The Healing Process
Olivia awoke late in the morning. She felt a heavy presence on her whole body. She opened her eyes more and noticed that she was covered in very thick blankets. Her hair stuck to her face, neck, and back from sweat. She sat up slowly, feeling pain shoot through various part of her body. Her wrist hurt worse than anything else. She turned her head so not to move her chest. There was a chair close to the bed, but no one occupied it. She lay back when she felt something brush against her other hand. She moved a little at feeling and looked down. There was a man laying there. Her broken wrist was right against his hair. She reached out and touched him.
The head moved a little and turned where she could see the face. It was Charles Brandon. He was asleep, but she knew it was him. She couldn't fight back a small smile. He had been with her all night. She knew that most likely that had not been a good thing. She pushed back the blankets and stared at him. So her dreams had not lied to her. Charles Brandon had saved her life. She sat up a little, trying not to wake him.
Olivia had barely gotten comfortable when the door opened. A young girl with long, dark hair stood in the doorway. She was carrying a bowl and a pitcher. Her stern expression changed when she saw Olivia to a nice, kind smile.
"It's good to see you awake, my lady," the girl said.
"Thank you," Olivia replied. "Has he been here all night?"
Sarah looked at the still slumbering Duke of Suffolk and grinned. "We couldn't pry him away from you."
Olivia suddenly felt very guilty. She was very grateful that Charles had saved her from Culpepper and the others, but she never thought that meant him staying up all night to nurse her through broken limbs and a high fever.
"Shall I wake him for you, my lady?" Sarah asked as she built the fire up.
Olivia shook her head as she looked at Charles. "No. Let him sleep."
Sarah nodded and disappeared from the room. Olivia watched the fire and then looked over at Charles. He was still asleep. She could hear him softly snoring. She wished she could slip out of the covers and disappear. However, she owed Charles much more than that. He was probably risking a lot just helping her. She reached up and ran her hand through his hair again. This time, he seemed to feel her hand.
"Hmm," he mumbled as his head lifted up.
Olivia grinned as best she could without hurting her face. "Good morning, your grace."
Charles immediately sat up with a smile. His smile nearly took Olivia's breath away. She had never him have one that was so genuine. His whole face was suddenly brightened all the way to his eyes. He had smiled before but not like this.
"How are you feeling?" Charles asked, pushing his hair back.
"I'm feeling much better. I think the fever broke early this morning."
Charles nodded. He reached up to her and gently pressed the back of his hand to her cheek. Olivia thought of pulling away, but his hand felt so warm and comforting on her face. He moved his hand up to her forehead. He looked at her for a long moment before he finally removed his hand.
"Your fever is gone," he finally said, not taking his eyes off her.
Olivia nodded. She rolled over, letting her back rest against the soft bed. It felt better than being on her side. Her whole ribcage ached. She knew that her corset had caused her to break more than one rib.
"Are you hungry, my lady?" Charles asked, standing stiffly.
Olivia smiled. "I would love some breakfast, your grace."
Charles looked at her as he sat on the edge of the bed. "Please call me Charles. You are in my home and bed."
Olivia felt herself blush. She was in his bed? It made her feel strange. It was probably the fact that he had pointed it out to her. She looked away from him and felt his hand on her braced wrist. She wanted to wince but stopped herself. The pain only lasted for a moment and then stopped. He was gently massaging her hand. She looked over at him and felt his lips touch her hand. He placed her hand down gently and left the room.
Olivia fell back against her pillows. Her mind was spinning out of control. Charles was so amazing. She had found him so nice and unlike at anyone at court when she met him. Now, it was completely different. He was so kind and gentle to her. She could also see that he was a flirt too. She heard stories about him when he was young, but things had changed. He had changed. She was glad of that. She closed her eyes when the door opened. Charles was carrying a tray. She felt herself smile despite the fact she knew he was breaking all the rules of the court.
"Breakfast, my lady," he said as he sat down.
Charles helped her sit up and placed the tray across her lap. The food smelled so good. Olivia noticed then that she was really hungry. It had probably been a while since she had eaten at least a day. She began to eat when she looked up at Charles. He was watching her to the point that it was almost unnerving. She even blushed a little. She looked down at the plate and then glanced back up at him. He hadn't slept, but it looked like it hadn't been for at least two days.
"How long was I asleep, your grace?" She asked taking a sip of her drink.
Charles looked at her and took a deep breath. "Two days. This was starting your third. The fever must have broken during the night."
Olivia understood now why she was so hungry. She turned back to her plate, trying not to look at him. She wanted to ask the next question, but she was certain she knew the answer.
"You were here all night weren't you?" she asked, wiping her mouth.
Charles nodded with a slight smile. Olivia found herself smiling too. He had stayed up with here for two whole days. She finished eating and looked up at him. Charles took the food from her and sat back down in the chair.
"You should probably rest more," Charles said.
Olivia nodded. She already felt like she should sleep. Her whole body still ached from what had happened. Then, suddenly something occurred to her. Would anyone at court be looking for them? She looked over at Charles, and he didn't seem to be worried about anything. She knew that she should trust him. The longer she thought of that, the more she thought about sleep. Before she knew what was going on, she was asleep.
It was almost a week before Olivia could manage to stay awake all day. It was even longer that she could finally get out of bed. She felt great the first time that her feet hit the floor. She had walked to the window to find that the frost had come a little early this year. She didn't really mind. She walked around, finding a robe at the foot of the bed. She slipped into it and walked out into the hall.
Olivia learned after the first day she woke that she was staying in Charles's home. She had found the place comforting and warm. She walked toward the main hall. Charles had gone back to his lordly duties after the first week. She tightened the robe as she walked past the library. She heard something coming from the room and stopped. She peeked inside, finding Charles sitting at a desk.
Charles was leaned over some papers. There were lines etched on his forehead and around his eyes. He seemed so intent on whatever he was working on. She thought of walking in, but he really seemed to be quite busy. She turned from the door.
"You can come in," Charles said suddenly.
Olivia turned around and walked into the door way. Charles looked up at her. She felt sorry for him. His eyes were red. He must have been tired. She moved closer to him and sat down in a chair. Her head still hurt after a long walk. She hated it for the walk from her bedroom to the main room really wasn't that far.
"Are you alright?" Olivia asked looking at him.
Charles nodded. "I was looking over news from London."
"That bad?"
"You could say that."
Olivia looked at him. She couldn't really tell what was wrong with him. She thought maybe his past was coming back to bother him. She felt so sorry for him; she had heard him talking in his sleep many times. He suddenly got up and walked over to the window. His hand went through his hair almost angrily.
"Your grace," Olivia started. "What's wrong?"
"It's Charles."
"What?" Olivia was suddenly confused.
"You have not called me Charles since you have been here," he said without looking at her. "I told you that it was alright."
Olivia had to fight back her smile. She looked up at him. "I do not think that is what is bothering you, Charles."
Charles turned around and looked at her for a long moment. He seemed quite intent on something. She looked at him too and felt something shoot through her. He truly was upset about something. She thought of sneaking a look of the papers. But at the moment all she wanted to do was stare into his eyes.
"Have you ever done something that you wish you could take back?" Charles asked as he leaned against the wall.
Olivia looked down at the floor and felt her hand instinctively reach for her upper arm. She hoped that he didn't really notice anything about it. She rested her hand there instead of moving it. She looked back up at him and nodded a little.
"I think everyone has," she said simply.
"Does yours still haunt you?"
Olivia took a deep breath. "Sometimes. Is that what this is about?"
Charles nodded subtly. "The King is planning a progress to the North. He is taking Lady Mary, but he wants to go to the places where the rebellions were the worst and see if his people are really loyal now."
Olivia looked down at the floor. She didn't really know what to say. She understood what Charles was getting at. He didn't want to go to the North where the ghosts would be the worst. She turned back to him and longed to walk over to him, comfort him. She swallowed as that last thought came into her mind. That thought seemed to be coming to her quite often. She shook her head and slowly got to her feet.
"I should leave you to your thoughts," Olivia said, starting for the door.
Charles was across the room and had her by the arm in less than a second. He turned her around suddenly but not forcefully. Olivia looked up at him and could only stare at him. When she was this close to him, she could see nothing but his eyes. Those perfect and beautiful blue eyes. She felt her breath coming in heavy pants. He held onto her arm and gently brushed some of her hair back.
"Please don't leave me with my thoughts," he whispered.
Olivia looked at him and felt her hand touch his arm. She wanted to slip her arms around him and hold him. His eyes were so full of hurt, memories, and pain. She moved her hands up her arms and let them rest on his chest.
"Your thoughts or your ghosts?" She asked, looking at him.
Charles smiled a little. "Both."
Olivia smiled back and took his arm. "Then please, come play cards with me."
Charles smiled and bent down gently kissing her cheek. Olivia felt a blush go down all the way to her toes. She grinned at him as she felt his arm slid around her and start moving her toward another room. He took her to the main room. He moved a table over and started dealing the cards. Olivia took the cards and looked at him.
"You don't want to go North do you?" she asked as she laid a card down.
Charles made his move and shook his head. "Do you want to go back to Court?"
"It's not the same thing."
"So there are no ghosts there for you?"
Olivia looked at him. She gently touched her ribs that still caused her lots of pain. She could still feel Culpepper's hands in places that no man had ever had his hands. She swallowed and stared at the table.
"No," she finally admitted, looking up at him. "My nightmares are much more alive."
Charles couldn't resist a smile and laid down his hand. Olivia laughed as she saw his winning hand. This had been her favorite recovery activity. Charles was an excellent card player. She had only won a few games, and she counted herself as a good card player.
"When is the King's progression?" Olivia asked as she shuffled the cards for the next hand.
"Next month," Charles said as he got them some wine.
Olivia nodded. She knew that she would be well by then. She stared down at the cards and took a deep breath. She wasn't really sure she wanted to go back. She kept thinking about that when she felt a warm hand wrap around hers. She looked at him for a long moment and thought of pulling her hand away. She didn't want to. He was so kind to her.
"Who did it?" Charles asked softly.
Olivia looked up at him and yanked her hand away. She felt the cards slip from her hand as she got to her feet. Charles was not far behind her. He reached for her, but Olivia very quickly pulled away.
"I don't know," Olivia said and it was only a half lie; she only knew one.
"Olivia, you can't heal unless you face what happened to you."
Olivia felt very angry all of a sudden. She stepped back from and moved across the room, at an almost break neck pace. Charles had her by the shoulder and turned her to him. Out of nowhere, Olivia smacked him across the face.
"What would you know of healing when you haven't even face what you did? You are the one with ghosts. Not me!"
Charles didn't let go. He held her tightly by the shoulder. "I'm not your enemy, Olivia."
Olivia looked at him and suddenly fell into his arms. Tears burned her eyes, and she fought not to release them. She felt his arms wrap around her. She had not felt safe until that moment. She knew Charles would never hurt her. And he would help her if he could.
"Charles," Olivia said as her tears now fell like rain. "I didn't know them all."
Charles ran a hand through her hair soothingly. "Did you know any of them?"
Olivia looked up at him. Tears ran down her face as sobs wracked her sore ribs. Charles led her over a large and comfortable chair. He sat down, pulling Olivia into his lap. His fingers traced the tears down her cheek and then wiped them away. Olivia felt her head fall against his fingers.
"What good will telling you do?" she asked as his hand gently massaged her neck.
"I could open an investigation. This type of behavior cannot go on at Court."
Olivia slowly slipped her arms around his neck. She waited for him to push her away, but it never came. He pulled closer and put his arms around her. She rested her head on his shoulder. His fingers didn't stop moving through her hair. It took her a few minutes to realize that he was combing it with his fingers. She sighed a little, trying to stop her sobbing.
"And I want to see these men punished."
The last statement made her look at him. Somewhere, deep down, she knew that Charles was not just looking out for the Court. If that were the case, he would have made her go back a long time ago. He seemed to content to hold her in a very comfortable chair while she wept like a fool. She took a deep breath and looked up at him.
"Thomas Culpepper," she whispered.
Charles looked at her. "What?"
"Thomas Culpepper was the one who tried…"
Olivia never said the word. She felt Charles press his lips to her in the softest, sweetest kiss she had ever felt. It was not intrusive or pushy. It was just a simple sentiment of what he felt. His grip tightened around her as he pulled closer, but the kiss just seemed to linger.
"He will never harm you again," Charles whispered against her lips.
"Is that your way of saying you'll fight my ghosts?"
"No," Charles gently kissed her on the lips again. "I'm going to keep your real nightmares at bay."
Charles held on to her in that same chair long into the night. They had talked more about what had happened to her and what was waiting for them when they returned to Court. Charles suggested that waited to go back until the King was ready to make his progress. Olivia liked the idea. Her ribs, bruises, and wrist would heal anywhere, but she knew she was not ready to face Culpepper. Her healing process had just started in a Lord's lap in front of a great, warm fire.
