Hey everybody! Okay, so this chapter is a little late, but I was a little busier than I expected this past week. So these next two chapters will pretty much be Deeks and Kensi. The other team members might show up a little, but it'll be mostly Deeks and Kensi =)
And, as always, thank you guys so much for all your support! The feedback means everything to me, and I'm just so glad you're all enjoying the story!
I don't own NCIS LA.
Enjoy!
Chapter 9
"Sidorov's in custody. The bombs have been secured by the SWAT team."
3 Months Later…
Deeks bolted upright in bed, covered in a thin sheen of cold sweat, and frantically took in his surroundings. It took him a few seconds to realize that he was in his bed, not in Sidorov's warehouse as he had been seconds ago in his nightmare. He was in his apartment in the middle of a Saturday night, he was not getting tortured. At Deeks' commotion, Monty, on the floor, lifted his head of his paws to glance at him curiously, a little whine escaping his throat.
"'S'okay, boy. Go back to sleep." Deeks muttered, and his dog laid his head back down with a sigh. Monty had stopped sleeping in bed with him ever since the nightmares started and Deeks had been turned into a tornado of thrashing limbs.
Deeks eased himself over to the side of his bed and pulled open the drawer on his nightstand. Under his gun was a picture of Kensi. He pulled it out whenever his nightmares were especially bad, like tonight, and he couldn't quite shake away the remnants of his dreams or the ghost feelings of that drill in his mouth. It was a great shot of her. Not that she didn't always look good, but he especially loved this picture of her. It was from Romania, when they had gone after Hetty, and he and Kensi had been posing as a couple. And Kensi would kill him if she knew that he had kept this single picture. It wasn't like he had a dozen photographs of her, because he knew it was dangerous to have a lot of personal photos, being a cop and all.
Deeks gazed at the picture in hand. In the photo Kensi's hair was up, her eyes twinkled playfully, and the smile on her face made him forget everything for a minute. Sighing, Deeks tucked the photo back in the drawer and shut it.
He stood and headed into the bathroom. Flipping on the light, Deeks went to the sink and let the cold water run till it was absolutely frigid. He splashed his face, his neck, and ran his damp hands through his hair. After shutting the water off and patting his face dry, he looked in the mirror. The nightmares, combined with the lack of sleep because of them, had taken its toll. There were bags under his eyes constantly and he looked pale; not his usual glorious, tan, self.
He'd only been back at work for about two months; but for the first month he'd been confined to his desk doing paperwork and sorting through old cold cases. He'd been in the field again for about a month now, his broken rib healed. He'd been exercising every day, and pretty soon, he knew he'd be pretty much the same as before.
Except he wasn't.
The nightmares were affecting his personality, and he knew that his teammates' could see it. He didn't joke around as much anymore, though he tried his damndest to, because he was Deeks and that's what he was supposed to do. There were times, sitting at his desk, he would zone out, be in that awful chair with that awful drill whirring inside his mouth, and Callen, Sam, or Kensi would have to yell his name five or six times before he snapped out of it.
It hadn't been like this in the hospital because he had been so drugged up, but after he had been released…well that's when the nightmares had started. He knew he should talk to someone. Sam or Kensi would be the best options. Sam knew what he was going through. Deeks had even told Sam when they'd first gotten back to work, about a month after the hospital and Sam's apology, that he'd accepted that apology, that he'd forgiven him. But Deeks was finding it really hard to forget. Things were still a little tense between him and Sam, so he didn't really feel like sitting down and having a heartfelt talk with the big guy.
And then there was Kensi.
Deeks knew he could talk to her, knew he should talk to her. She would listen. But he didn't want to admit to her that he was struggling. He remembered how upset she'd been when she had found him covered in blood, bruised and broken. She had cried. Kensi Marie Blye, who never cried, had cried for him and he didn't want to see her upset like that again, not over this case. It had been three months, and the team was finally putting it behind them. If he talked to her, it would bring it straight back to the surface. It would bring the kiss back to the surface.
They still hadn't talked about it. He knew she hadn't forgotten, because they would look at each other once in a while, and he could practically see her replaying the moment in her head. But she never brought it up, and neither did he. Even when he did try, for that first month back at work, her walls went up and he couldn't get in. it hurt him to see her lock him out because it made the memory of her lips on his burn that much brighter. Sometimes it felt like he couldn't contain the ghost of her kiss and everything he felt would just explode out of him.
But where would that put them?
-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-
It had been a slow Thursday. No new cases. Just a lot of boring paperwork. Kensi hated paperwork. And it didn't help that she probably had the biggest amount of unfinished reports and files. She could get through her paperwork quickly if she wanted to, she just procrastinated. Kensi blew out a breath, stretching, looking around at the rest of the team. Sam had finished his small pile of unfinished reports and had started distracting Callen, and now the two of them were tossing wadded up paper balls into the various recycling bins around the bullpen. And Deeks, in a very non-Deeks matter, was bent over his desk, completing stack after stack of reports.
Kensi felt a twinge in her gut. He had been…different lately. He just hadn't been Deeks. ever since he got out of the hospital. She figured it had something to do with what he'd been through, the torture and all, but he never said anything about it. she wished he would talk to her, she wanted to help. But he wouldn't talk to her. Maybe that made them even considering she blew him off every time he tried to bring up the elephant in the room: the kiss.
Even though the kiss had happened three months ago, it still felt like it'd been yesterday. The feeling of his soft, warm lips, the smell of the ocean and sand and soap as Deeks had leaned over her, it was all still present. It was all right there in front of her all the time. Part of her wanted to just tell him that she felt the same way, that she wanted him to kiss her all the time. But then another part of her was scared. Unsure. She didn't know what would happen if she actually gave in, and not knowing terrified her.
"Aaanndd…done!" Deeks exclaimed, breaking her out of her thoughts.
He was smiling, but even his smile wasn't the same as he used to be, and she desperately wanted it to be.
"Finished with all my paperwork," Deeks said, triumphant.
"Well, I finished two hours and seventeen minutes ago, so I win," Sam said with a smirk.
Kensi watched as Deeks glanced down at his watch. Then he grabbed his bag and walked over to Hetty's desk. She watched as he shared a few words with Hetty, then turn and head towards the door. Kensi sprang out of her desk dodging a paper ball as she went, and caught up with Deeks.
"Hey!" she called.
Deeks turned a small smile momentarily flitting across his face. "Hey,"
"You going to pick up lunch or something, 'cause I'm starving," she asked, trying to get his old smile to return.
"Actually, no," he admitted. "I have….it's actually a personal thing."
"A personal thing?" she asked, resisting the urge to pry.
"Yeah, so I'll—I'll see you tomorrow, Kens." The corners of his lips quirked up and then he was gone, heading out into the midday sunshine of L.A.
Kensi turned heel and marched over to Hetty's desk.
"Ms. Blye, how can I help you?" Hetty said kindly as Kensi stopped in front of the small woman's desk.
"Deeks came over to talk to you," Kensi started.
"Yes, he did,"
"Where's he going? I know you know, Hetty," she asked.
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Kensi." Hetty said, sounding genuinely apologetic as she folded her hands across her desk. "I do believe he said it was personal. Your partner will be fine where he is going. Don't worry."
Seeing as Hetty wasn't going to tell her anything, Kensi dejectedly made her way back to her desk and started on her paperwork again. Callen and Sam looked like they were going to ask her about Deeks, but after seeing her face, didn't say anything, which she was grateful for. After about fifteen minutes, Callen and Sam stood too.
"Where're you guys going?" she asked,
"Gonna go pick up some lunch," Callen answered.
"Don't worry, we'll bring you back something good," Sam promised with a smile.
At least Sam was back to normal.
"Thanks, guys," she smiled back, and watched them disappear around the corner and out the door.
Kensi stared down at her paperwork bitterly. "So I guess it's just you and me now." She muttered, and picked up her pen.
-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-
Deeks thought for sure that Kensi was going to follow him out of the Mission, but he didn't see her familiar silver Cadillac behind him once. But he remembered that she was a secret agent. She wouldn't be dumb enough to be caught trailing him. Deeks pulled up to a non-descript white and gray concrete building, looking down at the card Hetty had given him two days ago to make sure he had the right address. He shut off his car and sat there for a moment, contemplating what he was about to do.
On Tuesday, Deeks had finally talked to Hetty, told her that he wasn't doing so well after the Sidorov case. She had smiled affectionately at him, told him that she understood, and had given him this card. "If you want to talk to someone, this is the place to go. When you get there, go up to the front desk and tell them Henrietta Lange sent you. They'll take you Dr. Winters then. And Dr. Winters will listen." Is what she'd told him. Hetty had also told him that needing someone, a professional to talk to about his nightmares, wasn't a sign of weakness. It was a sign of strength, knowing he needed to talk to someone, and that he was planning on doing something about it. it might've been easier with Nate there, but he was off somewhere in the world doing only Hetty knew what. Taking a deep breath, he climbed out of the car.
"Sign of strength, sign of strength," he muttered to himself as he walked up to the glass sliding doors.
He was blasted with a gust of cool air conditioning as he walked inside to a reception area. There were a few people waiting in chairs and there was a woman at the desk, but other than that, the place was relatively empty and quiet. Deeks walked slowly to the front desk.
"Uh, hi. My name is Marty Deeks. I'm here to see a Dr. Winters." Deeks started, waiting for the receptionist to do something, but she just blinked at him. "Uh, Henrietta Lange sent me."
"Oh, well why didn't you say so!" the woman beamed, and pressed a call button that sent a buzzing noise throughout the building.
Within a minute, a blonde nurse with a sweet smile who couldn't have been more than a few inches over five feet appeared and led him through a doorway that required a key card and a fingerprint scan. The nurse, who introduced herself as Elizabeth, escorted Deeks to the end of a long hallway that ended in an elevator with the same keycard/fingerprint pad as the door she had led him through before. Deeks though it was strange for a doctor's office like this to have such high security, but he followed Elizabeth into the elevator anyway. She pressed the button for the tenth floor, the top floor.
When the doors reopened, Elizabeth directed him down the hall and to the left, with Dr. Winters office the fourth on the left. Deeks followed her instructions and padded through the carpeted hallways. He noticed it was a lot busier up here. He saw several offices with patients and doctors inside. There was a small snack counter, where a couple guys waited in line to get coffee. Nurses milled around, talking to anyone and everyone. When Deeks turned the corner, he began counting office doors till he hit fourth door. In neat gold letters it read: DR. SARA WINTERS; PHSYCHIATRIST.
Awesome, so Hetty thought he needed to see a shrink, which he probably did. knowing it was too late to turn back, Deeks lifted a hand to knock but the door swung open. A woman, maybe two or three years older than him, stood in the doorway. She was wearing a black pencil skirt and light ink blouse. The only jewelry she wore was a simple silver chain around her throat. She had straight caramel colored hair that framed her face nicely. Her blue eyes were kind as she looked at him. Deeks knew that if he wasn't so hopelessly in love with Kensi, he would immediately hit on this woman. In love? Did he really just think that? Yes, idiot, you did, because it's true, his brain told him. Deeks swallowed to keep himself from smiling for no reason that Dr. Winters would understand.
"You must be Mr. Deeks," she said. "I'm Dr. Sara Winters, please come in."
She stepped aside and he walked into the cozy office. It looked a bit like a stereotypical shrink office, with a large armchair in front of one wall, a couch facing it. There was a dark-wooded desk pushed against one wall, lines with filing cabinets on either side of it. Dr. Winters grabbed a recorder and a clipboard and sat down in her big blue armchair.
"So, Detective—" she started.
"What?" Deeks interrupted, alarm bells going off in his head. "Detective? How—"
"Do I know that you're a detective?" Dr. Snow interrupted, and amused smile on her face. "Didn't Henrietta tell you?"
"Tell me what?" Deeks asked warily.
She laughed. "Henrietta always was secretive. After Nate Getz left NCIS, Henrietta found me. She wanted another psychiatrist on the inside in case one was ever needed. I've done a lot of work with veterans and I have a high security clearance. That's how I know that you are…" she consulted her clipboard. "Detective Martin Deeks of LAPD who is working as a liaison to the OSP section of NCIS."
"Oh." Was all he managed to get out. "Well, I prefer Deeks."
"Well, Deeks, how 'bout you take a seat and tell me what's been going on?" she said kindly as she turned on her recorder.
Still a little hesitant, he sat down, noticing how comfy the couch was. He figured it was to make her patients as comfortable as possible, make them feel at home. Well, it was working.
"Okay, well," he started, trying to find the words. It was hard when all he could hear was the buzz of that drill in his ears as it cut holes in his teeth. "I've been having a lot of nightmares." He finally admitted.
"What about?" she said softly, her voice soothing.
"Torture," he said automatically.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Is this torture that you experienced or—"
"Yes," he said quietly, feeling his legs burn from that stupid poker. "It was three months ago. I started having the nightmares after I was released from the hospital."
"Was anyone else with you when this happened?"
"One of my colleagues, yeah. he was there, too."
"And have you talked to him about this at all?" Dr. Winters asked.
"Um…no, not really. We're pretty different, him and I." Deeks told her.
"Different how?" she inquired.
"Well, we're just…different," he said lamely. "Like he's ex-military," he said, and despite her having security clearance, he still wasn't going to divulge too much detail about his friends.
"Okay, so you don't want to talk to him," Dr. Winters concluded, nodding like she understood. There was a pause. "Look, Deeks, I get that you don't trust me, not really, but you have to if we're gonna get anywhere. If Henrietta sent you, you can trust me."
She had a point. Hetty would never send him somewhere where he, and his teammates', would be put in danger or compromised.
"Okay," he nodded.
"Okay," she agreed. "Now, is there anyone else you're close to? Friends? Family? Other colleagues whom you could talk to?"
Kensi, he thought immediately. "Yes. My partner. I haven't talked to her at all though, either."
"Don't worry about that yet," she promised. "What's your partner's name?"
"Kensi," Deeks said, the name as familiar on his tongue as his own.
"Tell me about her,"
Deeks smiled. "Well, first thing you need to know, she can kick ass. She's got this affinity for coffee that's bordering on obsession. She loves Twinkies—aw man, you shoulda seen her when she heard that Hostess was going out of business! So the first thing we did was go to the store and buy up as many boxes of Twinkies as we could…"
-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-
Two hours later, Deeks was walking back to his car, feeling better than he's felt in months. Dr. Winters hadn't asked about his torture or what had happened. She listened to him, just like Hetty said she would. She had left him with homework: talk to Kensi. She had told him to tell Kensi what had happened. Everything, every tiny detail that he remembered about his torture, because it would help. Dr. Winters said he didn't have to carry the burden alone, and since he trusted Kensi so much, it only seemed right that he share it with her. He was nervous about talking to Kensi, but he knew that's what he needed to do.
He climbed in his car and hit sped dial. She picked up on the third ring.
"Hello? Deeks?" Kensi said.
"Hey, Princess," he greeted, grinning hugely. "Sorry about blowing you off for lunch. How 'bout I come by tonight? I'll bring Chinese,"
There was a pause, but Deeks knew it wouldn't take long. Food was the way to Kensi's heart. "Yeah, okay. You're gonna explain today then, right?"
"Yeah, Fern, I'll explain everything."
So there's chapter 9! One chapter left! And I know this chapter was a little shorter, but the next one will be longer, promise!
So, I figured that since torture is such a traumatic event, that Deeks wouldn't just get better right away, so he has nightmares, not quite acting like himself, and all that.
Next chapter we'll finally address the elephant in the room =)
And there have been questions about a sequel. Well, I realized while writing this that I really enjoy writing for these characters, so yes, I was planning on doing another NCIS LA story =) I don't know when exactly I'll start it, or what exactly it'll be on, but I'm almost definitely doing another story. I do have several other stories in progress right now, so I think I'll pay attention to them for a bit, then come back to write NCIS LA.
I'll tell you guys more after I get the next chapter up! Speaking of, it might be a little longer than a week again before I get it up. It'll be longer, so it'll take a little longer to write. Plus, my bday is coming up in a few days and I'll be traveling.
Thank you guys for all the support! Please review! So many of you are following the story, so please take a minute to give me any feedback you can! I want to know what you liked, what you think I should change, anything!
Thanks for reading!
-DaughterOfPoseidon333
