Jax's POV:

Tara's finally given us permission to see my mom. I obviously want to see her but I'm shitting it. I have no idea how I am going to react.
Clay, Unser and I have been here all night waiting and worrying. Unser has been trying to comfort us all night, fetching coffees and food. As for that shit Clay, he has been silent ever since Tara broke the news. He has spent the whole night staring into space, the same stoic expression on his face. As for me, I can't stay still. Pacing around the room seems to help me. Calms me in this awful situation.

Tara opens the door, "You can see her now". She looks exhausted, the black bags enveloping her eyes. She refused to go home, spending the whole night keeping an eye on my mom. Despite their battles she must actually care for my mom.
"Okay, coming". I am shaking, its going to be so shitty; seeing my mom in a hospital bed so fragile, so weak. Tara stops us at the door, "I am warning you, she looks bad".

I look at mom as I enter the room. Oh God. Oh my God. I want to cry.
Unser turns his head away, he can't face her.
Clay takes one look at her arms and throws up in the trash bin.

Her arms are skeletal; the skin is stretched over her bones and they are completely covered in circular burns, glistening in the darkened room. Her face is completely sunken. She actually looks like a corpse.

Tara's POV:

Watching them see Gemma in this light for the first time, is truly gut wrenching.

"No I can't... no". Clay slams out of the door, whilst I get rid of the trash bin splashed with vomit.

Jax is in complete shock. He is stood, rooted to the spot, staring at her mutilated arms. I look at Unser who is stood in the doorway, on the verge of crying.
"I can't believe I let this happen". I watch as Jax collapses in the chair next to his mom, his head in his hands.
"We all let this happen Jax, not just you. I have been her friend for years and I had no idea of how bad she had gotten". sighs Unser as he moves over to Jax, placing his hand on Jax's hunched shoulders.

I have to speak. "Jax. You know you are going to have to talk to Clay". I know he is going to yell at me, but he has to sort their shit out. Not just for his own sake but for Gemma's. If Gemma is going to recover, she needs a supportive environment; not all the stress of her husband and son fighting.

"Why would I want to talk to that piece of shit. He don't even care about my mom!" Jax is seething now, his face has become a whole new shade of purple.
"Because your mom is going to need you all united if we are going to get her better. She doesn't have to contend with all your shit!"
"Since when did you care about my mom? You have hated her since day one!"
"That's not true! Everybody argues Jax. We have argued, yes, but do you seriously think I want to see her like this? Really?".
"I'm sorry. I just... I don't know how to deal with this". He gestures at Gemma. "She's my mom Tara! I love her and I can't deal with whats happening."

"I'll give you two some privacy". Unser gently taps me on the arm and leaves us. To be honest I think he wanted an excuse to get out of here, he can't cope with seeing Gemma like this. Shit, her being raped about destroyed him.

"I know how you are feeling Jax. This is heartbreaking. I feel the same guilt, frustration and worry as you do. Don't you think I feel guilty for giving her a hard time?". I drape my arms round his shoulders.
"I know you do but you're not her son. Her child. I should have known..."
"Don't you think that Clay might be feeling the same? He is her husband, he will be feeling the same guilt that you are".
Jax shakes me off. "Nah, he ain't got a bit of remorse in him. He only cares about himself."
" I think the sick drenched trash says otherwise. Talk to him Jax. Do it for Gemma. Not for him".
" Fine. But I ain't making no promises". He gives me a quick kiss and leaves, purposely slamming the door shut on the way out.

I look over at Gemma. She has no clue how much everyone loves her, wants her and needs her. Jax and Clay argue because they are vying for her attention. Me and Jax argue because Jax wants to please her. I slam my fists down on her hospital bed.

"You are so stupid Gemma. So very stupid!".

I never dreamt that I would shed so many tears over Gemma Teller. Especially tears of care.

Jax's POV:

I walk around the hospital trying to find Clay. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't gone home to do his dodgy deals with the Mayans. I am just about to give up when I spot him in the hospital chapel. Hah! Praying to whatever god for forgiveness I suppose.

Clay's POV:

Shit. Shit. Shit. I want to punch the fucking walls, scream my head off and kill some bastards! How did I not notice, I mean that's my wife for gods sake. I'm here in this hospital god room or whatever, praying for god knows what. Praying that this guilt I feel goes away. My wife. My gorgeous wife.

"Clay. We need to talk".

Jax's POV:

He is refusing to look at me. His eyes fixating on the shrine of some saint.

"Talk about what?". He grumbles, but it is with a wavering tone.
"Urgggh... let me think. My mom, your wife; that nearly died. Might be a good start".
"Let me guess. You are going to blame me for everything, say that you wish I was dead. Well I don't wanna hear it!".
"I don't give a shit what you want to hear Clay! She could be dead and..."
He jumps up, getting defensive. "Fucking shut up Jax. I fucking mean it".
"No I won't. This has happened. We can't pretend it hasn't. My mom is lying in a hospital bed wasting away, her skin used like a fucking canvas. The bones, the burns..."
"Stop. Stop". Clay is crying now, smashing his shattered hands against the wall.
"I can't Clay. It's true. Our mom is not only starving herself but self-harming, and we don't even know how long that has been going on". I can feel myself tearing up, but I have to stay strong. Like Tara said, we need to have this conversation.
" All my fucking fault ay? What about you? Where..."
"Clay. I am not putting all the blame on you. We are all responsible. We...did this".

Before I know it we are hugging, crying on each other's shoulders. A temporary truce brought on by a world of pain.

"Jax, Clay." Tara gingerly opens the door, not wanting to end this moment of peace.
"Yeah?"

"It's Gemma. She's awake"...