Chapter Nine. Revolving Doors. Part 1

A small shaft of daylight peeked through the small gap in the curtains, stirring Tess from her fitful slumber. The alarm clock buzzed impatiently on the bedside table, announcing the arrival of a new day. Tess forced open one eye and groaned at the light streaming in through the window, regretting the fact she'd stayed up half the night to finish her report for the meeting. She'd barely slept a wink, but then that was pretty much the norm these days. Her mind was too full of staffing budgets and cost cutting measures to be able to rest, consequently the precious commodity of sleep had once again eluded her.

Tess rolled onto her back and slid her arm out from under the duvet, slamming her hand down onto the snooze button.

Peace.

Tess folded her hands over the top of the duvet and stared up at the ceiling, trying to fashion up some sort of enthusiasm to face the day that lie ahead. A morning full of meetings, and performance development reviews in the afternoon, and all she really wanted to do, was pull the duvet over her head and try to pretend the day wasn't happening at all.

Tess glanced across at the clock which read six forty five, and with a heavy sigh, knowing she couldn't put off the inevitable any longer, she threw back the duvet and sat up.

Tess grimaced and covered her eyes with her hand, as a dull throbbing pain pushed into the space above her left eye, and ignoring the temptation to curl back under the duvet, Tess forced herself out of bed. Tess threw back the curtains to reveal the miserable, wet day outside, and as she squinted up and down the deserted street, she fleetingly wondered if this bleak, wretched weather would ever end. The only sign of life outside, was a sole dog walker, wrapped from head to foot in a cagoule, his shoulders hunched against the bitter wind.

Rubbing her temples, Tess turned and padded towards the bathroom.

...

Everything in Tess Batemans home had its place, and more often than not, her penchant for 'scrupulously immaculate' ensured her home rivalled the ones found in the glossy magazines.

But not today.

The ironing board sat at one end of the kitchen and the basket that sat in the middle of the table was almost full to the brim with creased, un-ironed clothes.

A plate lay at one end of the table with the remnants of last nights meal that Tess hadn't bothered to finish and empty coffee mugs and saucepans lay unwashed in the sink.

"This is Holby FM, and we've got another wet, miserable day in store, with heavy showers expected later on. So, to cheer you all up, here's Rita Ora"

'Tell me, baby, what we're gonna do

I'll make it easy, got a lot to lose

Watch the sunlight coming through

Open the window, let it shine on you'

The sound of the radio filled Tess' kitchen as she flicked on the kettle, and popped two small paracetamols from the packet and washed them down with a glass of water. Tess leant against the worktop and stared vacantly out of the kitchen window as she waited for the kettle to boil. She couldn't help but wonder at what point her life had become so inane, so routine. Work was all she had, and her last session with Dr Elliot had shown her just what she'd given up- the chance to really live.

Tess instinctively turned away from the window and made her way to the fridge, pulling open the door as she thought about what she and Dr Elliot had spoken about.

Could she really be happy in a relationship that had started through lies and deceit? Yes, she hadn't expected it, yes she hadn't been looking for it, but it didn't alter what they'd done. She'd looked Natalie in the eye and supported Fletch's lies. For that, she'd never, ever forgive herself.

Tess stared blankly at the near empty shelves, her eyes travelling over the lonely microwave meal and mouldy piece of cheese that sat on the middle shelf.

She made a mental note to stop at Sainsburys on the way home from work.

Tess grabbed the half empty carton of milk and pushed shut the door, throwing the empty wine bottle from last night into the recycling on her way past.

Still, at least she'd managed to finish the report for the meeting this morning and as Tess glanced at the clock, she cursed under her breath as she realised what the time was. She quickly tidied away the ironing basket and scraped her uneaten dinner into the pedal bin, before stuffing the unwashed dishes and mugs untidily into the dishwasher.

In Tess' haste, she knocked her hip against the table, sending her handbag toppling to the floor. It landed upside down, and Her purse, keys, hospital ID and various items of makeup scattered noisily across the kitchen floor.

Tess squeezed her eyes closed and took a deep breath as she cursed herself for being so clumsy. Tess knelt down and began to scoop up the contents of her bag, and as she picked up her purse, a small crumpled piece of paper underneath caught her eye. Getting to her feet, Tess carefully placed her bag back on the table and unfolded the piece of paper she'd picked off the floor.

It was a number, written in Noel's familiar, loopy scrawl, and she suddenly remembered the AAU Ward Manager had called for her the previous evening, and she'd been so intent on escaping, she'd forgotten to return the call.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she studied the number- it was a mobile number rather than an internal extension, one that she didn't recognise.

Why would the Ward Manager give her a mobile number?

Tess barely had time to dwell on the question she'd asked herself, as she glanced up at the oven clock and realised she had exactly twenty minutes to get to work. Tess hurriedly opened her Filofax and tucked the number safely away in the front pocket, before cramming all of the items she'd retrieved from the kitchen floor back into her already brimming handbag. Grabbing her keys and the report she'd spent half the night finishing from the table, she strode through the hall and out to her car, slamming the front door shut behind her.

...

Tess detested the monthly management meetings with a passion. It was just an excuse for the CEO to interrogate all the Department Heads and Ward Managers about Budgets and cost cutting exercises, and to tell them all they 'must do better'. Guy Self definitely had a vision for Holby, and would do absolutely anything in his power to make the vision a reality, whatever the cost. Change was most definitely in the air, and the sheer thought of it terrified Tess more that she was prepared to admit.

Tess felt the usual sense of dread as she entered the lift and pressed the floor number for AAU.

She'd made it to the hospital In record time, and changing quickly into her scrubs, she'd managed to avoid both Charlie and Zoe as she slipped undetected through the department. Tess clutched her report tightly against her chest as the lift doors opened and she stepped out onto the wards of AAU.

Tess frowned as she looked around the ward. She'd been up to AAU hundreds of times, but today, something felt different. Every bed was occupied, mostly with patients Tess recognised from the ED, but there appeared to be a distinct absence of nurses. Shaking her head, Tess made her way along the corridor to the meeting room.

The room was almost full when Tess hurried round the circular table to her seat, squeezing in beside Jonny Maconie and muttering her apologies, even though she still had five minutes to spare. Tess quickly scanned the room as she plopped into her seat, and deftly arranged her paperwork in front of her. It was like the Who's Who of Holby, as Tess smiled a greeting at Jac Naylor, who returned the greeting with a curt nod. Guy Self sat at one end of the table flanked by Connie and Jac, the new Head of Cardiothoracics. Tess had always been fond of Elliott Hope, and still found it hard to imagine anyone other than Elliott at the helm. Serena Campbell, deputy CEO sat beside Jac, deep in conversation about an upcoming surgery with Ric Griffin.

"Looks like he's got the right idea" whispered Jonny, nodding towards the empty seat beside Tess. Tess couldn't help but smile at the cheeky Scot, who hated these meetings just as much as she did.

"Right, now everyone's here, shall we begin?!" bellowed Guy from the end of the table. The chatter ceased abruptly, and as his gaze travelled round the table, he suddenly noticed the empty chair beside Tess. Guy looked across at Colette, who pretended to be absorbed the agenda, and raised his eyebrows, questioningly.

"...Family emergency" Colette explained after a hesitant pause, and smiled weakly back at Guy.

"How convenient" Guy muttered.

Guys voice faded dully into the background somewhere around discussing the increase in staffing budgets, as Tess' eyelids grew heavy. The lack of sleep over the past few weeks was taking its toll, and she was beginning to regret staying up all night to finish the report Guy barely even acknowledged.

"...And have you discussed this with Fletch?"

Guy looked pointedly across at Colette, pinning her with the famous glare.

"I..." Colette faltered as she shifted awkwardly in her seat. As far as she could tell, Tess hadn't shown any reaction to the mention of his name. What Guy was proposing made economic sense and she couldn't see any way of refusing, or disagreeing with it, even though people were likely to get hurt in the process. They were all professionals after all, and would have to find some way of dealing with it, and learn to move on and work together. She'd have to approach Fletch in her own way and in her own time, and attempt to limit the damage Guy Self stemmed intent on inflicting.

Jonny dropped his gaze and began to doodle absently on the corner of the page as they waited for Colette to speak.

"Yes." Replied Colette, more firmly this time, as she refused to look in Tess' direction.

"The ED and AAU have the same problem, it would make sense for the departments to work together"

"Well, I have no issue with it" Connie chimed in, as she sat back in her chair "it would definitely save money. Tess, are you in agreement?"

Connie's fixed her gaze on Tess, and her eyes widened expectantly as the room fell into a hushed silence.

Tess felt a sudden sharp jab against her arm and her eyelids flew open. As she pushed herself up in her seat, she realised with some chagrin, that she'd actually fallen asleep.

Guy cleared his throat before he spoke.

"Are we keeping you up, Sister Bateman?"

Connie bit her lip and looked down at the table, as she fought to stifle the laugh that threatened to escape.

"I...I haven't been sleeping well, that's all "Tess replied, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. "And the ED's been manic all week, you know how it is...lack of nurses..." Tess' voice faded away as she bowed her head, wanting at that moment to crawl inside of her own skin.

Guy rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he regarded the Clinical Nurse Manager.

"I see" he mused, looking round the table. " if that's the case, then I take it you're in agreement?"

He raised an eyebrow as he looked back at Tess, and looking for some sort of inspiration, she glanced beside her at Jonny. He tipped his head forwards, answering her plea for help

"Yes" Tess smiled, clasping her hands together on the table "Completely"

"Excellent. I will leave you and Connie to liase with the AAU staff, and keep me up to speed with your progress"

Connie and Tess nodded in unison as Guy proceeded to the next point on the agenda.

Tess let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding and turned to Jonny, mouthing a silent 'thank you'. Jonny responded with a wink and they both turned their attentions back to the meeting, as Ric Griffin addressed the room.

Keeping her eyes fixed on the AAU Lead Consultant, Colette rested her arms on the table and slid surreptitiously towards Guy.

"What are you playing at?" She hissed, her eyes darkening underneath her unruly fringe.

Guy plastered on a sickly smile, his eyes never leaving the face of Ric Griffin.

"I have no idea what you mean"

"This isn't a game, Guy." Colette whispered, glancing across at Tess. "This is dangerous. People could get hurt"

Guys smile slowly faded as he glanced at Colette, and looking into her glistening, dark brown eyes, full of sadness and hurt, he could tell it wasn't just Tess she was talking about.

It was her.