Chapter 9

Return

Vanyel sat on the beach and stared out at the water, eyes blank. Every so often he would toss another stone into the sea, enjoying the plunk it made and watching it sink into the oceanic depths.

Stefen walked up beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. For a moment they stood in companionable silence, but then Stefen spoke.

"What's wrong, ashke?"

Vanyel took awhile to respond. "I've been thinking, Stef." He returned to his silent state.

Stefen didn't prod for more, and was rewarded when Van continued. "I've been thinking about people."

The Herald took a deep breath. "We were kidnapped, Stef. You know that. You know why we were kidnapped, too. It's because some goddamn stupid person decided that he was jealous of us, Stef. Jealous of what we have, jealous of what we stand for. Did you know, Stef, that I've been enjoying our time in the Havens? What am I talking about? Of course you know. You've seen me acting like I've never acted before, carefree, young, enjoying the childhood I never really had."

Van shook his head. "And you know what, Stef? I don't think I can do that anymore. It was fun while it lasted, sure, but it's not playtime anymore. Playtime ends as soon as somebody gets hurt.

"I liked the Havens because I thought they were different than Velgarth, Stef. I thought that here, nobody could get hurt. I thought everybody was as nice and carefree as I've been these past weeks."

Stefen moved to put his arm around Van's shoulders. He hugged his lifebonded tightly as Vanyel continued. "I've learned something, Stef. Boys will be boys, men will be men, and people will be people. Nothing can really change the inner core of humanity, even the promise of a perfect world, a happy world. People will still find something to envy, some small discontent that will poke at them, bother them, until they can't quite take it anymore and do something unforgivable, something that hurts another human being in a way that they never quite realized they meant to do until it's done.

"In short, Stef," Vanyel continued, "I honestly don't think the Havens are different from Velgarth at all. I'm still in danger, and I've still got to save everybody in the end. Once again, nothing can change who I am at the core."

He stopped, and looked as if he was making to continue, but remained silent. Stefen interjected. "What are you saying?"

"What I'm saying," Van replied, "is that if there's no difference between the two, then I might as well go to where I can actually make a difference. After all, it does seem to be what I was made for."

Stefen's breath caught in his throat. "You mean –"

"Yes, Stefen, that's exactly what I mean." Van's voice was hard; his mind was made up. "I'm going back to Velgarth, Stef, to Valdemar. I've got to try and make any difference I can, and I'm not doing anything beneficial up here. Sure, it was a nice break, but once again, nothing can change who I am. I'll always be a self-sacrificing old fool who's got one hero complex too many, but hey, if I can save somebody's life, somebody who doesn't deserve to die, just one person, then I don't mind.

"I've got to go back, Stef. I think I'll go crazy if I don't." He took a sharp breath, and Stefen realized he was holding back tears. The bard leaned over and hugged his lifebonded, giving him a quick kiss on the forehead.

"There, there, ashke, it's okay," he soothed. He patted Van on the back, and stroked his hair. "I know you'll be fine back there! I mean, the Havens are fun and all, but I've been getting a little bored myself. It'll be great being back home!"

Van took a deep breath and raised a hand to wipe away his tears, He turned his head toward Stefen. "Don't you see, Stef? Don't you know why I'm crying?" Tears leaked from beneath his eyelids, tracing curlicues and unknowable patterns down his cheeks. "I'm crying Stef, not because I'm afraid of the world, or anybody down there. I know I can get through it, Stef, because I've done it before. But Stef… I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

Stef's breath caught in his throat, and his whole body tightened. He hadn't thought – he hadn't realized the implications, and now that he knew what Van was planning on doing, he felt tears forming in his own eyes, felt them coursing down in a miniature river. Sniffling, he pulled Van closer, and the two of them rocked back and forth, savoring what they now knew to be some of their last time together.

Only Heralds were allowed to choose to be reincarnated. And Stef, while he'd been treated a lot like one, was not a Herald. He was a bard.

A talented bard, but a bard just the same.

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"'Fandes."

The Companion turned around and saw her Herald. Van had been quiet lately, preferring to spend time alone than to be the normal boisterous personality he'd become since they'd arrived at the Havens. In fact, Yfandes realized very suddenly, Van had readopted many of the traits he'd had back in Velgarth, which was worrying, when she thought about it. She'd loved the Vanyel she had back home, but 'Fandes would be the first to admit he'd been more than slightly messed up. Stefen had been his only anchoring point. Contrary to the Vanyel of old, who had clung to Stef despite his better instincts, this new, mopey Van seemed to be avoiding Stefen a little. And 'Fandes had no idea why this would be.

'Fandes realized Van was waiting for a response and shook her head to clear it. "What is it, Van?" she asked worriedly. The expression on his face disturbed her, and his young face seemed to have sprouted a few more wrinkles in his past week of brooding.

Van didn't answer right away and instead sat down on a rock near where Yfandes lay in the grass with a book open before her. He stared at his hands, long hair falling in a waterfall to conceal his face. He twiddled his thumbs, fidgeted, and generally avoided speaking. Yfandes waited patiently until she couldn't take it anymore.

"Seriously, Van, what is it? Are you all right?" She leaned up and put her hand on his knee in a motherly gesture; he turned his head and smiled sadly at her.

"I'm all right, 'Fandes. Or I will be soon. There's just something I have to do, and well," he hesitated. "I'm not sure if you'll like it."

Yfandes closed her book and moved into a sitting position with her knees up in front of her. "What is it?" she asked concernedly, eyes full of worry.

"Well…." Van hesitated, breath in his throat; then all of a sudden the words came piling out on top of each other like children tumbling off of a slide. "I've got to go back."

"You – you what?" Yfandes wasn't quite sure if she could believe what she was hearing.

"I've got to –"

"No, no," Yfandes cut him off. "I heard you the first time. Just – why? I thought we were having a great time here. I mean, aside from, well, you know, it's been perfect!"

"And that's the trouble, 'Fandes," Vanyel contradicted. "We were having a great time. I was finally enjoying myself and experiencing the life I never really got to live back home. And then the selfishness of a stupid man broke through my for once perfect life and made me realize that no matter where I was people were just the same, and just as I was on Velgarth, I am still somebody exceptional. I have the power to save and affect the lives of others, and after experiencing first hand what being selfish can do to a person, I have decided it would be irreparably selfish of me to withhold my influences from those down on Velgarth who might need a little saving or guidance." He slumped further down on his rock and put his head in his hands. "I don't want to go back, Yfandes, I really don't, but I have to. It's like a sharp pain in my gut, and I know it won't heal until I start helping people again. You might argue that I helped enough, but I've had a break now, and I think I'm ready to get back in the game. But, 'Fandes," and here he started sobbing, unable to hold it back any longer, "'Fandes, I'm going to miss Stef so much." He wept, unable to speak, and his Companion took him in her arms and held him and comforted him as much as was possible. But Vanyel was about to lose a lifebonded for the second time, and Yfandes knew that was the type of wound that never healed. To accept such pain knowingly and willingly required such strength that Yfandes believed only one like Van could handle it.

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The time had come.

Farewells had been given, announcements made, and now a select group of friends gathered to watch Van's return to Valdemar.

Beside the requisite Stefen and Yfandes stood Medren and Tantras and his Herald Kris as well. A couple other friends had made an appearance, and all looked saddened by the news that one of their favorite heralds was to leave.

Van stood alone, clad in his whites, on the beach, staring out onto the steel gray water. The weather on that day was appropriately glum, something Van hadn't really thought possible in the Havens, but apparently the gods made an exception for some things.

Vanyel was tired of being an exception. But it never ended.

Stefen trudged forward to the side of his lifebonded and slung an arm around his shoulder. "You ready, ashke?" he asked, the despair pooling in his eyes.

Van nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be." He pushed hair out of his eyes and looked down at Stef. "Look, Stef… I don't know what to say.

"Scratch that. I know exactly what to say. Stef, I love you so much it is ridiculous. I can't think of anything equal to my love for you save perhaps the love you feel for me, which is the way it should be." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I will miss you so much it is painful to think about."

Stef engulfed him in a bone-crushing hug. "I will too, Van." A tear leaked from the corner of his eye. "Promise you'll come back? Don't go spending several centuries as a tree again, all right?"

"I promise," chuckled Van weakly. "So long as you're still here when I come back."

"It's a deal, then," said Stef, and squeezed Van a little tighter.

"All right," said Van, "I think I'm nearly ready." He stepped forward and grabbed Medren, hugging his nephew tightly. "Keep Stef company for me, okay?" he asked. "You bards have to stick together."

Medren grinned and pounded his uncle on the back. "I'll miss you, Van," he said in a serious tone. "You'd better come back quick or Stefen'll go spare."

"I'll do my best," laughed Van.

Then he turned to the one person who had always been for him, ever since he had come to Haven and the Heralds and the Palace and met Tylendel and then saved him after the devastating and terrible shock of 'Lendel's death. She had pulled him through countless life threatening situations and comforted him when he was down. She supported him and talked to him and laughed with him, even kept him human at times. When she first came to him it was as if a whole was filled that he hadn't even known existed, and the feeling of finally being complete was at once amazing and exhilarating and even a little bit scary until he got used to it. Sharing your mind with somebody was an incredibly intimate experience, and when one's mind was shared for several hundred years, it was difficult to even imagine the extent of closeness the two people in question must have possessed.

Yfandes moved first and seized Van in a hug full of so much emotion he nearly burst. Leaving Yfandes would almost be harder than leaving Stef, in some ways; he and Yfandes hadn't been separated almost ever since he had been chosen, and she had been his best friend, his Companion, throughout all that time. Going back to Valdemar would be just plain strange without 'Fandes by his side.

He squeezed the Companion tighter and looked her in the eye. "I'm gonna miss you, 'Fandes."

She sniffed. "Me too, Van."

There didn't seem to be anything else to say. The words hung in the air like great big black raindrops.

One last hug and it was over. Van turned around to face the rolling waves again. He seemed about to do something, but he turned around again almost right away.

"So, uh, anyone know how I leave here?"

That effectively diffused the situation. Yfandes gave a weak chuckle, all the while wiping her eyes, and Stef managed a grin. "Only you, ashke." He shrugged. "I dunno how you're gonna get out of here. I suppose you could, you know, just kind of ask?"

Van shrugged his shoulders. "It's worth a try, I guess."

He turned around again and raised his arms for good measure, turning around to wink at Stef. Then, without a pause, he looked up at the sky and stated, very eloquently:

"Hey, um, do you think I could possibly go back to Velgarth now?"

Nothing seemed to happen for a moment, and Stef breathed a sigh of relief – much as he had accepted it, he still didn't want his lifebonded to leave. But his sigh quickly turned into a gasp as a great black whirlwind rent the sky asunder, with dark, heavy clouds gathering and encircling the vortex. Van gave a half-shout of surprise before he was sucked upwards into the whirling mass of wind. Stef, Yfandes and Medren shouted their last goodbyes as Van disappeared.

"Well," said Medren. "I guess that's the end of it."

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Van opened his eyes to a dark world. He blinked a few times, tried to stand up, and immediately fell over. Looking down, he received a shock as he caught sight of his legs . They – well, they were, for one thing, white. And spindly. And he had a hoof.

Correction. He had four hooves.

He felt something nuzzle his head and started, before looking up – a large, white, full-grown mother Companion towered above him.

Van felt a sense of triumph. It had worked! He was back in Valdemar, back where he belonged, and he was a Companion – soon he would grow, and then, of course, he'd get a Herald, and it would be amazing if he could do even half of what Yfandes had done for him for his Herald.

He stopped his mind rambling to the adventures he and his Herald would have and concentrated on the here and now. His eyes had gotten used to the lack of light and he could see his "mother" standing next to him, and he must have been in a stable because there was another Companion mother in the stall across and he assumed he was surrounded by the equine beings.

However, even surrounded by his own kind, he still felt so very, very alone.

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IT IS OVER. I HAVE FINISHED. God damn my mind for coming up with sequel ideas though. I'm not promising anything soon, but here's the thing: Although school is really hard this year, and I've been doing soccer as well, I sprained my ankle on Friday. Therefore, I will probably be spending quite a bit of time immobile in bed. That means that if I manage to do all my homework and stuff, who knows? You could see the start of a sequel fairly soon.

Anyway! I am seriously so excited that I have finished and ashamed that it took me so long to write 9 chapters. All I can say is I hope you enjoyed them and they were worth the wait?

Last thing: PLEASE, PLEASE review! If you have never ever reviewed before, DO SO NOW. It's your last chance, kinda. The story is over! Just leave a note giving some criticism, your favorite part, heck, leave a note saying ANYTHING. I will love you forever.

This is Natalie, signing out. FOR THE LAST TIME. Man I am so epic. Anyway, REVIEW! Hopefully I will see you soon for the sequel :D (don't worry, I wouldn't be so cruel to Van as I seem to be).

-Natalie