Lana's palms were sweating with anxiety. The room seemed to be closing in on her, making her feel stuffy and nervous. Her eyes scanned the room frantically, though she wasn't looking for anything in particular. Her heart raced in her chest, and her hands were slightly shaking. She tried so hard to keep her composure and remain calm, but her attempts were unfruitful.
"You okay?" Elliot asked, noting the odd condition she was in as he sat across from her in a nice restaurant. It was the first time they had truly gone out on a formal date, and he was afraid she was freaking out because of it.
"Mhm," she muttered, nodding her head briefly, trying to convince him she was fine.
But she wasn't fine. She was sober.
Once she and Elliot made up, she stopped meeting up with Bert, afraid of another confrontation between the two men. Which was fine for a while. But she had since run out of drugs, all of her drugs, and she was having a hard time coping. She wondered if she was going through withdrawal, making her even more panicky with the thought that she was an actual drug addict, instead of just someone who had a recreational habit.
"You don't really seem okay," he noted, picking at the food on his plate with a fork.
"I am," she replied, taking a sip of water in an attempt to relax. Her hand shook as she brought the glass to her lips.
"Is this because we're out in public?" He asked.
Lana looked up at him curiously then swallowed the water in her mouth. "Not at all. Why?"
"I don't know," he answered with a shrug. "It's the first time we've gone on a proper date."
"It's not that," she reassured him, shaking her head.
"You just seem sad or scared," he reiterated, unwilling to drop the subject.
"Aren't I always either sad or scared?" She responded, mostly joking, though the answer was a definite 'yes'.
He stared at her, noting that she was beginning to calm down. A small smile was tugging at her lips out of habit, trying to show proof that she was okay, but her deep brown eyes told a different story; they held a strong sadness.
He knew why she was typically sad or scared or both. He knew that she wasn't stupid and that she knew her life was empty and hollow. He reminded himself of his goal to help her find her solace and happiness in life.
"Why don't you find something fun to do during the day?" He wondered as he picked at the food on his plate again. "I think staying home by yourself all day is starting to bring you down." He wasn't lying. He certainly blamed the drugs and her lack of significance in life for her spiraling mood, but he imagined it would probably improve if she didn't spend so much time cooped up alone in her large apartment all day.
"Like what?" She asked as she took a small bite of her food.
"Anything," he answered. "You just need something fun or exciting to look forward to. Something positive to keep you occupied."
He tried to choose his words carefully, not wanting to insult her or imply that her life wasn't meaningful or important, but she understood where he was coming from and was not offended by his suggestions.
"I just never stick with anything," she explained, her hands still shaking as she took another sip of water. "I'll find something fun to do here and there, but I never stick with it. I just end up back in my apartment snorting coke."
"Jesus, Lana," Elliot choked out with a small laugh at her crassness in public. "Don't say that so loud."
Lana simply shrugged, unfazed by the thought of anyone knowing she did drugs. Elliot was more concerned with the fact that he was a cop who didn't do a damn thing to the girl sitting across from him who just admitted she snorted cocaine.
"Just...trust yourself," he told her, directing the conversation back to its original topic. "Trust that you'll find something positive to do with your time. Trust that you won't end up back in your apartment doing destructive things, even if that's what you want to be doing."
She sighed as she stared into his gentle green eyes. They spoke for him so well; they were so genuine and kind and caring, just as he was. She could tell he truly wanted her to be productive and happy, and it was an odd feeling that she never got used to. She wasn't used to people caring about her like he did. She knew certain people loved her and cared about her but not like Elliot did.
"What?" He asked, noticing that she was still staring at him.
"I love you," she blurted.
A smile spread across his face as he replied, "I love you too, sweet girl."
As Lana's smile slowly faded, Elliot suddenly realized why she was so fidgety and weird – she was sober. He sighed, knowing she was probably in pain and going through slight withdrawal.
His mouth curved downward into a slight frown. It was a good thing that she was sober, of course, but withdrawal was a bad sign. He prayed that her bad habit was not getting worse.
"Now you're the one who looks sad," she commented, taking a bite of her food.
"Nah," he replied, shaking his head. He tried to come up with an excuse for the turn in his emotion when he noticed the gold locket hanging from her neck. "I just realized you were wearing the necklace I found."
She glanced down at it then smiled up at him proudly. "Yeah, I never take it off. I love it."
"Good," he responded, nodding.
Though the necklace wasn't made for her, she still considered it a gift from Elliot. She often stared at the people in the pictures in the locket, imagining what their lives were like. She had done a little research on the date, which she found out was during the Great Depression, so she figured whoever bought the locket must've had a lot of money, because hardly anyone would've been able to afford a gold necklace at the time.
She imagined the girl in the locket to be like her – sort of a princess who answered to no one. And she imagined the guy to be like Elliot – a tough guy who was merciful to his woman.
Regardless of whoever they used to be in real life, they were representations of Lana and Elliot now, hanging around her neck as a constant reminder of their love.
