Brooke and Karen sat with Peyton in her hospital room, waiting for her to wake up. A nurse had informed them that visiting hours were over, and that they could come back first thing to see their friend. Brooke tried to get the nurse to let her stay, but the nurse gently explained that if she made a special exception for Brooke, she would have to do it for all the visitors, and it wasn't possible.
Karen tried to convince Brooke to come back to her house so she didn't have to stay alone, but Brooke opted to stay at Peyton's, to get things ready for Peyton's return home the next day. As Brooke was tidying up Peyton's bedroom, she came across Peyton's journal. She never knew that Peyton kept a journal. Usually, Peyton's artwork was her journal. Brooke knew she shouldn't but she couldn't stop herself from opening up the journal and reading.
February 7, 2009
Lucas left today. I don't where he went or how long he'll be gone, all I know is that he's not here anymore and it's all my fault. I blamed him for our loss, but in reality, I'm the one to blame. I told him that I didn't love him anymore, and that I wasn't sure if I really loved him at all, but I said it out of hurt and grief. Nathan's been here on and off all day, but Haley has yet to show up. She's only visited me once since I was in the hospital. Brooke has called every single day. I really wish she could be here, but I understand why she can't. I wonder who would miss me if I was just to end it all tonight. Would anyone? Would Lucas? Would he cry? Would he blame himself? Would he be happy? Would everyone be happy? No more depressing Peyton to bring everyone down.
Brooke was shocked to read that Peyton had been this depressed for so long. She skipped ahead a few entries.
September 18, 2009
Karen called today to check up on me. I wanted to ask her about Lucas, but I figured he didn't want me to know where he was. She didn't mention his name once to me. She just wanted to make sure that I was doing OK, and I told her I was fine, but I'm not. I don't think I'll ever be fine again. Ever since Lucas left, I feel like a piece of me is missing, like I'm completely lost without him.
Nathan still comes over almost every other day. Haley's been busy, trying to get a record deal, so she hasn't been by in a few weeks. It's just as well. It's hard enough to see Nathan all the time, knowing he's Lucas' brother, but to see Haley like that, knowing that she and Lucas are best friends...I couldn't handle it.
January 15, 2010
It's been almost one year since Lucas left me, and I haven't heard a word from him since. He changed his cell phone number. Haley hasn't been by in almost two months, and the visits from Nathan are becoming fewer and fewer. The only constant I have these days is Brooke, and she's all the way on the other side of the country! She calls me at least three times a week. She's the only one who cares anymore. She's all I have left. Well, Karen still calls, but I can't talk to her. It's too painful. She even stopped by here the other day, but I couldn't face her. It would just remind me of losing Lucas.
June 19, 2010
Brooke promised she'd come see me this week, but I guess something came up with her new job and she couldn't make it. I was really looking forward to seeing her. Nathan only comes by twice a week now, and Haley comes maybe once a month. Karen still calls, but I don't know what to say to her. I miss Lucas so much. I kick myself everyday for being such a bitch to him. Why did I have to tell him I didn't love him anymore? I blamed for the loss of our daughter, but it wasn't his fault. I should have taken better care of myself and she would be here right now, and so would Lucas. I just hope that wherever he is, he's happy.
