A/N: Hello :) I hope you had a good week. To all my American readers, I hope you had a joyful Thanksgiving.
As always, thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and following alerts.
I'd like to address the review left by ChristyWIX because she raised a valid point, and I wanted to talk about it here, just in case that same question had popped up in your mind, too. She felt that it was unsafe for Bella and company to be discussing their plan in her apartment, when any one of Aro's cronies might have bugged the place. Rest assured, I haven't missed this point. It will be tackled soon. We're seeing this world through Bella's eyes and no matter what she intends to do, she has not had police training. She didn't suddenly acquire their way of thinking. So far, this point didn't stick out in her exhausted mind, and that is why it has not been addressed.
My quick but heartfelt thanks Payton79 and Dazzled Eyes22 for all their help :)
Here we go.
CHAPTER 9
EXPECTATIONS AND EMOTIONS
I groaned, reached out blindly to grab my phone from the side table and silenced the alarm. Rolling onto my back, I stretched blearily, not ready to wake up just yet despite having slept like a log during the night. With the number of things that'd been on my mind while I'd lain in bed, I would have presumed that the familiar yet painful dreams would be plaguing my slumber, but exhaustion apparently overrode everything else.
Sighing, I stayed in bed for a while, but when the alarm I'd snoozed rang for the third time, I sat up and rubbed the sleepiness out of my eyes. Pushing the covers aside, I made my way into the bathroom, hoping that a long, hot shower would kick-start my system into alertness.
After that was done, I walked into the kitchen and peered into the cabinets, only to realize that I desperately needed to make a grocery trip. There were a couple of eggs in the refrigerator, but I wasn't in a mood to cook. My usual cereal didn't sound too appetizing either. I grabbed an apple as a quick fix as my stomach growled. A quick glance at my phone told me that it was now 8:30 a.m., and I wondered at what time everyone would be showing up.
I didn't have to wait for long. Just as I was about to plop down in the living room and feast on my apple, the bell sounded loud and clear. My heart leapt into my throat at the sound, and I paused to remind myself how silly that reaction was. These were my friends, my family… and Edward. I'd managed to get through a week-long kidnapping, so I didn't understand why I was letting my nerves get the best of me.
Edward's smooth voice greeted me through the intercom, and with a deep breath, I buzzed him in. A minute later, I glanced through the peep-hole, bit my lip, and slowly opened the door.
He smiled and wished me a good morning, while I invited him inside. I looked around, but no one else had arrived.
"You're alone?"
He placed a paper bag on the table before turning to me. "Yeah. I spoke to Emmett last night and happened to mention how exhausted you were. He told me they'd be arriving after ten, so that you get some time to sleep in if you wanted. I hope that's okay."
I folded my arms over my chest. "That's fine. What are you doing here this early, then?"
He shrugged self-consciously as one of his hands rose to run through his hair, and the other lodged itself into the pocket of his jeans. "I thought I'd get you some breakfast?" His uncertainty made it sound like a question rather than a statement, and my attention shifted to the paper bag he'd brought. "I swear I hadn't planned on coming here before everyone. It's just that when I woke up, I started thinking about you, and I… well, I guessed that you might not be in the mood to make something for yourself, so… yeah. You didn't… you didn't already eat, did you?"
I shook my head and held up the uneaten apple still in my hand. "I was about to."
Edward's smile widened, seemingly regaining some of his confidence, as he pulled out the contents of the bag. "I'm right on time, then. Here you go."
"You didn't have to do that, Edward."
"I wanted to," was all he said.
We walked over to the kitchen, and I gestured for him to set things up on the dining table while I grabbed us two plates.
I felt a little awkward as we settled in to eat, but Edward seemed completely at ease as he handed me my coffee. The familiarity of this reminded me of the days we'd spent together at the cabin. I shook my head, as quickly and discreetly as I could, to avoid going down that line of thought. In order to distract myself, I took a sip of the beverage and almost gasped in surprise when I realized that he'd managed to get me my favorite.
"Do you like it?" he asked me, a hint of anxiety coloring his voice.
"How did you know?" I questioned sharply as ideas of him stalking me floated in my head.
He looked genuinely confused, so I reigned in my irritation and clarified, "How did you know that I prefer Mocha Latte?"
"I didn't know, Bella," he admitted with a bashful shrug. "But you've made your love for chocolate quite clear, so I assumed…"
"Oh." I scowled inwardly, feeling a little silly, and refrained from commenting further. My cheeks infused with color as I remembered my rather enthusiastic and downright mortifying response to my dessert the night of our date.
Yeah, it must not have been too hard to guess.
He passed me a croissant, and I accepted it, eager as I was to drop the topic.
We ate in silence, until I felt Edward's eyes on me. I looked up to see that his expression was open, expectant, and imploring. I remembered the promise I'd made to him the night before and shook my head.
"Do you see the double standards here?" I pointed out.
He frowned. "What are you talking about?"
My eyes narrowed slightly. "When I'd woken up at the cottage, I asked you a hundred times about what you wanted from me, but you didn't respond. Now every time you ask me something, I'm supposed to just give you all the answers? First, it was about Mom, and now, Alice and Dad. Don't like it much when the tables are turned, do you?"
He remained silent for a beat, taking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. "Bella, I won't claim to know exactly how you're feeling, but…" He shook his head once. "I'll keep telling you as many times as you need to hear that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what we did, and I'm sorry for hiding the truth from you. You have every right to kick me out of your life, but instead you asked me to help you through this, and I want nothing more than to prove that Aro Volturi is guilty of much more than what he has been charged for. I'm asking because I'm curious, yes, but this is so much more than that. I need the chance to prove to you that I had nothing but good intentions at heart, then and now. After hearing about your mother, I… I can't just walk away. I want to do everything I can to help you."
I looked at him wordlessly, gauging the sincerity in his eyes, and I had to admit that I found it in leaps and bounds. It wasn't morbid curiosity that brought him here today, but a genuine desire to help me. I still didn't know why exactly I had asked him for his help in the first place. The words had slipped out of my mouth in the cabin, and it seemed Edward had latched on to the idea whole-heartedly. It was my only chance to attain justice for Mom, while he also saw it as an opportunity to make up for what he did. No matter the motive, he was serious, even passionate about this. I couldn't deny that he had the acumen and an unbiased approach that could come in handy.
"Dad, Charlie… he…" I paused for a second. "He loved Mom with all his heart. When she was… gone-" My voice broke, so I cleared my throat. "His entire world fell apart. Plus, he was left to deal with a daughter who had been through hell, and was so traumatized that she'd lost her voice. He took care of me and Emmett to the best of his ability, but… but we were too young, too devastated to understand how to take care of him.
"When your worst nightmare becomes your reality, it's hard not to give up on yourself. That's what happened with him. Dad started working ridiculously long hours. Sometimes, he'd come home, crash for a few hours on the couch, and leave early the next morning. In hindsight, I think he tried to avoid sleeping in his and Mom's bedroom because it dredged up memories that he couldn't begin to combat while he had two children and his job to think about."
My eyes were fixed unseeingly on a spot on the wall as Dad's face swam in my mind. Lost as I had been in my own grief at the time, I hadn't realized how and when his dark eyes started to lose their luster and how his lips stopped pulling into that wide smile he wore when he teased us. I did remember the way his hands would shake when he'd plate our dinner, the way his previously well-fitting clothes gradually began to hang off his thinner frame, and the way his eyes sometimes seemed glassed over even in the morning.
I felt a prickle of warmth shoot up my arm and looked down to find Edward's hand covering mine. He didn't exactly hold it, but laid his fingers gently on top of mine, offering silent support and pulling me back from the painful reminiscences of my past. I took a moment to look into his eyes, finding some semblance of composure in the compassion that resided in their emerald depths.
"He'd taken to drinking every night, and the habit slowly grabbed hold of him in its inescapable clutches. It started with just nights and then gradually crept into the evenings, then afternoons, and sometimes even the mornings. He was always careful never to overdo it around Emmett and me. He tried his best to fulfill all our needs, and believe me, he was a good father. Dad would always find a way to get us whatever we asked for. Somewhere along the way, he just lost himself."
My eyes closed reflexively as I recalled the feeling of being wrapped up in one's of Dad's bear hugs. He'd lift me up in his arms and twirl me around before squeezing me tight against his chest. Emmett, never one to be left out, would ram into us, and Mom would yell for him to be careful. If I tried really hard, I could still remember his scent – a unique mix of leather and musk and cologne – that always made me feel loved and protected.
"He passed away a week after my high school graduation. A massive heart attack took him away from us forever. The doctors said that his liver had been in rough shape, too, so that certainly didn't help his chances of recovering. Once again, I stood by helplessly, as my world tilted wildly on its axis in the blink of an eye."
"I'm so sorry," Edward murmured.
I was very grateful and relieved about the lack of pity in his tone and in his eyes. There was sorrow and worry in his expression, but he didn't look down at me with the overtly demonstrated sympathy I'd grown accustomed to receiving whenever I told someone about my life. I acknowledged his sentiment with a nod and also managed to give him a small smile.
Before I could open my mouth to respond, the ringer interrupted our conversation.
They were here.
I buzzed them in and waited, dashing away the few drops of tears that'd filled my eyes. Soon enough, I heard the footsteps heralding their arrival, and as soon as I opened the door, I was engulfed in Rosalie's arms.
My sister-in-law was generally not fond of showing vulnerability, but today, Rose's voice was choked up as she whispered, "Thank God you're back."
Allowing myself to relax in her familiar embrace, I released a deep, calming breath. We pulled back, and I smiled at her. "I'm fine, Rose. Come on in, you guys."
Alice gave me a bright smile and a squeeze as she walked in, while Emmett greeted me with a hesitant "Hey." I was equally unsure of what to say to him, but accomplished a tiny smile in return.
Edward walked round the corner, and I could see that all three of them were very surprised to see him there. As we took our seats, an uncomfortable silence lingered around us. Realizing that no one was quite sure of where to begin, I cleared my throat.
"So…" I began, turning to Rosalie and Alice. "How did you know about Emmett's involvement in my kidnapping?"
This was just one of the things that'd been swirling in my brain since last night. I figured it was the easiest to start with because I was the one asking the question instead of answering.
Rosalie scowled and threw an irritated glance at her husband before responding. "We were so worried after not having heard from you after your date." She grimaced at the word. "We only realized that you were missing when we couldn't contact you at all the next day and lodged a formal complaint. Emmett let us stew in our dread for three entire days until he confessed everything."
I looked toward my brother and found him looking at his feet. The frustration was evident on his face.
"Em?" I prompted, allowing him to put forward his perspective.
He swallowed hard and sighed before looking up at me. "I didn't know if I should involve Alice and Rose in this. I'd already broken fifty laws, and at the time, I didn't know if it would even work. If it'd gone wrong, if I was put under the scanner as a suspect, I couldn't bear to imagine them suffering for something that was entirely my doing."
I nodded at him. This, I understood, and to an extent, agreed with. If anything had gone wrong, Ali and Rose didn't deserve to be dragged into a mess they had no role in creating.
Alice spoke up when he fell silent. "We were watching the news. I don't know why, but they were showing your high school picture along with a current one. A so-called panel was talking about how long it'd been since you'd been gone and discussing the chances of you being found after all that time. I couldn't keep a handle on my emotions any longer and broke down in Rose's arms, thinking about all the horrible things that could already have happened. That's when Em finally delivered the news to us."
"We put up a furor, demanding to speak to you immediately, but Emmett stubbornly refused to tell us anything other than the fact that you were safe, and in the protection of someone he trusted," Rose addressed me, but her gaze slid over none too kindly toward Edward at the end. "What is he doing here anyway?"
"He brought me breakfast," I muttered, causing them to look between Edward and me suspiciously. Edward pursed his lips but offered no verbal response. I quickly brought us back to the topic in hand.
"Look, I'm trying to come to terms with all of this. Rose, Ali, nobody could be more livid than me at the way they handled things, but I am doing my best to look at the bigger picture here. Aro's arrest doesn't justify the means Emmett and Edward chose to go about it, but I was there when that bastard killed Mom. I saw him, his conceit, his… pleasure in taking her life. I decided right then that I would walk over a bed of coals if that was what was required to make him pay for his crimes." I bit my lip to suppress the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me at the memory of Mom's lifeless hand in mine. "If Emmett had asked me, I would have happily paid any price to make this happen."
Rose scooted closer to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. Alice squeezed my hand on the other side.
"Bella-" Emmett started, but I cut him off.
"I know. You thought I would never agree to play the victim, and I guess now we'll never know," I said pointedly. "Emmett, I want to move forward. I don't know when our relationship will go back to the way it was, but I will cooperate with you in whatever you need from me throughout the process of Aro's trial. And…" I took in a deep breath before continuing. "And I want to find out why he killed our Mom."
Three pairs of eyes looked at me in utter shock. I watched apprehensively as they scrambled to think of something to say, but apparently, came up blank. I looked at Edward and found him assessing their reactions, too. Probably feeling my gaze on him, he inclined his head slightly and gave me a supportive nod.
It was Emmett who broke the silence first.
"Bella," he started, caution and hesitation clear as the day in his tone. "We're pressing charges of drug trafficking and kidnapping against Aro. Jasper also said something about murder-for-hire. Liam's dying declaration is in our favor. Three of Volturi's henchmen have folded at the promise of plea deals, and we've almost managed to convince them to testify against him. We're doing everything we can to make sure that Aro spends the rest of his life behind bars."
"I know," I replied, resisting the urge to rub at my temples to hold back the headache I could feel coming. "That doesn't make it any easier for me to let go of the fact that he killed our mother right in front of my eyes, and we have no clue why."
"It has been more than fifteen years. I really don't see how it'll be possible to…"
"This whole plan of yours… Did you ever think you could pull off something like this?" I argued. I could feel the delicate cord that held my sanity together after this roller-coaster of a week stretching dangerously thin.
He shook his head in exasperation. "We got lucky once, Bella! That doesn't mean it'll happen again. Aro's certainly not going to admit to anything. I know you. You'll lose yourself completely in this fact-finding mission. You won't give up until you find something, not realizing or accepting that there is nothing to find!"
Rationally, I knew he was right. The answers I needed might have disappeared long ago.
Before Liam came looking for me, I had thrown myself entirely into my mission of ruining Aro's life. There was no guarantee of me getting any closure through this new task that I wished to undertake.
In this matter, however, my mind was not too big on rationality. This was something I needed to do. I knew very well that it might not make sense to everyone.
I didn't care.
The cord snapped.
I was on my feet without any conscious thought. "You don't know what it's like!" I yelled. "You're not haunted by endless dreams of that day. You don't know how much it hurts to be as utterly helpless as I was when he pulled that trigger. I was right there, Emmett, hiding like a coward when, with a flick of a finger, he murdered her in cold blood. I can't rest until I find out why. I don't want to be that… that powerless girl anymore. I can't go on without even attempting to find out the answers. Hopefully, in the process, we'll gain some piece of evidence that could get him convicted for his heinous act. I need to know, no matter what I have to do for that!"
Tears had welled up in Emmett's eyes, and they spilled over his cheeks by the time I finished my diatribe. Rose moved to his side and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. I felt Edward's hand on my arm on one side and Alice's on the other. Together, they guided me back to sit on the couch.
Leaning forward, I buried my head in my hands, and tried to rid my mind of the jumble of memories that flashed through it mercilessly.
I felt the cushion dip as someone sat down beside me. I didn't look up to see who it was until Emmett's burly arm wrapped around my hunched frame and pulled me into his side.
My breathing shuddered as he placed a kiss over my head. "I'm just trying to protect you," he choked out. "That's all I've ever wanted. You're right; I can't possibly know or even imagine what it was like for you that day. Maybe I will never be able to understand what it did to you. I will forever regret that you had to go through it. But, Bella, what I do know and what I did see was the wordless struggle in your eyes every single day of those three years that you didn't speak a word. Watching you sit alone and silent, as you battled the demons that no one else could begin to understand, was the hardest thing I've ever done."
On instinct, I leaned into his side, looking for the same comfort he'd provided me all those years ago. When Dad had found himself drowning in his own anguish, Em, along with Alice, had always been my safe harbor, and I hated the distance that his one decision had put between us.
"I'm scared, Bella. I'm fucking terrified that you won't find the answers you're looking for, and I have no idea what it'll do to you."
When I looked up, I found that Alice and Edward had left the room. Rose and Emmett had wrapped their arms around me as a week's worth of pain and frustration poured out of me in crushing gasps and excruciating tears. I continued to cry, letting out all the pain I'd managed to bury inside me for all this time, and they let me. Their hands patted my back and stroked my hair, but they wordlessly allowed me to let out my anguish until my sobs started to quiet down.
Once I'd managed to calm myself enough to speak, I turned to my brother. "I've spent fifteen years in this limbo. All this time, I've felt as though I was shouting in a room full of people, but nobody seemed to listen to my pleas. This knowledge has been buried deep inside me for so long that it's now imprinted into my soul, Em. You said it yourself – once you got the warrants, finding proof about Aro's criminal business was much simpler than it'd been before. This is my only chance to know exactly what happened that day and why. We have all the resources to look into every aspect of Aro's life. We'll never get another chance like this again," I asserted.
I watched the play of emotions in his eyes. He knew I was right. This was our only window if we ever hoped to discover the answers that had eluded us for over a decade. I needed Emmett's help, though. Without him, I would have no access to the police records or evidences against Aro.
Rose was rigid with stress by my side, as we both waited for Emmett to make a decision. He looked at his wife for a long moment. I wondered what he was searching for in her face, and whether or not he found it but didn't turn around to check.
Finally, he exhaled a gush of air and met my beseeching gaze with his stony one.
"Fine," he said. "I'll need to think about what exactly I should tell Jasper. He's the one in-charge of the case, and I won't be able to help you with anything without his aid. I don't think I should discuss the truth about your kidnapping, but maybe if he knew about Mom, he wou—"
Unthinkingly, I leaned in and hugged him hard. He froze in surprise for just a second and then slowly put his arms around me.
I sighed in the relief I felt at knowing that I had his support.
One obstacle down, a hundred more to go.
A/N: Thoughts?
I know it was one big emotional roller-coaster, but Bella has reason enough to be all over the place, right? She can begin to move on now.
Next chapter… A surprise awaits you!
One last thing... As I prepare for my upcoming Finals, I have to take to posting every other week. I know you all might not like that much, but my studies take up a large chunk of my time, and I can't write as much as I'd like. There just aren't enough hours in the day.
Please bear with me.
Thanks for reading :)
