Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, they would so incredibly not have left… erm, ahem. There would not be such a horribly wrong bit at the end of Shamballa (trying to be nice to those of you who haven't seen it, assuming you exist). Or rather, there would be, but it would be fixed much more promptly. It hasn't been, so I must not own FMA.
Chapter 9
And then, suddenly, it was almost time for the tournament, and Ed retreated in a panic to Roy, who knew what he was supposed to look like and how it should happen. To his surprise, Roy was looking for him as well.
"It won't go on!" The Colonel wailed as soon as he saw Ed, brandishing a boot. Ed couldn't see where he was confused. Roy's costume was easy.
"You have to shove." Ed explained.
"But it'll burst!"
"Nah. The things are bizarrely sturdy." Ed assured him.
"How do you know?"
"Not telling." It had to do with Winry. Ed was definitely not telling.
"Bet it had to do with that blonde mechanic." Roy guessed.
How did he do that? "Just shove." Ed ordered. "And tell me where you put your arms in this thing." He held out the cloak, which was all over his arms and then some.
"There should be arm holes!" Roy protested. "Somewhere!"
"Not that I can find." Ed muttered darkly. Good. He was getting in character. He'd be sulking in a corner any minute now.
"Then just put your arms inside and reach out with scales drawn on them." Roy suggested. "Or just reach out. Looking deathly pale, maybe."
"But I'm not!"
"Quit whining." Straighten up and fly right. Life is not a piece of cake. And Roy did not want to think about how he knew that… "Help me with this jacket."
Some minutes of struggling later, they dropped the jacket, panting. "It would work a lot better if you'd ordered a jacket the right size. This is tiny."
Roy nodded glumly, staring at it. "I don't get it." They both stared for a while.
"Winry?" Ed suggested. "Nah. She doesn't wear that stuff. The blonde mechanic." He explained.
"She might know someone…" Roy suggested hopefully.
"Winry? Winry's friends are ancient mechanics. Have you got a girlfriend?"
Roy had ditched her last week and been too busy to get another one.
Ed sighed reluctantly. There was only one course left, and they both knew it. It was just… so… wrong.
"Hughes." They muttered in disgusted unison.
"And it's all your fault." Ed added.
Hughes could not get the jacket on, either. They had to sit and look at Elysia for unbearably long moments before she actually arrived with her mother. Gracia took one look at the jacket and sighed in disgust – but she knew how to get it on. And she found that there were arm holes in Ed's cape, but that they had been sewn up. She had scissors on hand, and while Hughes babbled about Elysia, she cut them free.
"Ah, Gracia." Roy sighed happily, not daring to move lest the jacket realize he was alive and eat him like an octopus devours a shrimp. "A vision of sense in a crazy world."
Hughes was too busy with Elysia to make a Jealous Comment, assuming he would, so Gracia made one for him, along the lines of did he want to see what a sensible woman carried to deter scoundrels? Roy just grinned. He knew Gracia pretty well, as she had been helping him out of one trouble or another for ages. He didn't know what he would have done about the Incident of the Non-Dry-Cleaned Uniform without her.
"Right, let's go." Ed decided, fidgeting. "We'll be late. It's starting in five minutes."
Hughes' head jerked up. "Five minutes? I have to be there to introduce it!"
Shortly thereafter, they were all bundled into Gracia's car, glad that the police were too busy with the tournament to bother with petty things like speed limits. Gracia and Elysia would have to go, it was decided, which was all well and good for Elysia, who was a princess every day and was dressed up like one anyway and Roy did not want one of those peanuts, it had been on the floor, didn't she know anything? Which almost caused the car to go off the road.
Once they were safely on their way again, it was decided that Gracia was a Random Event.
Roy and Ed fit in very nicely with the tournament crowd. In fact, they were perhaps among the more normally dressed; Armstrong had gone as a barbarian, which was dead scary, and that person looked like a vampire, and how long had that guy been working to get a werewolf costume like that?
"Ladies and gentlemen!" Hughes boomed, and the general chatter died. The volume was turned down. "Welcome to the first Ultimate Fantasy Bloodbath XVII tournament. I am glad you have all decided to come, but I am afraid I have some unfortunate news for you. Firstly, the Fuhrer has never heard of UFB, and therefore there can be no promotions –" He was drowned out in a general roar, of which Ed and Roy were a prominent part.
"However," Hughes continued, reminding everyone of the consequences if they didn't listen, "Elysia has promised to give a hug to the winner."
Well… at least it wasn't photos. It took some time to calm the crowd again. Fuery, who was in on it all, wondered how Hughes intended to survive afterward, and hoped he wasn't mentioned.
"Also, as so many of you have showed interest, not only in the rewards, but in the game itself, the tournament will be held after all. The main point is that you all had fun, you know a lot more about Elysia…" After all, it had been Hughes who had known everything about the tournament. Now he paused, and everyone waited expectantly for him to finish his speech so they could finish the tournament and then jump him in a dark alley.
Hughes wasn't sure he wanted to say the next part. It was quite the dilemma. He rather thought he had lost the bet no matter how it went. He'd been given the time until the tournament, and somehow it just hadn't quite worked out properly. It should have been more than enough time. And he knew they both wanted it. The problem was, if he said this next part, chances were the two of them would both think the other didn't like it, and so they'd pretend they didn't either, and they'd go spinning off like toppled bowling pins. If he said it and it wasn't true, really, truly true, he lost the bet. If he didn't say it, he lost the bet. But at least if he said it he had a chance at winning the bet. Hughes wavered, crossed his fingers, and continued. "And congratulations to Edward Elric and Colonel Roy Mustang on their new relationship!"
Huh?
Silence, except for a rustle as everyone turned to stare at the two of them. Dark magician/emo sans cape and glasses – Roy knew they would come off posthaste, and there certainly had been enough excitement – stared momentarily at tight black leather gangster/bounty hunter.
Well, why not? Ed-as-magician/emo thought. If Roy doesn't like it, he can fix it. I don't really want to. He waited for Roy to say something.
Well… the kid hadn't blown his top. Roy thought. That had to be a good sign. And he had to think hard to remember to call Ed the kid. He looked at Hughes, wavering visibly for anyone to see (except they were all watching the magician/emo and the gangster/bounty hunter), and decided if worst came to worst he could tell Ed it was a delicate political situation. All kinds of undercurrents the other alchemist didn't know about. Dangerous business, and he'd handled it. And maybe Ed would think that was cool and look up to him more for handling it properly. Or maybe he'd just not object, which would be the best.
"Uh… thanks, Hughes." Roy said finally, deciding he won either way. Ed beamed.
