Chapter 9: True Names

10,000 years ago. The End of the Lantean-Wraith War

The Keeper lifted the broken gate ship from the water and moved it onto the South Pier. Several curious Lantean citizens had gathered to watch the progress of the recovery operation. They were kept back behind a protective energy barrier.

A tall man wearing a white and brown tunic ran up. He stepped through the barrier and asked anxiously, "Were there any survivors inside?"

A faceless Keeper approached him. { Yes. One female. }

"Take her to my lab at once."


The woman awoke on the examination table. "Where am I?"

The man wearing white and brown was looking down at her with a benevolent expression. He asked her softly, "How do you feel?"

She ignored him as she tried to sit up. "Where are Major Sheppard and Doctor Zelenka..?"

He gently kept her down on the examination table. "Please, relax. I am sorry. You were the only survivor."

"Survivor..? What.."

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"The shield had failed.. the city was imploding under the water.."

"It was? Tell me everything."

"I don't understand. What's going on?"

The man said soothingly, "I will answer all your questions in good time. You are safe now, as safe as you can be. Please, tell me everything."


High Councillor Moros asked the woman, "You say that you are from Terra?"

Weir stood and respectfully addressed the High Councillor. She was wearing a white smock. "Yes, sir. From Earth."

The man in brown and white who was sitting next to her stood and beamed. "Isn't it extraordinary? Atlantis will still stand 10,000 years from now. Our actions will succeed in protecting the city."

Moros said sternly, "Janus, you were told not to tamper with time. Causality is not to be treated so lightly."

"Sir, no one's treating it lightly."

Moros scowled at him. "You are, with your insistence on continuing these experiments despite the condemnation of this Council. We ordered you to cease these activities, and yet here we sit face to face with a visitor from the future who arrived here in the very machine you agreed not to construct!"

"But now we know that the evacuation will succeed. The city will be safe, and one day our kind will return.."

"Enough! I am hereby ordering the confiscation of this time travel device and all materials connected with its design." He addressed Weir, "Madam, you are welcome to return to Terra with us and live among our people, but for the safety of future causality I am sorry to inform you that you will not be returning to yours."


Janus walked alongside Weir back to the lab. "I'm very sorry."

Weir protested, "But.. but I can't just let everyone die. You have to give me a ZPM, send me back! Please!"

He put a finger to his lips. "Shhsh. I've already taken measures. Would you like to see?"

"What measures?"

"Hold my hand." They were walking together down a deserted and nondescript hallway in a remote section of the city. He entered a dead-end hallway and stopped. "Follow me." He tapped three wall sconces along the hallway in quick succession, then he pulled her along.

She gasped as he marched right towards a solid blank wall, pulling her close behind. She shut her eyes tightly in anticipation of crashing into the wall, but it didn't happen. She opened her eyes again.

He was still holding her hand as she gazed around the room. It was full of exotic instruments and incomprehensible artifacts.

Together they approached the Time Acceleration Chamber. He said, "Look."

"Oh, it's fantastic."

"You see inside?"

"Yes. What is it?"

"The future."


Alarms sounded. Weir asked, "Janus, what's happening?"

The Lantean scientist said, "Come quickly. We have run out of time; we must go to the gate room." He pulled Weir along behind him as he explained, "The report just came in. All but one of our remaining battleships were destroyed along with our peace embassy. We only have the one battleship overhead. I am afraid that things will get rather bumpy soon."

They reached the gate room where several Lanteans were busy at the controls. A woman with Asian features was standing near the main console. She ordered, "Initiate the escape program. Launch the city."

There was a tremendous roar as the floor shook. Weir became frightened and held Janus tightly. He reassured her, "Don't worry. We're just taking a short trip around the planet, making the Wraith think that we are fleeing the system."

"We're tricking the Wraith?"

"Yes."

"But what if it doesn't work?"

"It will. Trust me."


"Shhsh." They were standing on the balcony just outside the gate room looking at the underwater view. Janus was at her side, and together they looked up at the ocean from underneath. There was no indication of any disturbance to the water from above.

The Wraith fleet had departed from Lantea in search of the fleeing city-ship, which had flown around to the back of the planet where it had faked a jump into hyper-space, only to secretly return back to the same ocean, almost back to same the original spot, which was only 50 kilometers away.

"You see? It worked, just like I said it would. Look up there. Isn't it beautiful?"

Weir looked up at the rippling underside of the sea. "Yes, it is."

He turned. "I have so many more sights to show you."

"We're going to Earth."

"Yes. We have no choice. It is the only gate address left that is not controlled by the Wraith. It connects back to your galaxy, to your original home."

"But for me that was 10,000 years in my past."

"I know. Terra today is cold, desolate, primitive. Not a nice place. Don't worry, we won't be staying there long."

"We won't?"

"No."

"Why not? You just said there was no where else to go."

"There isn't. Except for one other."

"Where?"

"The correct answer is 'when'. I intend to rebuild my time machine."

"But I thought the Council had confiscated it and all records on how to build it."

"Yes, they did."

"So you can't..?"

"Oh yes I can." He tapped his head.

"But will they let you?"

"Oh, I think they will. You see, I will promise them that I will go only forward in time, never back. That is no different than a relativistic journey in a near lightspeed ship. No violation of causality; it should be fine."

"But where will you go?"

"We can go wherever and whenever you would like to go."

"We..?"

"Yes. The ultimate journey. The greatest adventure."

He held her hand. "Elizabeth, come with me. Let's see it together. The greatest journey even taken."

"Janus.."

He turned away. "I am sorry, but I have a confession to make. I am afraid that I have made a serious error in my calculations."

She smiled at him. "Oh? You have?"

He turned back and approached again. "Yes, I did. I made the mistake of falling in love with you."

She gave him a knowing look. "Yes, you did." She chided him in a mocking tone, "Janus, you do realize that this is a serious violation of the strict laws of Lantean society. I hear that it is a capital offense even."

He sighed as he held her, "Oh, I know, but I've never been a stickler for following the rules." He looked into her eyes. "And where we are going, well, let's just say that I have a suspicion that you and I won't be the only ones who will be violating it."

She laughed. Then she asked, "The future.. can I see my own time?"

"Possibly, but only in secret. We must never interfere. If the others come with us they will insist on that."

"The others.."

"I have a feeling that the others will want to go with us, into the far future. You see, our kind can no longer Ascend. No one knows why. So I will give them an alternative way to escape, one they will find irresistible: to escape through time instead. Even if the Wraith some day arrive to invade the Milky Way galaxy, dominate it completely, and even Terra itself, we will simply keep accelerating through time, faster and faster, further and further, fleeing from all our enemies, leaving them farther and father behind, until they turn to dust and are no more."

"It makes us sound like cowards. We are leaving nothing for those left behind?"

"Oh, but we will leave something behind. This city. For posterity. For your people. It will survive, a gift. And it will be guarded and protected in the strongest way possible, a living gift, to you and your people, for them and their posterity as well."

"A living gift."

"Yes, you saw. The Subject, being prepared."

"I saw it. The device you attached to her head, you uploaded all that into her mind? All that information?"

"Yes. We call it an Instruction Machine, a standard device that we use to teach Lantean children and give them information. It is quite safe for a Lantean mind to use. It will fill her mind with everything she needs to learn about us, our history, our knowledge, everything she needs to know."

"Everything?"

"Well, the good parts. No need to, shall we say, dwell on past mistakes."

"Are you going to awaken her before we go?"

"Oh yes, I will say a final goodbye to her. You see, even this old scientist is sentimental. She and I have talked many times during the past year. I now think of her as my daughter, so yes, I will say goodbye. It will be hard.."

"Janus, can I please meet her? Maybe I can tell her about my people, what to expect..?"

"No, that might create a another causality loop, and I am in enough trouble with Moros as it is. I am afraid that she can never meet you. Well, I think she will one day meet 'you', but not you, rather a different 'you'.."

She interrupted him. "Wait, you just said 'another causality loop'? Another one? What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, uhm.. " Janus nervously pulled at his collar. "Well.."

Weir said crossly, "Janus! You've done this before!"

He smiled meekly, "Nothing gets past you, does it? Yes, I am sorry. You see, you wouldn't have survived 10,000 years in the Time Retardation Chamber."

"Me? What do you mean?"

"Well, after I had sent you off the first time, I did some re-calculations and I realized that as a mere human that it was very possible that you would not survive the full 10,000 years, possibly even much less - a stroke or a heart attack could have easily killed you at any time. So I went back and tried again. This time I created a candidate that was effectively immortal.."

"Wait, you went back and did it twice?"

"I am so sorry, Elizabeth. I know. I should never have allowed you to go."

"Why..?"

"I did it because I loved you even then. I had seen the look in your eye as you stood at this very balcony, the tear that I saw fall from your eye almost every night, how much you wanted to go back to be with your people again. You wanted it so much. I was heartbroken as I watched. So I tried to give you back want you wanted, as best I could. I sent you back to the future just like you asked."

He looked down. "I missed you so much, more than I ever realized I would. I had such regret." He looked up again. "I worried that you probably did not survive the journey to reach your people again, and so eventually I had to come back. This time I found a way to save your people without sacrificing your life, one that I know will work this time. I'm certain of it."

"It will? You'll save my people? For certain this time?"

"Yes. I promise."

"Then.. then thank you." She came to a decision. "All right, as long as I know that my people will be safe, then yes, I will go with you. I have no regrets."

"Elizabeth.."

"Just promise me one thing. No more going back in time after this?"

"I promise. I'll never do it again."

"All right." She gazed out at the ocean and its underwater wonders. She sighed at the beauty of it, "I look forward to our journey." She turned. "Together."

"Thank you.." He looked down in shame, "I'm sorry."

She approached him and poked her finger in his chest. "You are a very naughty boy, you know." He raised his head up again and smiled.

He gently set aside her finger and gave her a knowing look. "I am sure you will always keep reminding me of that."

She approached him with a twinkle in her eye. "Oh yes. I will. Every chance I get."


The seal on the Time Acceleration Chamber opened with a hiss. The girl jumped out of it, her eyes eager. She leapt into his arms.

{ Father! }

{ Hello, my little _ _ _. }

{ What are we doing to do today? More TK tests? Mental tests? }

{ No, not today. }

{ I feel so much stronger now. I think I could even float a Mastadge into the air. }

{ I'm sure you could. }

{ Father, what's wrong? }

{ It's time. The others have already left through the portal. Only you and I remain. }

{ It is time? So soon? }

{ Yes, it is. }

{ So you think I am ready, then? }

{ Yes, my child. You are. }


She stood at the open portal, tall and proud, wearing the white uniform that he had given her.

{ Father, I love you. I'll be waiting for you. }

"I know, my darling _ _ _."

{ You will contact me on every anniversary? }

"If I can. It requires a large amount of energy to establish the link, so it will ultimately depend on the permission of the Council. But if they will allow it, then yes, I will."

{ I will wait, every year. }

He wiped away a tear. { Just remember, _ _ _, there will always be someone watching you. Never forget that. }

{ So you have told me many times. } Then she added, { Father, can I ask you one last question? }

{ Anything. }

{ After you leave, will it be you who will be watching me? }

He wiped his face. { I honestly don't know. But if I can watch you, I promise I will. }

{ Then I will climb up to the city rooftops every chance I get, and will I look up so you can see me. }

{ That is good. Goodbye, my little _ _ _. }

{ Father, goodbye! I love you! }

He left.


Atlantis, present day

The Guardian sighed as she stirred her tava bean soup while sitting across the table from Laura Cadman in the mess hall. "Ugh, why did I have to do that embarrassing video? It felt like seven billion pairs of eyes were watching me." She shivered slightly.

Cadman ate her own soup as she recalled the video shoot. She had been standing in the back of the room when they filmed the Guardian's message. "You were a bit nervous, but I thought you did great."

"You think it was okay?"

"Definitely. I thought you were very persuasive."

"Really?"

"Hey, you looked like a Disney princess right out of Walt Disney central casting." Cadman mockingly held her hand to her forehead like a damsel in distress. "Sirs, please help me!"

The Guardian scowled at Cadman's exaggerated pose. "I did not say that."

"Trust me, the military will be tripping over themselves to give you anything you want."

"They will?"

"For a space princess? Oh yeah."

The Guardian stirred her soup. "Well, I just hope Doctor Weir knows what she's doing. I have serious misgivings about all this, and not just that video. Her claiming that I am the 'head of state' was ridiculous. }

"It's true, isn't it? You're the head boss of the Lanteans, right?"

"Laura, how can I be the head of a nation that consists of exactly one individual?"

"Look, when it comes to anything related to Earth politics, you just follow Weir's lead. Trust me on that."

"I certainly will." The Guardian put down her furcacultro as she wrapped her arms around herself, shivering again. "To be honest, your world terrifies me."

"Well, Earth is 100,000 light years away so don't worry about it for now. So how did McKay's video go?"

The Guardian groused, "He worked on his presentation for hours. He kept insisting that I help him with it, and I kept explaining that I had no idea what he should say."

"What did he want?"

"He kept fretting how he wanted to 'make a critical contribution for the future of mankind'. He said that the whole transmission was going to hugely historical. All he succeeded in doing was make me even more nervous than I was already."

"Sounds like typical McKay. So what did he say in his vid?"

"I wasn't really paying attention. I think he blathered on camera something about leadership for 60 minutes."

Cadman made a face. "Ew."

"Yes, it was bad even for him. All he did was ramble about leadership and his contributions to mankind, that was it."

"He didn't he leave a message to his family or anything?"

"No, not that I recall."

"Huh. Everybody else did. I said 'hi' to my Mom and Dad, to my brother, my Aunt Judy, my classmates at Quantico, my old boyfriend, even my pet cat."

"Yes, I saw that everyone else did that too. I had no idea that family relationships were so important for humans."

"Oh, yeah, they are."

"I noticed that. Afterwards I thought it was odd that Rodney did not say hello to any of his family members in his video recording like everyone else did. I asked him about it later."

"And..?"

"He told me that except for his sister that he did not have any living family."

"He has a sister?"

"Yes, that surprised me too. He had never said anything about having a relative before."

"I feel kind of sorry for her, having a mega-geekazoid like that for a brother."

The Guardian leaned in, "Oh no, the way he talked about her I suspect that she is just as brilliant a physicist as he is, maybe even more."

Cadman's jaw dropped open. "You're kidding."

"I think she is. I know him well enough, and he was getting pretty defensive about it."

"What's her name?"

"Jean Miller. Rodney said that she had a sexual relationship and had become accidentally impregnated by another college student, an English major."

"Oh, that's too bad.."

"They are married and now have a daughter."

"I take it back; it sounds like it worked out fine. Good for them."

"Rodney said that she quit her physics career to become a full time mother."

"Hey, it's her choice. Personally, I think it's great that she decided to put her family first."

"Yes, it does seem important to humans. However, Rodney did not seem to think so. I suspect they had become estranged after that. He said that he has not communicated with her in several years."

"That's a bummer. That can happen in a family sometimes. Also, McKay is kind of hard to reach."

"Yes, especially in this galaxy. That is why I was surprised he didn't leave a message for her in his video recording. It was his first opportunity to do so in almost a year."

"Well, that's family for you. Sometimes it happens. It's a shame."

The Guardian tucked a loose lock of blond hair back under her New York Mets baseball cap. Cadman noticed it.

Cadman sipped her soup. She said offhandedly, "You like wearing that ball cap a lot."

The Guardian stirred her own soup again without eating it. "Yes. My hair has been growing too long lately. It helps keep it in place."

Cadman asked, "So why not just cut it?"

"Rodney says he likes my hair longer."

Cadman was about to say something a bit catty about their obvious non-relationship relationship, that she valued his opinion so much regarding her personal appearance, when she stopped. It wasn't her place to do that. Instead she said, "Uh, I see."

After another moment Cadman added, "Genie, I gotta say, honestly, that baseball cap does not look good on you."

The Guardian tilted her head. "It doesn't?" Her tiara was poking out from underneath the cap.

"No, not really. The cap wrecks your Disney princess look."

"I see." Doctor Weir had earlier asked the Guardian to remove the baseball cap during her video shoot. "I use it to keep my hair out of my face."

Cadman stood and pulled something out of her pocket. "You ever tried a ponytail?"

"A ponytail?"

"Yeah. My CO lets me wear my hair longer than regulation so I usually wear one when I'm on duty. It works like this." She stood and moved around the table behind the Guardian. She pulled her hair straight back, then wrapped it in a knot and affixed a scrunchy to hold it; the ponytail hung from the back. "There."

The Guardian touched the back of her head. "Ooh. That's interesting. I've never done that before."

Cadman moved back around the table to gave an appraisal. She nodded with approval, "That's way better. It gives you a nice fresh look."

The Guardian continued to feel the ponytail with both hands. "Really? Do you think Rodney will like it?"

Cadman did a mental sigh. "Oh yeah. I'm sure he'll love it."

Sheppard walked up with his tray and gestured at the empty seat next to the Cadman. "This seat taken?"

"Hello, sir." Cadman leaned over and pulled the empty seat back for him. "Thank you for joining us."

Sheppard sat. "Boy, I'm glad those videos are done." Then saw the Guardian's ponytail. "Hey," He smiled in appreciation, "Nice."

She waggled it for him. "You like it, eh?"

"It's a great look on you, Genie."

She blushed slightly. "Thank you."

She stood up. "Well, I need to start my afternoon patrol."

Sheppard also stood up like a gentleman. "Genie, you don't need to do patrols all the time. We have our own guards for that."

She snapped at him, "Look, I need to do my job. I protect this city. I know I don't do much else around here, but at least I can do that!" She left in a huff.

Sheppard watched her leave the mess hall with a surprised look on his face. As he sat back down he said, "Whoa, what was that all about?"

Cadman was also watching. "Huh.."

Sheppard turned, "So what gives?"

Cadman shrugged, "I dunno. She's been kind of moody since the storm."

"You call that moody? She practically bit my head off."

"She's not playing poker with my posse anymore either." Cadman thought, "Hmm. I wonder if she's having trouble with McKay. "

Sheppard opened a napkin. "Naw, they're fine."

"How can you tell?"

Sheppard leaned over and said quietly, "Did you catch that earlier? She said 'eh' like a Canadian."

Cadman's eyes widened. "Omigosh. She's taking on his Canadian accent!"

Sheppard grinned. "Yeah. In a few weeks I bet she'll start wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey and pine for back bacon."

Then Sheppard noticed something. The Guardian had left her soup bowl behind.

"Look at that. She never does that." He pointed.

Cadman saw it and gasped.

The soup bowl was almost full.


The Guardian looked into a mirror at herself. She turned her head sideways to view the ponytail, then she turned back to gaze at her own reflection.

She touched her face.

What am I?

She lowered her fingers as she kept staring at herself.


Where is my Mommy?

I can't find my Mommy!

The Guardian woke up with a start, gasping for air.

She sat up and rubbed her face. It happened again, the recurring nightmare.

She stood and looked in the mirror again.

Was that dream a real memory? The Wraith in the brig had accused her. That meant it had to real, yes? Otherwise how could he know?

The Guardian's thoughts drifted back to the Wraith's terrible accusations. She wondered if he was a plant. She would need to ask Sheppard about his capture. Was it too easy?

She closed her eyes as she thought back to his mental attack. She felt that it had to have been intentionally planned. But to what end? Was it intended to simply weaken her will? A gambit to disarm a powerful enemy before the invasion? Or was there a deeper agenda?

Yes, he had to be a plant. Her mental self-defense mechanism triggered. She told herself she would never do that to humans. The nightmare felt too unreal.

There were other images in her nightmares. She was in a hive ship, pinned to a wall, her body broken...

No, none of it felt real. She sat back down on her bed.

Which memories were real? Which were false? Some memories she was certain of. She recalled the mental warfare she had waged against the Wraith queens, the epic battle of wills in a fight often to the death. Her memories of those mind-contests were vividly real, her mental battles. Yes, those actually happened.

Over 6,000 years had passed since then, but she could still recall many of those battles clearly.

Yes, those events must have happened. She knew that those battles included vicious psychological assaults, attacks that plunged tendrils deep into the mind of the opponent, probing for weaknesses, for self-doubt, searching for a way to pry open the opponent's mind at its weakest point, to then crack it open completely, leaving it quivering and helpless, and then destroy it from within. The nightmares had to be the result of residual images implanted by her enemies, left behind from the aftermath of those epic mental battles.

She mentally repressed the image of the lost orphan and tried to drive it from her mind.

For now, it worked.

Her tendency towards denial, that great mental wall that she had previously built, the high and broad defensive barrier that she had unconsciously constructed over the centuries, brick by brick, starting from the very first anniversary when her father had first failed to contact her, had once again held fast.

She was the Guardian. That was her duty, her role. Nothing else mattered.

She started to dress herself in preparation for her morning patrol. After she put on her white leotard she remade her ponytail, then she looked at herself in the mirror and nodded with approval. She attached her cloak to her shoulders and put on her white gloves. She gave herself a final appraisal, then headed for the double doors.

It was time to do her duty.

With grim determination she left the Archives to began her patrol.


Doctor Kurosawa heard a knock on her door in the dark and damp hallway of sublevel 5.

She looked up from her Dell laptop and said cheerfully, "Come in!"

A person slowly pulled open the manual door and tentatively poked a head into the tiny office space.

"I really hate to bother you like this. You weren't wearing your radio so I couldn't call ahead." It was Elizabeth Weir.

Doctor Kurosawa stood up with her cane. "I never wear that annoying contraption. Doctor Weir, this is such a pleasant surprise. Please, come in and sit."

Weir looked around the cramped space as she entered it. She pulled open the folding chair that was leaning against the table. "This is your assigned office?"

"Yes."

They both sat. "Doctor Kurosawa, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize Doctor McKay had put you down here until today."

Kurosawa waved it off. "Oh pshaw, it's fine."

"Well, if you would like a change of office assignment please let me know."

"I like it; it's nice and quiet. So, what brings you all the way down here? You could have just sent me an e-mail message and I would have come up to your office in the gate room."

Weir looked down. "Yes, well, my office is a bit of a fishbowl, and this is actually an unofficial visit. No one knows I'm down here."

Kurosawa said pleasantly, "Then I take it that you are not here to discuss the joys of Ancient Archaeology with me?"

Weir fidgeted a bit. "No, not really. I'm sorry that we haven't assigned any off-world archaeological missions yet. Learning about the history of the Ancients is supposed to be one of our primary mission objectives and I feel very remiss about that."

"Well, you will assign those off-world missions all in good time, I'm sure. Now, what can I do for you?"

"I understand that the Guardian has come down here to visit with you. Several times in fact."

Kurosawa looked at Weir levelly. "Yes, she has."

"What have you been talking about?"

Kurosawa considered her question. After a moment she said, "I am not sure I can answer that."

"You don't know how, or..?"

"I mean I'm not sure if I should. Do you know that I also have a Master of Divinity degree?"

"Yes, I do. You are the closest thing that we have to a chaplain on the base, and I know that you've been doing that unofficially, including your work as an unofficial counselor to some of the other expedition members, and working with Evan Lorne and his twelve-step Bible Study group."

"You are well informed. I have. I'm a bit surprised actually that your US military did not include a chaplain in the Expedition given its large size and mix, the stresses that they must have anticipated could happen here, and the fact they knew that none of us might ever get to go back home again."

"Yes, well, I'm afraid that's partly my fault."

"I see. Are you here then to disapprove of what I've been doing?"

Weir leaned forward. "Oh no, not all all. I am sure you've been very helpful to many members of the Expedition."

"So you see the reason. For my hesitation to answer your question about the Guardian, that is."

"I think so. I assume she was asking you about, well, spiritual matters.."

"To a certain extent, yes. We've been talking quite a bit about many things. She's been helping me with the translation of the public database. Her insights have been very helpful. But we also talked about other things. Privately."

"She confessed things to you."

"Yes."

Weir sighed, "Doctor Kurosawa, you are not a pastor or a priest.."

"Ah, but I do have a minister license."

"I know that. But that is not your official capacity on this expedition. If the Guardian has been secretly discussing matters with you that affect the safety or security of this Expedition, then I need to know about it."

"Yes, of course. Well, you could simply order me to tell you."

"Doctor.."

Kurosawa chided her. "But if that was the case we would be having this little chat in your public fishbowl. You would not be sneaking your way down here."

Weir sighed, "I know. I won't order you. But please..."

"Have you discussed your request with the Guardian yet?"

"Actually, yes. She said.."

Kurosawa interrupted again, "Let me guess. She gave her consent. She told you that it was perfectly fine for you to ask me any questions you wanted about her, and she gave you blanket permission to do so."

Weir was a bit surprised. "Yes, that is almost exactly what she said. How did you know?"

"I believe that I now have a rather good understanding of her." She sighed, "Given what has been happening lately, I suppose that maybe it is time for me to share some of it with you."

"Thank you, doctor. I'm glad you understand."

"Very well. Would you like my personal appraisal of her in my role as her unofficial spiritual advisor?"

"Please."

"Well, just consider what you just told me a moment ago."

"Her permission for this chat."

"Yes. She immediately gave you blanket permission to discuss whatever you wanted about her with me. Why do think she did that?"

"Well, I admit she can be a bit passive sometimes.."

"Yes, with you she is very passive. But that is not the reason."

"So what is it then?"

"She gave you permission because believes that she is just a tool."

"A tool?"

"Yes, she believes that quite literally."

"I see."

"Doctor Weir, I do not mean to be disrespectful, but you have been treating her like that ever since she woke up."

The accusation stung. Weir looked down. "Yes, you're right. I suppose I have."

"Yes you have, emphatically so. Indeed, during her entire life everyone has been using her as just a tool, or a weapon, or an information source. All for their own ends. Everyone has. You, Major Sheppard.."

".. and Doctor McKay, I know."

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"But Doctor McKay has been pumping her for answers to his endless science and technology questions for months now, almost non-stop. He's been using her more than anyone else on the base. And yes, quite literally."

"Yes, he has. And she feels most satisfied when she's fulfilling his requests. But you're missing something."

"Which is?"

"He actually cares for her."

"But we all.."

"No. Everyone else is either afraid of her or they think of her as a tool, or both. They are afraid of her powers, her alienness, her alleged ability to read other people's thoughts.."

"Wait, alleged?"

"Have you ever actually seen her do it? Read another person's actual thoughts? I haven't. Have you?"

"That is because she is very careful to respect everyone's privacy."

"Exactly. She's never violated her oath, so there's nothing for us to fear, and yet almost everyone in the Expedition avoids her except when they need her for something."

"But she's friends with Laura Cadman."

"A casual friend, yes. The Guardian is awkward socially, with no real social skills, and she is often unintentionally rude. Cadman is a gadfly who is able to look past that so they are casual friends. But the Guardian has no close relationships with anyone. I suspect she never has.""

"I see." Weir thought a moment. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, uhm.."

"Yes?"

"This is private, right?"

"Of course."

"Well, and this is absolutely confidential, but I suspect, and Sheppard agrees with me, that McKay and her are in a relationship."

"Interesting. I asked her about that. Point blank in fact."

Weir was surprised. "You did?"

"She answered no, they were not."

"Oh.."

"I probed the issue with her a bit, without pressing too hard. I think I have a fairly good idea what's going on."

"Which is..?"

Kurosawa paused. Then she said, "You're right. It's very private."

"Doctor, the Guardian gave me permission to ask."

To Weir's surprise, Kurosawa pounded the table. "Of course she did!"

Weir leaned back. "Doctor..?"

"She'll agree to anything you ask! She thinks she has no free will!"

Weir sighed, "I'm sorry, and I understand your point of view.."

Kurosawa said a bit sarcastically "Well thank you."

Weir leaned forward again. ".. but I really need to know what's going on with her. It's now a matter of base security. She's becoming withdrawn, and she's not eating. Doctor Beckett is becoming very concerned about her weight loss. What's happening? I need to know."

"Have you talked to Doctor McKay about it?"

"Sort of. He's starting to notice it too."

"And?"

"He's been trying to cheer her up with an offer to do more cloud watching, but she declined."

Kurosawa made a small smile. "Oh, he told you about that? I'm rather surprised he did."

"Yes. He's starting to get worried too. Very much so."

"I see. Well, I am happy to hear that he was able to open up and confide to you like that. He's a very private person, even more than she is. The fact he told you confirms my opinion that he is not the root cause of her obvious mental depression."

"So she's depressed."

"Very."

"I thought so. Should I have her make an appointment to go see Doctor Heightmeyer?"

Kurosawa considered it. "Hmm, I don't think this is a problem that a clinical psychologist can solve. She'll go do it if you asked her, of course. She's very passive with you. But I don't think it will help very much. In my opinion her depression is not a physiological problem that can be fixed with happy drugs or Freudian talk therapy."

"So what is going on with her? What is her problem exactly?"

"I think it is an existential one."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, as I said, she thinks she is just a tool, and literally so. She also thinks she is not a person."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"That makes no sense. Of course she is a person."

"Not from her point of view."

"Hmm, I see."

Kurosawa paused. Then she said softly, "She also confided to me something, something very private.." She hesitated.

Weir waited patiently.

"I'm not sure I should say.."

Weir leaned forward again. "Please, doctor. This goes beyond just my concern for the well-being of one individual. It involves the security of the entire Expedition. I need to know."

"Yes, I understand." She thought some more. Finally Kurosawa sighed, "Very well, I suppose I have to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"That she believes that she does not have a soul."

Weir was taken aback. "Oh dear."

"Yes."

"So what can we do to help her?"

"Well, when a person enters a deep personal spiritual crisis like this, like the one she is currently in, I find that it becomes a personal matter between them and God."

Weir considered her statement. "So there is nothing we can do."

"When a person is like that, no. We can still be supportive, we can pray for them, but it is really out of our hands."

"I think I understand."

"In my experience it usually takes some kind of unexpected crisis or a major event. Something that results in some kind of revelation, only that can really change a person. Only time will tell."

Weir sighed and stood. "Well, thank you doctor. You've been most helpful. Please don't bother getting up." She folded the chair so it was no longer obstructing the narrow door. "And let me know if you change your mind about getting a better office."

Kurosawa smiled, "I will dearie, and thank you for taking the time to come down here to visit. If you'd like to come down again and chat with me about this or anything else, remember I'm always here."

"I will. Thank you for your kind offer. Goodbye."


The Guardian was standing on the balcony outside the gate room, gazing over the city skyline.

McKay approached tentatively from behind. She sensed him. Normally she couldn't do that with her limiter up at 90% - when she could only sense very strong or violent emotions. But with him she could always detect whenever he was near.

He came up behind her, a few steps away. "Hey."

She ignored him. She kept gazing out over the city and the ocean beyond.

He walked beside her and put his hands on the railing next to her. "Wow, look at those stratocumulus formations." He turned. "It's a perfect day to do some cloud watching, don't you think?"

She kept watching the sea. "No thank you."

"C'mon, I got time."

"I'm not in the mood."

He moved in close and whispered. "G, what's wrong? You've been like this since the Genii raid. What's bugging you so much?"

She shifted her eyes up at her tiara. He understood. He nodded in consent.

She tapped it twice.

{ Rodney, I feel completely useless. }

"C'mon, G, that's silly."

{ I haven't done anything. }

"Sure you have. You've done lots of stuff."

{ Like what? }

"Hey, you've helped me a million times. I've learned stuff from you that will put me hip deep in Nobel Prizes for the rest of my life."

{ That's not what I mean. }

"So..?"

She kept watching the waves churn in the distance.

{ Rodney, who am I? }

He remembered that she had asked him that very same question during their first rooftop encounter, just before she walked out.

"Uh.. you're the Guardian of Atlantis?"

{ All right, then tell me, what have I done to fulfill that role? }

"Well, uh.. you stopped those Wraith guys from attacking us whenever Teyla's necklace kept attracting them to our location."

{ You didn't need me for that. }

"You helped us save the city during the storm. That was a huge help."

She finally turned, her eyes flashing at him.

{ Did I? And what did I do? Nothing! My city was invaded, and I didn't lift a finger to stop the invaders. Literally! I was a mannequin! }

"Well, that wasn't your fault.."

{ Rodney, I still did nothing. The one and only time my city was actually invaded, the one and only time in over 10,000 years where I was supposed to actually do my damn job, what did I do? Absolutely nothing. The Genii turned me off like a light switch! }

"We didn't know they could do that."

{ And what if they do it again? I'm useless. }

McKay considered it. "No, I don't think they will ever be able to do that again."

{ Why not? }

"A command word used like that, once everyone else hears it, could easily become common knowledge and abused. It would be designed to only work once. Kind of like a Command Seal in Fate Stay/Night."

{ A Command what? }

"It's from a famous anime show where, uh, nevermind. It's way too complicated. Anyway, I really doubt that will ever happen again."

{ Rodney, my sworn mission is to protect Atlantis. I'm not supposed to ever leave the city, but I just feel like I need to do something, something to help with the fight beyond just protecting the city. }

McKay remembered Kolya's biting accusation. "Okay, what would you like to do?"

She started speaking aloud. "I don't know yet. Something. Anything. So I don't feel so useless."

"Well, the invasion is coming.."

"Yes. I know."

"The long range sensors still aren't showing any approaches yet."

"Those sensors operate only out to 400 light years. If a major assault was coming we'd only have about a week's warning, assuming they don't stop to feed. I'm guessing they won't."

"I agree. With all the culling they've already done they're just about all filled up by now. They'll hit us fast to avoid giving us time to prepare countermeasures."

"Rodney, didn't you mention something about Cowen having a Wraith ship tracking device?"

"Oh yeah. He said it could track all the Wraith hive ships anywhere in the galaxy."

"We need that. It will tell us when they're finally marshalling, give us a lot more lead time."

"It sure would. But good luck getting one, G. I don't know if you've noticed it or not but we are not exactly on the greatest of terms with the Genii right now. And if you're thinking of sneaking in and just swiping it, it's turned off, undetectable, and it could be hidden anywhere, assuming it's still even on their home planet."

The Guardian thought about it. "The Wraith tracking device is a standard operational component of a hive ship. Every hive ship has one."

"Yeah, so?"

"Rodney, I'm pretty adept at secretly raiding hive ships.."

McKay's eyes lit up. "Yeah. You're really good at that."

She sighed, "Finally, something I can do that's useful."

"Oh yeah. Let's go talk to Weir and Sheppard." McKay turned to leave.

Something crept into her mind unbidden. The Guardian turned and looked around. She didn't see anyone.

She said to McKay, "You go on ahead, find Weir and ask her to call in Sheppard. I'll catch up with you in a minute."

"Okay." He ran off to Weir's office.

The Guardian raised her limiter up to 90% and glanced around, eyes narrow. She walked past some guards to the stairwell. She opened it and climbed down one level.

There he was. She quickly approached the man who was wearing glasses and a ponytail. He looked as if he had just happened to be entering the stairwell himself.

She told him, "Stop that."

Kavanagh seemed offended. "Excuse me?"

"I said that's enough!"

"Enough of what? I have no idea what you're talking about. Hey, you're that Guardian woman, right?"

"You know damn well who I am."

He gave her a smile. "Oh hey. Nice to meet you."

She wasn't fooled. "Do that again and.."

He dropped the act. "And what? You'll report me for having bad thoughts?"

She glared at him.

"I know you can't. You're strictly limited." He crossed his arms and gave her a self-satisfied smile. "You're only allowed to report private thoughts that might harm city security. Those are Weir's standing orders, and I'm guessing that they are your old masters' too."

A low growl rose from her throat, but she said nothing.

"You can't punish me just for having bad thoughts."

"That's.. that's disgusting."

"You won't report it. If you did, you'd be a walking civil liberties violation. I'll tell everyone. You'd be totally ostracized for spying on everyone, even more than you are already."

"You creep."

His smug smile grew.

She shoved him up against the stairwell wall. "Stop thinking about me like that!"

He said defiantly, "Make me." He looked down at her forearm pressed against his throat. "This is already assault."

She realized what she was doing and released him. Another set of his thoughts forced their way through her limiter, worse than ever.

She whirled back and saw his smug face. She was ready to kill him. Kavanagh had no idea the kind of mortal danger he was now in.

The Guardian closed her eyes as she fought back the urge to detonate him where he stood.

She opened her eyes and saw that his grin had widened. She silently cursed herself. She had let him get the better of her.

His plan was working. He succeeded in getting a reaction out of her. She could tell that her assault on his person had strongly aroused him.

She turned away and tried to think. His plan worked. Now he would do it again and again, every time he was near. Nothing could stop him.

She couldn't report it. And her ROE didn't allow her to harm him either.

She pressed her lips together. Surely there was something..

She had an idea. She turned back and took off her tiara. She stepped towards him, giving him a sultry smile. "So you like bad thoughts, huh?"

He saw the mental image she was projecting of herself. "Oh yeah, baby."

She spoke casually as she twirled her tiara around her finger, "You know, I met a Wraith once, a nasty one. He liked to hunt runners. He was a special case, and he had it coming. I did something to him that I had never done to a Wraith before. It was so, well, nasty, that I just can't forget it. It keeps popping into my mind, over and over.."

Kavanagh's eyes widened in shock. "Argh! Oh my god!"

".. and I just can't control it sometimes.."

"Stop!"

The Guardian stopped twirling her tiara and looked at him. "Hmm? Is something wrong?"

"Just stop it!"

"Hey, everyone has bad thoughts sometimes. They just happen. You can't control them, right?"

"Stop it! Please stop!"

"Look, you can't punish me for having bad thoughts."

He was bent over with his arms around his head. "Just stop! All right! I won't do it again!"

She put her tiara back on. "Sorry, your face just popped into my head, and that Wraith suddenly looked just like you. Free association. Funny how that happens sometimes."

He stood up unsteadily and glared at her, "You bitch."

She prepared to leave. "Never do that again. I have more important business than dealing with the likes of you."

"Yeah, like 'dealing' with McKay, huh?"

She whirled back. "Stop talking."

He glared back.

"Remember, if you do anything like that again, well, let's just say that I have even better memories of my favorite Wraith kills that might leak out my mind accidentally." She turned and began to walk back up the stairs to the gate room.

Kavanagh ran to the foot of the stair landing. He gasped, "You know who opted out?"

She kept climbing the stairs and did not turn back. She said as she climbed up, "Three opted out. I understand that you were one of them."

He again yelled up at her, "But they never told you who else, did they? Check it. Check the list!"

She ignored him as she entered the gate room and went up the broad central stairway to join Sheppard and McKay in Weir's office.

McKay smiled as she walked in. "Hey, G."

Teyla briefly bowed her head.

Sheppard grinned, "Ah, just in time to join the party. I love this plan."

The Guardian walked toward the wall monitor. "So you're thinking of going back to Mirai?" She was referring to M34-P61, the planet where they had previously spotted six parked hive ships from orbit.

"No, that intel is out of date. AR-2 did a recon on them yesterday. All six ships are now gone." Sheppard turned off the display.

The Guardian was disappointed. "I see. No other targets?"

"Well, there's still that first buried ship, the one where we rescued Teyla and lost Sumner. It's still sitting on the Wraith homeworld."

"Hmm. I wonder why it hasn't moved yet?"

"Dunno, but it's a good choice for a hit. There's a space gate in orbit, and because the hive ship is still buried it can't shoot back at us or launch darts to chase us. I say we do it."

The Guardian nodded. "Looks good." She pulled up a general schematic of a Wraith hive ship. "The ships are organic but they all have the same basic layout. The main control center is here." She pointed. "The tracking device has to be somewhere in that chamber. I'll go in, find it, and remove it. I'll leave my jumper parked and cloaked nearby, then I'll report back when I have it."

Sheppard said, "Hey, we're coming with you."

"John, there's no need."

"We'll hang back at the cloaked jumper. If you get in trouble we'll fly in and pull you out."

She turned to McKay. "Rodney.."

"Hey, we're all coming with you, whether you like it or not."

Teyla added, "I will be coming because it is possible that we still might find some of my people inside."

The Guardian sighed, "Very well."

Weir said, "Good, it's AR-1 plus 1. Get that tracking device, and Godspeed."


The Guardian sat across from McKay in the back portion of the puddle jumper. Sheppard was piloting with Teyla in the copilot seat. They were up front talking quietly.

Normally she and McKay would sit together, but he could tell that she wanted to be alone so he sat on the other side. He kept himself busy by using his tablet to examine the schematic of the hive ship to try to pinpoint the exact location of the tracking device within the control room.

The Guardian sat by herself, lost in her own thoughts. She furtively glanced over at McKay. He didn't notice.

During the pre-mission prep the Guardian had quietly used her image viewer to pull up the Expedition's log during the incident with Teyla and the necklace. It confirmed what Kavanagh had told her.

She secretly glanced at McKay again. Her mind was in complete turmoil. Why? Why was he so afraid of her? A brief mental contact would not reveal any embarrassing secret in his past.

It couldn't be that he didn't trust her either. She would never dig into his mind like that anyway, and even if she did, he must have known that she would never reveal his secrets to anyone. She had taken a solemn oath to that affect, and he knew that.

So why did McKay opt out of the mind scan?

Looking back she realized that McKay had always carefully avoided any situation where she might read his inner thoughts. She recalled what had happened when she offered to briefly join with his mind for a few seconds to help him take off his personal shield. When she made the offer the shield device suddenly popped off by itself.

She remembered his early repeated refusals to let her communicate with him telepathically. He was emphatic with his refusals. It was only after the storm that he had realized that such mental communication did not reveal inner thoughts, so it would not reveal any of his secrets. What was he hiding?

She had let her guard down around him because she had never felt more relaxed, simply by enjoying his mind-music. They spent so much time together, and soon she believed that he had genuinely liked her. Her. Not as a tool, nor as a potential sexual conquest. She was not a means to an end like she was with Weir or Sheppard. Rodney was her friend, a real one.

McKay was her first human friend, and eventually he became her best friend.

Or was he?

What was he hiding? He had boasted about how their many talks would let him win endless Nobel Prizes.

She would be means to an end for him.

A terrible thought came to her.

We she just a tool in his eyes as well? Was that what he was trying to hide? Was that his secret?

The thought affected her more than she realized. She felt a physical pain in her stomach. It was a terrible burning sensation. She couldn't figure out what was causing it.

"G, you okay over there?"

Her eyes snapped up in alarm. She realized that she was tightly clutching her stomach with both hands. He noticed.

She removed her arms and looked away. "I'm fine, just something I ate that did not agree with me."

"Oh. Say, I think I found where the tracking device should be. Wanna see it?"

She watched him switch seats. His thigh was now touching against hers, as had happened many times before, except now a flood of conflicting emotions hit her when they touched. It was only then did it occur to her how much casual physical touching they had shared up to that point.

In the past she had leaned over his shoulder countless times, her body pressing against his back, as she eagerly manipulated the equations on imaging table. They often pressed in shoulder to shoulder together to look at something one of them found on a monitor. Only now did she realize how that might look to someone else who was watching them.

McKay leaned in close and pointed. "I think it's right there. There's a big data line that runs from that point up to the dorsal communications relays."

She stammered, "Oh.. yes."

"What do you think?"

"I'm sure you're right."

"Hey, are you feeling sick?"

"I said I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Want to call it off, maybe have Doctor Beckett check you?"

She grew angry. "No! I am fine!"

Sheppard spoke up. "You kids behaving yourselves back there? Don't make me pull over."

McKay looked up. "Are we there yet?"

Sheppard drawled to Teyla, "Hear that? Just like a kid." Teyla suppressed a grin.

The ground was quickly approaching. "30 seconds to landing, camo holding. Target is 2 clicks north. No activity. Get ready."


The Guardian slipped past the Wraith drone who was standing guard at the entrance to the parked hive ship. She had her thermo-optical camouflage turned up to maximum with the hood flap pulled down over her face. She snuck past the guard and crept inside.

The smell assaulted her senses. She had forgotten how powerful it was. She flattened herself against a wall as two guards approached, fighting the urge to slash them to ribbons. After they passed by she moved deeper into the ship, switching from passage to passage. There was more activity inside than was expected for a hive ship that had been parked for 100 years. Some fairly tall pine trees were now growing from the rich topsoil that had accumulated over the decades on the dorsal side of the ship.

She moved from passage to passage as she progressed deeper and deeper into the living ship, drawing on her well-remembered internal map of a hive ship from her memory. She finally reached the main control center. It was crowded with at least a half dozen Wraith commanders working at various stations.

This was the most dangerous part of the mission. She knew that some of the commanders might have mental powers. Occasionally those powers could be formidable, even enough to challenge even her. Her limiter was at 100% but she knew that sometimes a powerful Wraith would notice her if she got too close. She edged around the control room towards the data panel.

She reached the panel successfully. It was hidden behind one of the consoles out of sight. She quietly removed it and found her target, a square flat object about 15 centimeters on a side. Four cables were attached to it. That was unexpected. Normally there would be only three: one for the main computer, one for the communications relays up top, and one for power and ground. What was the fourth cable for?

No matter. She took off one white glove and made a chopping motion with her hand. The wind cut sliced the first cable successfully, then she cut the second, then the third.

When she cut the fourth cable a loud screeching alarm sounded. Suddenly six Wraith commanders all turned in her direction. It was because after the Genii had stolen the device the first time the Wraith had since updated the design of the device to include an alarm circuit.

She cursed as she grabbed the tracking device and ran out, knocking over one of the Wraith commanders as she fled the room. More alarms were now sounding. She turned off her camo to divert the energy to her limbs as she ran faster and faster, blasting the arriving Wraith drones out of her way. She approached the exit door. It was locked shut. She took a chance and teleported past it, hoping that nothing was standing on the other side. There wasn't, and she continued to run. She spotted some Wraith coming at her laterally, an external patrol. She shifted direction and dove straight into a line of trees, leaping over dead logs and branches while dodging huge tree trunks.

She turned to look back. She didn't see anyone following. Unfortunately in doing so she ran right into a huge sticky web that spanned two tree trunks. The web caught her and she tried to twist out of it, which only succeeded in wrapping the sticky fibers even tighter around her cloak.

Then she felt it, two sharp pains in the side of her neck. For the first time in her life she felt real, primal, fear. She screamed, flailing, trying to grab the pulsating thorax of the Iratus bug to rip it off her neck. In doing so she felt a burning sensation under her back, where her biopacks surged with power. The bug was quickly draining her to fight back.

She knew it was already too late, but her hardwired instincts refused to give up. She started writhing like a wild animal in a trap, snarling, clawing, still trying to remove it.

It soon weakened her to the point that she could no longer move. She could only pant now as she stared up at the sun.

Then a shadow crossed it. It was a Wraith commander.

The commander hissed as he showed his corpse-like rictus of a smile. She felt more misery at that moment than she had ever felt in her whole long life.

He said in a hissing voice. "I will be taking this back." He calmly bent over and removed the tracking device from the pouch inside of her cloak. Then he stood over her again.

Her breathing slowed as she waited to die.

He tilted his head as he appraised the situation. Finally he said, "How exquisite."

She grunted, "Hurry up and get this over with."

"And do you a favor? I think not."

"Curse you and your queen."

"As much as I would like to remove your head and show it as a trophy to my great queen, it is much better for you to die like this, utterly defeated, helpless, and totally humiliated, while you suffer such deliciously unbearable pain."

He casually turned the tracking device over in his hands as he said idly, "So much trouble, such infighting. Well, my queen does not serve Queen Death. She will be overjoyed to hear my report, the final ignominious defeat of The Destroyer - her life sucked away in the jaws of a bug!" He laughed as he walked away.

She ignored his taunts and instead she closed her eyes as she concentrated, and with supreme effort she managed to barely generate enough TK power to trigger the radio headset microphone. The bug reacted by drawing out her power even faster. She screamed again in pain.

She heard Shepard's voice respond on her headset. "Genie, is that you? Talk to me!"

She gasped, "John, I'm in trouble."

"We're taking off now, homing in on your signal."

"Uh, no, don't come here. Forget I called." She was no longer thinking clearly. "They're on alert now; they'll see you."

"Genie, just shut up and sit tight. We're coming."


Sheppard was in the pilot seat with Teyla. They were both strapped in tightly to their seats. Sheppard was yelling behind at McKay as the jumper continued to rock, "McKay! How badly were we hit?"

McKay yelled back, "One of the drive pods is down! You think we can still make it?"

Sheppard saw the space gate approaching. "I think we're good. Dialing now."

Teyla radioed, "Atlantis, this is Jumper One. We are declaring a medical emergency."

A voice radioed back, "Copy Jumper One. A med team is on its way."

McKay knelt down on the back floor of the jumper. "Hang in there, G."

The Guardian was on the floor, delirious. "No.."

Sheppard announced, "Going in."

The Guardian closed her eyes and passed out.

Suddenly there was a huge lurch. McKay tumbled hard into the edge of the door frame that separated the rear and front compartments.


The Guardian slowly opened her eyes. McKay was kneeling over her, showing more concern for her than she had ever seen before. She smiled weakly.

My Rodney..

She saw him talking, but no words seemed to come out of his mouth. Eventually her mind cleared enough to hear his voice, although it still seemed hollow and very far away.

"G! Can you hear me?"

Her eyes fluttered.

"G, I need you to talk me through this. I'm going to inject you with some morphine. There. Now, try to clear your head for me. What's happening to you?"

She smiled. "Rodney, you came back for me.."

"What's this thing on your neck? I tried to it cut off with a scalpel from the med kit but it glowed and you screamed really loud."

"No.. don't."

"It's feeding on you. Your vitals are dropping like a rock. How do I get this thing off you?"

"You can't."

"What the hell is it?"

"It's an Iratus bug." She gasped again, "Always fatal."

"What?"

"They never come off until the victim is dead. They.. they.. tried to take it off before. So many times. Nothing works. Stasis just delays it. That's what they do, they zero in on the strongest life force they can find, then feed on it until it dies."

"Oh my god."

"It's killed pre-Ascendants far more powerful than me. Many times. Nothing they could do could take it off until it killed them." She struggled to look in front of her, and she saw a rippling watery glow just ahead of the frame that separated the rear and forward compartments of the jumper. "What happened? Where are John and Teyla?"

"They're in the forward compartment, already dematerialized. No way to reach them. One of the pod bays failed to retract and we're wedged in the open gate."

"T-Time left..?"

"About 30 minutes."

"Oh Rodney.. I'm so sorry.."

"This isn't your fault."

She tried to lift her head up again. "Yes it is. I screwed up. Again. I always screw up. Now I killed you. Oh Rodney.."

"Just calm down. The morphine is just making you loopy."

"I'm useless. Nothing I do does anything but make things worse for you. For everyone."

"Hey, shush now. Save your strength."

"I never did anything useful for anyone. Not even you."

"Hey, enough loopy talk. C'mon, G, I can't imagine what I would have done without you. You've helped everyone."

She laughed bitterly. "How? By interrogating that captured Wraith? By finding Teyla's traitor? By stopping the Genii raid? Rodney, I couldn't even fetch a simple tracking device. I have a 100% failure rate."

"C'mon.."

She managed to raise one arm up. She said deliriously, "Woo hoo! Go Guardian!" In response the bug tightened its grip and she grimaced.

"Stop the loopy talk. Don't move, sit tight. I'm gotta work on retracting that pod bay manually, then I'll come back and help you."

She lost track of time. At some point she saw Rodney's face in front of her again. He had just finished injecting her with another shot.

"G, that was the last of the morphine."

"Rodney.."

"Look at me. Eyes on me. G, I need your help before you pass out again. Follow me up with your eyes." She did as he stood up. "See this access panel?" He pointed. "There are eight control crystals in here. I don't have my tablet, so I don't know which one is which. One of them runs the motivator for the drive pod. I know they're configured so they snap shut automatically whenever power is lost - safety feature, so something must be shorted to keep it pushed out. Either that or there's debris in there in which case we're screwed anyway. Look, if I pull the wrong crystal I might shut off life support or something else vital. Now think really carefully. Tell me, which crystal is it?"

"Rodney, what are you hiding from me.."

"Uh, y-yeah. We can talk about that in a minute. For now look up at me. Eyes up. Which one is it? Please, think."

"Take my tiara off first."

"What?"

"Please.. I have to know. If I lose consciousness again I won't wake up."

"Okay, okay." He gently pulled it off her.

{ Rodney.. }

"Don't probe. You'll just waste power and feed the bug faster."

{ Then tell me. }

"I uh, I can't. I'm terrible with words like this. Look, let's wait until.."

{ I think it's the first crystal. The leftmost one. }

He jumped up. "Okay! Trying it."

He pulled out the crystal and the cabin rocked briefly. "Hey! I think that did it!"

He knelt down quickly next to her. "Oh god, G. You're beautiful."

{ Am I? }

"Oh yeah. I think you're the most wonderful, most smartest, most beautiful woman in the world."

{ Rodney, I'm just a tool. }

"No, no, no. Look uh, oh boy.. Just wait. We're not moving. Ugh, 10 minutes.."

{ That's all I ever was, a tool. }

"No! I said just wait! Look, just one last question, I promise. Please tell me, is there any way to fire the thrusters from the back compartment?"

{ No. You have to go outside with a pressure suit. }

"Dammit. Okay, uh, I gotta think.. Hey, can I fire a drone backwards maybe?"

{ No. There's nothing you can do. It's hopeless. }

"Aw, dammit." He pounded the bulkhead wall repeatedly with his first. "Dammit, dammit! What else.."

{ Rodney, be careful what you are hitting. }

"Huh?" He turned and looked where his fist was still pressed up against the bulkhead. In pounding it he had almost hit the button for opening the rear hatch, possibly killing them both.

He stopped and stared at the hatch button.

Newton's Third Law.

Of course.

He whirled and looked at the event horizon. Anything inside would be safe from the decompression.

He quickly knelt back down again. "Okay, here's the plan. I'm going push you through the event horizon. Then I'll hit the hatch button. The explosive decompression should shove the jumper through."

{ Rodney, no, you'll be killed, and.. }

He lifted up the lid on the storage compartment. "I'll tie this rope around myself. Yeah, this will suck eggs, and I might blow out my eardrums, but.."

{ Rodney, NO! You can't let this bug get in to my city! }

"Look, Beckett will figure it out. I take back everything I said about medicine being voodoo; he's actually a pretty good doctor. We can use a stasis pod if we have to.."

{ Rodney, you don't understand. It's already drawn an incredible amount of power from my biopacks. It's unkillable now. I can sense that it's a female and it has eggs. If it gets in to the city it will escape, and it will hide somewhere and lay them. There are hundreds of dark places for it to go make its nest, and you would never find it in time. When they hatch there will be hundreds of them. They hunt at night, targeting the strongest lifesigns. You'll never be rid of them. }

"Oh man.."

{ Tie yourself with the rope, then hit the hatch button. It will blow me out the back and get rid of the bug. }

"No way. Not in a million years."

{ Rodney, do it! Please! }

"No!"

She closed her eyes and concentrated as hard as she could. He felt the start of her mind probe.

The bug glowed and she screamed again.

"G, don't! Stop that! I'll just tell you."

{ S-Sorry.. I just want to know.. }

"I, uh, oh man. How do I say this.. }

{ Just think it. }

{ Uh, right. Uhm, yeah.. I've been hiding it from you. I'm so sorry. Uh.. }

{ It's okay. Let it flow out naturally. }

He told her.

She marvelled at him. { Oh Rodney.. }

{ My name is Meredith. }

{ What? }

{ That's my real name. Meredith. }

She told him hers.

{ That's so beautiful. But kind of long.. }

{ My father gave it to me, a diminutive that means 'pouncing white tiger kitty'. }

{ You're a tiger? Heh, of course. }

{ Do you remember the very first cloud I pointed out? }

{ Oh.. You were giving me a hint, right? That was part of your name. }

{ Yes. }

{ Say it again. }

{ Felestigrisalirealbassara.* }

{ Ugh, why are Lantean names so damn unpronounceable? }

{ Meredith, thank you for this. My last memory. }

{ Wait, Felestigrisalahlah, argh.. }

{ Do you remember what I transmitted to you that night before the storm? My only regret? }

{ You wished this dream would never end. }

{ Yes. It's been wonderful, the dream we had.. }

{ Bassara. }

{ .. and I'm so glad I could share it with you. }

{ Wait.. }

{ I'm going to sleep now. I love you. }

{ Bassara, wait! }

{ Meredith, push the button. }

He jumped up. "Dammit, no! I'm not giving up!"

{ It's time for you to wake up. }

"No! I refuse!"

{ The Iratus bug always kills. Always. No one has ever survived. }

"No, no, no, no!" He pounded the bulkhead wall with both fists.

{ I love you. Goodbye. }

He whirled around the rear compartment. "There has to be way! I'm not letting you go! I won't! I won't!"

He dived into the storage bin and started throwing everything out onto the floor: a P90, some ammo clips, a pistol, a pair of radios, battery packs, some flares, a life sensor, extra vests, another med kit, an AED, a package of MREs..

He picked up one of the items. { Bassara.. }

{ Hurry, kill me. It's almost done feeding. If you love me, kill me now. Please! }

He stood up holding the AED device.

"All right, I will."


She was sitting on the roof of the North Tower, her hands wrapped tightly around her knees, rocking herself back and both.

He climbed up the ladder, completely out of breath. "Hey."

She yelled, "Stay away!" When she had woken up in the infirmary she had ripped off the IVs and fled.

He pulled himself over the ledge and approached. "It's okay."

She kept yelling, "Just stay away! Stay away!"

He picked her up and held her. She didn't resist. "Sorry, but I'm a jerk with terrible social skills who never listens to anybody."

She sobbed into his shoulder bitterly as he tried to console her. He wiped her tears with his sleeves. "Shush.. it's okay now."

{ Idiot. You're in love with a robot. }

{ That, my dear, is bull[bleep]** }

{ I'm an artificial construct with a tiger's hindbrain wired in. }

"Okay, uh, fine. So you're part cat? Really? Hey, I'm cool with that."

"Y-you are?"

"C'mon, do you know how many guys would give their right arm for a hot catgirl?"

"Rodney.."

"I looked up the alba tigris felesium in the public database. Yeah, it's ferocious when attacking or chasing prey, but it's very cuddly during its downtime. I saw a pic of a pride in the wild, a big happy fur pile. Really cute."

"Oh.."

I'm so embarrassed. I completely forgot that picture was in the database!

"Hey, it's okay. If it bothers you that much I won't tell anybody. We can erase it."

She froze. Then she pulled back. He asked, "Hey, what's the matter?"

"Y-you actually heard that?"

"Heard what?"

She stood back.

Rodney, what is two plus two?

"Four."

She quickly raised her limiter to 100%.

What is nine plus six?

"Fifteen."

She removed her limiter and pressed firmly on both sides of it with her thumbs and forefingers, hard, then she clamped it down firmly on her head like a vise.

What is 47,865 times 69,823?

After a few moments he said, "3,342,077,895."

She took another step back, her eyes wide in panic. "No, no, no, no."

"What's the matter?"

She started pacing back and forth. "No, this is impossible.. I'm not ready.. I'm not ready!"

"What? Tell me?" He held her again.

"Rodney, we have the Bond. It already formed between us. But it shouldn't happen this fast. It can't. It's backwards.."

"Whoa, stop. What's a 'Bond'?"

She started pacing again. "It's wrong.. the order is backwards. How? We haven't even.. well.."

"Huh? Haven't what?"

She looked at him sheepishly. "Do I need to explain it?"

"Oh. Oh! You mean, we haven't, uh, that?"

She blushed, "Yes.."

She started fretting again. "It's too soon. Oh dear.. uh.. maybe there's still time." She rushed up to him. "Rodney, we really need to talk. I mean we REALLY need to talk. Right now, before anything else happens."

"Okay. Sure. Go ahead."

She looked around. "No, not here. Things might, uh.. Not outside. Oh.. I can't take you to my.. uh.."

He grinned. "Your lair?"

"Oh stop it! You know that place is forbidden. I'm serious! All right, let's go to your quarters. Oh, I just hope no one sees us."

"Uh sure. It's kinda messy though."

She grabbed his hand. "Let's go. Hurry."


He opened the door to his quarters and they went inside. He closed the door behind him.

She felt it. "Rodney.. that.. uh, oh my, I didn't realize. Do all human males have an urge that strong?"

He looked embarrassed. "We're alone now, and I can't help thinking about it. I'm really sorry."

She held her hand to her head. "It's affecting me.. your thoughts. Quick, sit on the bed. We need to talk, I mean really talk, before this goes any further."

He sat next to her. "Okay."

"Rodney, we have some big problems. Uhm.. oh.."

{ Meredith, I love you, but look at me. }

"Yeah, you're beautiful. And I can tell that you.. Wow, I can feel it. You like me that much?"

{ Yes, I do. But you aren't listening. I said LOOK at me. Look! }

"Okay. You're gorgeous."

{ No! I mean my appearance! This is how I look! This is how I will always look! I will never change. I will never age. My appearance is fixed. }

"Okay. Awesome."

{ Rodney, you don't understand. Lanteans mate for life. Once we cross that.. that line.. there's no going back, you understand? So what happens when you are 50? 60? 70? When your hair turns white? Well, what's left of it.. }

"Ha ha."

{ I'm being serious! What happens when you get wrinkly and old and I still look like, well, like this? }

"Is that a problem for you?"

{ For me? No, of course not. I love you, and I always will. }

"Then it's fine."

{ But.. }

"Hey, everybody will think I'm an old rich guy with a trophy wife or something. It's cool."

{ All right. But what about how I was made? I'm not even sure what I am exactly. I still think I'm probably a robot, one with all sorts of weird wiring. Meredith, whatever I am, I know I'm not a real person. }

He held her while they were still sitting on the bed together. "Oh you are definitely a person. You're full of doubts and worries. You get scared. You're as human as I am. And you are oh so definitely a woman. You're a beautiful, amazing, awesome woman, who is so smart and beautiful and makes my mind spin so much that I swear I must still be dreaming. I love every minute of every day that I'm with you, and I want to be with you the rest of my life. Look, I know you're kind of young and inexperienced with some of this, but.."

{ That's the other thing. My age. }

"Well, yeah, so you're 10,000 years old. So what? I don't care. But you're actually what, about 20 or so?"

She looked down. { No. }

"How old are you?"

{ I grew up in 12 months. After my people left I stayed in the stasis pod most of the time. }

"Oh.. I see. So you're *really* young. I hope you're legal, heh, because I'm not a pedo.."

{ Ha ha. No. Look, at some point I went mad and I don't remember much. But I do remember that just before I entered the pod for the last time I took a chronometer reading, then I subtracted the log time for the stasis pod from it. }

"Okay, what was the difference?"

{ About 400 years. }

He stared at her. "What?"

{ I don't feel 400 years old. Nothing happened for years and years. I just wandered the dark hallways back and forth like a ghost. I had no new experiences, no new memories. I don't feel psychologically that old. But you need to know that biologically I am over ten times older than you are. }

"I swear you don't look a day over 200. Okay, fine. So you're a cougar. Hey, I'm cool with that. Fits the cat motif too."

{ Meredith, there's also my duty. I'm still the Guardian of Atlantis. That will not change. I have a solemn duty that I am obligated to fulfill. You have to understand, and you have to agree, that if a situation arises where I am forced to choose between saving the city and saving you.. }

He interrupted her. "You save the city. Otherwise I will be very pissed."

{ Oh good, I'm glad you understand. }

"And if a situation arises where I have to choose between saving the everyone in the city or saving you, I'll save the city."

{ Good. Because otherwise I would get very angry with you... }

"Oh, oh, let me finish the line! 'And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.' Heh."

"Is that a reference to something?"

"Nevermind. Anything else?"

{ Uhm.. one more thing.. }

"Shoot."

{ I.. I don't know if I can give you children. }

He blinked his eyes. "Huh?"

{ I know. This is embarrassing. I know that I have all the right body parts, but it was never intended for me.. and we're genetically different.. }

McKay made a face. "Ick, I hate kids."

{ You'll love kids. Your own at least. I know it. }

"No I won't! I hate kids!"

{ You just think you do. I know you. You're a child at heart too, and I know that you would be a wonderful father. Especially if it was a boy. I can already imagine you playing with toy blocks on the carpet with your son, showing him how to build a cantilevered bridge at age 2. I can share my mental image of you in that very scene. I think it's rather funny and cute. }

"Oh geez.."

{ No, I agree with you, now is not the time. Not here, not now. Not while we are at war. }

"Okay. Well, is there anything else you need to confess before this barrel goes over the waterfall?"

"Uh.. I don't think so. Remember, under Lantean law we will be a legally mated pair. The Bond will cement, and this will be forever."

"Okay. But this is a mixed marriage. If we do this, I think we gotta do this right."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, normally I'd take you to Las Vegas and we'd go to The Chapel of Love. Fast and easy, nice and quick."

He surprised her. "Are you talking about human marriage?"

"Sure, why not? Like I said, if we're doing this we should do it right. 'Till death do us part' and all that. You said this is for life, right?"

She touched his face. "Oh yes.."

"Plus you get great government benefits. Man, you should see the size of my life insurance policy."

"It won't matter." She looked down. "Honestly, I don't think either of us is going to survive this war."

"Then we're in it together. I'll watch your back, and you watch mine. Just don't scratch me too hard with those kitty claws, okay?"

She laughed and hugged him.


Weir's office was a bit crowded with McKay, Sheppard, the Guardian, her bridesmaid Laura Cadman, Teyla, Lorne, Zelenka, and Weir all in attendance.

Kurosawa's homily was nearing its end.

"Throughout the ages, man has tried to define 'love'. Poems, songs, and books all have been written trying to describe this little four letter word. But the best description I have found comes from God Himself, since He is the Author of love. In His Word in First Corinthians, Chapter 13, it describes the kind of love that must characterize your lives if you are to live in joy and harmony and honor with each other, and also before God. Listen to what it says:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

"These are true words of wisdom. They transcend both time and space, for they are eternal and everlasting."

Kurosawa then addressed the happy couple directly. "Rodney and Sara, since you have consented together in holy matrimony, and have pledged yourselves to each other by your solemn vows and by the giving of rings, and have declared your commitment of love before God and these witnesses, I now pronounce you husband and wife in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Those whom God hath joined together, let no man separate."

She smiled. "Rodney, you may kiss the bride."

He did. Everyone cheered. The happy couple turned as Kurosawa announced, "I am happy to introduce to you all Mr. Rodney McKay and Mrs. Sara McKay." Another cheer.

Sheppard said. "Well, it's about damn time. Rodney, Sara, congrats." The best man shook McKay's hand and hugged the bride. The rest did their own hugs and handshakes in turn.

After that Sheppard asked, "So, 'Sara', huh?"

McKay explained, "Yeah. I picked it. It's source is a secret."

Sheppard nodded. "It works. I like it."

"Well I'm glad we got your blessing on the name. I guess that makes it official, right?"

Weir walked over. "It is. I already entered Sara McKay into the official staff roster."

Sara asked, "My official title will still be The Guardian of Atlantis?"

"Of course."

Just then Weir's radio crackled.

"Doctor Weir?"

She tapped her mic. "What is it, Chuck?"

"I am sorry to interrupt, but the long range sensors just picked up something."

"What is it?"

"A fleet of Wraith hive ships is heading in this direction. About one week out."

"All right, thank you. We'll be right out."

Sara gave Rodney a sardonic look. "So much for our honeymoon. Let's go."

He kept complaining as they walked out together. "You know, this just is my luck. I mean seriously, how come I never catch a break around here.."


A/N:

* Feles=kitty, tigris=tiger, alba=white, sara=jump (also latin salire)

** In this story words enclosed in [brackets] are elisions to bleep-out swear words or to redact text.