CHAPTER NINE
THE PMS OF MRS. WEASLEY
Harry and Mr. Weasley reached the ninth-level corridor. Cornelius Fuck was talking to a man with a phallic face.
"What's up … Penis Potter," said Lucius Malfoy.
"The minister was just telling me about the way you continue to get into very tight holes.… Penislike …"
"Yeah," said Harry, "yeah, this guy fucks.…"
"And what the fuck are you doing here, Arthur Weasley?"
"I fucking work here," said Mr. Weasley.
"Deliveries are in the back," said Mr. Malfoy.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Harry asked.
"None of your goddamn business," said Malfoy.
Fudge and Malfoy strode off.
"What the fuck was he doing down here?" Harry burst out.
"Trying to give Fudge some top," said Mr. Weasley.
"If Fudge is meeting Dick Eaters, how do we know they haven't cucked him?" said Harry.
"Dumbledore thinks Fudge is acting of his own homosexuality," muttered Mr. Weasley.
Harry remembered to take a golden shower in the fountain.
"I fucking knew it!" yelled Ron, punching Harry when he entered the kitchen. "You always get away with shit!"
"Everyone knew I'd give them a facial," said Harry.
Fred, George, and Ginny did the ass dance that went "Stop, now make that motherfucker Hammer time like —"
"Oh, if I didn't have this bad hip, I'd drop it like it's hot — whoo!" said Mrs. Weasley.
"Yeah, Dumbledore swung his dick for me," said Harry.
Sirius was more suicidal than before.
"Hurry up and die already!" said Hermione.
"That's a bit fucked up," said Ron.
"Are you done yet?" said Hermione.
"Still not finished scrubbing out the cupboard?" Mrs. Weasley said.
"No, man!" said Ron. "Damn, stop sweating me!"
Ron dropped a deuce.
"Booklists have arrived," he said. "The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 5, by Miranda Goskank and Defensive Magical Theory, by Wilbert Blowhard."
"Dumbledore's found a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, " said George. "Surprising, when you look at what's happened to the last four fucks."
"One deceased, one's retarded, one outed, and one cucked in a trunk," said Harry.
"Fuck you looking at, Ron?" asked Fred.
Ron was standing with his mouth open, gaping.
"Wanna go, mate?" said Fred.
Fred's mouth fell open too.
"Prefect?" he said. "Prefuck?"
"We thought you were a cunt!" said Fred.
Harry took the badge.
Hermione kicked the door open.
"Ron's prefect," Harry said.
"Oh my fuck," said Hermione.
Mrs. Weasley backed her ass into the room.
"That's every man in the family!"
"What are Fred and I, faggots?" said George.
"You've got to have a reward for this!" said Mrs. Weasley.
"Can I have a new dick?" said Ron.
