A few weeks later.

Rollins had been staying with Amaro for a few weeks.

Things had changed she had shut down. They would barely talk and when they did it was not about what happened.

One day after work

They head back to Amaro's place. On the ride home Rollins is looking out the window.

Rollins: I think it's time for me to go back to my place

Amaro: what no….Amanda you can't go back there

Rollins: I have to…where else am I going to go?

Amaro: well theres me…..you can live with me…(he sort of whispered it)

Rollins: Nick are you asking me to move in with you (she smirks)

Amaro: I just thought it'd be a good idea….instead of you being all by yourself

Rollins got defensive

Rollins: I can take care of myself you know….I always have

Amaro: I know babe….I'm just saying….let me rephrase it…..I would like it if you came to live with me….you know I thought we sort of had established that we are in a relationship….you know that you're my girl

Rollins: your girl huh…what about Zara and Maria? What are they gonna say?

Amaro: well you know Maria has finally accepted the situation we've been divorced for a few weeks now and Zara has been coming over and you and her get along great

Rollins: I know I really love Zara….Maybe I'll move in with you just so I can see Zara (she giggles)

Amaro: If that does the trick then I don't mind hahaha

They arrive at the apartment

Rollins gets out of the car. She walks over to him and wraps her arms around his waist

Rollins: (shyly) so…..will you help move my stuff tomorrow?

Amaro: ofcourse babe anything for you (he smiles)

They walk in. Soon they are kissing on the couch. How Amaro had missed this ever since the aasault happened they hadn't been intimate and Nick was still not sure if Amanda was ready.

Amaro: hey we don't have to do this you know….

Rollins: I know but we haven't for a while and that's not fair to you…..your my boyfriend…

They continue to kiss and Nick starts putting his hand under her shirt when all of a sudden thoughts of her assault come rushing to Amanda's head….she quickly pushes him away

Rollins: NO!...

Amaro: I'm sorry I didn't mean to….

Rollins cuts him off

Rollins: no I'm sorry….for a second thoughts started rushing to my head and I forgot it was you….Nick I'm so sorry

Amaro: no no no I understand completely….it's okay babe (he rubs her head and gets off her)

Nick wanted her bad. He missed her lips, her body, that smile she gave him when they were making love, the way she arched her body as she released herself completely in his arms. He understood though and he wasn't going to force her.

Middle of the night

Nick wakes up with Amanda crying quietly next to him.

Amaro: Babe what's wrong?

Rollins: nothing

Amaro: you can tell…you know you can tell me anything

Rollins: I just hate myself I can't even make love to the man I love…..I hate that this is happening again….my body had healed I was okay and then Nate happened

Amaro: what do you mean again? (he looks at her concerned)

Rollins: I meant….nevermind I just hate it

Amaro: Don't lie to me Amanda I know you

She looks at him and they both sit up in bed

Rollins: I was…..(she stuttered) I was abused from the age of 12 until I was 16

Amaro is shocked….that's why now it all made sense….

Rollins: He was my mother's boyfriend and when I finally told her she didn't believe me. She said I brought it on myself that I was provocative and she started seeing me as a rival instead of her daughter. I couldn't stand to be in that house so I ran away at 16. With the help of a program designed for runaway teens I got my GED and went to college and after the academy. I left my sister behind and I always hated myself for that and that's why our relationship was strained. I haven't talked to my mother in years and the man who did this to me died a year after I ran away. He was never brought to Justice.

Amaro: Baby why hadn't you told me?

Rollins: it's not something I go around talking about. I put it behind me and moved on except I guess I really didn't I once talked to a counselor he believed my gambling addiction and drinking was brought on by the stress of what I had been through. I guess he was right. What happened with Nate reopened those old wounds

Amaro: I'm sorry this happened….I'm here for you and I'm not leaving

She hugs him

Rollins: you're a good man Nick. How'd I get so Lucky