"Hello stupid flesh creatures," Starscream grinned into the camera, "Funny story. Today Bucket- helm decided to send me on a mission to find some Autobot scrap. In Sunderbar. Know what that's like? HELL!"

Starscream screeched the last word, making the camera shake.

"So anyway, turns out nothing was there. I couldn't find a thing. I even had to walk on foot through the entire wetlands to check! Nada! I come back covered in mud, and I don't even know what!"

He was becoming more flustered by the astro-second.

"So you wanna know what Megatron had to say?" Starscream snarled, "He told me that I was a failure for not finding anything with his faulty intel! And then he was like 'bitch, go take a shower', and I was like 'bitch, I don't need you to tell me to take a shower!' So, I went to take my shower."

Starscream paused, and then grinned.

"First thing I did after I got out was to go to the Rec to get some energon, then I wanted to vent to my inferior Trinemates. But I got there, and everyone was laughing at this video. Turns out, Megatron was trying to prank me in the shower, but the idiot can't even do that right! He got sprayed with his own kale smoothie! Should've know that fragger was on a kale cleanse. Fatass."

Starscream grinned triumphantly.

"Once again, I've proved that I am the better choice to lead the Decepticons! I can prank a bitch!"

Starscream relaxed onto his berth.

"I have a feeling that Soundwave was in on it, somehow. This just seems like the kind of underhanded prank he would pull. Whether to prank me or Megatron, I don't know. But I just might have to talk to that sycophant. He could be a useful ally," Starscream smirked, "Because I'm declaring an all-out prank war against Megatron, and damn the consequences!"


"Prime!" Ironhide called, "Starscream just uploaded another vlog!"

"You think Megatron has found out about his Youtube channel yet?" Mirage asked Prime from across the table in the Ark's Rec room.

"Doubt it," Prime snorted, swirling his cube of energon.

"Let's hope Screamer keeps postin," Blaster relaxed onto the Cybertronian- sized couch, "So that I can keep coastin!"

"As the humans say, Blaster," Jazz said, stretching out next to the Communications Officer, "Preach."


"Psst!"

Onslaught froze at the sound, and looked around. Seeing no one, he shrugged and continued on.

"Psst!"

Onslaught whirled around again to find a purple finger beckoning to him from around the corner. The Combaticon shook his helm.

"Go away, Skywarp. I have no time for you today."

The Seeker poked his head out.

"Aww," he pouted, "C'mon, Onslaught. This is important!"

"Not important enough for you to come to me directly, however," Onslaught growled in reply.

He turned and continued on his way down the hall, but was stopped when Skywarp teleported directly in front of him.

"It's a simple favor!"

"Go away, Seeker!"

Onslaught punched Skywarp in the faceplates. The purple jet toppled to the ground and Onslaught continued on his way, careful to step on the Seeker's fragile cockpit as he passed.

"Asshole!" Skywarp shrieked as the glass shattered underpede.

Several hours later, Onslaught was sitting in the Rec, staring at plans for the next raid. Bruticus would play an integral role in the operation, so Onslaught was careful to commit every detail of the plan to his hard drive to avoid any mistakes from his team. The others could screw up all they wished, but Onslaught would never allow his team anything less than perfection! He was programmed to obey Megatron, and he did so with great fervor. Perhaps one day soon, Megatron would see that, and he, Onslaught, would be the new Second- in – Command. Primus knew that Starscream was useless enough. All Megatron needed now was a suitable replacement. And he was more than willing to be that replacement.

Onslaught was broken out of his pleasant daydream when the Coneheads burst into the Rec, making an awful ruckus.

"And then I took her to my berth and fragged the slag out of her!" Ramjet boasted, puffing out his chassis, "She said I was one of the best she's ever had!"

"Whatever," Dirge grimaced, "Dirt Devil's already fragged nearly half of the crew. You're nothing special, Ramjet."

"Yeah," Thrust concurred, "And if you were so great, why hasn't she fragged you a second time?"

Ramjet's face fell to a scowl.

The other two pointed and roared at their Trinemate.

"Would you three keep it down?" Onslaught snarled.

"Jealous, Onslought?" Thrust grinned, sauntering over and leaning over the Combaticon leader, "That even Ramjet can bag tailpipe and you can't?"

"Hey!" Ramjet interjected.

"Hmph," Onslaught grunted, "As if I'd waste my time on that cheap pleasure- drone. Primus only knows what plethora of viruses she contains."

"Which would be a good point if that so called 'cheap pleasure- drone' even bothered to look at you! You're so ugly that you sacred even her off! And that glitch has supposedly fragged Autobots!" Ramjet sneered.

"So you interfaced with a femme who's interfaced with the enemy? That sounds dangerously close to treason."

"Well at least I didn't punch an Elite Trine member in the face, then crush his cockpit," Ramjet hissed.

"Now that sounds like treason to me," Dirge almost cracked a smile.

Onslaught froze.

"Yeah, Sky's keeping himself locked in his quarters for now," Ramjet continued conversationally, "Primus only knows what Starscream will do to the mech who damaged one of his Trine when he finds out."

The Combaticon gripped the datapad in his servo hard.

"Fortunately for you, Onslaught," Thrust put his hand on Onslaught's shoulder, "We're in a position to help you out of your little predicament."

"Get off of me," he retorted, shoving Thrust away.

"Or we could leave you to the mercies of Starscream," Dirge shrugged.

"That's blackmail!" Onslaught spat.

"Yeah," Skywarp smirked, melting out of the shadows behind Onslaught, "We decided to take a page out of your friend Swindle's book," He sat across from the Combaticon, trying not to move the shattered glass of his cockpit as he did so, "So what's it gonna be?"

Onslaught crushed the datapad.