Erin flipped through the file on her desk. She was looking for a connection between their suspect and victim.
But her mind wasn't completely on her task.
Her gaze darted to her desk phone, willing it to ring. She just needed to know if Jay was okay. She'd been back in Chicago for three days now and it wasn't getting any easier being away from Jay.
"Hey," Voight stuck his head around the doorframe to his office, "Erin, come in here."
Erin pushed away from her desk and slipped into Voight's office, shutting the door carefully behind her.
"What's up, Hank?" she asked, leaning against the wall.
"I need you to go home," Voight said, steepleing his fingers, "You're head's not here, and I can't have you getting hurt on the job. Go home."
Erin scowled, "I'm fine! I want to be here."
"Yeah, okay," Voight scoffed.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Erin pushed away from the wall and stalked to stand in front of Voight's desk.
"It means," Voight started, "I've seen you stare more at your phone in the last three days than you have in the last three years."
"That's... I'm..." Erin stuttered, "I need to know when he wakes up!"
Voight sighed, "I know you're worried, Erin. But I can't have it affecting your work. Either focus or go back to Germany."
Erin's eyes widened. Seriously? He was going to let her go?
Voight must have seen something in her expression, because he continued, "I still don't want you two messing around, but I know what it's like to have a partner in bad shape. And you've got a big heart, Erin. Don't let it get hurt."
Erin's eyes welled with tears, "I won't."
She gave Voight a watery smile and headed out of his office.
She got to the door and turned, "Thank you, Hank."
Voight smirked, but there was warmth in his eyes, "I didn't give you anything but some time off."
Erin nodded. Maybe not in so many words. But it felt like Voight had given his unofficial permission for *something.* And for that she was grateful.
Erin stepped off the plane in Germany hours later. She was so mixed-up she didn't know if it was morning, afternoon, or night. All she knew was that she needed to get to Jay's side as fast a possible.
The cab she hailed was driving too slow. She sighed, looking at the sights outside her window, but not really seeing them.
After what felt like an interminable drive, the cab pulled up outside the familiar army hospital. Erin quickly fumbled to give the driver money before jumping out and onto the sidewalk.
"Thank you," she murmured to the cabbie.
"Bitte. Ich hoffe, dass Ihre Liebsten in Ordnung ist," he replied. Erin had no idea what he had said, but she felt better.
Her stomach was in knots as she headed up to Jay's floor. Waiting for the elevator doors to open, she noticed that her hands were shaking. She sighed and shoved her hands roughly into the pockets of her hoodie.
The elevator dinged open on Jay's floor, and Erin took a tentative step out. She hiked her backpack higher up on her shoulder and leaned against the nurse's station.
"Hi, excuse me," she said, tapping lightly on the countertop.
A younger nurse that hadn't been here when Erin was last in Germany looked up, "Hello, who are you here to see?"
Her German accent was thicker than the other nurses Erin had spoken to on the phone, but it was somehow comforting.
Erin's lips quirked up into a sort of half smile as she said, "Jay Halstead, please."
The nurse smiled broadly, "Ah, you are Erin Lindsay! The other nurses tell me that you sit with Jay all night."
Erin nodded, "I did, when I was here. I had to go back home for a few weeks. But, uh, I'd like to see him."
The nurse nodded, and once she stood up, Erin could see that her nametag read 'Elsa.'
"Come," she said, waving her hand, "I will bring you to Sergeant Halstead."
Erin did a double take as Elsa handed her a visitor's tag. She had forgotten that Jay was a Staff Sergeant. She only knew him as a Detective.
Staff Sergeant Halstead, she thought. It had a nice ring to it.
She traced the edges of her visitor's badge as she followed Elsa down the hallway.
It was the second week of September, she realized with a jolt. Jay had been in the medical coma for two weeks. Somehow it felt like much longer.
"He is very lucky," Elsa said, holding the door open for Erin.
"Hmm?" she murmured absently, her gaze was already on Jay's still figure.
"To have such a loving family waiting for him to get better," Elsa clarified, "We answer calls from America all the time. Jay has a few brothers and sisters, and his father, and uncle and aunt. They call for him all the time."
Erin almost shook her head. Jay didn't have any siblings, or family that she knew of. Then she realized.
The unit.
They were all calling. The boys. Kim. Nadia. Al. Voight. Platt, even, it sounded like.
Erin's eyes filled with tears and her throat felt tight.
"Yeah," she nodded, "He's got a lot of family that are waiting for him back home."
"He will fight, then," Elsa smiled, "He knows you all want him home and safe."
She gestured to a chair in the corner, "I will leave you alone now. If you need anything, please feel free to come and find me."
"Thank you," Erin said softly, her voice cracking from emotion. Elsa simply nodded and closed the door partway.
Erin still couldn't believe everyone was calling to check up on Jay. Even Voight. That surprised her most of all.
She smiled to herself, Voight really was a big old softy.
Dropping her bag to the floor, Erin dragged the heavy wooden chair closer to Jay's bed.
"Hey, Halstead," she greeted him quietly, grabbing onto his hand, "We miss you."
Erin studied Jay's face carefully. He was tan, despite having been in the hospital. She guessed it was from the sun in the Middle East.
His hair had been cut since she had last been here. It was now back to his normal length. Erin didn't know if Jay looking more like Jay was making this easier or harder.
"Are you ready to come home?" Erin asked, running her thumb over the back of Jay's hand. There were tiny cuts marking the skin, and one longer and deeper gash going from his wrist to halfway up his forearm.
"Everyone has called here asking about you," Erin continued her one-sided monologue while cataloguing every one of Jay's visible injuries.
There was the cut across his forehead and through his right eyebrow that would definitely scar. There were the broken ribs and the smashed ankle that would need rehab. He had minor burns on his arms, legs, and back.
Jay's eyelids twitched.
Erin refused to get her hopes up. She had seen that before, and nothing had come from it.
At least it means he has brain function, Antonio had said.
Erin had agreed. But she hadn't voice that thought that Jay might never be the same when – if – he woke up.
She was going to be positive for Jay. She had to be.
Erin fell asleep in the chair, her body bent at the waist and her top half resting on Jay's bed.
Her ringing phone jolted her awake hours later.
Groggily, Erin fumbled in her pocket for her phone.
"What?" she grunted.
Voight laughed on the other end, "Geez, you're pleasant for someone who just got time off of work."
Erin sighed, sat up straight, and winced. Her neck was sore. She rubbed at it as she spoke to Voight, "You got a reason for calling at," she pulled the phone away from her face to check the time, "3 am?"
"Yeah, I do, kiddo," Voight said, "It's 8 pm here and I haven't heard from you all day."
"You were worried," Erin grinned slyly.
Voight scoffed, "I didn't say that. Just thought you'd call when you landed."
"I'm sorry," Erin said softly, "I was distracted."
"Yeah?" Voight said, "How is the distraction?"
Erin glanced at Jay out of the corner of her eye, "Same, I guess. Better. I don't know."
"He'll be fine, Erin," Voight's voice was reassuring in her ear.
Erin nodded, and then remembering that Voight couldn't see her, said, "I hope you're right, Hank."
They spoke for a few more minutes, but Erin yawned wide enough to cause her jaw to crack, and Voight finally told her that she should head to her hotel and get some sleep.
"How do you know I'm not at my hotel now?" Erin smiled.
"Because I know you, kiddo. Don't wear yourself out."
"I won't," she promised before hanging up.
Erin dropped the phone onto Jay's side table and rested her head on her palm.
"Are you in there, Jay? Can you even hear me?" she wondered.
Jay's eyelids twitched in response. Erin watched his face carefully.
She leaned forward when a muscle in his jaw jumped. That hadn't happened before.
"Jay?" Erin called tentatively.
Jay's eyelids moved rapidly and his fingers twitched under Erin's hand.
Erin didn't – couldn't – blink.
Jay's eyelids slowly – agonizingly slowly – blinked open.
"Oh my god!" Erin jumped up and shrieked, "Elsa! He's awake! Oh my god!"
Erin dropped to her knees next to the bed and grabbed Jay's hand, "Jay, Jay can you hear me?"
Jay's eyes swiveled back and forth; Erin could see that he was frightened.
"Calm down, Jay. Please just calm down," Erin begged as she was pushed out of the way by Elsa the nurse and a man in a lab coat she hadn't seen before.
They were speaking in rapid-fire German. Erin tried to worm her way back next to Jay's bed.
She couldn't get through but she heard Jay's painful grunt as the breathing tube was removed from his throat.
"Jay…" Erin's voice was small and scared.
The doctor was giving Elsa commands and Erin watched as the young nurse offered Jay a cup of water with a straw.
Jay took a long drink and coughed, splattering water on his bed.
"Is he okay?" she asked, grabbing onto the doctor's sleeve.
The man turned and nodded, "He will be fine. His breathing is good. We will monitor him and evaluate from there."
Erin let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Thank God.
"Erin?" Jay's voice was hoarse, but unmistakable.
Erin spun on her heel to face Jay, tears flying from her eyes.
"Hi. Hey, I'm here," she said, sinking down into her previously vacated seat.
Jay tried to smile, but it looked more like a wince. Erin didn't care. At least he was awake.
"Where 'm I?" he asked quietly.
"Army hospital in Germany," Erin responded holding his hand tightly, "Your Humvee ran over an IED."
"Fuck," Jay muttered under his breath, "My guys?"
Erin really wished he hadn't asked.
"Oh, Jay," she said, shaking her head, "I'm so sorry."
Jay's blue eyes immediately filled with tears, and few slid down his cheeks, falling into his hair and onto the pillow.
"I'm so, so sorry," Erin said.
Jay shook his head, "Fine."
Erin sighed, he was closing himself off. She could see it.
"Jay, you can't do this. Don't let it eat you alive," she murmured.
Jay coughed again and Erin immediately placed the straw in between his lips.
Once he had stopped coughing, Jay frowned, "Said I was fine, Er."
Erin nodded, "Okay. Maybe just get some sleep? We can talk more in the morning?"
Jay nodded, his eyes already closing again.
Erin sucked in a deep breath, watching Jay's chest to see when his breathing steadied.
He was out like a light within minutes.
With her free hand, Erin wiped the tears from her eyes. He was awake. He was alive.
He had gone through hell.
And if the look in his eyes had been any indication, it wasn't over yet.
A/N: First off, the cabbie's words translated to English are :(you're welcome. I hope your loved one is okay)
Now, I'm so, so sorry for the ridiculously long wait in between chapters. I'm a terrible person. I know. I really feel bad about making you guys wait so long. I hope this chapter was worth the wait, I really do.
I'm off form school for the next month, so I'll have time to update a few more times before spring semester starts up again. I would really appreciate feedback from you guys. It honest makes my day =)
