Part IX


Harborview Towers

It had been hard since she'd walked into that elevator two weeks ago. Carly had come and gone so many times in the meantime, Jason was hard pressed to think anything was different. Except the fact that every time she'd actually come and gone she'd always had the kids with her to visit 'Uncle Jason'. Of all the times she had been unavailable to him, he never missed her more than now. So close, yet so far away… to have her in reach, but not able to reach her. And he knew that she wasn't doing it to torture him. Carly had restrained herself over the years in doing things like that. Instead, she kept coming by with the kids to prove to him that she could handle it - that despite their problems, she could maintain the normal.

With a sigh, he took a sip from the beer he'd been nursing for the past hour. Business had been slow the past month and he'd tried to busy himself with trying to locate Jerry Jacks. But even then, he could only do so much without leaving Port Charles. After re-assessing his thoughts on the man, Jason had been able to grudgingly accept the fact that he would not be able to kill the other man. To do so would put him even more at odds with Carly. Not to mention jeopardize his freedom now that every man, woman and child in Port Charles knew he was gunning for Jerry. Jason also had Jake to think about. Something that was still very new to him. It was a little difficult to reacquaint himself with the knowing that a life was dependent on his decisions. And with that in mind, revenge would have to be served in another way.

Sam was long gone. Her stuff had been removed while he'd been out. And he'd been grateful for that. Already, he was thinking that the penthouse didn't feel as empty as it should have felt when she left. He felt bad for thinking that, because he truly had felt something for Sam. But she had been right in her parting words to him…

The ringing of his phone was a fortuitous break to his unhappy thoughts.

"Morgan…" he greeted.

"Uh, Boss? It's Max. Just wanted to let you know that the guys lost track of Jerry Jacks in China," the guard said. Jason ran a hand over his face.

"China. Do we know what he was doing in China?" he asked.

"No, sir. We don't. Ray said that they'd tracked two calls he made back to his brother. But there was nothing of importance," Max said with a bit of trepidation in his voice. Jax was still somewhat of a touchy subject among the men, knowing fully well what both Jason's and Sonny's views of the Aussie were. Jason let out a sigh.

"Fine. Leave Jax out of it for now. Our priority is keeping tabs on Jerry. He's not done with Port Charles yet. I don't know how I know that, but I know it," he said.

"What do you want us to do, Boss?"

"Nothing. I'll get Spinelli on it to see if he can track where he went after China," Jason said.

"If anyone can find it, that kid can," Max noted. Jason let out a chuckle.

"Yeah, I know. Keep me posted on anything, Max."

"Of course…"

Jason hung up the phone and downed the rest of the beer.


Metro Court

She needed to get out of there. Being at the Metro Court was too hard. It was the project that was the cornerstone in her marriage to Jax. A mutual love of business and success had transformed into a unique partnership of love and respect. Unique for her, at least. And it was hard, almost too hard, to give up those feelings. Carly had made a promise to herself after her failed marriage to Lorenzo that if she ever found another man that had the devotion to her like he had and if she returned those feelings, she would never jeopardize the relationship or willingly put an end to it herself for want of more.

But now, the papers to end that very union were in the hands of that very man.

"Carly... I realize now that I've been such a hypocrite... I have resented your loyalty, your devotion, your willingness to put everything on the line for someone that was not me or your children. All the while you've stood by me, chosen me and supported my decisions no matter what your thoughts have been when I felt so loyal, so devoted, so willing to put everything on the line for someone who was not you. I haven't been fair to you. And I haven't been fair to our marriage from the day we said 'I do.' I am so sorry..."

Jax had said all the right words that, on any normal day, would have had her back in his arms. But Carly liked to think of herself as older, wiser, and more mature. She liked to think that she was better at holding back rash decisions, and better at thinking things through. Yes, Jax had said what she'd thought many times. Yes, he'd apologized. But he had not said the words that could begin to solve their problems. He had not said that Jerry could now manage the problems of his own making. He had not said that he would not drop everything to rush off and play the heroic little brother whenever the call came. To be fair, Carly could not have said if she would have been able to do the same for him, but she had been willing to try. And that had gone unspoken as she had gently removed her hand from his.

"I love you, Jax. I really do. And I always will..." She had said those words to him mere days ago as she had placed the folded bunch of papers in his upturned hands. And now, Carly stood at the bar with her back to the open room knowing that he was there and watching her. It hurt that she really did love him. And it hurt that they were both in a place that wouldn't allow them to just live in that love. But he couldn't compromise on his brother, and she couldn't compromise on letting it go anymore. After years of living with and being broken by Sonny, she knew she had to stick to her guns. She had to be the one to follow through.

Rather than wait for the inevitable moment of their eyes meeting from across the room and feeling the pain that she had done so well at suppressing, she picked up her purse and quickly made for the front door without acknowledging anyone. It was so much easier that way.

As she stepped out into the brisk air and buttoned her coat, all the bubbling emotion came to a halt as she saw her uncle approaching.

"Caroline, as I live and breathe..." he said, hands stuffed deep in his pockets. Carly carefully pulled on her gloves with a sigh.

"Isn't it a felony to be 'indecent with the intent to annoy'? I'm pretty sure it is. I'll have to ask our honorable district attorney... I think it's a two year stint in Sing-Sing," she said. Luke grinned.

"Ah, the brethren. I wonder if they miss me..." he said. Carly smirked.

"Your sewing circle, no doubt," she said.

"Good to know you're on the mend, darlin'." Carly started walking, ignoring the car waiting for her and not caring if her wayward uncle followed.

"It'll take the fires of hell themselves to make me shrug off this mortal coil," she threw over her shoulder. With a few easy steps, Luke caught up to her.

"Careful there, precious. You'll have Port Charles' most pious converting to devil-worship just to be rid of you," he said. Carly smiled.

"Most pious? Is there such a thing in this town?" she asked. Luke just shrugged. They walked in silence for a few moments before curiosity got the better of Carly.

"As much as I appreciate the dubious escort in this felon infested wasteland, what are you up to?"

"I am not up to anything, sweetheart. It's the other people you've gotta worry about," he said. Carly huffed.

"Then what are other people up to that requires you to be within 500 yards of me? Note to self... re-visit the restraining order idea," she commented. Luke stepped closer to her and, knowing it would annoy her, put a companionable arm around her shoulders. He was rewarded with her death stare.

"I received a call earlier today. Actually, I received a couple of calls, but that's besides the point. Anyway, this particular phone call was your mother. My darling sister told me that you officially filed for divorce..." he said. Carly shrugged his arm off of her shoulders.

"I can't believe you'd be patient enough to listen to gossip," she said. Luke shook his head.

"Not mere gossip. This is family," he said. Luke Spencer's loyalty to family was almost legendary and was often a source of irritation for Carly. This particular moment being a case in point.

"Excuse me, then. I meant to say 'family gossip'. What happens in my life is no concern of yours. We've had our odds in the past. Let's continue to have them in the future, okay?" The Spencer patriarch stopped walking, and despite her better judgment, Carly turned to look at him.

"Listen, sugar... yes, we've had our odds. Yes, you and I are oil and water. But despite all of that - and I say this very grudgingly - I like you, kid. You and I, despite the oil and water thing... we're a lot alike. And seeing as how great I am, how can I hate myself, huh?" he asked, pointing to himself with a grin. Carly turned and started walking again.

"Now you're just being insulting," she called to him. He hurried after her.

"See, that's something I would have said, too," he laughed.

"Get to the point..."

"Fine. My point is that without Jax, you're once again without security," he said. Carly stopped walking and turned to look at him with angry eyes.

"Are you actually saying that I need a man for security? I would have thought you'd want to circle the wagons around your fair gender to protect them from the likes of me," she growled. Luke held up his hands in surrender.

"Not what I meant. Carly..." he said, shocking her with the use of her nickname. "You can thrive on your own. All Spencers can. In fact, it's probably better that we are on our own sometimes. The thing is, the worry about town is Jerry Jacks. The man is unstable. You are the center point for his world right now, being that you are his brother's wife, the co-owner of the Metro Court, Sonny's ex-wife, and his very own savior. You need to be careful. For your kids' sakes, for your mother's sake..."

"The 'worry about town'? Bullshit. The worry for Sonny and Jason, you mean. Which one called you? Whose sake am I really supposed to be thinking of?" she demanded. It was a new tactic, she had to admit. To use her uncle to piss her off enough to go rant at one of them to kill the white-haired man, it definitely proved they knew her and her modus operandi.

"All I'm going to say, Caroline, is that you need to start thinking smarter. With good ol' Jasper outta the house, you're gonna be open game to a lot more than just a crazy Aussie. And there are people willing to make sure nothing bad happens. To you, or to those kids," Luke reminded her.

"Jax would never put my boys in harm's way. Not even for his brother," Carly said. Luke gave her a pitying look.

"But he could to you?" he asked. He stopped her half-hearted attempt to slap him. "It's the truth, Caroline. No way around it. Be careful, please. I don't want to have to escort your mother into another hospital room with you in it and listen to her beg for another chance for you to whatever higher up she believes in. You dance with the devil more than you need to, and one of these days he's going to call the chips in." With that, he let her hand go. Carly tucked her hands underneath her arms and closed her eyes, willing herself to be patient.

"Good. Great. I'm so glad you took time out of your day to counsel your misbegotten niece. Now that it's checked off of your 'to-do' list, I've got places to go before heading back to momma's for the boys," she said. With that, uncle and niece parted in opposite directions, both cursing the stubbornness of the bloodline.


Harborview Towers

The knock on the door surprised him. When Jason opened the door, he was no less surprised to see Carly standing there with a confused look on her face. Rather than wait for an invitation, she pushed past him into the penthouse.

"I'll stick with the expected script, alright? I need you to kill my uncle..." she said, turning piercing blue eyes on him. He frowned as he brought up a hand to rub away the accompanying ache between his eyes.

"What did he do now?" he asked. Carly cocked her head to one side as she appraised him.

"You mean you don't know?" Jason let out a sigh.

"Why would I know, Carly?" he asked as he made his way to the kitchen to grab another beer. He would probably need it. She followed, as he knew she would.

"So, you weren't the one to call him?" she asked. He popped the top off the beer and took a healthy swig before looking at her.

"Why would I call him?"

"Because of the sudden concern that seems to be going around since I filed for divorce from Jax," she said, crossing her arms. "So, if it wasn't you who called him, then it must have been Sonny."

"Not necessarily," Jason said on a breath. Carly's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean?"

"I have it on good authority that Alcazar threatened Sam after she confronted you at the hospital. It's just as likely that he put the call in to Luke," he explained. Carly's eyes widened for a moment as she looked quickly around the room.

"I forgot about Sam..." she replied. Suddenly, she looked uncomfortable. "I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. You've probably got things going on. Speaking of Sam..."

"Carly..." he warned. But she continued on.

"I haven't seen her around lately. Where is she?"

"She's not here, if that's what you're asking. And she won't be here," he informed her. Carly gave him a quick, understanding nod before exiting the kitchen and heading back into the living room area. With a deep, steadying breath, he followed her.

"I always thought you two kids would work it out," she said with an exaggerated lightness. She'd never approved of the brunette woman.

"Well, apparently, she caught on to something that you seem to be incapable of addressing as of late," he said with a little bit of bite. Carly chose to ignore the attempt at bringing up the subject that was a giant elephant in the room with them.

"I was planning on bringing the boys over tomorrow for a visit. Morgan made you something that he wants to give you in person. He won't tell me what it is. It's supposed to be a surprise," she said with a smile. Jason didn't return it. At his unnerving stare, she began to pace. When that became too much, she stood with her back to him and looked out the penthouse window. The quiet was uneasy, but it wasn't anything either one of them was unfamiliar with.

"Why won't you talk to me, Carly?" Jason broke the silence, finally sick of her avoidance tactic of choice. Carly let out a small laugh.

"I talk to you all the time," she said. She still didn't turn around. Jason crossed the room to stand behind her. But he was careful not to touch her. He knew her mood. And it was as unpredictable as she had been these last few very long weeks.

"No, Carly. You don't. Not about anything that matters. Not like you used to."

"There's a lot that's different now, Jason. We're not who we used to be. So why expect the same in this old Jason & Carly drama?" she asked. This time, her eyes were looking at his through the reflection in the dark window. It was unnerving to have her watch him like that. He couldn't see her face, her true emotions. But he knew that she could read every nuance on his face. She had always been good at that. And it didn't take a window pane to know how far he'd drifted from really knowing who she was.

"Jason," she said on a sigh. "I can't do this anymore." He didn't pretend to misunderstand. And now, after all these years, the words just bubbled out without a very thorough edit.

"I love you, Carly. I want us to be a family. The family you've wanted us to be for so long," he said. Her shoulders came up and he recognized the wall of pride being built around her.

"Why now?" Finally, she turned to look at him. He wanted to reach out and touch her shoulders, take her hands. He wanted to make her believe.

"There's no Sonny. There's no Jax. There's no Sam. There's no Liz. There's no one standing in our way." Her chin rose as she leaned back against the window sill. A quick, fiery answer was held back in her eyes, he could see it. But she edited the thought and went with the truest of all answers.

"Yes there is. There always is. You..."

"Not this time."

"Until you feel that one of us will destroy the other. Jason, I screw up. All the time. I always will. But I need to know that you'll still be there. And you... you push people away. You need to know that I won't let you do that. We will hurt each other, Jason. That's just the plain truth of it. But we have to work through it together. But my trust in you working anything out with me is very minimal," she said. With a sigh, she turned to look out the window again. There was a spark of hope in his chest at her words. It sounded like she was setting the guidelines to them being together, which meant she wanted them to be together. Even if she had that want buried so deep she didn't realize it yet.

"I know I screwed up, Carly. What do you want me to say? I screwed up and I'm sorry..."

Through the reflection, he could see a ghost of a smile on her face.

"You just said it. That's all I've ever wanted you to say. I thought I had said it enough for both of us over the years, but hearing you say it..." She turned to walk away from the window, away from him, but he reached out this time and gripped her arm. There was no way he was letting her walk away. Not now, when the past was so tangible and wounds could begin to heal.

"You're not going anywhere right now. We're going to talk about this," he said. She smiled again, this time it was painful.

"I wanted to talk for years. You just wanted me to shut up. But fine. Talk, Jason," she said as she shrugged out of his grip.

"I love you. I will say that again and again until you believe it. What we have doesn't go away, Carly. I don't understand why you're trying to make it," he said, his voice cracking for a split second. Carly stepped back from him and looked to the floor.

"I told you that it would never be over between us. I pratically screamed it to you and everyone else. But I'm trying to make it end because it's killed me over and over again. It's been over ten years, Jason. A decade. I have given you a decade of my life. My love, my friendship, my loyalty, my priority... and I was always an inconvenience. Always wanting you but never having you has drained me of every reserve I have," she told him. This time, he did reach out to take her hand. And she looked up at him, her blue eyes filled with tears.

"But you can have me. I want to have you." The words were quiet, but they seemed so loud. It was the first time in a long time that his heart and his head were working in tandem. It made it so much more real, so much clearer. He watched as she struggled against years of the contrary.

"No..." her voice broke as she said it. "No." She walked quickly away from him before he could touch her, and she hurriedly picked up her purse. Just as she reached the door to leave, Jason's arm wrapped around her waist.

"Carly," he said. But his words were cut off as her fist hit him in the arm. She hit him again and he could see the tears falling away from her eyes.

"No, Jason. No!" she cried as his hold on her strengthened. There was a desperation in her voice that broke his heart. He was torn between letting her go and pulling her tight to him. But he did know her, and he knew what she would accept. Jason's free hand grasped the hand that was hitting him and gently tugged it between them. This act of gentleness was her undoing. All of her anger and all of her shields dropped away until the only way to express her myriad of feelings was to lean on chest and cry.

After the tears ran dry, she stepped back and swiped a hand roughly over her cheeks. When her eyes finally met Jason's, they were clear and focused.

"What makes you think you're different?" she asked finally. The question caught him off guard, and his confusion was evident.

"What makes you think you're different than Sonny, or Lorenzo, or Jax? I loved those men, cared for them. I still do, in certain ways. But you don't see me with them now. I gave them more chances than they deserved. And you were in full agreement. What makes you think that I should give you a second chance that you would have happily denied them?" she elaborated. Jason opened his mouth to answer, but could only close it again as the answer escaped him. Because she was right. He would have gladly agreed with Carly leaving Sonny, and whomever else, by the wayside at the first moment they treated her with even the slightest disrespect. And the simple answer of "because I love you" would not cut it, no matter how much he wanted it to. He sighed.

"I didn't want to think of you loving them, Carly. I didn't want to think that you wanted them to have a second chance. Because their second chances meant no chance for me. It was one step closer to losing you completely. Deep down, I knew that. And deep down, I knew I wanted that second chance of my own. Because I knew that if I had that, there would never need to be any other chances because I would keep my word, Carly."

"But you're afraid of it, Jason. You're always afraid of it."

"Not anymore," he said. He held up his hand to stop her protest. "Ten years, Carly. You said it. And your mother reminded me a few weeks ago. We've both grown up. We've both learned so many lessons with and without each other." Carly reached a hand up and laid it on his cheek.

"I learned that I don't need you. I've learned that I don't need anyone. Just myself. I haven't changed all that much in ten years. But what has changed is that I know I don't need anyone. I can survive on my own. And I can succeed," she said softly. His hand came up to meet hers as he smiled with a nod.

"And you know what I learned?" he asked. She shook her head.

"I learned that you can be right on occasion," he said, causing her to smile back. "I learned that you do have to fight for what you want because sometimes something that is right doesn't always come easy."

Jason took her hand in his and placed a soft, gentle kiss on the top of it - much like he had many years ago. He heard her sharp intake of breath and he felt her hand stiffen in his grip. But she didn't pull away. When he looked up at her, Carly had the same look on her face that she'd had long ago in the hallway. She didn't want to say good-bye.

"I love you, Jason." It was the first time she'd said it in a long time, in the way that she'd always wanted to say it. Her free hand came up to touch his cheek. "I always love you, no matter what. But you have a baby to fight for and take care of, and I have a divorce to put in motion."

"Jake has no bearing on this, Carly. What we have came way before that. But you need to know that just like you wished long ago that Michael had been my son instead of A.J.'s, I wish Liz's son was yours," Jason said as he closed his eyes. He knew the pain she was going through. He'd felt it years before when he'd thought of AJ. His older brother had been a thorn in his side and no matter what, Jason had always been jealous of his tie to Carly. He knew that Carly had felt and would always feel that way about Elizabeth. Jason had faith, though, that they could work past all of those feelings.

Carly stepped closer to him, causing him to open his eyes and look at her. Her face was serious.

"I never meant you to think any of this swung on your son, Jason. I would never begrudge you that little boy or make you feel guilty over him. You never did that with me or Michael. Just the fact that Jake is your son makes me love him without even meeting him. All I'm saying is that we both have priorities right now. And as much as I want to forgive, forget and ride off into the sunset on your motorcycle, it's not something that can happen right now," she said. He reached up and took careful pains to brush the hair behind her ears.

"All that matters, Carly, is that you still want to ride off into that sunset with me. Whatever comes after that, I'll deal with it. We'll deal with it," he confessed. Carly let out a quick, dry laugh.

"There's going to be a lot to deal with. Sonny, Sam, Elizabeth, Jax…" she started to list. Jason smiled as he finally felt comfortable enough to pull her into a hug, her head fitting neatly beneath his chin like always.

"Let 'em all come," he said as her arms wrapped around him. He hadn't felt this good in weeks. Her sigh told him they had a lot to work out. They had ten years to work past. But all that mattered was that he hadn't felt this good in weeks.


To be continued… (I promise!)