9.

The next week is a torture. I go to school, but as soon as I off I go and watch Katniss.
After a few days, Gale started to join me and even take me with him to the hob where Greasy Sae started a collection for Katniss to sponsor her.
In the blink of an eye I already stuffed the jar with all the money I carried. Gale and I became a bit more like.. friends.
He started collecting me when he was off to watch Katniss, except when he was hunting. And he hunts a lot.

I have to watch Katniss suffer, see Peeta being in love with Katniss, Katniss nearly dying.
We're at the hob, and Gale is stiffly holding my hand.
After he noticed I was tearing my own skin apart out of stress he decided he would start holding them so I wouldn't.
Three days ago Claudius Templesmith announced that two could win if from the same district.
Katniss of course immediately started looking for Peeta, and no one would think she'd done otherwise.

Today is the Feast. My nails dig in Gale's palms as Katniss receives the backpack, but immediately gets slashed in the forehead by a knife.
I gasp as they struggle. I feel Gale stiffen next to me. His muscles tense, just like mine. Then, a miracle happens.
The boy from 11 saves her, for that little girl, Rue. "She's alive, Gale,'' I whisper as she gets back to the cave where a dying Peeta awaits here.
They say jealousy brings out the worst in people. And my thoughts in that moment prove that.
Because for a moment, I wish Katniss weren't able to go and get that medicine.
That Peeta maybe have died in the mere hours she went away. I disgust myself, but I hate Katniss for it. She blacks out, but because it was a rerun from what happened this morning, we quickly cut back to now. To when Katniss wakes up. And moments later they kiss. I crush Gale's hand, reminding myself it is not real. Not real. But when they pull away, I can see that look in Katniss her eyes. That she used to give me.

I inhale sharply and let go of Gale's hand. He is too surprised to stop me, making a run for it. Tears are running down my cheeks as I run as hard as I can.
I don't care where I'm going, as long as it is far away from today as possible. I reach the fence, and I go under it, my skirt tearing.
I don't have weapons, don't even have the proper clothes on. But that would be the last thing on my mind. I reach the heart of the forest, out of bread, sobbing, when I hear them nearing me. A pack of wild dogs. I look for an easy tree and climb it as quickly as possible, sometimes almost falling down.
When I reach a good branch I sit on it and rest my head against the tree, where the sobs grow more violently.
It feels like my heart is falling apart. Literally. I never knew this was possible, to feel the actual ache of the heart. But it is. I'm feeling it right now.
I hug myself as I try to keep myself together. She kissed him. And it was not a played kiss like the one before. It was a real kiss. It was my kiss.

I've just calmed down, playing with my ragged skirt, when the dogs go silent. I look down and half of them are dead, half of them are gone. ''Madge?'' I look down and look straight in Gale's seam eyes. ''Hey Gale, don't mind me, carry on,'' I say, smiling weakly.
He frowns and puts his bow away. ''Madge, come down,'' he orders. I shake my head and look at my fiddling hands. ''Let me just stay here, Gale,'' I whisper.
''Look, I know how you're feeling. I used to feel that everytime I saw her with you. I.. I still sometimes do,'' he admits.
I look down at him, surprised. ''But Katniss loves you, it's all an act!'' he says, trying to convince me. ''No. The way she looked at him.. You wouldn't understand,'' I say softly. Gale lets his head hang down and walks away, leaving me alone.
The hours pass as I stare into nothing, numb.

The sun is going down, and I just decided to stay here, when Gale suddenly appears again.
He's holding a thermos flask. ''Can you come down?'' he asks. I shrug and climb down.
He takes me to the rock ledge of him and Katniss and hands me the thermos flask. ''It's filled with tea, went to your dad to get it,'' he explains.
I nod and start taking little sips of the warm liquid, which starts warming me immediately. My tensed muscles relax a bit. ''Why are you being this nice to me?'' I mumble, holding the flask with both my hands. He shrugs and breaks a twig. ''Katniss cares about you,'' he mutters back.
I drop my head and look at the little flowers at my feet. ''I doubt it,'' I reply softly.
Gale glares angry at me. ''Madge, cut it off, stop being such a whine baby. Seriously.. It isn't real, she loves you!'' This rubs me in the wrong way so I throw the flask down, which was still open so the tea starts leaking out, and jump up. ''She doesn't, Gale!'' I yell at him, cursing myself right away, not needing his accusing look. ''Don't yell,'' he hissed. I pick up the flask and put it next to him on the rock.
I am already walking away when I quickly turn around again, push the flask over again, spilling the tea on his lap which makes him curse, and I calmly walk away. I break every twig that is breakable, and when I come to the fence, I shoot under it and run home. Nobody stops me when I go directly to my room and slip into sleep's restless arms.

The next few days I try to stay away from watching the Games as much as possible. Until they get out of the cave. And together with 2 they are the only ones left. I remember watching it alone. Seeing how they actually can survive. But life is ruthless, and I do not dare to dream of her coming back yet. My dreams are haunted with Katniss and Peeta. When I wake up, I have forgotten them. A biting feeling in my guts and wet cheeks are all that's left.