Note to the reader: I don't like to write a chapter, let alone a story, that only consists of one relationship, one dynamic, and ignores all of the other important people and plots. But…I think that it was necessary to concentrate only on Buffy and Spike in the chapter.

Also, I know that FanFiction has been kind of wacky lately, so no one had a chance to tell me whether or not they wanted chapters nine and ten smashed into one chapter. I chose to make it two separate chapters because I am really behind in writing, and I wanted something lying around to post. Thankyou for reading, and please review! It really helps me along.

Chapter Nine

-The Second Lesson in the Art of Forgiveness: It's Ok to Rant-

Spike stood naked in Clem's shower, relishing the hot water that fell into his eyes and mouth. He kept his lids closed, letting the beat of water fill his mind. As Spike stood under the water, his whole body savoring the sensation of hundreds of idle fingers tapping against his skin, he ran fingers through his hair. Air heavily entered and left his body, his heart pounded wildly. He was angry.

But at the same time relieved. Something had been resolved, and the power of Buffy's decision left him reeling. He loved her, and he actually wanted to love her. How many times had he wanted to extinguish his love for that wretched woman?

It was indescribable, the condensed feeling in his head, heaviness of his lids. He felt ready to punch a hole through a wall and then fall asleep. She had forgiven him. Wasn't that enough? Why wasn't that enough…Spike balled his hand into a fist and clenched his jaw. He wanted to scream and rant. She had teased him. Let him love her, forgiven him, and then left. He hadn't heard from her since, it had been two weeks.

He didn't know what he had expected. It wasn't like she would start to confide in him again, he had ruined everything.

And then, they had slept together, and besides being one of the most emotional experiences of his life, he had still woken alone. When would he be able to stop forgiving Buffy? When would he learn?

Spike pushed the thought aside. He had to let go. He didn't deserve to choose who he should or shouldn't forgive, right? Just keep quiet, he told himself, and don't anger anyone. A cavern in his heart held onto the pain and confusion while a quiet and forgiving mind let the water lull his thoughts.

It had been two weeks of normality for Buffy. She received a spot for the mentoring position at Sunnydale High and had training from 1-3 p.m. every other day except Sundays. Friday nights she continued to meet Xander and Willow at the bronze, and after an intense love fest, Xander and Anya had moved back in together.

Fortunately, no more incidents had occurred and she had not seen Spike again. Lack of Spike and lack of evil made life easier. Especially since Dawn had started school again.

Walking through the grave yard she felt mellow and bored, vampires that night had been slim pickings, and she could be doing something much more productive, such as sleeping. An eerie crawl on the back of her neck caused her to pause in her tracks and slowly turn around. Spike was before her.

She stepped back in surprise, he had obviously cleaned himself up. He had bleached his hair again, it was slicked back, and his face was freshly shaven. This was the Spike she remembered, though his expression was flat.

"Hey." She said awkwardly.

"Hey yourself." He grimaced. Buffy gave him a weird look.

"What's going on with you?" She asked, somewhat sarcastically. She didn't understand, their last meeting had ended on a somewhat pleasant note, or at least a calm one, and now he was acting like she had just dissed his mother.

"What would you care about it?"

"I…never mind. I don't know what your problem is, but-"

"My problem, slayer, is you. Been messing with my mind again, you have. You're the bloody queen of mixed signals."

"What?" She looked at him like he was a moron. This was getting tiresome. How often would they achieve a somewhat constructive level in their bizarre relationship, and then completely mess it up?

"Oh come now, like you don't know. I can't believe you, we have dramatic fights, arguments, discussions…what ever you want to call it, then a spectacular sexual intervention, followed by more drama, and then a two week hiatus. I don't know what the hell to think about us. You don't understand anything about what you're doing, but I do. You're running. We're even now, slayer. Can't blame me anymore, you forgave me. I on the other hand, how do you know I have forgiven you. For all you know I may hate you."

"You're lying." She stated. But her mind ran, he had never said he loved her, Buffy's thoughts kept repeating.

"Am I? Or have I just stumbled upon a bloody revelation. I prefer the latter myself."

"You know what Spike? I don't need this right now, so just-"

"Stupid child." He sneered. "Trying to be all high and mighty. But all you are is a little girl, who doesn't know what she wants, what she needs, or how to get it. Only knows how to play with pointy sticks."

"That…that…" Her eyes began to water.

"What's that slayer? Did I hurt you're feelings, can you ever forgive me? This poor defenseless human, with his poor li'l soul. So bloody defenseless, you think you can just twist me around your bleeding finger? Watch me crumble and writhe, while you play big sis and best friend to the scoobs?" He began to approach her with a menacing demeanor.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, little girl, child. I'm not you bloody pet anymore, and I won't take your bull either, cause I'm a big boy."

"How…how can you say these things?" Her lip quivered and she tried to glare. It was no use, she had opened herself up to him, and now he could hurt her again.

"You beat me you bruise me, you break me."

"No. Stop."

He continued his decent upon her. "You bash and tear, rip and break…"

"Stop." She began to recall all of the times she had hurt him without an apology, sometimes without a reason.

"You're a beast. A beastly little girl, who caries her heart in a silver lined box, and hands forgiveness out like lovely charms, but doesn't care to get any in return. Well, I forgave you. Do you think you deserved it?" He whispered and smiled cruelly. Buffy, unable to take the taunting any longer, did what she was best at, she hit him. And when her hand came in contact with his harsh grin, his face parted like a mist and Spike was no longer. He was gone. That hadn't been him.

Buffy turned around, anger, pain and confusion running down her face in the shape of tears. She looked up and staring at her in shock was Spike. The real Spike. His brown hair curled and fell wet across his forehead, his startling eyes were wide and weary.

"Did you see that? Is that how you feel?" She cried. She turned, flooded with emotion.

"I…that wasn't me."

"Oh, no Spike, it was. I definitely think that what ever that thing is, you share the same emotions."

"Well…maybe it was. But what can you do about it, love?" He threw his hands up the air. "I am crazy with love for a woman who doesn't love me back, and while she so amazingly manages to forgive me, she never asks my forgiveness. Did you ever think that in all those time you beat me to a bloody pulp, teased me, hurt me, that I may have wanted you to ask, at least ask…if I would forgive you." He shook his head and took a deep breath.

Buffy couldn't think of anything to say. She sat down heavily against a gravestone and Spike sat down beside her. There was no anger left. He had finally said it.

"I do love you. And I do forgive you for things you've done, but I wish you wouldn't take it for granted. I've been holding back so bloody much. I thought I didn't deserve to be angry anymore…but that's not true. I can be angry." He said the last part in wonder, as if the idea just struck him.

"I don't know what to say." Her words were quiet.

"I don't either."

"That's probably a good thing…I think we made a breakthrough." Tears were still fresh upon her cheeks but she smiled.. Spike laughed wryly.

"Yeah…I suppose we finally did. Took us long enough…I guess we finally got it right."

"But, I think…are we past it now? Over everything that has happened between us?" She asked, picking up a stick and bending it absentmindedly.

"If we let ourselves be. I think it's time to let go. Not forget…just let go."

Silence lasted, then Buffy spoke.

"I still get to hit you sometimes." She said with a light smile.

"I get to hit you back."

"Deal."

Spike lit a cigarette and they both stood up. They looked about awkwardly.

"You should be heading home…to bit."

"You too. To the crypt."

He nodded. They stared at one another for a long moment, tension building.

"How do we say good bye…now that we…what do we do?"

"What we always do, I dramatically disappear into the shadows while you make a grand exit of your own."

"Good. Like always." Buffy turned around and took determined steps towards home, moon reflecting upon her face, glowing intensely. Her eyes were littered with galaxies. Spike watched her back and stepped away without turning from her. Darkness began to encompass his body. Suddenly she turned.

She opened her mouth for a moment, formulating her words. "Take care, Spike." She said simply.

He gave her a small smile and a dignified nod. Then, they both departed in a fashion quite unlike they always did.