A Bed Full of Memories

Summary: Letting go is never easy. Taichi thought he had moved on from his first love, Yamato. However, all memories come attached with feelings, and they can't lay dormant forever.

D-Angel: I can't physically leave this story alone at the moment… The ideas just keep coming to me, even whilst I'm at work (which isn't a good thing when I suddenly space out for a few seconds, and then my boss notices…ha). Well, basically, I've been working on little bits of this chapter since I first started writing this story, and now I am pleased to unveil it to you all in all it's sexy fleshiness.

Tissues at the ready boys and girls… Read on and enjoy!

Rating: M

Warnings: Angst and strong language


Chapter 9


Daisuke had returned to school, we hadn't had sex in almost two weeks, and I was smoking a hell of a lot more than usual. The thing was, Yamato had text me not too long after I had met up with my sister, apologising for not contacting me any sooner. Turned out he'd been seriously ill. The virus had not been easy on him, to the point where his Dad had almost taken him to the hospital. Apparently Yamato was still on some uber strong antibiotics, but he was feeling a lot better; the suggestive texts he had sent me were definitely proof of that.

It was no wonder why I'd been drifting further and further away from Daisuke. By that point, he hadn't mentioned that things were strained between us, although I knew he'd started suspecting something was amiss. I should have just told him about sleeping with Yamato from the very moment he came to collect me from the airport, or at least after Hikari had rightly said he deserved to know the truth. There'd been so many window of opportunities and I had stubbornly decided not to take any of them, hoping in vain I could revert back to normality with Daisuke.

So that's why on Friday I invited him over for dinner and a bit one on one time, having not seen him since the beginning of the week. Ten days remained before I had to head back to Chiba so I knew I had to make the most out of the time we had left together.

Things were strained from the moment I collected him from the school gates. I noticed that the usual twinkle in his eyes was missing, but I chose to ignore it and chattered on about how much I was dreading going back to University, especially with four deadlines approaching for assignments I'd barely started writing.

"You always seem to find a way to cope with things," Daisuke stated softly as he raised a cigarette up to his lips, "I wouldn't worry."

An awkward chill edged through my body; it felt like somehow his words had a double meaning.

Throughout that walk, paranoia plagued my mind, like a heavy weight on a paper boat. My limbs were shaking as we set foot into my mum's apartment. I couldn't even relax when one of Daisuke's hand glided between my legs, and the other rested against my hip. I felt my muscles tense up as he stared deeply into my eyes, seemingly searching for some sort of answer as he tried to pull me up against him…

"Lets eat first," I suggested, planting a quick kiss on his forehead after removing his hand from my groin. I told him to relax on the couch whilst I scurried into the kitchen to try and practice the basic culinary skills, which I had developed at Uni. I mentally scolded myself; I was meant to be reassuring Daisuke that he had nothing to worry about, but now I had only given him more of a reason to start questioning my volatile behaviour.

"You've been distant recently," Daisuke announced in a matter-of-fact tone. I jumped, unaware that he had appeared in the doorway, and so I almost sliced off the tip of one of my fingers with the knife I was using to peel the potatoes for our dinner (I was making nikujaga, Daisuke's favourite).

"Not intentionally…" The response danced awkwardly out of my mouth. "You know I've been busy with Uni work, and I've been getting reacquainted with my sister."

I had been catching up with Hikari quite a bit since our first meeting, however, my voice sounded shaky, far from the confident tone I would have preferred. I was aware that by not questioning what he meant about me being distant, and using a rather lame excuse as well, I had unwittingly stepped into a lethal trap.

I peered over my shoulder, but the weary grin on my face automatically faded when I saw the dead serious expression stricken across Daisuke's face.

"No, things haven't been right since you came back from visiting Yamato."

He suspected what had truthfully occurred whilst I was with Yamato. I was convinced someone had planted a seed of suspicion into Daisuke's head whilst I'd been away, and now I was more than certain that this person had encouraged the seed to take root and spout.

"It isn't just Hikari you've been getting reacquainted with. It's Yamato too."

I didn't respond.

"You fucked him," Daisuke whispered, each word as equally cold and jagged as the last, "didn't you?"

The guilt-ridden expression on my face would have made any attempt of lying my way out futile. This was it, the moment I had been dreading. The dull thud which was made as I dropped the potato onto the chopping board resounded throughout the kitchen, followed by the clattering of the knife hitting against the work surface. I bit down on the inside of my cheek before I shuffled round to face him.

"I'm sorry, Dai..."

I trailed off as Daisuke stormed up to me. I barely had the time to react before his palm collided loudly against my cheek, forcing a yelp to escape out from my tightening throat. In instinct my hand balled up into a sturdy fist, but I immediately stopped myself from throwing it at him when I saw the tears building up in the corners of his reddened eyes.

"First Ken, now you..." his voice cracked. He spun away from me. "Fuck! I'm such an idiot."

"I'm sorry," I hopelessly repeated as I stepped away from the kitchen work surface, abandoning our food as I followed Daisuke into the living room.

"'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it," Daisuke hissed with venom, without even turning to face me. Despite I couldn't see him, I was able to hear the tears in his voice. Part of me desperately wanted to stroll over to his side and pull him into my arms, but I knew he wouldn't want that. I had overstepped the mark, and quite honestly I deserved to experience the excruciating torture of watching Daisuke fall apart before my very eyes.

"I let this happen." Daisuke lowered his head and pressed a hand against his brow. "I trusted you."

Trust; a powerful word that was often thrown around carelessly without a second thought, and only ever really meant something if someone broke it.

"How many times?" Daisuke growled. My heart skipped a beat.

"What?"

His head jolted back up.

"How many times did you fuck him?" He made sure to place plenty of emphasis on that 'f' word, making it sound like a dirty and forbidden act.

"I... I don't know.." I stammered in my state of unease whilst he monitored me closely, his eyes scanning every small involuntary movement my body made. To be honest, he could have extracted any answer from me just by looking into my emotion-stricken eyes.

"More than once?"

I hesitated to answer, my mouth hung open like a gormless fish, before I sealed it shut and pretended to advert my gaze. That was all the proof he needed to learn that my affair with Yamato hadn't been a genuine mistake; something he could have possibly tried to forgive and forget.

"Shit…" Daisuke muttered, he craned his head down once again as he rubbed his fingers firmly against his temples. "Is he better than me?"

"Fucking hell, Dai," I groaned, my hand brushed away the strands of hair stuck to my sweaty brow. He was the torturing the both of us by asking such things. The answers were never going to be pretty, nor would they help make sense of the situation. I didn't know what would at the time, but the last thing I wanted was for Daisuke to believe Yamato was a better lover.

The silence lasted for longer than I anticipated. In that time I racked my brains for the perfect thing to say, to make Daisuke aware that he was the only one for me and that I would always go that extra mile just to see him smile. Yet the words never came; instead they remained lodged in the recess of my mind whilst the truth that surrounded them seemed to dissipate during each passing second.

"Have the past two years been a lie?" Daisuke wrapped his quivering arms around his chest, as silent tears continued to fall down his define cheekbones. He looked so vulnerable in that stance, like a child being disciplined for an act of mischief they hadn't committed.

"Of course not!" I took two brave strides towards him and reached out, offering him my hand. "Dai, I love you."

Daisuke grimaced as he effortlessly stepped back, away from my stretched out arm. "Obviously not enough."

As the ache of rejection settled on top of my guilt, Daisuke sniffed back his tears and briefly looked over at his backpack resting on the middle of the sofa.

"Wouldn't you do the same with Ken?" I suddenly blurted out without intending to; the thought had only entered my mind a few seconds ago. Things could have potential turned out a lot different if I had never spoken it out loud.

"What? What sort of question is that?" Daisuke snarled in repulsion, his lips pulled back so his gritted teeth were on display. I had no idea why I'd conjured up such a question either when I was the asshole who had cheated. It seemed I was just spouting bullshit as some sort of defence mechanism. Of course Daisuke wouldn't have done the same to me with Ken, he didn't have the heart to betray the people he adored more than just about anything else.

"Don't you ever feel raw about losing him to someone else?" Perhaps it was another royally dumb thing for me to ask, yet, as I expected, this question had more of an impact.

Daisuke stopped scowling but continued to stare at me. I recognised the flicker of pain in his eyes as he replayed the scene back in his mind when he had caught Miyako and Ken kissing at Tomachi subway station two years ago. Since I had experienced a similar form of heartbreak, I knew all too well how shit it was to feel second best. I couldn't grasp how I had managed to put him through the same agony once again.

Wiping the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand, Daisuke nodded.

"I did feel raw," he responded curtly, snatching his backpack from the sofa. He then stared directly at me, "But then I thought I found someone better."

Yeah, those words stung, but no more than it did when he shoved past me - his elbow digging firmly into my ribs- and headed for the front door.

"I really hope the sex with Yamato was worth it!" He added a pretty harsh English swear word on the end of that sentence, which we had heard a few times in a handful of 18 rated British films (It goes something along the lines of 'See you next Tuesday' if you must know).

After shoving his shoes on, Daisuke reached for the door handle without a moment's hesitation.

"Dai…"

As quickly as he opened it, Daisuke shut the door in my face. I stood staring blankly at the door for just a few seconds before I quickly tore it open and stumbled out into the walkway, just in time to see Daisuke disappearing down the stairwell.

The bubble in my stomach expanding to point where I felt like I was going to burst. I calmly backed into the apartment and shut the door, then lost all control of my body, landing heavily onto my knees. An inhuman cry seeped out from my trembling lips and the tears that were tickling my eyes flowed down my cheeks in torrents. I buried my face into my hands, my breathing heavy and erratic, and my mind laden with raw angst. Fuck, it hurt so much seeing him like that, as did realising I'd probably lost him for good.

When I finally rose to my feet I no longer felt like myself. My mind was cloudy as I walked in a zombie-like fashion dragging my feet along the floor as I headed back into the kitchen, but not to clear up the dinner that was never eaten that night.

My eyes scanned the cabinets floating above the work surfaces. I reached out and tugged the middle one open, unveiling my mum's 'not so' secret stash; a couple bottles of vodka, rum and a few other spirits. She was staying over at Hiroshi's apartment, where she was practically spending all her non-working time by that point, so I knew she wouldn't miss something being stolen from her alcohol collection.

I quickly grabbed the nearest bottle, which happened to be the vodka. God I hated the stuff, but I knew it'd get me ruined quicker than beer. I twisted the cap violently, blistering my hand as I forced the lid off, before I slung it across the room. Screw using a glass, my thoughts screamed. I tilted my head back, pressed the finish of the bottle against my lips, and gulped down two huge mouthfuls of the potent liquid, wincing before spluttering as it burnt the back of my throat. Wiping the stray streaks of vodka away from my lips, I then took another two mouthfuls, not caring that I was acting so irrationally.

At a time like this, only alcohol was going to be my saviour.


I came around to the sound of my phone vibrating harshly against the bathroom floor. My arms were folded and resting against the toilet seat, protectively cradling my pounding head. Strangely enough, I was somewhat comfortable in that position, like an animal curled up on the foot of a bed.

When I finally summoned the strength to lift my head, the first thing I smelt was vomit followed by the acrid aroma of burnt toast. I pushed my body away from the toilet, and using my arms to support me, I shuffled backwards across the floor. I stopped moving the instant my hand landed onto something gritty and rather sticky. The questionable mess turned out to be a neglected piece of jam on incinerated toast. Yummy. Thank goodness there was no bite marks in it.

I flinched in disgust as I peeled my palm away, the congealing residue of jam stubbornly clung onto my skin. The memories of how that blackened piece of toast had ended up in the bathroom were very hazy. In fact, all I had were flashbacks of the argument with Daisuke followed by me chugging back mouthful and mouthful of vodka tumbled through my throbbing skull.

As the sickness hit me, I hurriedly crawled back over to the toilet, my stomach convulsing violently as a mouthful of bile forced it's way up my oesophagus. Perhaps I should have eaten some of that sordid toast, I reflected, at least I would have had something to throw up.

When the last of my stomach acids had dribbled less than attractively into the toilet, a groan escaped from my dry lips. Plenty of water and rest were definitely on the cards today, although I assumed I'd be getting none of the latter, especially when the news would spread about what I had done to Daisuke. No doubt he would of told someone from our group of friends by now, and gossip did spread quickly between us all.

The brutal buzzing of my phone vibrating against the white lino floor made me jump out of my skin. Swallowing back the remaining moisture lingering in my throat I knelt down and grabbed the object, answering without bothering to check the caller ID. Whoever it was I planned to fob them off, unless it was Daisuke...

"Hello?" As intended my tone was resentful, but the croakiness that surrounded my voice was rather unexpected.

"Tai? Thank God." the voice which greeted me was deep and breathy, like they had just run up several flights of stairs.

"Who's this?" My pounding heart eased it's way into my throat; I already knew the answer to my own question.

"It's Yamato." There was a long pause, but it wasn't long enough to let anything settle into my clouded head. "I'm outside, can you let me in?"


D-Angel: -Dramatic music- Ohhh dear, such timing our Yamato has. I leave you all hanging here for the time being I'm afraid. What did you guys think of Daisuke's reaction? I didn't want him going insane and on a rampage, but I also didn't want him crying like a sissy. Hoping I struck a decent enough balance. I'll obviously be touching more on their break up later on.

I didn't want to emphasis too heavily on the guilt Tai felt for shagging Yama behind Daisuke's back either, because I think I've already established that during the past couple of chapters. Let me also add, Tai's yet to have his outburst… Hehe.

The next chapter is all planned out, but I'm definitely planning to focus on a couple of my other stories over the next month or so as well. I won't make you guys wait around too long for the next chapter though, what with the cliff hanger and all!

Taichi: Evil, evil, evil girl.

D-Angel: Well, yeah… That's me, hence the pen name.

Yamato: Heh

D-Angel: Anyways, you two, climb onto that bed over there and give us all a show ;)

Yamato and Taichi: Err, nah…

D-Angel: -sad face- Fine. Well, that's all for now. Review if you wish, tis nice hearing from you guys. Let me know how you're all doing, and if you have any suggestions for le story.

See you all next chapter!


D-Angel

24/05/11