Ralph: I'm going to rant to you, because you will take any sort of attention you get. But... don't they understand that they're being idiots? I mean, I know they're being idiots and I'm a twelve year old kid! Jack's the same age as me, or maybe even older! I'm sure some of them have at least an average intelligence level, why are they so stupid? Hey, why haven't you tried to interrupt me?

Piggy: *starts to answer*

Ralph: No, no, this is nice, don't talk.

Piggy: Okay then...

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Random choirboys: Where did Samneric go? We need them to carry the pig! D:

Nightkill: The real reason they wanted Samneric to join their tribe.

Random choirboys: And guess what? WE STILL SING! FRIDAY FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY.

Simon: I got rid of my shirt because Roger left.

THE LORD OF THE FLIES: Yo, Simon. Over here.

Simon: .

THE LORD OF THE FLIES: Chill out, kid, I just want to have a staring contest.

Simon: Sounds good to me.

And then Simon had a staring contest with THE LORD OF THE FLIES. He lost, so he had to get killed by a bunch of little boys with only slightly sharpened sticks and broke many hearts with his screams when he was dying.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Ralph and about five other kids: We're the only non-evil people left.

About five other kids: That's what Ralph thinks...

Ralph: It's going to storm.

About five other kids: Yeah, we couldn't tell that from the thunder.

Piggy: Hold on, hold on. The fire. What about the fire. Oh. My. God. The fire is going to go out. Like-

Ralph: Stop. Just... stop.

Random child forty-four: I am in the shelter. Because I'm worth it.

Jack and two random choirboys: *creep in creepily*

Random choirboys: We have these weird hat-things.

Jack and random choirboys: EEHOHA LKJLELKJE ALKEJALJLEKJF ALJKSLE

Ralph: Hey! Hey! Come back! What did you just say?

About five other kids: Yeah! Come back!

Random child forty-five: CLOTHES ARE FOR THE WEAK.

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Simon: I fainted and my nose bled offscreen. Oh, and then I cleaned myself up. Yeah, it works that way. I think I'll go this way. There's no better time to check out what the beast really is than almost-night! :D

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Random children: WOO! WE'RE SAVAGES! WE ARE HAPPY! WE DANCE AND BANG ON STUFF WITH STICKS AND GO OOOOOOHHHOAHAHAOHAAA! IT'S SPECIAL SAVAGE LANGUAGE, BITCHES.

Jack: BOW BEFORE ME.

Random children: WEWAWOWE. WEWAWOWE.

Nightkill: I am not making this up. That is legitly what they are saying.

Percival: I HAVE FOUND FRIENDS. FRIEND TO BANG STUFF WITH STICKS WITH.

Roger: I LEAD THE WEWAWOWE WITH MY STICK-BANGING.

Roger: ahhh-AHHHH-ahhh

Random childen forty-six and forty-seven: ...Are we smoking? Seriously, what are we doing? Pretending to smoke? Just randomly sticking stuff in our mouths?

Roger: ahhh-AHHHH-ahhh. *bangs stick on rock ferociously* AHHHHHH!

Nightkill: The most terrifying scream I have ever heard. I so want it as a ringtone. Just imagine - you get a call or a text in a public place - AHHHHH!

Random child forty-eight AKA THE WONDERFUL DANCER: Watch this. *does the funnniest, awesomest dance EVAR.*

Jack: Yeah, I'm awesome. And very, very sunburned.

Ralph, Piggy, Samneric, and unimportant children: We're so not evil, we just... um...

Unimportant children: We're evil! :D

Random child forty-eight: There are a lot of bananas on this island, apparently.

Jack: ...Why are they- oh, whatever. Take 'em some food. They'll join me eventually.

Random children forty-nine and fifty: GET YOUR BANANAS HERE. EAT YOUR BANANAS, CHARLIE. BANANAS. BANANAS. BANANAS.

Samoreric: I must be Eric. I am touching Roger. I AM TOUCHING ROGER. IT IS TIME FOR MY HAPPY-AND-SLIGHTLY-TERRIFIED DANCE. *does a dance that would make THE WONDERFUL DANCER proud*

Roger: ...I don't know how much longer I'll be able to tolerate this.

Hunters: WEWAWOWO. WEWAWOWO. WEWAWOWO.

Jack: My stomach has escaped most of the sunburnage.

Ralph and Piggy: We got bananas from the banana guys. And are sitting waaay close together. We're scared.

Piggy: I said something.

Ralph: It looks like I said, Shut up, Piggy.

Jack: So. Joining my tribe. WHO'LL DO IT?

Roger: I'm going to add to the chaos by banging this stick on this other stick.

Random child fifty-one: Jack! Hey, Jack, I'll join your tribe, Jack!

Jack: You already joined my tribe.

Random child fifty-one: I'll join your tribe again, Jack.

Sam: I can teleport. I got us away from Roger.

Jack: I AM TOUCHING YOU.

Eric: TELEPORT. TELEPORT. TELEPORT. THREE. TWO. ONE.

Jack: WHO WILL JOIN MY TRIBE?

Samneric: *split and run for their lives*

Random child fifty-two: *raises hand rather high. He is obviously excited about joining Jack's tribe*

Jack: So. I gave you food and stuff. Oh, and my hunters will protect you from the beast. Despite the slight physical abuse *shoves random child fifty-three's head*, it's great! I repeat, Who will join my tribe?

Nightkill: Oh, good, that's not Maurice. I thought it was for a second. I think it's not. Probably.

Random child fifty-one: I will, Jack! I will!

Jack: ...Once again, YOU HAVE ALREADY JOINED MY TRIBE.

Everyone except Ralph, Piggy, and Samneric: WE SHALL JOIN THE DARK SIDE.

Ralph: I look slightly deranged. BUT STILL. I'M CHIEF. AND THE FIRE.

Jack: Well, I'm sure we won't do this, but we could still keep up the fire. Hell, you could do it...

Ralph: SHUT UP. I'VE GOT THE... oh crap, I left the conch at home.

Jack: Ha, you haven't got it with you. See? Yo, banana peoples, throw me a banana. *eats the banana. Also manages to talk clearly while chewing on the banana*

Ralph: The conch counts EVERYWHERE.

Thunder: *sounds kind of like a plane*

Random child fifty-four: I am also known as the child with extremely perfect features.

Jack: Who will join my tribe?

Random child fifty-one: Me! Me! I'll join your tribe, Jack.

Random child fifty-five: LET'S JOIN JACK'S TRIBE.

Roger: What this needs is some BANGING ON STICKS WITH STICKS! WOOHOO! I have a rhythm this time!

Ralph: *touches Piggy*

Piggy: Hey, let's go into the woods alone. There's going to be trouble here.

Roger: ahhh-AHHH-ahhh. *then does some weird thing I'm not quite sure how to type out. something like OHALKJELAHOH*

Random child fifty-six: AHHHHHHHH!

ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE

Simon: I'm all alone. And walking slowly toward the camera rather, creepily, seriously, it looks like I'm going to walk straight through the screen. Oh. That's a dead parachuter. Seriously, how did they not realize this was just a dead guy? It must be almost dark now, and I'm absolutely sure it's just a dead guy.

Dead guy: Iiiii'm a dead guy!

Simon: I'm always right. Why don't they listen to me?

Dead guy: Because that would be logical.

Simon: Ah. That makes sense. Well, time for me to go die!

Dead guy: Have fun!

THE MOST ABRUPT SCENE CHANGE EVER. WE HEAR SCREAMS... AND IT IS SUDDENLY NIGHT


HAMMSTERS~

Roger: I am not adorable. I'm creepy. And also I'm not the definition of awesome, unless your definition of awesome is I'm going to kill and eat your babies.

Nightkill: Oh wait that is the definition of awesome.

Roger: And I'm not short. I'm just… vertically challenged. And that sounds worse.

PRINCESASOFIA~

Roger: …I really should start charging for these. *creepy look*

SEERSTELLA~

Ralph: What? No! I take it back! I take it back!

Piggy: And also because Edward's sparkly. SPARKLES.

Simon: Oh… okay.

Nightkill: ALSO YOU ARE THE GREATEST PERSON WHO EVER LIVED. AND ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE FIFTIETH REVIEW.

DRAGONWRITERZZ~

The Lord of the Flies: Yep. You wanna have a staring contest, too? I promise I won't make little boys murder you.

Ralph: I'M SORRY, OKAY?

Nightkill: Ah, I'm glad you like it. :3

CATSBYGATSBY3199~

Simon: It wouldn't have hurt so much, but they killed her in my special place. It made me very sad.

Jack: What? A twin? Why was I not aware of this? What is going on?

Roger: Of course it's fun to stare at Simon. Why wouldn't it be?