Alex starts to wake up. Without even opening her eyes she knows she is snuggled up to Casey. She snuggles in closer to her girlfriend listening to her steady heartbeat and breathing. She smells so good like her peach flower scented lotion and this smell that was just well Casey. Suddenly Alex remembers that they have or possibly had company and sits up and looks out the window. It was dark outside now, was anyone left at the house or had she scared them all away with her breakdown. The last thing she could remember was coming inside after Elliot and Olivia told a story about Casey she was upset and started to cry and Casey brought her to the bedroom to calm down, she must have fallen asleep.

Quietly climbing out of bed to not wake Casey she walked out into the living room. She could hear people talking in the kitchen so she started in that direction. But before she reached the swinging door she heard Casey call her name.

"Alex."

"Hey," Alex said turning around, "Did I wake you?"

Casey shook her head, "No, but I wish you had. We need to talk."

"I know, but it sounds like our friends are getting ready to leave," Alex replies motioning to the voices on the other side of the door, "I want to apologize before they go."

"You don't have to apologize Alex, I already talked to Kathy. They understand." Casey started but was interrupted.

"Don't tell me what to do Casey! I can make my own decisions. I don't need you to take care of me!" Alex screamed catching Casey completely off guard. Casey paled at Alex's reaction, and could hear her friends voices stop abruptly in the kitchen probably now fully aware of the two being awake. Alex shook her head, "Casey, I am sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

"Whatever Alex," Casey said sighing, "I…I am going to go take a shower. Do whatever you want to."

"Casey," Alex started but was cut off by the bedroom door closing effectively ending the conversation. Alex took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. She couldn't figure out why she had gotten so mad at Casey and so quickly. Why did she react that way? Casey was only trying to help her. Casey was right Alex needed professional help, because at this rate she was going to drive Casey away. Casey could tolerate a lot, but yelling, well that was more like screaming, was not one of them it was a huge raw spot for her because of Charlie. That was the worst part Alex knew she had scared Casey.

Turning and walking into the kitchen Alex was greeted by their friends all wide eyed and looking right at her. She suddenly wished she could just disappear. It was apparent that some felt bad for her and some, well Kim, wanted to hurt her.

Taking a breath Alex began, "I just wanted to come in and say I am sorry for earlier. I hope you all had a good time and drive safely on your way home. Maybe we can cook dinner for you one night to make up for today. I promise it will be a lot less eventful," pausing to look in everyone's eyes she added, "now if you will excuse me I have to go apologize to my amazing girlfriend for being an ass."

Elliot caught her arm as she walked back into the living room. Looking directly into Alex's eyes he said, "Alex, I want you to know everything you are dealing with is normal."

"What do you mean Elliot? Please explain how breaking down in a hysterical mess and scaring my girlfriend normal." Alex asks with a look of confusion on her face.

"It's all PTSD Alex. There are varying degrees. I saw lots of guys in the service suffer from it."

"I thought that I was over it," Alex said more to herself, "I know I had it to some degree in Wisconsin, but that was mostly nightmares, depression, and flashbacks, nothing like what I am experiencing now. Even the nightmares are different."

"It's the name of the game Cabot." Elliot sighs.

"Well, I have got to do something about it. I won't tolerate scaring or possibly hurting Casey. I think I am going to see a therapist or something. All I know is something has to change I can't keep going like this tonight was a wakeup call." Alex says more to herself than to Elliot.

"I hope you do, it will help. Well, I will let you go to Casey we have a drive ahead of us."

"Thank you Elliot."

Giving her a hug Elliot replies, "Anytime Alex. I am just so happy you are back."

Watching Elliot walk out of the room Alex sat down on the couch to collect her thoughts and words before approaching Casey. She needed to make this better she needed to be better. Never before the shooting did Alex question whether or not she was good enough for Casey it wasn't out of vanity or anything it was just she fully believed that they were meant for each other, but right now she questioned it. How could she be right for Casey if she was capable of hurting her? Even though Alex knew she couldn't control her own emotions right now she still felt responsible for her actions and right now her actions hurt the woman she loved more than anyone or anything in this world.

Getting dressed after her shower Casey kept replaying Alex's words in her head. She didn't know what she had done to set off the blonde and honestly that's what scared her. Alex's words didn't hurt so much because Casey knew that Alex didn't mean them and that Alex was currently an emotional mess, but the not knowing what set off her anger filled explosion reminded her way to much of Charlie. That's how everything began with Charlie and Casey couldn't go back to living in fear like that again. Something had to change and fast. Granted Casey didn't think Alex would ever lay a hand on her in a violent manner like Charlie.

Opening the door to the living room Casey saw Alex sitting on the couch head in her hands. Casey could see just how broken Alex looked at this moment. Walking over to her and sitting on the couch she said, "Alex, we need to talk."

"I-I can't not yet," Alex replied with her head still in her hands, "I need to find all the right words first. I-I want you to know exactly what I am feeling and to hear my thoughts just right. It is really important to me Casey that you hear me just right."

"O-Ok, can I hold you until then?" Casey asks wanting to comfort the troubled blonde.

At this statement Alex looks up at her, "I don't deserve to be comforted by you."

Casey doesn't even offer a response she just pulls Alex into her arms holding her tight against her chest. Alex starts to cry, "I am so sorry Casey, I am so so sorry." Casey just keeps holding on to Alex, she doesn't know exactly what to say and the things that come directly to mind probably won't help right now.

Finally Alex takes a breath and pulls out of Casey's embrace. Drying her eyes she looks at Casey. "Okay," Alex starts, "I am ready."

Casey shakes her head and says, "Okay, please start."

"Before we went on our first real date you told me and trusted me with your story of surviving the mess with Charlie. When we started dating I promised to never treat you like that to never scare you like Charlie did and to my knowledge I never had until tonight. I saw the look in your eyes, the look on your face as I screamed at you tonight," Alex paused to wipe her now steadily falling tears, "I broke my promise and I am so incredibly sorry for that Casey. I love you more than anything Casey and I will forever be sorry that I scared you that I gave you reason to be afraid of me."

Taking a breath to steady her voice she continued, "I want to promise you that I will never do anything like that again, but I can't not right now at least because I am broken Casey. I am getting better thanks to you, but I am still broken. But what I can promise you is that I am going to get help, treatment whatever it takes even if I have to commit myself. I will make sure I get better so this never happens again. I want to be with you Casey, I want to marry you and have children with you, and if I lost you I wouldn't have a reason to go on. If you need me to go until I am better I will go but I want you to know that even though I can't promise you I won't do it again right now that I am going to get help so it never happens again."

Casey was now crying as she finally spoke, "I don't want you to go Alex. I do want you to get help though, but I don't ever want to be without you again. I love you and I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you too, but you have to get help first. I will be with you every step of the way."

Alex leans her head against Casey, both women crying as they loosely hold onto each other. Finally Casey moves her hand to Alex's chin lifting her head softly so she can look in her eyes, without saying a word she leans forward and softly kisses Alex. She pulls back just enough to look in her eyes again and whispers, "I love you Alexandra," and kisses her again this time parting her lips enough to run her tongue lightly across Alex's lower lip gaining access to Alex's mouth. Their kiss becomes heated quickly with their flooding emotions taking over. Alex pulls Casey onto her lap, Casey moving to straddle Alex's waist as they pull each other closer.

Finally Casey breaks the kiss, "Make love to me Alex."

Alex looks into Casey's eyes, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, please. Please Alex make love to me I need to feel you I need you to make me feel good."

Alex nods kissing Casey again and kissing down her neck only pulling away to pull off Casey's shirt and remove her bra. The sight of Casey's exposed chest causes Alex to lick her lips as her eyes darken with want quickly she tilts Casey back just enough to be able to easily take a nipple in her mouth. Casey's lets out a hiss as the sensation takes over she bucks her hips into Alex trying to gain more pleasure. Alex nips the hard nipple between her teeth running the tip of her tongue in random patterns over it.

"Oh God Alex, I need more please," Casey pleads.

Alex lets go, "Stand up. Take off your pants and underwear."

Casey does as told standing now naked in front of Alex her breathing is ragged, "P-please Alex, touch me."

Alex scoots to the edge of the couch and pulls Casey to stand right in front of her. Casey's hot center is right in front of her mouth. Lifting one of Casey's long legs to rest on her shoulder Alex leans in and begins running her tongue through Casey's waiting wetness. "Oh God yes, oh yes," Casey cries out tangling her hands in Alex's hair to pull her closer.

Alex sucks Casey's clit into her mouth running her teeth and tongue over the bundle of nerves. Casey's cries of pleasure fill the room. Knowing that Casey is close Alex enters her with two fingers curving them slightly to hit Casey's g-spot as she moves her fingers in and out. It doesn't take long for Casey to come crying out Alex's name.

Falling into Alex's arms Casey kisses Alex briefly still trying to regain her breath. "Oh my…that was…amazing." Casey pants.

Alex smiles placing another kiss to Casey's lips, "Ready for bed?"

"I am ready to have you in bed," Casey says with a smirk.

Alex licks her lips, "Then by all means lead the way."

Rising off Alex, Casey walks into the bedroom sitting on the edge of the bed she watches Alex undress. "You are so gorgeous," Casey says pulling Alex down onto the bed with her, "Now my turn."

Just as quickly as she says those three words she has Alex and her in a sitting position, Alex straddling Casey's slightly parted thighs. One of Casey's hands is on Alex's lower back in a supporting fashion and the other is ever so lightly dancing over Alex's slick folds. The sensation causes Alex to suck in a breath as Casey begins to lick and nip at Alex's nipples playfully. As Casey sucks one stiff bud into her mouth flicking her tongue over it she grazes her thumb lightly over Alex's clit causing Alex to let out a deep throated hiss and buck her hips trying to get more access to Casey. Casey smiles and lets the nipple pop out of her mouth as she looks up at Alex. "Can I help you Counselor?" Casey asks knowingly.

"More Casey," Alex whines. Casey takes the other nipple in her mouth biting it lightly and licking it before saying, "like that?"

"No," Alex whines. Casey smiles and run her finger lightly through Alex's wetness up to her clit and rubs a light circle over it gaining a loud pleasurable cry from Alex. "Like that?" Casey asks.

"Yes, Casey, more…" Alex pleads. Casey repeats the movement three more times feeling Alex becoming wetter with each stroke. Alex rocks into Casey's fingers every time Casey touches her clit, she is desperate for release. Seeing how on edge the blonde is Casey pulls her fingers from Alex and sucks them into her mouth relishing the taste. Alex's eyes deepen with want even more watching Casey actions. Finally the blonde begs, "Casey inside please."

With that Casey slides two fingers quickly into Alex's wet core leaving her thumb pressed firmly against Alex's clit and starts pumping her curved fingers in and out of Alex. Alex begins to rock against Casey's fingers as she cries out, "Oh Christ, Casey yes, just like that." Casey feels the blonde leaning back slightly as Casey helps to hold her into place with her other hand while continuing to thrust in and out of Alex. Alex's moans of pleasure are loud and breathtaking, and Casey can feel her walls tightening around her fingers she knows she is close but needs more so Casey adds a third finger as she works Alex's g-spot effectively sending Alex crashing over the edge chanting Casey's name.

Casey holds Alex against her as she comes down from her high. Then they both fall back on the bed panting. "Jesus, Casey," Alex tries to speak while catching her breath, "That was…wow…unbelievable."

Casey smiles and kisses Alex softly pulling her close into her. Softly she says, "I love you Alex."

"I love you too Casey." Alex whispers falling asleep holding onto Casey.