So you guys are probably happy or annoyed that I update really fast; but blame it all on my boredom. Here's yet another chapter; please enjoy!
Thanks to everyone who reviewed; they really do make me want to write more.
I Don't Want To Feel
Chapter Nine
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Your kiss is torture; killing me would be too easy.
--
Harry Potter was not someone to mess with during the state of mind he was currently in. He himself felt like jumping off the Astronomy Tower and just ending it all now. Five days ago he had fed Lord Voldemort some bullshit story about people getting suspicious and needing to stay at Hogwarts without 'disappearing'. Now he sat in the warm Gryffindor Common Room, shivering. He kept remembering his last conversation with a certain blonde... and the feel of chapped lips against his own.
Harry shuddered. He had promised himself that he would stop thinking about it.
Yet, five days later, here he was; thinking about it again. For the billionth time in his ife, Harry Potter hated himself. Two days before he had tried to pin his misery on the blonde, but failed miserably. He couldn't even fool himself; he was the one that had let Draco Malfoy in.
And those lips; those cursed lips.
Voices sounded from the portrait hole's area and Harry jumped. He laid back and tried to act as normal as possible. Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley appeared, talking animatedly. As they passed the couch that Harry was lying on, he prayed to--whoever--that they wouldn't see him. But of course, they did.
"Harry!" Hermione cried out, walking over to him. "Almost missed you there! What are you doing?"
"Just...resting. Thinking." Harry mumbled, and Hermione nodded as if she understood him perfectly.
"Of course. You of all people deserve that." Hermione said kindly, smiling softly at him. Harry didn't buy it.
"Yeah, with all that running around you've been doing!" Ron added, making his way towards Harry and Hermione and sitting on an armchair near by.
"Running around?" Harry questioned, raising an eyebrow. 'Eliminate the suspicious' came a voice in his head, but he pushed it away.
"Don't think I didn't notice! You always disappear at night, Harry. So tell me, who is she? Go on!" Ron insisted, and Harry's heart sank. 'Meddling fools!' his inner-voice cried out and he furrowed his brow.
"Or he?" Hermione added, completely calm.
Harry tried not to let his jaw drop when his heart skipped a beat. A pair of lips touching flashed through his mind.
"He! Hermione! Preposterous! Harry's not like...that!" Ron cried out, his eyes wide. He turned to Harry who was closing his eyes in horror at the conversation before him and the images going through his mind. "...Right, Harry?"
Silence. Staring. Harry got up.
"You know guys, this really is unnecessary. I am not sneaking out to see a guy--er, girl...I've been..."
Two pairs of eyes watched him expectedly, waiting for an explanation.
"I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap. Talk to you later." Harry was halfway to the stairs when a sharp pain went up his forearm and he bit his lip. "Actually...on second thought, I'm going to go--" Harry almost ran across the common room and threw the portrait open. "Study!"
The portrait closed with a slam. Ron and Hermione looked at each other, confused.
"Blimey; this is worse than I thought. Since when does he study?"
"My Lord?"
"Ah, Harry! So nice of you to finally show up. I expect that all suspicions were eliminated?"
"Oh yes, my Lord. The fools don't suspect anything; they think I'm sleeping around."
Lord Voldemort smiled.
"Excellent."
"So my Lord, how could I be of assistance?"
"Well, I thought we'd pay the prisoner a visit."
"We, sir?"
"Yes. I think we've both been missing his presence for a while. Lucky Lucius visits our charming guest every day."
"Oh, does he? Lucky him." Harry replied, trying to keep calm.
"Yes. Well, shall we?"
"After you, my Lord."
Upon arriving in the dungeons with Voldemort, Harry's heart was beating like crazy. And honestly, he didn't really know why. He followed behind his master at a small distance, confused at what was going on. Voldemort finally stopped in front of Malfoy's cell and an evil grin lit up on his face.
"Why hello young Master Malfoy; how are you this fine evening?" He asked mockingly, and Draco appeared from the shadows. The first thing Harry noticed were the numerous new cuts all over Draco's pale skin.
"Oh, I wasn't aware it was evening, sir. But quite fine, indeed."
Voldemort's grin grew wider.
"Excellent. I'm hoping you are happy with your obode; it was the only cell available." Voldemort continued his silly 'game', casting looks at the other cells in the area. Harry shivered; he hadn't thought about the possibility of other prisoners. He peered into the closest cell and then looked away. If something actually was in there, it was definitely not alive.
"Oh yes; it's splendid. But really, you call this food, Tom?"
Voldemort sneered. Malfoy had gone too far. He took a step towards where Malfoy stood behind his bars and began talking, but Harry was drawn away from reality. His mind was once again captured by the closeness of his and Malfoy's bodies; the warm breath that softly hit his lips.
"Potter!" Voldemort snapped loudly, and Harry shook his head. "Pay attention!"
"Yes, sir--Master. My apologies."
"Indeed." Voldemort replied, and then started to turn back to Malfoy.
"Is that all you're going to say to him, Voldemort! What; going soft, are we! Falling in love with Potty now?"
Wordlessly, Voldemort turned to Harry.
"I'll leave the honour of killing him to you, Harry. You have my approval." Harry's mouth dropped open in shock, and Voldemort took it as a good sign. "Yes, no need to thank me."
"Well, finally!" Draco exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "It's about time, really, Tom!"
Voldemort, who had already reached the stairs suddenly turned back to the two teenagers and smiled.
"Actually, you do not have my approval. Mr. Malfoy and I still have a few more things to talk about in the coming days. A good Cruciatus will do, thank you Harry." Voldemort finished, crossing his arms and staring at Harry expectedly. Harry looked at him and then at Malfoy who stood by the bars, smirking. Lips nearing his flashed through his mind and Harry shook his head, trying to get the image out. "I'm waiting, Potter." Voldemort spoke up, his tone impatient.
"Yes, Potter. I'm waiting." Draco echoed, his eyes narrowing.
"Master, is this--" Harry started, turning back to Voldemort.
"You really are a coward, aren't you, Harry?" Draco bit out, and before anyone could do anything else, Harry spun around and yelled:
"CRUCIO!"
The Dark Lord smiled and walked away, completely oblivious to the screams that echoed from the dungeon he was leaving.
Harry Potter stared at the unconscious body for two hours until he finally had had enough. He stood up and walked over to the cell, pointing his wand at the blonde and muttering, "Enervate."
The blonde stirred and in one fast motion, sat up. He groaned and massaged his temples, not even noticing the Death Eater standing a few feet away. It was only when Harry made to move back to his chair that Malfoy jumped and reflexively tried to move away. He stopped, however, when he realized just who the Death Eater was.
"Ah, Potter. It's just you." He muttered, going back to massaging his temples.
Harry raised his eyebrow and then continued to stare at the blonde in confusion.
"Is that all you're going to say?" Harry queried, and Draco sighed.
"Where have you been for five days?"
"At Hogwarts, wh--Malfoy. That's not important."
"It is to me."
"Oh, really? And why exactly?"
Malfoy just shrugged.
"Don't you care at all?"
Now it was Malfoy's turn to look confused.
"About what?"
"About...about wha--" Harry blinked, and then froze. Did he not remember! "I--never mind."
"Oh, about you crucio-ing me into oblivion?"
Harry's chest was beginning to hurt and he wondered whether it was because of the number of times his heart had skipped a beat or because of it's pumping rate increasing dramatically.
"Yes, that." Harry whispered weakly, and sat down on the uncomfortable wooden chair.
"Hmm, I forgive you." Draco said simply, as if being placed under the Cruciatus was a regular happening.
"What? What do you mean you forgive me?"
"Well, you see--if you hadn't placed that curse on me, I wouldn't have known how you really felt."
"Excuse me?"
"You proved how much you hate me, and now we can leave each other alone." Draco explained, in an almost friendly tone. To say Harry was confused would be an understatement. "You see, when you cast the Cruciatus curse on someone, the level of pain you place on them depends on how much you hate them. And you knocked me out." He finished, as if his whole point was the most obvious thing on Earth.
"Malfoy, I really don't--"
"Understand? See? Want? Hate me?"
Draco Malfoy's voice was suddenly very cold.
"I understand perfectly, Potter. You want nothing to do with me and I want nothing to do with you."
"I see." Harry replied, just as coldly. All the walls he had dropped were in place once again.
Draco noticed this.
"You can't keep confusing me, Potter."
"Oh, I'm the one confusing you!"
"First you offer me your hand, then you treat me like shit, then you kiss me and then you cast a fucking Cruciatus on me!"
"Oh yea, w--wait a minute! I certainly did not kiss you! You kissed me!" Harry yelled, jumping up from the chair and pointing his finger at Malfoy angrily.
"Yes, well, you didn't really do anything to stop it, did you!"
"What! I didn't even have the time to react!"
"Oh so you would have reacted?"
"I--WHAT?"
"You are the stupidest person I have ever met, Potter! Get out of my sight!"
Harry quickly walked up to the bars, a sense of deja vu hitting him. His face was inches away from Malfoy's.
"If you forgot, Malfoy, you are my prisoner!"
The two stayed silent after that and just continued to stare at each other. The memories of five days before were flashing through Harry's mind, and he felt his walls collapsing one by one. He couldn't even get his mind to put them up again because it was already lost in Malfoy's eyes; exploring his thoughts, his emotions, his world.
"Why did you do it?" Malfoy whispered, his eyes never leaving Harry's. "How could you have done it?"
Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Malfoy stopped him.
"And don't tell me it's because you're a Death Eater, and that is what you do."
Harry closed his mouth and also his eyes, breaking eye contact with the Slytherin. Malfoy continued to stare at him.
After what seemed like ages, Harry began to speak.
"I was scared." Harry whispered, and Draco's eyes widened as Harry opened his eyes and their eyes met once again. Within the orb of emerald green, Draco was lost. Fear. Confusion. Denial. "I am scared."
Draco leaned forward until their foreheads were touching through the bars.
"I'm scared because you mean more to me than any other person ever has...and I'm not supposed to feel this way. And in that one second, I hated you for it. I wanted to hurt you in any way possible."
Harry sighed, his warm breath hitting Draco's lips.
"Why is this happening to me?" Harry whispered, so softly it was barely audible. Draco was speechless. Harry tried to look away but Draco's hand suddenly came up and held his head in place. Slowly, Draco closed the already tiny gap between them and kissed Harry. He broke the kiss after only a few seconds and he heard Harry sigh again. Suddenly, Harry leaned back in and slammed his lips onto Draco's, his own hands coming through the bars and cupping Draco's face. Harry ran his tongue over Draco's bottom lip, asking for entry, but Draco pulled away and took a step back.
The two stared at each other, thousands of emotions running through their unguarded eyes. Interrupting the moment, however, was a low hiss from Harry as his forearm began to tingle. He pulled his sleeve back and watched as the Mark burned black; a meeting. He looked back up and noticed that Draco was still watching him intently. All he did was nod.
Harry turned away and stared at the wall as he began to rebuild all the barriers that had fallen. When he turned back to Draco, his eyes were cold and in just a few seconds he had become a completely different person.
"Good night, Malfoy." He said curtly, nodding his head and beginning to walk towards the stairs. He was on the second step when he heard Malfoy shuffling and then saying:
"You're not a coward, Harry."
Harry stopped dead but did not turn around to face the cell. He brought a hand up to his lips and small smile escaped, lifting the ends of his lips.
"See you later, Draco." He whispered, and continued up the stairs.
In the darkness of his cell, Draco Malfoy smiled.
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