Chapter 9
Thorin was awoken by a furtive movement and he slowly opened his eyes to see a little dwarfling carefully inspecting the war hammer he was clutching in his arms, obviously intrigued by the massive weapon. Thorin stared at the toddler for a moment, unsure what to do.
He sat up slowly so as to not frighten the dwarfling, who looked up at him with big blue eyes, staring back at him before stretching out his arms with a huge toothy smile. Thorin hesitated for a short second, then scooped up the dwarfling and put him in his lap. The golden haired dwarfling immediately cuddled to his chest and stuck his thumb into his mouth, peacefully sucking on it as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
"Where do you come from? Where are your parents?" Thorin asked softly, gazing around for any sign of an adult nearby. He had settled in a more secluded area, a bit away from the other dwarves, and he was confused as to where this child suddenly came from.
The dwarfling looked up at him and said nothing. Thorin immediately regretted asking that question; what if this child was an orphaned boy? Balin had said that many dwarves had died in Erebor when the dragon had attacked, and many more had been lost at the battle at the gates of Moria. What if this dwarfling's entire family had been decimated?
Thorin shuddered at the thought and held the child closer to him, at a loss of what to do. In the morning maybe he could try asking around, maybe there was someone who knew the little dwarf?
"Oh no, don't touch this, it's not a toy!" Thorin exclaimed as the dwarfling tried to grab the big war hammer. "Besides it's way too big for you" Thorin said gently, putting the weapon out of the dwarfling's reach.
Thorin found himself wishing that Bilbo would be with him, he would know what to do. He had more experience dealing with little dwarves than he himself had, the young dwarf thought with a sad smile.
"Fili! I've been searching for you everywhere!" The sound made both Thorin and the little dwarf turn to see a rather tall dwarrowdam approaching, similar to Thorin in built, with long black hair and ice blue eyes. She was holding a baby cradled to her chest and looked relieved, yet somewhat angry at the dwarfling's disobedience.
"You were not supposed to run away in the middle of the night! I was worried about you!" The dwarfling lowered his gaze at his mother's scolding and shuffled close to Thorin.
"I'm sorry" she said with an apologetic smile as the little dwarf made no move to go back to his mother. He quietly sucked his thumb, looking up at Thorin with huge, pleading blue eyes.
"There's nothing to be sorry for" Thorin said gently. "Is he yours?" he asked, ruffling the little dwarf's golden hair.
"Yes, these two little monsters are my sons" she said smiling, sitting down next to him, careful not to wake the sleeping baby in her arms.
"They don't look like monsters" Thorin said smiling back.
"That's because you don't know them yet" the dwarf woman answered with a light giggle. "This one is Fili, my eldest" she said gently tucking a golden strand of hair behind the dwarfling's ear. "And this is Kili" she said pushing the covers warpped around the baby so that Thorin could see a round face framed with a mop of dark hair. "And y name is Dis, I'm your sister" she said softly.
Thorin stared at her, speechless, totally taken aback. He blushed lightly when he realized that he didn't even know that he had a sister.
"You know who I am" he said finally when the shock had passed.
"Everyone knows" she said with a little smile. "I've grown up listening to my father talking about his lost eldest son, it's almost as if I have known you forever" she said with a sigh. "I was even jealous back when I was a child, I thought it was unfair that he talked so much about my long lost brother. It was as if your disappearance left a gaping hole in his heart, a hole nothing or no one seemed to be able to fill. I felt like his everlasting grief kept him from focusing on the present, and on his other children.
Of course it was a childish reaction" she said with a light giggle. "But I feel better now that it's out, and I'm really glad that you are no longer only a name, you are back with us now" she said gently squeezing his hand. "Back then I couldn't understand why he kept grieving for you because I didn't understand what it felt like to lose someone you love."
The immense sadness in her eyes as she spoke these words broke Thorin's heart, making him feel guilty for not having been able to be there for her like siblings would normally do.
"I've heard about your brother" he said softly, unable to meet her gaze. "He was too young to die."
"He was" she said sadly. "My husband was too young to die too" she added with a sigh. "He was a good dwarf, brave, loving, and a good warrior. But he's gone, and there's no use crying for those we can't bring back, right?" she said with a sad smile, her eyes shining with unshed tears. She brushed them away and cradled her baby closer to her chest, smiling as he sighed contentedly in his sleep.
"I'm sorry" Thorin said in a whisper, internally rolling his eyes at himself for not being able to come up with a better choice of comforting words.
"I know you are" she said softly. "But I have my sons, and you are here now too. It's best to go on and focus on those who are still there" she said with a small smile. "I'm sorry that this had to be so awkward, I didn't mean to bring up all the sadness" she said shrugging.
"I don't think a first meeting between siblings could be anything else than awkward" Thorin said smiling softly.
"Probably not" Dis replied with a chuckle. "Although it's probably even more awkward for you, at least I heard tales of you while you didn't even know I existed" she said, squeezing his hand again. "But that's alright, you will get used to it. We will have time to make up for lost time. So, where have you been all these years?"
"In the Shire" Thorin replied slowly, amazed at how quickly the talkative dwarf woman had managed to push away the sadness and awkwardness. She seemed sincerely happy and curious to get to know him, and she was so nice to him and full of life that he couldn't help but take an immediate liking to her. "I grew up amongst Hobbits" he said, watching as she frowned in confusion.
"What is a Hobbit?"
"Halflings" Thorin explained with a smile. "They are a peaceful folk who are fond of food and nature. I will introduce you to my father later on, I'm sure you will like him" he said proudly.
"Your father" she repeated, staring at him with incomprehension.
"His name is Bilbo, he is the one who raised me" Thorin explained quietly. "He may not be a perfect father, but he took me home and adopted me when I was barely more than a baby, and for this I will be forever grateful. He is a gentle, caring person with a big heart" he said softly.
"That's good to hear" she said smiling, but there was some bitterness in her voice. "I can't say the same about my own father, although there is no doubt that he loves me, or at least he did before all these tragedies drove him mad, and he loved Frerin. But there was just too much for him to deal with" she said with a sigh. "My grandfather… our grandfather, he was mad with gold lust" she said sadly.
"So I've heard" Thorin said nodding slowly. "Balin said the king thought about nothing but his gold and riches."
"He did" Dis replied looking away. "It was hard for us to see him like this, and it was even harder for my father to have to take care of all business related to the kingdom while watching his father become crazier with every day passing. The king was even violent with him sometimes, although my father kept denying it. I didn't grieve for him when he fell on the battlefield" she said bitterly. "I did grieve for those I loved who died there, because their death was unfair. But I wasn't sad when I heard that the king was dead."
Thorin stared at her, impressed by the strength she possessed, so wise and tough despite her youth. She looked barely of age, and if it wasn't for her two sons Thorin might have mistaken her for a stripling.
"I'm scared" he said quietly, gently running his fingers through Fili's golden mane. "I've come all the way from the Shire to meet him, but now I'm not sure if I really want to do so."
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to" she said softly. "You can ask for more time if you want to reconsider your decision. What are you afraid of?" she asked, lightly tilting her head to the side.
"Many things" he said with a shrug. "That he won't recognize me, or that he will think that I'm too different from him, and from the other dwarves."
"He will recognize you" she said with a smile. "Of that I'm sure. He has shut himself from the rest of the world since the battle, refusing to talk to anyone, refusing to eat, not reacting to touches or words. It was as if he couldn't hear or see anything around him, until a few days ago. He is awakening, Thorin. He knows you're here. I can come with you if you want me to, when you will go see him."
"I would like that very much, thank you" he said with a nod and a grateful smile.
"It's nothing" she said waving it off with her hand. "That's what a sister is supposed to do" she said smiling at him. "I will bring these two monsters to bed now, it's late."
"You will wake him!" Thorin protested as she reached to take the sleeping dwarfling from his arms. "He has just fallen asleep, why don't you let him sleep here? I don't mind, and you can stay too with little Fili" he said with a hopeful smile.
"Actually this one is Kili" Dis said laughing lightly. "Why does everyone have to mess up their names?" she said rolling her eyes. "And thank you for your offer, but I don't think there will be enough space for everyone on this cot."
"It will be enough for you and your sons, I don't think I will get any sleep tonight anyway" Thorin said moving a little to the side to make enough space for Dis and the boys.
"Don't trouble yourself too much with worry" she said giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "You will only be a short moment with him, and you won't have to see him again after that if you don't want to."
He smiled at her, nodding gratefully, and let her lay down on his cot with the baby while he sat under a tree, the dwarfling comfortably sleeping in his arms. He had tried to carefully lay him down next to his mother but the little dwarf's hands were clutching his tunic and even in his sleep he refused to let go. Thorin didn't really mind, it was nice to have a small, warm body to hold, the toddler's even, deep breathing having a much welcome soothing effect on him.
The morning came too quickly for his liking, and Thorin was startled to see the sun already up in the sky when he opened his eyes. He didn't even remember falling asleep, but he didn't feel much rested. The little dwarf in his lap was happily babbling nonsense while playing with his uncle's braids. Thorin watched him with a smile on his lips and remained completely still, unwilling to disturb the child when he was obviously having so much fun.
Unfortunately that peaceful moment didn't last and the moment he had dreaded for so long had finally come. Before he knew it Dis was gently leading him to a clearing away from the rest of the camp. It was a quiet place, perfect for the circumstances. A small fire had been lit and a few sheets were spread on the ground. Thorin's heartbeat quickened as he spotted the very still form laying on the blankets. He had already been moved there.
Thorin's head was spinning and he suddenly felt a bit sick. Dis was instantly by his side, whispering encouraging words, shooing away any intruders until it was only the both of them, and the king. He didn't actually look like a king at all, Thorin thought as he walked closer, watching the skinny, ghostly pale dwarf curled up on the ground.
Dis had to practically drag him the last few steps and made him sit next to their father while she took place on his other side and gently helped him to a sitting position.
"He is here, father" she said softly, touching Thrain's face in an attempt to bring him back to consciousness. "Thorin is here" she added, taking her brother's hand and gently placing it in Thrain's hand.
Thorin's heart stopped beating for a second at the contact. He watched silently as the older dwarf blinked slowly. It was difficult to tell whether he was still staring into emptiness, unaware of what was going on around him, or if he was slowly coming to his senses.
"Look, he is here, he is back" Dis said softly, as if she was talking to a frightened child. Thorin slipped a small golden bracelet in Thrain's hand and gave it a brief squeeze. That seemed to catch the older dwarf's attention. He opened his hand and stared at the tiny, shiny bracelet, and suddenly burst into tears.
"It's alright, I'm here" Thorin said awkwardly laying his hand on the older dwarf's arm, wincing at the contact of the skinny limb. His face, arms and body looked way too thin, his skin as pale as a corpse, and Thorin couldn't help but wonder when he had last eaten something.
"It's me, I'm back" Thorin said again, running his hand over Thrain's arm up to his shoulder, then on his back on small, soothing circles very much like Bilbo used to do with him as a child.
The older dwarf slowly turned his gaze to his son. His emaciated, ghostly white face caused Thorin to shudder. His intense gaze made the young dwarf shift uncomfortably. His right ice blue eye was watching him intently, while there was only a hole where the left eye used to be.
Thrain slowly lifted his hand, reaching out to touch Thorin's face, but stopped midair, as if he was afraid that his hand would touch nothing, that this wasn't real. Thorin leaned forward a little until his cheek made contact with the raised hand.
Thrain pulled his hand away, startled, then slowly, hesitantly brushed the back of his hand against Thorin's cheek. He pulled back again, staring at the young dwarf incredulously. He reached out gain and touched his hair, his arms, his strong legs and his bare feet as if he was trying to convince himself that Thorin was real.
"Thorin" he said in a whisper, his voice rough from not having spoken for months. "Thorin, my lad" he said, his face breaking into a wide smile.
"It's me" Thorin said softly. "I'm here, I'm back" he said again, at a loss of words. The strange dwarf was making him uncomfortable, almost scaring him, but there was something familiar about him, even though he couldn't point out what it was.
The more he looked at the pale face, the long, tangled grey mane and bushy beard, the more he felt like he was staring at a total stranger. Yet his increasing heartbeat, along with the indescribable feeling in his gut told him that this dwarf was no stranger.
Suddenly he was pulled in a tight embrace and ended up with a mouthful of dirty grey hair. He tried to pull back but the strong arms wouldn't let him. He remained perfectly still, stiff and uncomfortable. He wanted to tell the other dwarf to let go of him but the grip was so tight that he could barely breathe. He managed to take a deep breath and suddenly froze. He hesitantly sniffed at the grey hair again, then again and again. There it was, that familiar smell. The smell of comfort, of safety, of love. He remembered.
The hand in his hair was gentle, stroking the long locks slowly, almost hesitantly, as if Thrain was afraid that if he touched too boldly his long lost son would disappear again. Thorin closed his eyes and for a brief moment he was a child again, feeling safe and comfortable in his father's strong embrace.
Dwalin raised his eyebrows as Thorin sat down next to him, staring into the fire with a thoughtful expression. The warrior waited for him to talk first, but the younger dwarf seemed content to just sit there quietly.
"So, do you want to talk about it?" Dwalin asked awkwardly, staring at the axe in his lap. It was already clean but he picked it up again and began to scrub it again, his gaze stubbornly fixed on the shiny metal.
"It felt strange, but it wasn't as bad as I thought" Thorin said with a deep sigh.
Dwalin nodded silently, deciding not to push the subject further since Thorin obviously didn't want to talk about it.
"I found you a weapon, since you don't have one" Dwalin said handing Thorin a sword and an axe. "I didn't know which one to choose since you technically don't have a weapon of choice, so I thought maybe you could have one of each. I could teach you how to use these" he added quickly, offering the younger dwarf a friendly smile.
"Thank you" Thorin said softly. "These are beautiful weapons."
Dwalin grunted his agreement and carefully unsheathed the sword, holding out the delicate engravings on the shiny blade for Thorin to see.
"What do these mean?" Thorin said, staring at the beautiful angular runes. Dwalin chuckled at that question, then suddenly cleared his throat, blushing a bit as he remembered that Thorin couldn't read the dwarves' secret language.
"This is something I will have to teach you as well" Dwalin said with a smile. "This means Deathless, in reference to Durin the first. I thought it would be a fitting name for a weapon meant for a prince of Durin's line."
"Did you make these yourself?" Thorin said, eyes huge with amazement.
"Of course I did" Dwalin said with a shrug. "Oh, right, you don't know how to do that either" the warrior said with a sigh. "You really don't have much of a real dwarf in you. But that's fine, I'd rather think of you as a Hobbit anyway" Dwalin said with a sly smile and received a deathly glare in return.
"This is a fine weapon", Dwalin said holding out the sword again, eager to distract Thorin from his murderous thoughts. "A weapon worthy of a king."
"I'm no king" Thorin said sheathing the sword, his gaze lingering on the beautiful gems decorating the pommel.
"But you will be king one day, that is why you came" Dwalin said with a hopeful smile.
"I only came here to meet my father" Thorin said with a frown.
"You are here because we need a strong leader" Balin said, causing both of them to jump in surprise. They looked at each other with confusion; how long had Balin been watching them?
"That was the plan, but you didn't know it" the older dwarf said with a shrug as if it wasn't anything serious.
"You didn't tell him" Dwalin said, glaring at his brother accusingly. "How could you bring him here and not even tell him?"
"He would never have accepted if I had told him straight away" Balin said holding the warrior's gaze. "Now let me take care of this" he said waving his younger brother off.
Dwalin glared at him, not too happy to be ushered away like a child but his older brother's stern gaze made it clear that his presence wasn't wanted. His gaze met Thorin's met for a fleeting second before Dwalin resignedly walked away.
"So you have been lying to me too" Thorin said staring at the older dwarf in disbelief.
"You have seen Thrain, and how useless he is as a leader" Balin replied with a sigh. "You are his heir, and our only hope. The dwarves of Erebor need someone who can lead them to safety, someone who will be strong enough to build a new kingdom for them."
"I didn't even grow up amongst them, I know very little about dwarven culture and I'm terrible with weapons. No one here will want me as a leader" Thorin said quietly, to which Balin raised his eyebrows.
"My brother told me that you are a brave and fierce fighter. You will have time to practice more. And you are of the line of Durin, they will respond to that. They will follow you, my lad. And I will be here to give you advice whenever you need it" the older dwarf said with a kind smile.
"You can't put the weight of the responsibility of your people on my shoulders" Thorin exclaimed, unable to believe that Balin would ask such a thing of him. "I'm sorry, but I'm not the right dwarf for this."
"You are Thrain's son, it is your duty" Balin said sternly. "You don't have much of a choice, my lad. Would you rather go back in the Shire to hide in a hobbit hole and work as a gardener? That life isn't for you. It is your fate to become our king."
"You want me to do this for the sake of your people, and Bilbo wants me to live with him in the Shire for the sake of his paternal love, but neither of you even cared to ask for my opinion! Is there even anyone here who cares about what I want? I will let no one choose what my fate will be" Thorin spat out and stormed off, boiling with anger.
He didn't even remember how he ended up in the middle of the forest, kneeling on a soft carpet of dead leaves, staring into empty space. His anger had subsided, replaced by a feeling of emptiness and betrayal. He didn't even hear the heavy footsteps until they were right behind him. Thorin sighed deeply, his shoulders hunched at the thought of having to listen again to Balin's pleas when he was in the mood for just being alone.
"Is it wise for a prince to be lost in an unknown forest on his own?"
Thorin frowned at the unknown voice and turned to see a tall figure standing in the shadow of a tree. He was slightly hunched, resting his weight on a wooden staff, and a large hat shadowed his face, hiding it from view.
"Who are you? Do I know you?" Thorin asked, slowly standing up, his eyes never leaving the other person. Suddenly he regretted wandering in the forest with no weapons.
"I have been watching you from a distance for years now, but I never had an occasion to meet you in person until now" the tall figure replied, and the dwarf could hear a small smile in his voice.
"And why would a man watch me with so much interest?" Thorin said, observing the stranger warily.
"I am no man" the figure said with a smile. "I'm a wizard."
