NBTS Ch 9
I found myself sitting at the table at the breakfast nook; I can only assume that Dean had sat me there. I had my hands clasped in my lap, was rocking back and forth just staring at the floor trying gather my thoughts. Dean had bee-lined for the den to fill Sam in on the current situation.
"What? He's my nephew?" Sam asked as he walked into the kitchen.
"For the millionth time, yes! And he's missing. That's the important part, Toby's missing."
Sam was immediately on his knees beside me, my hands swallowed up by his giant right paw while his left cupped my cheek, quietly saying, "Addy, how you holding up? I'm SO sorry. What can I do to help?"
Still in a daze, I furrowed my brow then got up from my chair, without responding. I pulled a jacket off a hook by door, absentmindedly saying, "We should be with Maureen. She must be beside herself with worry. We should be with her."
I put the jacket on inside out and started to take the keys down from the rack above the coat hooks.
"Slow down there, Lay," Dean said while grabbing my hand and taking my car keys from me. He then started to extract me from my jacket.
Misunderstanding his motivation from taking my coat off, I said, "Dean! What are you doing? Maureen needs our help! We need to get over there as quickly as possible!" Tears were now rushing down my cheeks.
"And we will help. Let's just get this on properly," he delicately said while turning the sleeves of my jacket right-side out, then he helped me to put it back on. "Sam will drive."
After passing the keys to Sam, he took my hand and guided me to the rear driver side door of my GTO. Sam crawled behind the wheel and Dean ran around to the passenger side to join me in the backseat. As Sam drove to the Conner home, I just stared at the back of his head silently, unable to gather my thoughts to engage in coherent conversation. Sam and Dean exchanged numerous worried glances in the rearview mirror, but did not try to press me to interact with them during the ride.
When we pulled up to the house there was a sheriff's vehicle parked at the end of the driveway. Sheriff Lamb was exiting the rear door of the house and we met him at the bottom of the stairs.
"Thank God you're here, Addy!" He said while pulling me into a tight hug. "Maureen's just a mess! She'll be so happy to see you."
I could only nod in response, my grief and fear still impeding my ability to form coherent sentences.
"Watch out for her, will you? I promise I'll call as soon as I have any news." He continued to say as he pulled out our embrace and walked towards his car. He then placed his hat on his head and nodded at the Winchesters as a 'Hello'.
"I will Don," I finally managed to promise quietly.
The three of us then scrabbled up the stairs without knowing exactly what we would find inside. I was the first to make it to the empty kitchen, so I continued into the living room. I found my sweet Auntie Maureen sitting in Uncle Bill's black leather La-Z-Boy recliner. She had a purple and grey afghan that I had crocheted for her as a Mother's Day gift wrapped around her shoulders. I was halted at the doorway by the picture of absolute frailty that was before me. She had a picture frame in her left hand and she was running her thumb lovingly over it.
Dean met me at the spot that I was seemingly cemented, placed a hand on each hip and kissed the right side of my neck, near the connection to my collarbone, softly saying, "We're here for you, no matter what you need, Lay. Just say the word."
I turned my head to the right, kissed his left cheek, and said, "Thanks Dean. I just need a minute alone with her, okay?"
He nodded and gently squeezed the flesh under each hand before retreating to the kitchen with his brother.
"Maureen?" I approached cautiously, still unsure exactly what to say or how to comfort her during this time of need.
She looked up with her face soaked in tears, saying, "Oh Adelaide! I'm so sorry… we lost him… I don't know how it happened… we… he… he wasn't on the bus after school… oh honey, I'm so…"
I threw myself at her, sitting on the arm of the recliner and pulled her into my chest. "Maureen, it's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. We'll find him, I promise, we'll find him." Through the tears welling up in my eyes, I looked up at the two Winchester brothers, who were now silently watching from the doorway.
"We'll bring him back to you and Bill, I promise. It's our job to make sure that he comes home safe." I directed the last part more to the other two hunters than to the mother I was holding in my arms.
They both nodded their confirmation. Poor Dean, he just found out that he has a son and before he could even had a chance to get used to the idea, he's thrown into a mission to save his life. I marveled at Dean's composure during this understandably difficult situation, as he kept offering me an encouraging smile.
"Sam. Dean," Castiel said softly from inside the kitchen. The two of them turned away briefly to look at the angel that had just called their name.
I was still looking up at Dean while trying to comfort the distraught mother beside me. When our eyes finally reconnected, I mouthed, "What is it?"
"Cas," he said by mouthing the angel's nickname before turning to disappear into the kitchen with Sam and Castiel.
I returned my full attention to Maureen, offering all the words of comfort that I could. Most of the support that I could offer to her was the echoes of encouragement that Sister Mary Catherine had given to me during my time of need. After what felt like an eternity, Bill still had not returned home, so I decided it would be best for Maureen to rest. I somehow managed to get her upstairs and tucked into bed in an attempt to have her do just that.
Emotionally spent, I sought the only refuge I knew at that moment, Dean's warm embrace. When I got to the kitchen, Sam and Castiel were seated at the table by the bay windows and Dean was leaning up against the island looking towards the other two men. I walked into the room, hugging my mid-section, feeling a little bit queasier with every minute that Toby wasn't safe at home with his parents.
As soon as Dean saw me, he bumped himself off the island with his rear and rushed to scoop me up in his arms. "How's she doing?" He asked as he wrapped me in a tight hug.
As much as my heart swelled at his good intentions, he was quite literally crushing the breath out of me. Gasping for air, I pinched his stomach, hoping that he would loosen his grip. When that didn't work, I grabbed lower and he quickly jumped back an inch, pulling his arms off me with a look of pure astonishment clouding his ruggedly handsome features.
"Sorry, I couldn't breathe."
I grabbed his right hand with my left, flashing him an apologetic grin. I allowed him to lead me to his previous spot at the kitchen island, saying, "She completely inconsolable right now. She's blaming herself for his disappearance and is just beside herself. But she's finally resting now. So, what do we know?" I made myself comfortable in Dean's arms as he leaned on the island and I leaned on his chest. He squeezed me tightly, acknowledging that he knew the only way I would maintain any semblance of sanity during a time of crisis was to throw myself into our work.
After watching my mother be torn to shreds by a werewolf, I made sure to thrust the silver knife that I took from her grasp into its heart. While I put the murderous beast to its death, I had to ignore the gaping wounds it had inflicted on my back. And after the only beating that my father could lay on me, I hunted and torched a Wendigo that had plagued the Northern Minnesota woods for over 160 years. With work came focus. With focus came sanity, or the closest thing to sanity that a hunter could hope for.
Sam slowly looked up at me and said quietly, "Cas found sulfur on the school bus."
"Demons," I said. I didn't form it as a question and I didn't need confirmation, but all three nodded. I inhaled deeply then exhaled, trying to keep my emotions in check. "Is this part of the ritual you were telling us about Castiel?"
"Yes, I believe so," he said, not looking away from his hands that were folded on the table. "I believe they are going to test to see if Tobias is a suitable vessel."
"Vessel? Vessel for whom?"
"Lucifer," Castiel paused before he said, "Or Michael."
"What?" My knees gave out again and once again Dean caught me. Sam and Castiel started to get up from the table to help, but Dean waved them off and grabbed a spare chair for me to have a seat while he stood guard to my right. My elbows were on my knees as I shook my head in my hands, asking, "What does that mean?"
I looked up between the three men and said, "Please, someone bring me up to speed. Please!"
"It's supposed to be me," Sam said. I fixed my attention on him, but he refused to make eye contact with any of us and continued to look out the window.
"But how? How could it be you Sam? There's no way YOU could be the Devil incarnate." I said. Not the boy with the puppy dog eyes that could melt the coldest of hearts. There's no way he could be the body that Lucifer was meant to inhabit.
"Well, I am and he's been trying his damnedest to get me to say 'Yes'," he said with slight annoyance in his voice. It was obvious to me that this wasn't the first time he had engaged in this debate. "Especially since his current vessel can't contain him much longer."
"Okay… but I'm still lost," I continued. I needed to fully understand the situation so that I could deal with it properly. "Why do you have to say 'Yes' to Lucifer? I thought that demons just jammed their nasty-ass black smoke down any poor person's throat. How did you manage to make it so that he needed your permission?"
"That is because Lucifer is not a demon," Castiel said with a gravelly voice. "He is actually a…"
"Fallen angel," I said. "Sorry Castiel, you were saying?"
"You are correct, Adelaide. At his core, Lucifer is an angel. Therefore, he must adhere to the same rules as the rest of us by having his vessel agree to the possession of their body."
"Okay… but how does Toby play into this? He's not directly connected to Sam, unless he wants to use him as a 'holding place' until Sam gives him permission."
Dean and Castiel exchanged soulful glances and apparently silently agreed that Dean would take the lead. He pulled up another chair in front of me, covered my hands with his as he sat facing me with his back to the table that Sam and Castiel occupied.
"Lay, the way it's supposed to work," he said, laboring through the choking gags of sobs that wanted to overtake him. He squeezed my hands tightly to keep himself composed. "Lucifer and Michael are supposed to fight in their human vessels to finally put an end to all of this."
"Okay, so in order to end the apocalypse and put the world back in order, Lucifer and Michael have to re-enact the epic battle they had in heaven here on earth. What. Does. That. Have. To. Do. With. Toby?!"
"I'm Michael's vessel," Dean said.
"Oh my God!" I said while throwing my left hand over my mouth in horrified understanding. "They want Toby to say 'Yes' to Michael so Lucifer can over-power him."
"Yes, that was our conclusion," Castiel quietly said, now at my right side with a reassuring left hand on my right shoulder.
Neither Dean, nor Sam would meet my gaze because it appeared that something in each of their laps had them transfixed. I clutched both of Dean's thighs.
"Dean… There's no way you could have known," I said. "You didn't know he was your son. Please, don't blame yourself, please? Blame me. This is all MY fault. I'm the only one to blame for this mess."
Dean's eyes rose to look at my distressed face. He remembered my story of my father beating me as he blamed me for everything that had gone wrong in his life and Dean refused to put that burden on me.
"No, Lay this isn't all your fault. You did what you thought was best. We should have known that's why Toby went missing," He said, swallowing hard and paused for a few seconds before he continued with an offer. "How 'bout we agree that none of us were perfect in this instance?"
"Agreed." I said quietly, and then I regained my composure. "So, where do we go from here, boys?"
All of our issues aside, Toby was still missing and most likely in the clutches of one of Lucifer's psychotic henchmen. I knew we needed to get back to the facts of the case soon or I wouldn't be able to maintain any self-control.
"Could Maureen offer you any information about where Toby was last seen? Or what he was last seen wearing?" Sam asked as he raised a pen and paper. He too was pushing through his own feelings of guilt to carry on with our latest job.
"Yeah… between the sobs and apologies she was able to give me some information," I said while trying to push the fact that we were trying to save one of my family members to the back of my mind. Pretend it's just another case, Addy. Don't make it personal.
"After putting on his jersey to show me, Toby refused to take it off…"
Saying his name again out loud broke my steely resolve momentarily because it evoked a vivid image of the look of pure joy on his face when he first showed it to me. Dean passed me a tissue from the box on the island behind my head. After blowing my nose and wiping the tears from my eyes, I continued, "So…he was last seen walking from his school's front steps to the bus. He was still wearing his Red Bird's jersey with the number '2' on the back and a pair of jeans. His back pack was found near the fence that separates the school yard from the parking lot. His backpack was found after the bus left and that was around 3:20."
I was sure that I almost sounded robotic, but my getting emotional wasn't going to help find him, so I went with it. I looked up at the clock on the stove, saying, "So we're looking at a 60 minute time delay."
I looked up at Dean's angel, while trying to find one of Dean's hands to cling to. "Castiel, do you think you could…"
"Yes, of course Adelaide. I will be right back with it," Castiel said after reading my mind's request for him to retrieve Toby's book bag for us to examine. After he left, I did feel a tiny pang of guilt for treating a Messenger of the Lord like a dog playing fetch.
"We should also have someone check out the school grounds." The two men nodded in agreement. "And we need to find out more about this ritual. Where will it happen? When? And all that," I continued. I didn't mean to sound like I was directing everyone by giving orders, but categorizing everything that needed to be done helped me from succumbing to the overwhelming desire to crawl into a ball and cry.
Keep moving forward, Addy. We can get through this. Just keep moving on.
"I'll call Bobby. Maybe he can help with the details of the ritual," Sam said as he got up from the table. He was already scrolling through his contact list as he walked out the door, leaving Dean and myself alone.
Dean then lifted his left hand to my right cheek and I immediately yielded to his caress. "We'll find him Lay. We'll find him and bring him home."
I opened my eyes and looked him squarely in the eyes. Our knees were almost touching as I laced the fingers of my right hand with his left. Then I stood up, his eyes curiously following each of my movements, I took a step closer to him, opened my legs to straddle his lap and sat on his thighs. I let go of his hand and moved both of mine to his face. As I held both of his cheeks in my hands, I lowered my lips to his, kissing him passionately. I then deepened my embrace by sliding both hands to the back of his head, forcing him to collide closer to my lips and open mouth. His arms laid limply at his sides as he reciprocated, momentarily stunned at my forwardness. As Dean felt me reaching down to the button and zipper of his jean, he regained the use of his faculties. His hands traced their way to my shoulder and he gave then a gentle push. Once I released from my near suction-cupped embrace, Dean said, "Addy… we can't… we need to stop."
From where I sat I could feel how unfair I had been and quickly stood up, saying, "I'm so sorry Dean. Oh God, I'm so so sorry." I widened the square footage between us. "I just… I wanted… wanted to thank you. You… you just seemed so sure we'd get him back."
I turned; face in hands, unable to look at him any longer, sure that he was upset with my actions. Once I felt his arms around me, I realized that he didn't stop me because he didn't want me; he stopped me because we had to concentrate on the task at hand.
"It's okay, Lay," he said softly into my ear as he put his chin on my shoulder." We just really need to stay focused right now."
I nodded, still astonished that I had tried to find a diversion in sex instead of focusing no work for once. Then we just stood there for a moment. I was in his arms, my back against his chest, his chin on my right shoulder and our hands interlaced in front of me.
"How do you know?" I asked, breaking our silence.
He turned me around, held both of my hands firmly and said with conviction, "Because, like you said, it's our job."
Then he pulled me close to him, held me tight with my cheek resting against his heart.
