathetic, and now I must ask you to leave. I do not want to see you until I have to, which is tomorrow at 9:00AM. Goodbye, Draco." With that, she turned and started walking towards her house.
She got as far as the porch before Draco decided to stop her. Grabbing her by the wrist firmly enough to stop her, but not enough to bruise, he spun Hermione to face him. Anger simmered deep within him as she tried to pull away from him. "Let me go, Draco, or I'll call the police," she said calmly.
"No," Draco growled, pushing her to the wall of the house. His anger, pent up over the past weeks and months, seemed to be reaching a boiling point. All the pain caused by Ginny Potter and her damn scheming ways, along with the fury towards Chev added to the flames already brought to roaring life by Hermione's continued insults.
Well, enough was enough. Draco was through letting Hermione and the rest of the world trample over him like he was nothing. His wife would hear him out and be grateful that he was trying to help her, even if he had to force her to realize it. "No," he said again as she tried to push him away. He put his hands on her shoulders and held her against the house. "You are going to hear me out once and for all, woman!"
Hermione's eyes were large, but she remained silent.
"Do you know what I went through to come back to you alive, Hermione? Do you know how hard it was for me to sit in that prison every single day, not knowing whether those people had killed you and Luke? I went through Hell and back, Hermione, all for you. I killed those men because they were going to kill you. I managed to stay alive once I got back to the Manor because I kept telling myself that one day soon I would see you again. And I had no control over what happened with Ginny… I was drugged! Don't you see? Why would I have gone through all I had if I didn't love you, why wouldn't I have run off with Ginny when I had the chance? Don't you see? I love you, Hermione, more than I thought possible.
"You can hate me all you want, but I will not let you walk all over me anymore, do you hear? No more of this just talking to me when you feel like it, because I am sick of it! You can blame me all you want for the things that have happened, because the majority of them were because of me, but the past is the past, Hermione. Nothing can change that now, not even your insulting of me. I'm done apologizing for the things I've done. I've made mistakes, and I accept that. I hope someday you can too.
"Convincing yourself that you hate me won't work forever because I know that deep down you still love me. I want our marriage to work, not just for our son's sake, but because no one else has ever made me feel the same way as you do." Draco saw that there were tears rolling down her cheeks, and he gently brushed them away with his thumbs. Thunder filled his ears as he looked at Hermione, her beautiful brown eyes bloodshot, her nose red, her perfect mouth open in a way that enticed him beyond belief as she tried to get control of herself.
He brushed the hair that had escaped from her ponytail away from her face, tucking it behind her ear before running his fingers along her jaw line and taking her chin with his forefinger and thumb, holding it there as he lightly kissed her forehead, her cheeks, and finally those perfect lips that always managed to make him lose his self-control.
Hermione sighed and leaned against him as he deepened the kiss, and he was mildly surprised when she slipped her tongue in his mouth, playing with his own in a dance Draco never wanted to end, even though he knew it never should have started in the first place, not like this. Still, he wasn't going to fight it.
Gently biting Hermione's bottom lip and sucking on it, he elicited a quiet moan from his wife as he pushed her against the house once more, pressing his body against hers, reveling in the feel of the heat of her skin that he could feel even through the fabric of their shirts, how it warmed him to his very core. Her arms went around his neck; her hands were in his hair, on his back, clinging to him as if all of a sudden he would blow away.
He kissed her neck, slipping his tongue out to taste the flesh he so sorely missed, and smiled as she moaned again when he playfully bit her collarbones and shoulders through her shirt. When he kissed her mouth again, it was not gentle as it had been, but full of the pent up emotions he had kept buried for so long, and it scared him a little when he realized just how much he wanted this woman. He knew that if they kept at it like this, they would end up doing something they would both regret… and as much as he wanted to make love to his wife, he wouldn't. When the time came, Draco wanted Hermione to come to him willingly, of her own accord.
And so, with all the self control he could muster, Draco pulled away from his wife and turned away, breathing heavily. Hermione made a noise of protest, but when she gasped Draco knew that she had realized what they had been doing, and was just as distressed about what had happened between them. They were supposed to hate each other after all.
Draco turned around and stole a glance at Hermione, feeling like a stupid schoolboy. Then looking at the ground, he wrenched a hand through his hair, trying to get the sensation of her hands out of it and licked his lips to rid them of her taste. It didn't work.
Clearing his throat, he looked once again at Hermione, whose face was redder than the hair of a Weasley. Her eyes were focused on some far off object, which was just as well because Draco wasn't so sure he would be able to meet her gaze just then. "Well, um… I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning." Hermione nodded, still looking away. "Please remember what I told you about Chev…." She nodded again. "Get me immediately if you even think you see him." She nodded just once, and Draco swore he saw her chin quiver. "Goodbye, Hermione," he said before turning and walking into the rain, hoping that the moisture would not only rejuvenate the earth but their marriage as well.
And as he walked towards the street, he swore he heard Hermione say, "Don't go," but he never turned around.
XXXXX
A/N: Sorry it's been so long since my last update. Now that I'm on break from school, I am going to try to get this story done before I go back to school in August. Wish me luck!
Thanks for reviewing: sarahr85, alesanwait, vampiregurl, Irmorena, mentarisenja, randombeastie, snapeluna, kysouza3123, Darkness holds me tightly, jkl;j, dracmione, Kimkoi, AsHtIsDaLe21, kingbritney, ethereallie, Dramione-Fan 17, Sin-and-Smokin, Burg Gurl, Victoria, Appl, FlowerChild67 I really appreciate them!
As always, review! I like to know what you think.
