Sorry about the long wait, it's taken ages for me to type this one as I'm not copying from a notebook and typing straight from my head, I haven't started typing Chapter 9 yet but the moment I've finished that one I'll post it :) Just a filler chapter really with some pucklberry fluff at the end. Enjoy

Chapter 8

She sat in the auditorium looking down to her bare arms, the doctors and her psychologist said it would be good for her to look at her scars, contemplate on why she tried to take her life, think about the people she would hurt if she was gone, she didn't see anything when she looked at them, only failure. She failed in taking her own life, truth is; she wanted to die, she didn't want Shannon and Sue to come running to her rescue, she didn't want Tina, Mike, Sam, Artie or Noah's apologies for not doing anything to stop the others from bullying her, she hated looking at her fathers every day and knowing that they weren't going into work or on business trips because of her regardless of how much they said they trusted her, she'd come to think that no one would miss her if she was gone, not anyone in school, her dads could just adopt another baby and her mom wouldn't care. 'They'd all be better off if I was gone. Tina, Artie, Sam and Mike are only my friends because I tried to kill myself, Noah's only with me because Shelby has his daughter and I'm the closest image to her. The Glee club would probably throw a party at my funeral rather than mourn.' She continued to stare at the scars, her thoughts getting darker and darker.

"Rachel?" She jumped when she heard her name and hurriedly covered her arms, it was too late though. "My God." Blaine came running over and crouched beside her, he took her arms into his hands and pulled the sleeves up revealing the scars. "This is why you were out of school for three weeks, you weren't sick at all, you tried to kill yourself." His eyes watered with tears.

"You can't tell anyone." She whispered, her own tears running down her cheeks. "No one else can know."

"Why not? Come on Rachel, they're your friends, Kurt's your friend, he went through the same thing."

"Don't make me laugh Blaine, Kurt may have been bullied by Karofsky last year for being gay but that was just Karofsky taking his own anger and self-hatred out on the closest person who was the same as him and he blamed Kurt for that. I was bullied, I still am bullied, because I know what I wanted in life and would do anything to achieve my dreams, I knew that I was always going to get out of this backwards town and at our ten year reunion I'd show up and they'd all be begging to talk to me because I was successful while they were all stuck here because they weren't prepared enough and didn't know what they wanted in life." She glared. "Kurt has no idea of what I'm feeling or thinking, if he did he would've come to me by now and talk to me, apologise even but he hasn't, I know that you're waiting for him to but you're wasting your time, he hasn't changed one little bit and he never will."

"Come on Rachel, I know you and Kurt have had your differences in the past, he told me all about them, but-"

"Did he really? Did he tell you that he gave me a makeover that made me look like a sad clown hooker? Do you know why he did that? Because we both wanted Finn's attentions and he was jealous that Finn wasn't interested in him so he went a maliciously plastered me with hooker make up to make himself feel better." She snapped. "But don't take my word for it, I have half a dozen journals filled with abuse for almost everyone in this school, read them and decide for yourself."

"If you have been bullied so much, then why not go to Mr Schue about it? He helped Kurt-"

"He joins in Blaine; his name is featured more than a few times in the journals. He helped Kurt yes, but for some reason I'm different; I don't deserve his help because I'm selfish, the only reason he was even remotely nice to me when I came back to school two weeks ago is because he's realised that I was right all along about Regionals and he wants my songs, but he's out of luck, I refuse to be part of that club anymore and he's not having any of my songs." She pulled her arms away and covered her scars.

"But if Glee club doesn't win Regionals, Figgins will cut the club completely."

"That's not my problem, Mr Schuester kicked me out of the club because I had to call Coach Beiste one night after Finn left me in below freezing temperatures and kept him back at the next football practice, Finn went all caveman on me and rather than reprimand Finn for his behaviour Mr Schue blamed me, said that I couldn't go around making everyone's lives difficult. Ask anyone in that room Blaine, they'll tell you that they're glad not to have me there." She got up and left.

Blaine sat on the auditorium stage stunned, Kurt had always told him that Mr Schue was the best teacher at McKinley, no bullying went unpunished while the Spanish teacher was around, to hear a different account from someone else, someone who couldn't take anymore and tried to kill herself because of actions and words said by others around her and even her teacher, was concerning. Had he really left Dalton Academy, the school where bullying wasn't tolerated and he was safe, for a boy he'd just met and didn't really know? 'I need to talk to someone, maybe Tina and Artie, they know both Rachel and Kurt, they both know the story.' It suddenly dawned on him that there were people who knew about Rachel's suicide attempt. 'Kurt and Mercedes both said that there was no way Sam, Artie, Puck, Mike and Tina would sing songs like that to Rachel before now; they know that she tried to kill herself, but if they were in on the bullying before or were spectators and didn't do anything to stop the others or report Mr Schue then why did Rachel forgive them? Unless she hasn't completely.'

He ran a hand through his gelled hair and stood up, he left the auditorium, ignoring Kurt and Mercedes who had been looking for him, and went straight to the football locker rooms where Sam, Artie, Puck and Mike were changing for practice.

"I need to talk to you guys." He said urgently.

"What about Anderson?" Noah asked.

"About Rachel, I just saw her in the auditorium; I know what she tried to do."

"Hey, hey, hey." Sam stepped forward. "Keep your voice down. It's bad enough that Ben Israel tried to blackmail sexual favours out of her to keep it quiet we don't need you going round telling your boyfriend."

"He's not my boyfriend and I wouldn't tell anyone. I promise." Blaine held his hands up in surrender when he saw Noah's jaw twitch. "She was staring at her scars when I saw her, I tried to talk to her, to get her to open up to the others and that Kurt could help but she completely shot me down. Exactly what have I been missing at this school? Kurt was only specific in his bullying."

"Of course he would be." Noah growled. "Douchebag can't see anything past his own reflection."

"Rachel said something about journals." Blaine looked to them all questioningly.

"That's something we haven't heard of, maybe she had them to cope." Mike said.

"It's gotta be something Ms Pillsbury suggested; write down everything said and done and write down who was involved, that way Figgins couldn't ignore it." Artie reasoned.

"Does she seem ok to you guys?" Blaine asked.

"She's fine." Noah snapped.

"Easy Puck it's just a question." Mike soothed before turning to Blaine. "She tried to kill herself because of this school, because of the people in that choir room; somewhere she was supposed to feel appreciated and respected but it never happened, even Mr Schue joined in." He was beginning to get angry again. "No one can understand what she's thinking or feeling right now, the only thing we can do as her friends and boyfriend," he gestured to Noah. "is be there for her and support her. When she's ready to talk to us fully then we'll be there to listen, yes we know that there's something she's hiding from us, she was probably hiding it from herself but she hasn't really been alone since she was released from the hospital so she hasn't had a chance to contemplate a lot. She went from having no friends and everyone against her, defacing her house, pouring eggs, flour and milk over her on her front doorstep, before trying to commit suicide, to waking up from her coma and having five friends and she probably thinks we're only her friends because we feel guilty."

"Why do you ask?" Sam wanted to give Mike a chance to calm down.

"There was something in her eyes. I don't know, I'm just worried." Blaine shook his head. "What's the deal with Kurt then? He and Rachel are so similar; I thought they'd be best friends or something."

"Jackass is jealous of her, plain and simple." Noah grunted. "Always has been, when Finn showed attraction to Rachel he dolled her up way too much to turn Finn away from her, she was going to leave this town and become a big star on Broadway and he was jealous because he knew that no matter how hard he could possibly try he'd never be able to do the same so he plays on her insecurities just like everyone else does."

"He never told me about that." Blaine leant against the wall. "He always said how welcoming and friendly everyone in the club was and how they all got along."

"We're sorry you had to find out about him this way Blaine but you needed to know the truth." Artie sympathised. "I don't know about you guys but I want to look in these journals, do you think Rachel still has them or do you think she gave them to Ms Pillsbury."

"Ms Pillsbury will have them, when we redecorated Rach's bedroom and bathroom we didn't find any journals." Mike was calmer now. "Tina will want to read them too."

"Me too." Blaine spoke. "And I want to have a chat with Kurt about all of this; I moved from a safe school into a school where bullying seems to be the normal daily occurrence and even the teachers join in, I'm not sure if I want to stick around anymore."

"That'll be your call, it's not like we're going to have Glee club after Regionals anyway." Sam sighed. "Kinda sucks you know, I really liked Glee club."

"So the threat Kurt and Mercedes was telling me is true? You don't make it to Nationals and win the club is cut?"

"Yeah, it was supposed to be cut last year because we didn't place at Regionals but Coach Sylvester convinced Figgins to give us another year, after Rachel's house was defaced we found out that it was Coach Sylvester and Rachel keeping the club funded, now that Rachel doesn't want to be part of the club anymore the funding will stop after Regionals." Artie explained. "Let's face it, we have days before the competition and we don't have a set list, we only won Sectionals last year because Rachel sang the solo with little to no preparation."

"That's not completely true Abrams." Noah interrupted. "Rachel has been singing her whole life; there is no way she would have gone to any competition unprepared, she said that she'd been working on that Streisand song since she was four and it showed."

"And after Mr Schuester's behaviour towards Rachel I'm not so sure that his job is safe either." Artie finished.

"Hey guys what are you talking about?" Finn opened the door and smiled.

"Glee club." Mike answered half honestly.

"Yeah? I'm all excited about Regionals, you just wait; we'll all be singing in New York in three months time and we'll win Nationals." Finn leant against the wall next to Blaine.

"How? We don't have a set list yet." Artie reminded him.

"Don't worry we'll get it. Once Rachel's gotten over her little tiff she'll be running back and bailing us out with one of her songs, Mr Schue will make sure of it."

"And how is he going to do that?" Noah grit his teeth.

"By reminding her that she wants to go to New York just as much as everyone else in the choir room, if not more." Finn said as though it was obvious. "I mean, it's not like any of us had the time to write our own songs at such short notice as well as complete our community services for egging her house and doing our school work. She knows that we need her and she thrives off of the attention." He turned to Blaine. "This is the kind of thing she does, she quits for a little while and then right at the last moment she comes back."

Blaine frowned; it was similar to what Kurt and Mercedes were saying about Rachel but having seen Rachel and talked to the people who know her best he couldn't see it as a cry for attention. 'She really wanted to die.' He realised. 'If she gets pushed over the edge again, then she'll try to take her life again and this time she might just succeed, I don't think these guys even know it or see it yet.'

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Mr Schue watched Emma carefully through the glass of her office; she was talking to Rachel, again, and had insisted on locking the doors so no one could barge in. 'Rachel's been seeing Emma a lot lately, especially since she came back to school.' He frowned as Rachel pulled up her sleeves. 'She's also been wearing long sleeves too; it's starting to get too warm for long sleeves and sweaters.' Emma continued talking and then stopped, Mr Schue could see Rachel's head move slightly as she spoke and then she looked down to her wrists, though he couldn't see what she was looking at, then her shoulders began to shake; she was crying. He watched as Emma stood and hurried round, Mr Schue watched in surprise as his girlfriend sat beside the sobbing girl and held her tightly. 'Emma can't stand close contact like that, she freaks out when I try to hold her after a shower.' The sound of the bell ringing signalling the end of class broke him from his thoughts and his staring; he dismissed his class and lost sight of Emma and Rachel in the throngs of students hurrying through the hallway.

He didn't have another class until after lunch so he decided to pay a visit to Emma, unfortunately for him; Rachel was still in his girlfriend's office and it didn't look like their session would be finished anytime soon. 'Doesn't she have a class?' He wondered irritably when ten minutes had passed. He continued to wait until finally Rachel stood, hugged Emma and left the office, he made his move.

"Hey Emma, what did Rachel want?" He asked as he entered her office. "Is she ok? I saw her crying."

"What my students and I discuss is private Will." Emma frowned. "You know that I can't tell you anything unless she says so."

"Come on Emma, I'm just concerned." He hoped that his smile would make her melt and give in, like she always did.

"The answer is still no Will, I won't divulge a student's secrets, regardless of how close you are to them. She's not in Glee club anymore and she doesn't take Spanish so you may be concerned about her but you don't have a right to know her secrets." Emma glared and pointed to the door. "I'd like you to leave now Will." When he didn't move she jabbed her finger towards the door again. "Get out." She cried and pushed him out, closing the door behind him and locking it.

He watched helplessly as his girlfriend collapsed in the chair Rachel had vacated and sobbed into her hands. He frowned. 'If Emma won't tell me I'll just get it out of Rachel.'

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Quinn and Santana, filled with jealousy, watched as Brittany took her place on top of the pyramid. 'That should be my spot.' They both thought bitterly, having been kicked off the Cheerios and been refused a place on the gymnastics team they had nothing other than the Glee club; a team of losers with no purpose in life but to adore them, Quinn only joined because she was worried that Finn would be unfaithful with that Tranny-Trash and she'd taken Santana and Brittany with her for the audition because they were loyal to her and her alone.

'Well, until Santana stole my spot as head Cheerio.' Of course she'd taken it back at the beginning of the year by ratting Santana's boob job surgery to Coach Sylvester and sweet talked her way back on top but it was her destiny to be head Cheerio, to date the Quarterback and to be the most popular and loved girl in this school. Now she and Santana had been cut from the team and had to watch from the sidelines as Brittany took their spot, all because of a little prank that didn't cause any harm to anyone. 'Well except Tranny-Trash throwing up but she's had it coming for a long time.'

"Pathetic." Santana mumbled as she looked loathingly at Coach Sylvester. "There would be no mistakes if we were on the Cheerios again."

"We will be before this year is out; Coach Sylvester is greedy, a little donation from a concerned parent will surely get us back on top." Quinn smiled. 'Well I'll be on top and you'll be beneath me as you were born to be.'

'So she's going to go to daddy to fix her problems for her, that's not what I'm about, I want to be back on the Cheerios but I don't want the Fabray's throwing their money around and give them the satisfaction that without them I'd still be off the team.' Santana glared.

When Coach Sylvester caught sight of them she screamed for them to leave and even though she wasn't their Coach anymore, the girls still had a healthy respect and fear for the teacher.

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"Rach? You'd talk to me if you had a problem right?" Noah asked later that night, the two were alone in Rachel's room, her dads were out for a meal, Noah's mom was a t work and his sister was at a sleepover while Tina, Mike, Artie and Sam all had their own families, it was the first time they'd been completely alone since before Sectionals when they'd kissed so Rachel could get back at Finn. "If you felt as though you couldn't cope anymore and you wanted a way out, you'd talk to me about it?"

"Yes Noah." She looked up at him, they were simply laying fully clothed on her floor.

"Ok, cause I don't want you to feel like you need to bottle everything up again and not have anyone to talk to."

Rachel suddenly realised why he was asking these questions and why he sounded scared. "Blaine talked to you earlier didn't he?"

"He told us that he found you staring at your scars."

Rachel sat up. "After Jacob's threat and Quinn and Santana's taunts I thought back to the week I was in a coma and wanted to be there again; it was peaceful, I had my dads, Shelby, friends, it was easier for me to be there than to live everyday in fear that the next cruel word was going to push me over the edge." She explained. "I promise that it was the only time I thought about that place again since coming home, after all the trouble you and the others went through to report the vandalism and coming to see me and redecorating my room and bathroom and then those beautiful songs, I couldn't do that to you guys." She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I don't know why I was looking at my scars, in truth I think it was because I was alone and wanted to see them."

"Blaine also said something about journals."

"There are a few, I don't think I have them here, I think Emma gave them to my dads so they could read them, if you want you can read them too."

"I just hate the thought of my name being in them, the others feel the same." Noah clenched his fists.

"You're not in them so much anymore, I think the last entry about you was that you'd stopped talking to me after Sectionals."

"What about the vandalism thing?"

"You're simply written as a bystander." Rachel found that talking to Noah helped her to feel better about her scars and herself. "What else did you want to talk about Noah?"

"The voicemail you sent me, I only just heard it before you came back to school cause I had a new phone and didn't know how to work it, I promise you babe, if I'd known how to work my stupid phone then I would've come over and stopped you." He was almost pleading with her. "If I hadn't been playing a stupid game and answered my phone in the first place I'd drop everything to make sure that you didn't have to go through the pain you went through. Hell, if I was a decent enough friend in the first place and stood up for you every day you might not have even thought about trying to take your-" He couldn't finish the sentence, a life without Rachel in it seemed impossible to think about.

"Take my life." Rachel finished for him. "It's ok to say it Noah, it's taken a while for my dads to say it too."

"How can you forgive me? Forgive the others?" Noah's own tears now took over. "We did nothing in your defence, we just sat there and let the others tear you down and we used to join in, how can you forgive us so easily?" He sobbed.

"Because I love you." She held him. "I love each and every one of you. You were all there when I woke up and you've been there ever since, I wasn't sure about complete forgiveness at first because I was scared that you'd all leave me but you haven't so you've squashed my fears."

"I'd never leave you Rach, we'd never leave you and I can say that for the others with confidence, we're with you for the long run, so please, if you ever feel like you're alone, come to us and Blaine, he wants to help too." Noah promised. "I think we'd like to read the journals, just so that we can see what we helped do."

"I'll ask my dads for them. I promise that I'm ok Noah and if I'm not then I'll talk to you. I love you."

I love you too Rach." Noah pulled her in for a sweet kiss before they continued to lay together in perfect comfort and silence.