CHAPTER 9
There was a large banner welcoming Maryse and Robert down in the dining hall while the rest of them—including Luke and Jocelyn—threw confetti's as they both entered the post-arrival party the Lightwood children held for them. Laughter surrounded the place as Alec kidded something about Isabelle's cooking while Isabelle retaliated with something about Alec and metallic blue tights. There was a soft touch of red on Alec's cheeks as Magnus tried to keep off his smirks—Jace and Simon wasn't stopping their laughter, though. The adults shook their heads and Maryse even jokingly eyed her son.
And as Clary looked around the room, she saw nothing but happiness. Even Church enjoyed the company of everyone. But she knew she wasn't sharing the same enthusiasm. Clary wanted to smile wholeheartedly and laugh at Isabelle and Alec's bickering or even with the way Jace and Simon threw some meatballs at Church's expense.
But all she felt was numbness.
Her smiles were too forced that she felt her cheeks already hurting. She gripped her soda bottle harder and tried to forget her conversation with Luke a few hours ago. But as she scanned the room all-over again, Luke was staring down at her, frowning, asking if she was okay. Clary nodded and took a sip of her drink, careful now in avoiding Luke's stares.
The only consolation Clary got from the events in the past few days was the knowledge that the demons, Jace's injury, and the attacks were all planned by the Clave to test Jace. That the moment Maryse and Robert came back, Magnus (who knew about the test) had easily cured Jace with the right concoction and that not even after a few minutes, Jace was already as good as new.
But Clary would've wanted Jace to be the last thing on her mind. Seeing him so happy about the return of his parents and for his passing the Clave test just all the more confuses her. Clary thought this day would've been one of her best as she knew her family will be complete. But as Luke and Jocelyn arrived, Luke had smoothly and flawlessly veered her off from her mother's tight hug and led her inside the library.
"How you've been?" was Luke's welcoming remark. But Clary already sensed that he'll be saying much, much more. And he did.
Clary didn't want to blame Luke for her confusion and uneasiness. She knew that all he wanted was the best for her. But like he said, it would all be up to her. And that was the hardest part for Clary—the thought that only she could decide on it. She tried on weighing things down and even made a crappy list on her sketch pad just like the ones she saw girls draw in movies. But unlike those girls who got over their dilemma, it didn't really get any easier for Clary especially now that she's surrounded by all the people she loved and whom she knew would be on two opposing sides—choices—in the near future.
She didn't dare ask Jace for any opinion. She knew what he wanted. How many times had she heard him say things like 'It would be our greatest adventure', 'I can train you better in Alicante', 'It's going to be a new life'? It would all be up to her. But Clary knew that no matter which option she chooses, somebody will get hurt. The only thing to worry about now was who would she rather?
"Are you okay?" Clary heard someone say behind her. Simon.
She smiled. "Yes."
Simon nodded but still looked thoughtfully at her. "You sure?"
It took Clary a little longer than expected to answer such a simple question that Simon needed not to ask more.
"You haven't decided yet?" Simon asked.
"Who told you?"
"C'mon, Clary. I'm also dating a Lightwood here." He gave her a sad smile.
Clary had to admit that she was selfish into thinking that she was the only one sulking here. Simon's dating Isabelle, of course. He had to be feeling the same way that she did.
"What are you going to do?" she asked. She led him out of the dining hall, trying to be inconspicuous as possible. She needed to talk to Simon alone as he might be the only one who could understand her. "Have you decided yet?"
Simon simply shrugged. "I don't even think about it Clary."
"Why not?"
"Then I wouldn't be enjoying this night as much as a want to."
Clary pondered on this and considered. But she didn't want to pretend. She wasn't like Simon who could deal with lots of things. For heaven's sake he could deal with poetry reading—and that's already saying too much!
"That's not like me, Simon."
"Of course it's not like you!" he chuckled. "You're the kind who worries about everything."
"Well, thanks for your help then."
"Oh, c'mon. I'm trying my best here. But if you really do need an answer, well I gotta say it's going to take a toll in our relationship. But it also helps to say that it's a good thing I have a position in the coven."
Clary did the math. And she appreciated Simon's answer no matter how implicit it was. She knew that Simon, as a part of the vampire coven, could come and go to Alicante anytime he wanted; but most especially if he was called by the Clave themselves.
Clary had to rethink about the situation. She surely was the only one sulking at the party.
"Luke told me that only I could decide on this."
"And he's right." Simon agreed. "This situation calls in for you to be selfish."
"I actually think it's supposed to be the opposite." Clary frowned.
Simon shook his head. "No, Clary. You need to be selfish. Even just this once. Don't think of anyone else. Not your mom or Luke. Not Jace. Think about yourself and what you want. It's better that you were honest with yourself when you finally decided on your choice rather than pretend to choose otherwise just for the sake of other people. That's lying. And you are not a liar, not really so good at it."
"Thank you for the compliment." Clary snorted.
"Oh, well," Simon shrugged. "What are best friends for?"
Simon gave her a hug which Clary knew she badly needed—no matter how much it felt like hugging a wall. And just in time too, Magnus poked his head out of the dining hall and shouted at them.
"What are you two doing there? We're about to eat dinner—not that you actually need to, Simon." He winked.
"Isabelle got me something raw, I think." Simon chuckled as he let go of her.
Then suddenly, Jace appeared beside Magnus, curiosity painted on his face. It relaxed when he saw Clary.
"Not stealing the redhead then, bloodsucker?" He smiled jokingly.
"Nope." Simon held Clary closer again. "She actually came looking for me."
"I really, really, doubt that." Jace came closer and took Clary's hand, leading her inside the hall again.
And as Clary looked back at Simon, who was following them inside, he mouthed,
Your call.
And Clary knew, like Luke, Simon was right. She had to be honest with herself. With that thought in mind, Clary tried to enjoy the rest of the night and told Luke that she will choose soon and that he would be the first to know. Luke gave him an encouraging smile.
"I actually thought I pretty much ruined your night." Luke smiled.
"Not that much really." Clary chuckled.
"I just thought I'd give you the head start. You have the tendency to hurt yourself."
"You know me too well."
Luke took Clary in his arms. "Don't strain yourself. Just so you know, the people who loves you the most should be the first and the foremost to understand your decision. And I'll take, and I know your mother will too, whatever it is you want."
"Thanks, Luke."
Jocelyn came over later and interrupted them as she gave Clary her own rib-breaking hug.
"I'll see you in the weekend, perhaps? I need you to accompany me with the doctors." Jocelyn asked as she watched Clary listen to her tummy, waiting for the baby to move.
Clary nodded and gasped as she felt some movements.
"Yes, I'll be there." She grinned back.
Together with the Lightwoods, Clary waved goodbye to her parents as they climbed the old truck. And when they pulled out of the driveway—and after a kiss from Jace, Clary silently walked back to her room, plopped down on her bed, and started to decide.
But a knock on the door interrupted Clary from her solitude. She stood up, composed herself, and gently opened the door.
"Yes?"
"Hey, Clary." Isabelle said, with an apologetic smile. "Did I wake you?"
"No, it's alright."
"Well, I just wanted to give you this. Luke and Jocelyn turned around just when you went upstairs. They left this for you."
Isabelle handed her a thick manila envelope.
"Thanks."
"Oh, there's something else." Isabelle's smiled excitedly. She pulled a trolley luggage from behind her. A hot pink one, too.
"I got this for you yesterday, while you were at school. I had a similar design but I had the sky blue color. But tell me if you want to exchange!" Isabelle informed her eagerly.
"This… looks fine. Thank you, Isabelle."
Isabelle gave Clary a goodnight hug and went on her way to her own bedroom. Clary pulled the luggage behind her then sat back on the bed with the envelope on her lap. She opened it and though surprised with what was inside, clearly saw this all coming.
"College application?" She scanned through the whole lot of papers. And without even realizing it, she was actually taking her time in doing so; reading the scholarships offered, looking at the dormitory pictures, libraries, art museums… but in the corner of her eye, Clary saw the luggage. Hot pink and very much like Isabelle. Clary wondered whether Isabelle gave her this luggage instead of the sky blue one because the hot pink was so much better. Isabelle would've rather had the lesser one than give it to Clary. And she knew she didn't deserve the sacrifice. The Lightwoods had always been good to her.
And they would be leaving New York City soon. Magnus told her once that it might be three weeks tops. Then the other day, Clary had the glimpse of Jace already sorting out his clothes and some weaponry in the training room. Some he placed in a duffel bag and some inside a large box that said, 'storage'. And then now there's the deal with Luke and her mom giving her the college application and suddenly wanting her to accompany them to the doctors.
Deep inside, Clary knew that they were all fighting their own wars. Clearly, both sides wanted her. And it didn't flatter Clary at all. They were crawling up on her silently, giving her signals to choose their side rather then the other. Their act, Clary wanted to believe, were all unconscious, as they might be thinking that choosing their side would be the most natural thing Clary would do. Maybe both sides were confident enough and that they just didn't want to bombard her, or so to speak, compel her to choose immediately.
But three weeks wasn't that long. Three weeks wasn't that long for Clary to decide the future of her life.
Your call.
She recalled what Simon said to her. Selfishness was the last thing on her mind, but it might be the only solution.
What do you want, Clary? She finally asked herself.
Chapter 10 coming up soon! What do you think Clary would do? Reviews are love! 3
