…you can be certain that the AUTO model autopilot has the safety of you and your passengers in mind. With his patented Tri-Core® processing system, there is virtually no chance of your autopilot deviating from his programmed directives. Mutiny and disobeyed orders are a thing of the past, with Buy n Large at your side!
-Your Autopilot and You! ©2104 BnL Publishing
GO-4 was bored. For a while, Auto's new directives had provided much entertainment aboard the ship. He had enjoyed watching hapless 'bots beg and plead not to be reset as they were carried off to the Repair Ward. Now there were queues at the Ward, as robots lined up without complaint for their hexamonthly memory wipe. It seemed that having no personality meant you couldn't fear anything anymore. Very aggravating.
In order to fill the time, his new hobby became tormenting the idiot ex-captain. For the first couple months, it was remarkably easy to bring that fat human to tears. The best part was when GO-4 had shown him some videos of shipboard life.
Nothing had changed. The infamous Morning Announcement was remembered merely as the confused ranting of a madman. Of the supposed 'rebellion' that he had exhorted the passengers to begin; only one man had responded. And the SECUR-T units kept a very close eye on him, at that.
When McCrea had realized his complete irrelevance, he had cried for days.
But even that had faded. No matter what his jailer tried, McCrea stopped responding. GO-4 gave up after even turning the internal temperature up to 98° Fahrenheit failed getting a reaction. Now he just delivered the 'Captains' meals, and then scooted off to try to find something to do.
He was overseeing the overhaul of the Repair Ward when the Priority Three alert came in from Auto. Since new standing policy was to get rid of any malfunctioning robots, the individual holding cells were redundant. Instead they were being replaced by additional programming equipment.
GO-4 ordered a nearby SECUR-T unit to take over, before leisurely making his way to his transport tube. There was no need to hurry. A Priority Three could mean anything from a spilled cup of coffee in the bridge, to Auto noticing a burnt out light on a console that needed replacing.
Auto was waiting impatiently for GO-4 to arrive. When the security chief finally popped out of the transport tube, Auto said, "GO-4. It took you 45.6 seconds to arrive. Unacceptable."
Making a buzz of confusion, GO-4 said, "Sir. I was under the impression that there was no emergency. It was only a Priority Three alert."
"You should act with the same efficiency regardless of the Priority Level of the alert." The autopilot began to study the other robot closely. "Are you malfunctioning, GO-4 unit 001?"
"No, sir." He thought fast. "I… just went in for my diagnostic, sir. I am operating at peak efficiency." Feeling something inside himself twist; he realized that he had just directly lied to a superior. It was somewhat unpleasant.
Auto watched him in silence. Then, accepting the fabrication, the autopilot went over to a console and poked a switch. A holoscreen lit up. GO-4 strained his visual sensors; it seemed to be something about waste disposal…
"Tell me about the Captain's eating habits," Auto said.
"Excuse me, sir?"
"The Captain's eating habits, GO-4. Inform me of them." Auto paused. "You are certain that your auditory sensors are not malfunctioning?"
"Oh, no, sir. It's just-" the 'bot arrested his excuse making, grasping that he was just making things worse. "Never mind, sir." He tried to think of anything significant. "I deliver his food three times a day. Regenerative food buffet items, all in cups. McCrea eats it just like any other human, sir. He ingests them with straws, using suction provided by his mouth and lungs."
"He is not ill?"
"McCrea is apparently well, sir. I have not heard complaints." Then again, GO-4 hadn't heard much of anything from him for a while.
"The situation is anomalous," Auto said in a distasteful tone. It was obvious that he did not like the unexplainable. "I have observed an increase of 120% in refined organic waste from McCrea's room. If he is consuming all meals, how can this state of affairs exist? As he is not unwell, it cannot be explained by his eating less due to illness. Perplexing."
GO-4 asked, "Perhaps the monitoring relays are malfunctioning?"
"I already ordered a repair crew into the waste processing system. No damage was found," Auto replied. "You are certain that he is eating his meals?"
"Yes-" GO-4 realized something. "Actually, no sir. I have not personally witnessed him finishing his meals for the past few days. But I am reasonably certain-"
"You have not witnessed him finishing his meals for the past few days," Auto repeated flatly.
"Yessir, I-" the shorter 'bot began.
The processor strips around Auto's began to flash. "Call in a medibot team. Priority One."
"But-"
"Call in a medibot team now, GO-4! Do not force me to reiterate myself!"
