CHAPTER 9

"To die is poignantly bitter, but the idea of having to die without having lived is unbearable." ~Erich Fromm


Jayne Adams released his grip on the agent's neck. He glanced down at her still form, lying beneath him, twisted and broken, bloodied and bruised…

She's not moving. What did you do?

No…no, no, no…she's damaged…too far gone…save her…bring her back…I need her back!

He clambered off her body. Her eyes were slightly glazed, her mouth wide open in a silent scream. He shook his head in despair.

"No…"

A single tear drifted down his cheek. He furiously wiped it away.

This can't be happening…not again!

"No!"

He let out a feral roar and placed his hands on her chest. He pushed down as hard as he could, over and over again, trying to bring her life back.

"Please, please, PLEASE…don't leave me…you promised; don't you remember? Come back to me…please!"

As he knelt by the woman's side, frantically attempting to restart her heart, he flashed back to his first, so many years ago…

*He loved her, wanted her to love him, too…tried to teach her a lesson, make her good…show her how to be better…got so angry…made him mad…make her stop, make her stop, MAKE IT STOP. Warm skin, wrapped between his thick fingers…squeeze so tight; she has to PAY. Harder, harder, HARDER…until she learns… … …Silence. No more thrashing…her nails ripped and torn, skin ashen-grey, lips blue …eyes wide open…cold, breathless…gone. She left him alone…need to get another…happened again… NEED another, and another; why do they keep leaving me? WHY?*

Jayne sobbed as he worked over the dead agent's body.

Keep pushing…don't stop…help her.

BRING HER BACK.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two—


THREE.

Jennifer Jareau gasped. Her chest lifted off the hard ground and slammed back down, emitting a loud *CRACK* as it impacted. My ribs…

Tears streamed down her face, mixing with bloody sweat as she struggled to breathe. She choked.

Can't breathe, somebody…help… She took a few quick, short, intensely painful breaths.

C'mon…breathe, JJ—just stay calm, and BREATHE.

She squeezed her eyes shut, concentrating on her heart rate.

Focus; breathe...c'mon—

She breathed in deep, flinching as the burning oxygen rushed through her cracked chest. Blood flushed her once pallid skin, and her face lit up with renewed color.

She opened her eyes, slowly…cautiously. He's still here.

The terrified agent found herself staring into the black, strangely concerned eyes of her captor.

The man let out a sigh of relief and gave her a distorted grin.

"Thank God, you're back."

I'm…back? I wasn't gone—

Her eyes went wide.

I was…dead. He—he killed me.

He laughed and took her in his arms, lifting her up and onto the metal table.

"Don't you ever leave me again; you hear me? Never again."

He didn't bother to strap her down. She's too weak…needs time to recover.

He leaned down and gently brushed his lips against her clammy forehead.

JJ cringed from the unsolicited contact.

What the hell?

He stared at her, drinking her in…

She met his gaze with her own, daring him to touch her again. She was still numb—the blood hadn't spread to her lower body yet, so she couldn't feel the pain that she knew was coming. The cuts, bruises, shattered bones…her burned, broken flesh… soon, she'd be able to feel it all.

Please…just leave me alone…let me break…

It's easy to break when you're not here…

She bit her bottom lip until she tasted blood; the fresh pain kept the tears from falling…it helped her stay strong in front of her—

—her killer.

...

Please…

As if he'd heard her silent plea, he broke away from her stare and turned to face the door.

"I'll be back. Stay here—

Bastard; where could I possibly go

—and rest…you'll need your strength back for what I've got planned for you…"

He chuckled deeply and, without another word, walked out of the dark room.


Well, damn.

JJ lay on the metal table, staring up at the tiny, moving light above her head. Déjà vu…

She moaned as the pain flared up; it was coming back, slowly and steadily. Everything that had happened to her in the past two days resurfaced, and she struggled to hold herself together.

They're still coming for me…my team is coming…

Her eyes glistened with unfallen tears. And I know what I'm going to do when I see them.

She sobbed now, gritting her teeth against the resulting twinge of pain.

I'm going to hug Will and let him hold me close and never let go…

I'm going to hold my baby boy in my arms and rock him to sleep…

I'm going to welcome Garcia's momma-bear hug…

I'm going to grip Em's trembling hand with my own…

I'm going to kick Morgan's ass in darts and prove to him that nothing's changed…

I'm going to ask Spence about something—anything to keep him talking—and I'll actually listen…

I'm finally going to play chess with Rossi; I'll even let him show off his infamous culinary skills…

I'm going to give Hotch a real smile and tell him he did the right thing…he came for me…they all did.

I'm going home.


Her captor's boots thudded above her, heavy and ominous, making the ceiling rumble and shake.

A sudden chill flooded through her body, and a terrifying realization entered her mind.

They're not going to make it in time.