I disclaim.

...Gossip Girl...Gossip Girl...Gossip Girl...Gossip Girl...Gossip Girl...Gossip Girl...Gossip Girl...

FBI Records and Archives, Surveillance Van 1092. 29 August 2031. Agents on Duty: Supervisory Case Agent Tom Dhunn; Probationary Agent Edward Thistle.

0948 hrs.

"Were you able to install it?"

(scoff) "No problem. Those people have so much staff in and out they'll never even remember me."

"Don't underestimate them sport- The Bass' are slippery. (sigh, creak) I investigated his old man you know- Bart. Now that was an asshole. A smart asshole though. Never left a trail. I'll feel kind of bad, nabbing the kid."

"Why? (sip, slurp) He seems like a rich jerk to me. I mean, look at this house- it's obscene."

(shuffle, shuffle, tap) "Oh he's a piece of work alright, and the wife's an absolute nutcase, but the kid was kind of sweet, in a Napoleonic sort of way. You should've seen the way he lapped up the old man's attention and every time the old bastard would throw it back in the kids face. I mean, (sip) you should have heard this guy yell. I'm surprised the boy didn't turn into a nervous wreck."

"And you didn't do anything Tom?"

"Oh you aren't allowed to. Not unless the subject's really going to hurt someone. Even then, I knew guys that wouldn't move unless something broke their case. Nowadays, you'd have to answer for shit like that, but 40 years ago...(sigh) I was just a probie, like you, and my boss wasn't the type to make a fuss because a guy was verbally abusing his son... He was a dick too."

"Huh."

1152 hrs.

(ta-ta-ta-tap. ta-ta-ta-tap.) "Stop that crap probie. I'm trying to hear something."

"Still nothing?"

"Nope. All I can hear is your goddamn tapping."

"Sorry boss."

"Oh it's fine Eddie. This shit happens sometimes. You plant a bug in a room and then nobody goes in for days...Let's go over the file one more time. Run it down for me."

"Yes sir. (flip, flip) A Mr. Charles Bass aka Chuck Bass, suspected of insider trading and corporate espionage. Married to Blair Waldorf, second wife, with whom he has three children, Katherine, Liam, and Alexandria respectively. Two step siblings, Serena and Eric- they're still close and are present at the current gathering. Serena Van der Woodsen, works for the Vanderbilt foundation overseas and may be laundering money for her brother by moving it out of the country. She's divorced, one kid, Arthur Archibald. Her ex-husband, Nathaniel Archibald, is Bass' lawyer. There's a history of criminal activity there and he may be extensively involved or possibly going behind his friend's back, moving money without Bass' knowledge. Eric is a psychologist, has a practice with two other doctors, married to a Mitchell Howard, adopted daughter Cecelia Howard. Other guests include Dan Humphrey, Eleanor Waldorf, and just recently, a Carter Baizen. (flip, flip) Full time staff are Dorota and Sacha...(cough) something I can't pronounce. They're the only two who live full time in the house. That woman's scary- I though she made me when I walked in but apparently she runs the house with an iron fist. The wife depends on her for everything- according to cell records she talks to the help more than her family. Along with residents and staff there's kids in and out of that place every hour. Either those kids are crazy popular or they're dealing drugs."

(scoff) "I've checked the files. Those kids are fucking crazy- drugs would be too easy for them. When she was in high school Katherine Bass ran a homework ring that would put most bookies to shame. Never wrote a single paper, just acted as the middle man, passing out names and subjects. She charged favors, the clever little extortionist. Liam is sleeping with half the senior class and charging the other half for seduction lessons. The boy's filed a half dozen restraining orders in the last three years. Alexandria, the youngest of the fiends, is more of a low key criminal, seems to be a party planner for the young, rich, and bored. A few minor incidents with locals police but she's managed to create a record in the last few months after she ran her father's yacht aground- the Coast Guard picked her up in May."

"Busy family. (rustle, sip) Let's just hope they're using their powers for mischief and not mass destruction."

1412 hrs

"I just don't understand why we're not hearing anything! (slam, smack) I slipped the damn bug into a flower arrangement for the dining room. That compulsive maniac wouldn't let them eat anywhere but the main table- I could hear her screaming when she caught the son popping a mentos on the stairs."

"A mentos?"

"Apparently it's a choking hazard."

"(humm) I could see it."

"Really?"

"Breathmints? You'd be surprised how many crime scenes I've been to where spearmint is a serious factor. Besides I don't trust those colorful little tricksters- are they soft? are they hard? and why are the pinks so delicious? What pink fruit tastes like that? It's damn unsettling."

"..."

1735 hrs

"Do you have any twos?"

"Go fish."

2104 hrs

(sssnnore, huff, PUFF) "What the hell are you doing boss?"

"You've got something on your neck. It's been driving me up the damn wall all night. Just stand still." (shleep!)

"Eddie?"

"Yeah, Tom?"

"You said the maid caught you in the house?"

"That's right boss. But I threw her off, said I was there the double check the flower arrangements. I figured that people like that would have people supervising everything."

"... Did you... run into anyone else?"

(scratch, sigh) "Well, I mean... the daughter, the older one, she bumped into me. But she's barely been home all week- she wouldn't have suspected anything."

"And during this 'run in' did she...touch anything?"

"Boss!" (huh, puff) "I don't, I wouldn't..."

"Because 'this', looks like a goddamn bug! A bug that looks just like, oh I don't know, THE BUG YOU PLANTED. INSIDE!"

"But- but I- what?"

(knock, knock...slide)

"Hel'lo gen'tlemen. My name is Sacha. Mister Bass wou' like to know if you re'quire dinner. Tonigh' we are having lamb and-"

(cough) "No!... No we...we were just going. Tell Mr. Bass that- well, yes, we were just going."

"Of cours'e. Hav' a nice night. Oh and Mister Edward, Miss Katie send her regards."

(slide, chick) (SMACK)