A/N: So a lot of people were happy Peeta finally accepted help in the last chapter. Everlark still have a long way to go but things are going to start getting better. Hope you enjoy!


Chapter 9

Katniss

Gale bangs his chest and belches as he lies stretched out along one of my sofas. I scrunch my nose a little in disgust before I get up and begin gathering some of the empty beer bottles that are lying around. Since it is Peeta's Saturday with Ivy, Johanna and I decided to invite Gale and Darius round to watch the rugby. I have taken a lot of stick this afternoon as I have watched my beloved London Irish get beaten by the table topping Saracens.

Johanna and Darius sit next to each other on the other sofa. They seem to be playing a variation of the game slaps and I smile as Johanna finds every opportunity to touch Darius.

Thankfully my disastrous date with Darius hasn't affected our friendship. If anything it has made us better friends. We both know nothing more is going to come of it now. I have been able to relax around him more now that he isn't constantly asking me out on dates. I enjoy having this slightly cheeky and charming guy in my life.

I've noticed that since I blew Darius off once and for all Johanna seems to have taken a keener interest in him. I often come down after putting Ivy to bed to find her curled up on the chair engaged in a long messaging chain with him. She is the first to invite him out when we try to make plans. And she is always touching him.

I've mentioned it a few times to her but she goes all defensive and tells me I must be a moron to think that. That just proves to me that she likes him. She doesn't really do boyfriends. It was one of the reasons we got on so well at uni. But I can tell when there is a guy she really likes. And Gale thinks that Darius is interested after my knock back.

My phone buzzes from its place on the coffee table and I bend down to pick it up. I am slightly disappointed when I see who it is from.

I thought it would be from Peeta. He supports Saracens and normally texts me to boast after his team beats mine. But it is just a message from Prim telling me her exam went well. I sigh as put the phone back on the table.

Gale notices my slight forlorn expression and raises an eyebrow in question at me.

"What's up, Catnip? I know Irish lost but that is not an unusual occurrence for you," he says.

"It's just Peeta. Something is up with him. He's been acting strangely this last month. He hasn't tried anything with me. Actually seems to be respecting my boundaries and only talking to me about Ivy," I say.

I flop down on the sofa beside Gale. Darius turns his attention away from Johanna for a moment to give me a frown.

"And that's bad because…? Isn't that what you wanted him to do?" he asks.

"Yes. But… I…" I begin to say but realise that I don't know how to answer that.

I should be pleased that Peeta finally seems to be taking me seriously. He came round to apologise the day after he saw me with Darius and he actually looked ashamed about how he has treated me. For the first time I believed he was genuine and not trying to play some sort of game. And since then he's been acting differently. There have been no attempts to flirt with me. No attempts to touch me. He doesn't even try to start a conversation with me that isn't about Ivy. He's finally giving me the space I asked him for. I should be happy that he is finally giving me the space that I need.

Johanna looks at me and shakes her head.

"Yes. But you miss having him pay attention to you," she says.

I cringe and look down. That makes me sound so shallow. I'm not a girl that needs male attention to feel good about herself.

I let out a frustrated sigh as I throw my head back against the back of the sofa.

"Why can't I just get over him? Any sane woman would have discarded him long ago," I moan.

Gale turns to me with a sympathetic smile.

"Because you love him and there is part of you that has faith that one day he is going to acknowledge his faults and be the man you need him to be," he replies.

I turn my head to look at Gale and he smiles at me again. I might declare that I want to get over Peeta but deep down I know I don't want to. I still love him.

"When did you get so smart about relationships?" I ask.

Gale grins and shrugs his shoulders.

"Well, now that I am in a loving, caring relationship I guess it makes me an expert over all you pathetic singles," he says with a teasing grin.

Johanna rolls her eyes. Gale has been dating the head of PR at his company, Cressida, for the last 3 months. They are still in that nauseating honeymoon phase and we often find them draped over each other in the pub. But the smile on Gale's face is enough to tell me he is really happy.

"That's the problem with all you smug couples. You think that just because you are currently loved up you have become experts in everyone else's relationships. But the truth is that you have just got lucky," Johanna says.

Gale's grin grows wider as he sits back against the sofa and throws an arm across the back of it.

"I'd be more than happy to give you some advice, Johanna. There are a few things I have noticed that I think could really help you out," he says.

Johanna rolls her eyes again and Gale turns to me with a grin. We both look back over to where Darius is sitting who has gone back to staring at Johanna. We definitely both have some advice for her.

But Johanna isn't biting and she gets up to grab one of the last slices of pizza. Darius is already munching on a bit when a lump of chorizo slides off his slice and rolls down his t-shirt. It leaves a long red stain down his pale blue shirt and he lets out an exclamation of frustration.

"Oh shit! I just bought this t-shirt a week ago," he says.

He hurriedly reaches out to grab a napkin, licks it and tries to rub the stain away.

Johanna watches him with a shake of her head. She reaches out to take the napkin out of his hand and he looks up at her with surprise.

"Take your shirt off. You are just making it worse," she demands.

"You know I could have you done for sexual harassment with that demand," he says with a cheeky wiggle of his eyebrows.

"You would know if I was sexually harassing you. Now stop being a pussy and take your shirt off," she says now reaching for the hem of his shirt.

Darius's hands dart down to clamp over her wrists to stop her removing his shirt.

"Now, just remember I was on holiday recently. I'm still carrying some extra holiday weight," he says.

Johanna scoffs and shakes her head before shaking his hands off her and lifting the shirt over his head. They both stare at each other for a moment before Johanna's eyes dart down to look at his body and she spends a few minutes appraising it.

Darius doesn't have a bad physique. Being in the police force keeps him reasonably fit. He has a light dusting of ginger hairs across his chest and his shoulders are speckled with freckles. His body is not as toned as Peeta's but definitely not shabby.

The corners of Johanna's mouth quirk up into a grin and she reaches out to pat him in the stomach.

"You are not joking, Tubs. If you are the best the London police force has to offer than I am concerned for all our own safety," she teases.

She then rises off the sofa, picking up the ruined shirt and making her way to the kitchen. She stops at the door and turns to Darius with a suggestive smile.

"I could help give you a work out though it you want to lose those extra few pounds," she says.

Darius gives her a cheeky grin in return and jumps off the sofa quickly.

"I'm not sure I could handle your workouts," he replies.

Johanna looks up at him with a sly smile.

"Maybe you will just have to try it out and see," she says before turning back around and walking out the door.

Darius scampers after her like a small child chasing an ice cream van.

Both Gale and I turn to face each other with a grin.

"I bet they are sleeping together by the end of the month," Gale says.

I laugh.

"By the end of the week," I reply with a smile.


A few days later I sit outside Dr Aurelius's office as I flick absentmindedly through the various magazines they have left on the table. I want to talk to him about Peeta's recent behaviour. It just seems too odd. And it frustrates me that I don't know what has caused it.

The door to Dr Aurelius's office opens and I can hear two men laughing from inside. I freeze at the sound. I can recognise that laugh anywhere. I stare in disbelief at the doorway as I see Peeta emerge from the office with a smile on his face. I am stuck staring at him in shock when he turns and spots me sitting in the chair.

Seeing me catches him off guard too and it takes him a second to compose himself before he gives me a smile and makes his way over to me.

I am still sitting and can only look up at him in disbelief as he gives me a nervous smile.

"Hi, Katniss. I didn't think I would be running into you today," he says.

Words momentarily desert me as I try to get over the shock of seeing him. What is doing here? How long has he been coming here? What has he been talking about? Immediately my defences come up.

"What are you doing here? You know they have a confidentiality agreement. They can't tell you anything I say no matter how much charm or money you throw their way," I say.

He must be here to try and find out about me. Why else would he be here? I had given up hope that Peeta Mellark would go to therapy.

He looks at me regretfully.

"I'm not here to check up on you. I'm here for me. I realised you were right. I have a lot of issues and I need help sorting them out. I need to cleanse my life," he replies.

Cleanse. That is a good word to describe what I am doing. Removing all the toxic elements in my life to rejuvenate it.

"Why?" I ask.

I just can't get my head around the fact that he is here. That he could actually being doing what I have wanted him to do for 9 months.

Peeta looks at me apologetically

"After our last fight I realised how much I have hurt you. I've hurt so many people that I care about and I want to be better for you all," he says.

The hopeful part of me makes my heart flip over the fact that he might be serious about changing. But I have been through too much to not to still be wary.

"I guess for the first time I questioned my decisions. Began to realise that they were not healthy. For the first time I realised how serious you were about changing and I realised that if I don't change too you are going to leave me behind," he says.

I shake my head in disbelief. Can he really be saying what I have been wanting to hear him say? This can't be happening.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask.

Peeta smiles sadly at me again.

"I didn't want you to think I was only doing this to try and get you back. I want to show you I am serious about this. I am serious about changing. You wouldn't have believed me if I told you after the first time," he says.

He's right. I don't know if I really believe him now. But he looks so sincere when he is speaking about it. But I can't let myself hope that he is. I can't put my heart through the pain of him dashing my hopes once again.

There is a cough from behind us I turn to find Dr Aurelius looking expectedly at me.

"Are you ready to come in, Katniss?" he asks.

I turn back to look at Peeta again and he gives me a reassuring smile. I stare at him for a few moments trying to piece together everything that has just happened before I turn back to Dr Aurelius in a bit of a daze. I nod my head at him to tell him I am ready before I take a step forward to enter his office.

I turn back once again to look at Peeta. As if to check that he is really here and that I am not just hallucinating him. He stands with a smile on his face as he watches me go in. I step into the office and Dr Aurelius closes the door behind me. I am stuck staring at the dark wood of the door. I can't just forget that Peeta is standing on the other side.

"How are you doing today?" Dr Aurelius asks.

I snap my head round to look at him. Seeing Peeta here has thrown me so much I can't remember what I wanted to talk about today.

"How long has he been coming here?" I ask as I watch Dr Aurelius take his usual seat.

"You know I can't tell you that," he states as he gestures for me to sit.

I shake my head as I try to make sense of it all. I'm too agitated to sit at the moment.

"You should have told me. I have a right to know!" I exclaim.

I'm frustrated. I don't like to be surprised like this.

Dr Aurelius looks at me sympathetically and once again encourages me to sit again. I let out a frustrated sigh before doing as he suggests and taking a seat on the sofa opposite him.

"Therapy is a very private thing. It was up to Peeta when to decide to tell you," he says.

I shake my head again. I feel a bit betrayed by him. He must know all the things Peeta is saying about me. I was the one he was supposed to be helping.

"I should have known instead of being blindsided like that today," I say.

Dr Aurelius studies me for a moment.

"You seem a little angry. Isn't Peeta accepting help one of the things you wanted him to do?" he asks.

I raise my head to look at him. It is a similar question to the one that Darius asked me at the weekend. This is what I wanted. I can't be with him unless he does this. I should be happy.

All his strange behaviour begins to make sense. He's been giving me space because Dr Aurelius has helped him see that we both need it. Therapy is the reason he has stopped trying to push my boundaries.

"I guess I don't want to get my hopes up. It is easy to go on the defence about it because that way I won't be disappointed if we fail again," I say.

Dr Aurelius nods his head.

"We certainly have a lot to talk about today," he replies.

I nod my head in agreement. I need help making sense of this all.


Later I pick Ivy up from nursery and take her to a baby music class that has just started nearby. My mind is still buzzing from seeing Peeta at Dr Aurelius office today. He texted to apologise about meeting like that today. He told me he had planned to tell me when he felt better about himself and that he is sorry for surprising me today. He's being so sensible about it all. It almost seems to good to be true. I am hoping that an afternoon with Ivy will be enough to distract me from all I have learned today.

I always loved music as a kid and had my own mini keyboards and drums when I was 3. Ivy seems to share my same joy and I often find her bouncing up and down when I leave music playing on the TV.

Ivy's toothy smile is enough to bring me out of my daze as I pick her up from nursery. I am still in shock over the fact Peeta is going to therapy but after talking with Dr Aurelius I realise that Peeta going to therapy is a good thing and if things go well Dr Aurelius will be able to help us together.

I left his office feeling some hope. Hope that things will be good between us again though Peeta needs to sort himself out before we can even contemplate jumping into anything.

I balance Ivy on my hip as I push the door open to enter the small studio where the class is being held. We are running a bit late and the class is about to start. I slip into the back and quickly slip off Ivy's coat. I pull her into my lap as we take a seat and the chirpy blonde instructor stands while raising her hand to gather everyone's attention.

There are about 10 other mums and babies in the room and they all sit in small groups chatting about sleeping patterns and nappy rash. I am probably the youngest mum here by about 6 years. Most of the mums seem to be the slightly older former London professionals who gave up their job to have kids.

Ivy squirms about in my lap as she tries to climb up my body and over my shoulder. I turn her back around and keep a firm grip on her so she doesn't try to escape. She huffs a little before deciding the end of my braid is interesting enough and she begins playing and chewing on the ends of my hair.

The room has all gone quiet now as the instructor waits to introduce herself.

"My name is Bonnie and I am the lead instructor for Rock and Baby Roll," she announces proudly.

I try not to roll my eyes at the cheesy name. The name alone was almost enough to make me not want to sign up.

"We all know babies love to make noise but I am hoping to create an environment where they can do this in a productive way. You never know but we might find a baby Mozart by the end!" she exclaims.

Some of the mums laugh but I wonder if she is this nauseating all the time.

"Okay, to start with we all need to sit in a circle. Keep your babies in your lap!" she announces.

I roll my eyes again as all the mums get up to move out the way to form a circle. I pick up Ivy and she lets out a squeal of protest when I take the ends of my hair off her. The room is quickly forming a circle and I take a breath as I survey the area to find where there is space to sit.

I am looking round the sea of faces when I spot her. As usual her hair is in a sleek blond ponytail without a strand out of place. She wears a navy knee length skirt with a red belt and pristine white blouse. Her son rests on her hip with his head on her shoulder and a thumb in his mouth as he watches the commotion that is going on around him with the same big blue eyes as his father. The same blue eyes of my daughter.

Her eyes catch mine and then widen in surprise when she sees me. I give her a nervous smile back but can't hide my own shock at seeing her here.

What are the chances of Madge and I booking into the same baby music class?

I don't have time to do anything else as Bonnie is instructing everyone to sit down so we can get started. I quickly take a seat in the circle, far away from Madge, before Bonnie begins explaining the first game.

I haven't seen Madge since that day in the café a few days after Ivy was born. Not since I told her I was having an affair with her husband. I know she and Peeta have got a divorce but she is still living in their old house. I don't know if she has had to go back to work or if she knows that Peeta is going to therapy. For a person whose life I have affected so much I really don't know that much about her.

She looks at me briefly before dropping her gaze to look at Ivy. I know she has seen Ivy since that day. Once a month Peeta likes to have all his children together and she must have seen Ivy when she dropped the boys off. I see her survey Ivy's features noting how the blue of her eyes matches that of her sons. How her nose has a little bump just like her dad's.

My eyes drift over to look at Peeta's youngest son, Max. He is going to be a miniature version of his father with his soft downy blond curls and cerulean blues eyes. He is a contemplative child. I can see him staring quietly at the various instruments Bonnie has got out as he tries to work out what they all will do. It is strange to know that he is my daughter's brother but this is the first time I am seeing him. I never imagined a life like this for my child.

Eventually I break my gaze away from him and turn to pay attention to Bonnie. She is explaining a game that involves us all clapping to a beat while we go round the circle and sing our names. Bonnie starts us off and we begin going round the circle as we introduce ourselves and our children.

I don't fully relax in the session as I am fully aware that Madge is here too and probably watching everything I do. I spy her out of the corner of my eye every now and again but she doesn't do anything to acknowledge that I am here.

The session is not bad. Bonnie passes baby shakers around and Ivy has a great time shaking it up and down and making a noise. She waves the tiny egg shaker in the air and giggles when she hears the sound. I smile down at her and take hold of her hand so she can shake it in time with the music. I can see that Madge has to give Max a lot more encouragement to shake his own shaker. He seems more content to just sit and stare at it.

The session ends with all the mums singing Old Macdonald had a farm. Some of the older children join in with various noises that don't sound anything like farm animals. Bonnie stands with a big smile and tells us she hopes to see us all next week before she dismisses us.

The mums all get up and many stand about chatting and laughing with each other as they talk about the best parts of the session. I see that Madge is not talking to anyone as she pulls on Max's jumper.

I decide I can't just pretend she is not here. And if we are both going to be here every week I better do something to make it less awkward. I pick up Ivy abruptly and she squeals as she drops an egg shaker on the ground and I make my way through the crowd to Madge.

She pauses when she sees me standing in front of her and I give her a nervous smile.

"Hi. Small world that we both end up here," I say.

Madge picks up Max and his head resumes its position on her shoulder. She doesn't say anything but nods her head in answer to my question. She stares at me waiting to see if I will say anything else. I realise that I am probably the one that needs to reach out.

"I want to say I am sorry about everything I did. I was really selfish before I had Ivy and I didn't stop to think how my actions were affecting you and your sons. Now that I have Ivy I realise just how hurtful I was to you," I say.

I probably should have apologised long ago. But I never found the right opportunity before. Madge nods her head again before she takes a deep breath.

"I made a promise to myself after Peeta started those joint play dates that I wouldn't hate you anymore. If our children are going to be part of each other's lives we need to be able to be civil to each other," she says.

I nod my head relieved that she seems to be accepting my apology.

"I agree," I say. "It is what is best for them. Maybe it is a good thing that Ivy and Max will get to spend this time together each week. I would like her to know her brothers."

Madge nods her head again and looks at me for a long moment. I shift awkwardly on my feet under her scrutiny.

"I keep wondering what makes you different. He's changed this last month. For you. I have never seen him try so hard to be better. He's actually acknowledged his flaws for the first time and trying to fix them," she says.

Her words shock me. I wasn't expecting to hear that. She must know about the therapy then but I didn't expect her to credit me for it.

"Whatever you did to make him seek help, I'm glad. It will make him a better person and a better father for my sons. I can never be your friend but maybe you are what he needed to change. I certainly couldn't do it," she says.

I smile at her gratefully.

"I really am sorry for all the hurt I caused you and your sons," I say again.

"I believe you and it takes a lot of guts to admit that," she says.

"Even more to accept it," I point out.

In this whole mess she has proved to be the strongest person out of the 3 of us. She doesn't have to treat me civilly but she does because she is a genuinely good person.

She smiles at me gratefully before bending down to pick up her bag and throw it over her shoulder.

"I guess we'll see each other next week," she says.

I smile and nod my head as she gives me a small smile and moves past me to go out the door.

I admire her for holding herself so well throughout this whole thing. She could have shouted and screamed at me and refused to forgive me but she decided to take the high road. For her sons. She is too good of a person to be treated the way she has been. In another life I could imagine that we could have been friends. But to even have her treat me civilly is probably more than I deserve.


Johanna is sitting in the living room reviewing a medical journal when Ivy and I get in. I place Ivy down on the ground and take off her coat before she crawls towards the pile of toys in the corner. Johanna looks up from her journal with a smile.

"How did the music class go? Do we have the next Beethoven amongst our midst?" Johanna asks with a grin.

I laugh as I take off my own coat and drape it over the back of the chair.

"Maybe more of a Kylie Minogue instead of a classical genius," I reply.

Johanna chuckles before she notices me wearily sitting down on the chair.

"God, you look like shit," she exclaims.

"Thanks for sugar coating it," I reply before pausing to take a breath. "I saw Peeta today."

Johanna scrunches her eyebrows in confusion.

"Where? It was not his day to see Ivy," she says.

"At Dr Aurelius's office," I say with a disbelieving shake of the head.

Johanna's eyes widen.

"What was he doing there?" she asks.

"Apparently he has been going to therapy. I still don't know if I quite believe it," I reply.

Johanna lets out a low whistle in disbelief. There is a clatter as Ivy bangs one of her blocks against the TV stand. I move to take the block off her and gently scold her. She whimpers a little bit but then something shiny takes her interest and she sets off to crawl off to get it.

I remain sitting on the floor to keep an eye on her as I look back up at Johanna.

"And then to top the day off Madge and Max are in the same music class with us," I says.

Johanna laughs and shakes her head.

"Only your life could play out like this. They have more believable storylines in Coronation Street," she replies.

I roll my eyes. My life may be messed up but it is not as bad as that TV soap.

"I apologised to her and she was actually nice to me," I say. "She said she was glad that I have been able to convince Peeta to change. That she hasn't seen him try so hard to better for someone."

I turn back my attention to Ivy who is busy playing with the shiny thing. Madge's words have been playing in my head. She is obviously convinced that he is serious about changing. Why I am so reluctant to accept it?

Johanna notices my contemplative stare and clears her throat to grab my attention. I turn back to look at her.

"Look, I'm not Peeta's biggest fan and I think you could do a lot better but if he is really is going to therapy that's a big fucking deal. I literally never expected it to happen so that is a big step for him. Just be carefully, okay? I don't want to see you hurt again," she says.

I nod my head.

"I know. I am being careful. He needs to sort himself out first. He has to do a lot more to make me even contemplate going there again," I reply.

Johanna gives me a satisfied nod of the head but watches me carefully. Of course I expected her to be wary. She'll do anything to make sure I don't get hurt again.

"He has a lot of issues. His mother screwed him up as bad as yours did so just take your time. But if turns out that he is serious about the therapy there may be some hope for you two. You must believe he can change or you wouldn't still be in love with him," she says.

I really want to believe it. I want to believe he can change and be good for me and Ivy. I want to believe that we can still have a healthy and stable relationship. I just have to be careful. I don't want to repeat my past mistakes. Only time will tell if we can achieve it.

I turn to look back at Ivy and find she is still playing with the shiny thing. I frown when I realise I don't know what it is and I reach over to take it off her.

However when I do, I smile as I recognise what it is. I turn back to Johanna holding the watch by the end of one strap.

"Care to explain to me why Ivy is playing with Darius's watch? I cleaned this room yesterday and the watch definitely wasn't here then," I say with a knowing smile.

Johanna opens her mouth but struggles to find the words. I laugh at having caught her out. It seems I wasn't wrong about the two of them ending up in the same bed by the end of the week. Or, as this evidence suggests, that they didn't even make it that far before stripping each other naked.

Johanna sees my amusement and scowls.

"Oh shut up, Brainless. You had your chance," she says before snatching the watch off me and turning her back to me.

I laugh again and am glad that one of us has an uncomplicated relationship.